Calaen lay on his bed, his face buried in the soft pillows. Silver tears streamed down his cheeks, and although he closed his eyes tightly to try and keep them imprisoned, they kept on escaping from under his dark lashes. Only an hour or so had passed since he had found out about Deorfel, yet already he felt close to breaking point. How could he hold it in for much longer?

There was a gentle knocking on the door, but Calaen ignored it, pushing his face further into the pillows. Whoever it was, he did not wish to see them. Another knock came. Again he ignored it. He had hoped that the person would leave, but his wishes were in vain. The door opened. But, he did not turn to see who it was.

"Cal….?"

Ah, just what he needed. The dark haired Prince remained silent, though he turned his head slightly to look at the opposite wall. Over by the door, Legolas took a few uncertain steps forward. Unknown to Calaen, he had seen him running from the King's study, tears in his eyes. Even now he could see the shaking of his brother's shoulders.

"Was Ada very angry?" the little Prince asked softly. No reply. "I saw you fighting with that Elf." No reply. "Then I saw you hit Airëlus. That made me cry." No reply. "Are you hurt much?"

"Why do you care?" Calaen asked in a low voice.

"Because… because you're my brother," Legolas replied. "And I love you."

"Do you?"

The child was silent as he took another step forwards over the various things that Calaen had thrown around earlier that day. He paused as he reached the side of the bed, and seemed to be contemplating something. After another moment's hesitation, he climbed up onto the bed, and gently touched his brother's shoulder. The dark haired Elf tensed, but did not speak.

"Cal, I love you," Legolas said softly. "I don't know if you love me or not. You used to, and I hope that you still do now. But even if you hate me, I'll always love you."

"What has brought this on?" Calaen asked quietly.

"When I saw you fighting, I was scared, because I didn't want you to get hurt," Legolas replied. "But you did get a little bit hurt. And when I gave Ada that medicine for you, you looked upset. I wanted to tell you then, because I thought it might cheer you up. But Ada was horrible and I had to leave. So I'm telling you now."

Calaen sat up, and looked down at his little brother. "I treat you terribly. But I still love you."

"Oh." Legolas was silent, but then his face brightened and he smiled. "It's alright, then. So long as you love me, I don't mind if you're a bit mean to me sometimes."

"But it's not alright!" Calaen snapped, resting his head in his hands. "I feel as though I am a prisoner of my own mind, a prisoner who is tortured every second of every day by thoughts that I cannot understand or control. And these thoughts make me say and do awful things. Sometimes I try and stop myself. But I cannot. Not only am I a prisoner of my mind, but I am also a slave of it."

Legolas understood nothing of this, but he nodded anyway. It was nice to be able to sit beside his brother without being laughed at or taunted, as was the case usually. He would listen quietly to everything that Calaen had to say – he did not want to break this rare moment.

"Sitting here with you, I suddenly realise that I am not in the presence of one who knows my life better than I do," the dark haired Elf said slowly. "You do not judge me, you do not whisper to others about what happened in the past, you do not…"

Calaen fell silent. It was true. For all he knew, Legolas was the only Elf in the whole of Mirkwood who was oblivious to the secret. And the fact that the secret was not known by this one person made him feel better. Not very much better. But still, a little.

"I don't understand," Legolas said softly. He looked up, and started at the fresh tears in his brother's eyes. "Calaen, what is it? Don't cry, please."

"I don't understand either," the elder Prince whispered, shaking his head helplessly. "I am confused, like I have not been for months now. I do not know what I feel. I do not even know how I should feel. I just….I wish they would be honest. Why can they not find the courage to tell me? Is it so hard?"

Now Legolas really was confused. He wondered vaguely if he had fallen asleep at one point, and missed an important part of what was being said. Shaking his head slightly, he hesitantly wrapped his arms around his brother's neck. Calaen made a jerking movement, as though he was torn between wanting to stay or leave. But he stayed. To Legolas' amazement, the dark haired Prince buried his face in his shoulder, and let his emotions free.

Calaen felt very little pleasure at the close contact with his brother. But he knew that he needed comfort, and at the end of the day, Legolas was the only one who would ask no questions, or press for details or explanations. So he took the chance to let his tears flow, and he savoured the privacy that being with the Elfling gave.

"Do you want me to get Ada?" Legolas asked eventually.

"Don't do that," Calaen murmured into his brother's shoulder. "I don't want anyone else to know about this. Keep this to yourself."

The child sighed, and shut his eyes. "You can tell me what's wrong if you want to."

"No."

"What about Airëlus?"

"No."

Legolas exhaled deeply. "I wish that Nana was here. She would make you feel better."

Calaen suddenly pulled away, his face hard and cold once more. "What did you say?"

"I said…I wish that Nana was here," the child replied falteringly.

Without warning, Calaen threw his brother from him, eyes blazing furiously. "How dare you?" he hissed, as Legolas hit the ground. "How dare you even think to say something like that? You wish that Naneth was here? She would be, if not for…"

The dark haired Prince cut himself short just before the accusatory words could come out. He bit down hard on his lip and tried to breathe deeply, in the hope that he would be calmed, but as he looked down at the clearly shocked Legolas, he just felt himself getting even angrier. He jumped off the bed and strode towards his little brother, face unreadable, but eyes burning with rage.

"Cal…"

"Don't you ever mention her again!" Calaen snapped, leaning down and shaking the Elfling. "You have no right to, not any more."

Legolas' eyes filled with tears at the words. "Why not?"

"Because it was your fault," Calaen growled, not releasing his hold. "If it was not for you, she would still be here. You are a spoilt little brat, and if not for your petty wants, my mother would not be dead!"

"She was my mother too!" Legolas shouted. "And I didn't do it on purpose! If I had known she was going to fall, I wouldn't have asked her to get my leaves."

"You killed her!" Calaen hissed.

Legolas' face froze in a mask of horror as he stared at his brother. "I didn't kill Nana," he whispered. The tears in his eyes began to fall. "I didn't kill Nana!"

"No. You murdered her," Calaen said cruelly.

The child was still for a moment, before lunging forwards and hitting his brother with his small fists. He beat upon the dark haired Elf's chest, trying valiantly to hurt him, but Calaen was strong. Legolas failed in his efforts. The elder Prince laughed, and with a flick of his hand, hit the Elfling across the face.

"What can you possibly do to me?" Calaen jeered. "There is not a lot that can hurt me any more, Legolas, so your pathetic attempts are a waste of time."

The little Prince closed his eyes tightly, trying to ignore the stinging of his cheek for the moment. "You're not my brother. You're not who I love," he whispered. "I want my brother back. I want you to tell me stories when I go to bed; I want you to play with me; I want you to go back to the way you once were, Calaen – the way you were before you became a different Elf. I want the old times back."

Calaen turned away, and stared unseeingly out of the window. When he next spoke, his voice was cold, empty, lifeless. "Those times are dead."

……………………………………………………………………………………………....

Halimanya: Yep, I bet there'll be some fireworks!

Haldir's Heart and Soul: I think that the reactions would differ from person to person. Calaen is based very much on the way that I myself was a few months ago. I haven't lost my parents, and I don't hate my brother or anything like that, but it's easy to put myself in his position, as I can relate to him, and this is the way that I see it. :)

Jedi Gollum: I told Calaen about Cield's gift. He was quiet for a while, and to tell the truth, he didn't look too impressed. But then he said that he would accept the gift, as he didn't want to upset a friend. Oh, and Cal wants you to tell Cield not to worry about the wrapping paper.

Legolas-gurl88: Yeah, let's blame the weather!!! For conversations sake, what's the weather like for you at the moment? Today, where I live, it was the coldest day this year. I'm not kidding. Really, I couldn't step outside it was so cold!

Utsuri: Have you seen the 2005 LOTR calendars? I went into a calendar shop last night, and there were like, four different LOTR ones! I'm really glad that although there are no more films to be released, they're carrying on with the calendars!

Jennifer: Glad you're enjoying!!!

Elven Kitten: Yeah, huggle is a very cool word. Except, my spellchecker doesn't recognise it, which I think is just really rude. Silly spellchecker.

Yeah, I know that this is quite a short chapter, but I've had to do two really stressful drama performances this week for college, but they're out the way now. Anyway, next chapter is up soon. Oh yeah, ROTK EE comes out tomorrow! I'm so excited!!!

Misto

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