Disclaimer: I wish I am, but too bad I am not the owner of this cute anime or manga.
Warnings: Shonen-ai (Tsuzuki x Hisoka), a little angst at first, fluff later in the end, spoilers for anime and manga, grammar and other errors, OOC-ness.
Notes:
'…………' means thought(s).
"…………" means normal conversation(s).
Italics means the empathic thoughts Hisoka senses or reads.
"Bold" is Tsuzuki's speech.
Present tense is used for this fic. However, past tense is used when Hisoka recalls his past.
Note that this fic is from Hisoka's point of view. This is my second attempt to write something from first person's POV (if you don't count poems) so it maybe confusing and badly written. I apologize for such inconvenience. ::bows::
This is dedicated to the all the Tsusoka lovers, especially:
Kanilla, June, Candy-chan, FluffyChick, Miyu-chan, and Ola for the reviews on my 'One question leads to another…' I truly appreciate your kind reviews! ::bows:: I hope you all will like this. :)
:::::::::::: On to the fic ::::::::::::::
"Look at this, Hisoka! This is so nice!"
"You child of a monster! Stay away from us!"
My very own mother shouted those hurting words at me when I was a child. I could barely know why…'Why did she say that to me? Am I not the child she bore for ten months? Am I not the son of the proud Kurosaki Nagare? Am I not the heir of the Kurosaki family?'
"Why you?! Stay here for the rest of the rest!"
The voice of my father stunned me at that time. He was so angry, so stern, so disappointing…so hurting. As far as I could remember, I was locked in a hidden cell. I could only stare at the cloudless sky that night. My tears rolled down from my emerald eyes to my jaw and refused to drip on my yukata.
'What did I do…?' I asked myself again and again until I lost count. I only asked father why did he keep secrets away from mother. I only asked why did he feel so secretive about his pain every night. However, now only I realize, what I asked was enough proof that I am not other than a monster. A monster that could feel and read your mind. A monster that could know your dark self and darkest secret.
"Hisoka…?"
Yes…no matter how I want to deny it. I am a monster, a puppet that Muraki likes to toy with, a reproduction of the Muraki…I am nothing but that. That is why my own parents chose to lock me in the cell. That is why they didn't even come for a visit during my three years of pain in the hospital. That is why they did not love me…
"Hisoka!"
Before I could understand what is happening, I find out that a pair of amethyst eyes looking into my emerald ones with concerns and worry. Tsuzuki…
"What happened? Did something bother you?" That is the Tsuzuki I know, always meddling into other people's business as if they are his also. Please…you can trust me, Hisoka. I am always be here to help you…
"I am...fine." 'I am sorry, Tsuzuki…sorry because I am a coward.'
As far as I can to trust him, I also have fears to deal with. I couldn't bring myself to voice them out, couldn't find myself to tell everything to Tsuzuki. Yes, even with Tsuzuki I have to hide my own past. My fears. Not because I am afraid of being betrayed, I am afraid of something else.
Rejections for what I am. Loneliness for being deserted. Pain for being pushed away.
Suddenly I feel someone's thumb is brushing off something on my cheeks. Then only I can feel what it is. Liquids that are wet and salty…Tears. I am crying without me realizing it. When did I start to cry anyway? However, now I do not wish to know of it. I do not need to know it. Because now I can feel the pain and fear inside me. Because now Tsuzuki warps his arms around me and holds me close. Because now I am in his arms, sobbing like a child.
'Because you are here, Tsuzuki.'
"Hisoka…it's okay. I am here…" No matter what…I will always be there for you…For eternity…
"Tsuzuki…why am I so weak…" 'So weak that I can't even tell you how I feel…'
However, Tsuzuki won't ask me anything about it. He is always like this when this happens. He would hold me until I stop crying. Then he would smile like always, waiting for me to calm down instead of asking me why the tears. He would act like nothing happens and continue our days like usual, unless I choose to tell him why. After a few hours, I finally manage to calm down. However, his arms are still around me, holding me as if I am something priceless to him. I remember the times we were in this position.
The first one was when I jumped off Queen Camilia into the arms of Tsuzuki, who was inside the helicopter Tatsumi-san was piloting. The second time was when I cried after I killed Tsubaki-hime and I clung to him like now. The third time was when Tsuzuki was in the burning building and I was begging him to live on.
Even though usually my blush reflex is very sensitive, especially to current position, I remain normal as if this is very usual for both of us. As if…we are meant to be in this way. Then I know…this is the time I should tell him about my dark past, just like how I know about his. It would only be fair like this. It would only be equal like this. Just when I start to open my mouth, it is captured by the other's.
My emerald eyes widen in surprise. Tsuzuki is kissing me for God's sake! It happens too fast and ends so fast that I could barely remember the feeling. The next thing I know, Tsuzuki holds me tighter. And yeah, tears forgotten, but my blush reflex comes back.
"Hisoka…no one is forever strong…You are a human, Hisoka. Humans have weaknesses. I am weak too. And that is why I need you to be by my side. I need you to support me…give strength to me…"
"But…how am I going to give you strength when I am such…a weakling?" I finally manage to say at least something as a reply, although it sounds impossible for the normal Hisoka to say those.
Tsuzuki pulls away a little, and smiles at me warmly. "If only you are here, it gives me strength enough…Because I love you." You are the only reason I live. You are the only one I truly want to live with…You are my angel…
I couldn't hide my blush due to such close distance between him and me. His words touch me deeply. It is something no one told me before. Not even my parents have said those to me. And his thoughts are even more…I couldn't think of a word to describe that.
Also, I couldn't find any word to reply him…But he finds a solution to this. He leans in slowly…allowing me to escape if I want. Yet, I somehow could not run…
'No…it's not that I couldn't run…I do not want to…'
And so, his soft lips are once again on mine. This time it is a bit longer…and I close my eyes, simply find myself enjoying the butterfly kiss. When he pulls away again, I give him a small smile. "Thank you…Tsuzuki."
Tsuzuki…you are my angel…The one who saves me from everything…my family, Muraki, myself…You are the one who shows me the true meaning of trustworthiness, the beautifulness of the world, and love…
"You are welcome," Tsuzuki smiles again, a genuine smile. You look really beautiful when you smile, Hisoka… He slowly stands up, and I am still sitting on the bench in a park, slightly blushing at his thought. Then he takes out his hand, expecting me to put my smaller one into it. "Let's go together, Hisoka." Let's fly together and spread our wings to our home…
I smile for the second time today and put my right hand into his palm. 'Tsuzuki…you give me the courage to tell you about my past…I shall tell you everything you want to know when we reach our home…'
For you are an angel of mine…
::: The end :::
Author's note: I seem to be fond of one shot writing than multiple chapters…Hahahaha. I seldom write like this…because I usually write more dialogues…and less thoughts…::sweatdrops:: XP If you have any opinions about this fic, please feel free to tell me! ::bows respectfully::
I was actually planning to work on the other fic, 'Let's be a human together' before I typed this. Surprisingly when I was typing, this fic came out instead! ::sweatdrops:: Hehehe, I'm weird. I will try my best to update that fic though.