Raye woke up early the next morning upon realizing where she was she was met with a feeling of overwhelming guilt. She slipped out of Keigos bed quietly and quickly threw on her shirt to make her walk of shame out his front door and back into her apartment. The smell of smoke lingered in the air and she wondered briefly if someone had burned something. Shaking off the thought she went to sit on her bed, she had fucked up. In a moment of weakness and familiarity she'd made a huge mistake. 'Was it really a mistake though?' she held her head in her hands, she was beyond fucked. There were two options in front of her, option one to fall head first back in with Keigo and let last night be the start of their future together. The thought of doing that left a bad taste in her mouth. She really cared about Dabi, and she'd come to realize that as much as he could be rude and a downright brat at times it came from a lot of internal shit he had going on. Rays felt the genuine desire to take care of him and she couldn't just turn her back on him. Option two was to tell Keigo that last night was a moment of weakness and that it wouldn't happen again. She liked that option better but at the same time it still felt sad. Last night had reminded her just how much Keigo meant to her. How much he had always meant. But in either scenario she picked it wasn't so much telling Keigo one way or the other what needed to happen, it was telling Dabi that she had fucked up. 'Maybe he'll leave me, maybe he'll just kill me. I'd deserve either outcome if I'm being honest.' She fisted her hair in her hands, she didn't even know how to go about telling him what had happened. Raye decided the old 'we need to talk' text would suffice and sent it to him before she could lose her nerve. At least today was one of the few days she had off from work, so she had all the time in the world to realize exactly how fucked she was. It came as a surprise though that despite the early hour her phone pinged with a response. She dreaded seeing the message but it simply said ok. She laid back in bed, stressed to death. 'What do I even say? Yeah so I fucked my hero ex because I had a PTSD flashback induced by my shitty parents? Fuck I'm so fucked up.' She laid back on her bed, it didn't take long for a warp gate to open up but Dabi didn't step through, realizing quickly that he intended for her to come to him. She pulled on a pair of her leggings and made her way through the warp gate and was surprised to find herself out in a pretty desolate field, there were scorch marks all over the place that she assumed may have once been trees. "Hey there little mouse." She turned to see him and her heart felt strangled with guilt, where normally she would have moved to hug him but she stayed where she stood. "Hey." There was a moment of silence between them, she took in his appearance quietly. He looked exhausted and she had to wonder if while she'd been doing that if he'd been out here all night. "For someone who said they needed to talk, you're being awfully quiet." His gaze was scrutinizing her and it made her shift uncomfortably, she still hadn't found the words to say and she realized that if he were to get mad enough to kill her no one would ever find her out here. Considering she didn't even know where she was she was also scared he might just leave her out here to find her own way home. "I am struggling to come up with the words just…give me a second." He sat down on a nearby rock and watched her, her brain was going crazy trying to think of the best way to start. "So…I saw my parents last night…didn't go so well." God the way he was looking at her made her nervous, the look was cold and appraising. "Why didn't it go well?" That was a question she could answer at least. "Well at first it was just my mom, which was fine. But my dad showed up and I may have…lost my temper a bit. He may have also left his temper but Hawks showed up and broke the fight up." She bit her lip, the next part was the hard part. "Once they left I kind of…I ended up…I…I ended up having a really bad PTSD moment. Kind of brought up all the really bad childhood shit I thought I was over but I guess not." She laughed at the last part, she hated that she was avoiding the entire reason she was here. The look he gave her begged her to continue, his eyes were still just as cold. "I don't really remember much after that but he took me back to his place when I was freaking out and stuck in my head. He's been dealing with these little freakouts since we were kids and they were way more frequent." Dabi looked entirely impatient with her little story, which didn't bode well for the ending. "Well I finally got my shit together eventually and I said I should leave but I didn't, I ended up sleeping with him. So if you wanna just leave me out here, or torch me then that's fine and I would deserve it but I am sorry. Really really sorry and I know that's a bandaid on a bullet wound but it's really all I can say." She was rambling, looking down at the ground, waiting to hear him walk away or lose his temper. When it didn't come after a few minutes she risked looking up, he was still just sitting a few feet away looking at her. "Do you love him?" That was not a question she'd anticipated at all. "I care about him a lot." The words fell out of her mouth easily, it was true she did care about him a lot. "That's not what I asked." He was way too calm about this and it was stressing her out more. "He's been the one constant in my life since I was like five of course I love him." Oh if he didn't kill her she was going to kill herself she couldn't believe what she'd just said. "Do you love me?" Still extremely calm, way too calm, she felt like this was the inevitable calm before the storm. "Yes." She meant it, he stood up and moved towards her and she felt a small flash of fear when his hand came to grab her face forcing him to look at her. The heat that radiated from him almost hurt, and it told her exactly how angry he was. "Who do you love more?" Staring at him, being this close to him, was nerve wracking. If he did decide to kill her it would at least be quick. "I don't know, the type of love is different." His hand wrapped around her throat but didn't squeeze, she felt a legitimate flash of fear. "If I told you I was going to kill him what would you do?" There was no hesitation in her response. "I would ask you not to." She knew damn well she couldn't stop him but she would try. "And if I told you I was going to kill you?" The hand tightened slightly and her heart was pounding loudly in her ears. "I would deserve it." She managed to get out feeling tears in her eyes, his own sapphire colored eyes analyzing her face. Whatever he saw there made him release her from his grip after a moment. She could see his stitches were smoking slightly and she went to move her hand towards him, touching his arm lightly but he moved away from the contact. "You are beyond infuriating." He sounded angry, his body was tense. Raye didn't speak, she was afraid if she did it would only make him angrier. "You have no survival instinct at all, you came out here where I could very easily kill you without a moment's hesitation." She nodded, she had in fact come here with the understanding that he could kill her. "I trust you. Even if you did decide to kill me I'd accept it." He laughed at that, her absolute lack of self preservation was astounding. He pulled out his phone and tapped a few buttons and a warp gate opened up after a moment. "Go home little mouse." His tone was devoid of emotion and she made to reach out to him again but his voice stopped her. "I said go home. Or I really might kill you." She believed it entirely and took a step towards the warp gate, she paused to look at him despite the fact that his back was turned she could see the wisps of smoke rising off of him still. "I love you and I'm sorry." She said and she stepped through the portal before he could respond, once she was safely back in her own apartment she collapsed. She hadn't realized how afraid she'd actually been until now. She wasn't so much scared he was going to kill her as much as if she would ever see him again. Her limbs felt boneless, there had been no reconciliation, no forgiveness. There was no way to know what that meant but she hoped eventually she would see him again, even if it was for him to tell her he hated her and never wanted to see him again.
For the next few days all was quiet, she avoided Keigo and ignored the notes he left, after awhile new ones stopped being added to her door. She couldn't face him, didn't want to see him, she hadn't heard from Dabi which she had been stressed about. She threw herself into work, luckily she'd been working a lot on the labor and delivery floor lately. As the hospital had wanted to train her to work in different areas as she was needed. It was an ironic but welcomed distraction from her own life to see new little lives beginning. But the second she got home she'd go right to bed. It didn't give her time to think about anything that had happened, the second she arrived home the thoughts were there waiting for her. She didn't want to think about it. One day when she got home, Keigo was waiting for her, leaning next to her door. Apparently she had come to the end of her ability to avoid him. "You've been ignoring me." She nodded quietly, she didn't know what to say, even after all this time she still didn't know what she felt. "why?" The question was double sided and she knew it. "Because I don't want to talk about this." Unlocking her door and making her way inside, he followed closing the door behind them. "Why not?" Sitting on her bed she sighed, it had been a long day and she didn't have the mental fortitude for this right now. "Because in a moment of weakness I had a lapse in judgement and it has brought up a lot of shit I am trying to sort through." He came to sit next to her, she didn't want to look at him. "I don't think that was a lapse in judgement. I love you and you love me, what's there to sort through?" She groaned and laid back looking up at her ceiling. "I feel fucking guilty ok? You were out of my life for a year and a half. While you've been my one constant for years Dabi was there when I was in a really bad place that you had a hand in putting me in, and the fact that I did what I did makes me feel bad." She sighed, rubbing a hand across her face. "Well I don't see him here right now but I am. If he was as loyal as you say he is, shouldn't he come to whisk you away?" Raye wasn't about to fall for that obvious trap, she couldn't tell him she'd seen him or had any contact with the League at all. "If he showed up right now and you had to choose to go with one of us, who would you choose?" Why did the men in her life keep posing questions like this to her. "Just leave Keigo, please." He didn't move and she realized he wasn't going to until she answered. When she thought about it, if the two of them were standing here at this very moment, who would she go with? "I'd go with him. Because for all the shit we've been through he's never hurt me like you have." Keigo stood up and walked out without saying anything else to her, she felt bad but it was true. If she had to make a choice right then and there she would choose Dabi, no questions asked. While she wasn't mad about Keigos betrayal of trust anymore it was still there and ever present a wound in the tapestry of their lives together that could never be mended. While she knew she could overlook the wound and even grow past it if given time right now it was still too fresh, even more than two years later. 'Whelp now both of them are mad at me. Great.' she went to lock her door and laid back down in bed, she didn't even bother taking off her work uniform. Tomorrow was another day off and she was in no way looking forward to an entire day alone with her thoughts.