My Darling Love
Chapter 64 – I Do Believe, I Do, I Do
"To accomplish great things, we must not only act, but also dream.
Not only plan, but also believe."
-Anatole France
Father James put his hand on the knob and turned it, not looking back to Wendy, still standing and waiting. "Wendy, you are truly confused … I am not this man of which you speak."
"If you leave me now, it is by your own hand, and not by God's, for He has made you real and given to you free will. You are not the angel in Neverland anymore; you are a man on earth with a choice of love and happiness standing behind you and another choice of all the seasons of solitude yet to come -- for the both of us -- in front of you."
James clicked the knob, and opened the door taking one step into the hall, still not looking back. "Please, Wendy, I don't ever want to think of you as insane. I want to believe the feelings we have for one another are true and not clouded in your delusions. I love you, Wendy, and I want to believe you love me as well. There is no Captain Hook and there is no such thing as Neverland. There is only you and I. Do you love me as I love you?"
"Yes, I love you … of course I do, I have always loved you and only you. Please, James, tell me you are truly he. Confess it to me now, I won't ever tell another soul. Tell me you are Captain Hook. I beg of you! Please God, make him speak the truth!"
God was off watching another drama unfold elsewhere in the world, but shifted on His throne to catch Wendy's words, hearing His name spoken out loud by her. Apprised of the situation by Captain Hook, who recounted word for word of what had transpired between the fair maiden and the wayward priest in their exchange, he ended with a polite question of, "May I go to her now?"
God was swift with his answer, "No."
Captain Hook, who was now pacing in front of the Lord's throne, back and forth, with his hand and hook on his hips, shook his lowered head angrily.
"WHY NOT?" Captain Hook blasted back; stopping his pacing to stand directly in front of the throne with his head raised high to the clouds that shadowed God in the heavens above.
"Who are you to question me?!" God in heaven thundered. There was a supreme silence that stilled heaven, but only for moment.
"Always a rebellious one you are, James, never do you follow the rules. Lest you forget, you no longer hold within yourself the part that makes you real on Earth. You sacrificed it, and yourself …"
"For Gwendolyn Angelina Darling, dearest Lord!" Captain Hook interrupted in a less rebellious tone. "I gave up my life and my light for her. I did this to save her, so that she may live on in happiness. But it is as clear as day now, she will never go on in my absence. And you know as well as I that there is to be no contentment for her if she is eternally lost in the dreams and desires of the love she once felt."
"Then she is lost in her own imagination. She chooses of her own free will to see another in your likeness. Too similar are the hearts of Father James and the pirate captain for her to notice the difference. But it is there, she only chooses not to see it."
"Ahhh … so she is as her mother once was before her. Pity you did not make two George Darlings then…" Captain Hook replied, arrogantly irate. "You always ask of me, my own wants and always I tell you the same… 'I shall go where you place me Lord.' But now that I truly desire something for myself, you say I am rebellious."
"You are an angel, James, the perfection and tranquility you deserve are only to be found in heaven. You have yourself bore witness to the wickedness and iniquities found on Earth. Why would you want to exist in the world that breeds war and hatred amongst men? Why would you want to exist in the world that is polluted with foul deceptions, lies, envy, greed, evil…There is no peace there…It is easier to hate than love in that world…The good suffer while the bad bask in the glories of their wrong doing…"
"Why did you create such a world?" Captain Hook was swifter than God Himself with his rejoinder.
"Again you question me? I have my reasons, none of which concern you. You have been parted from that world, and can no longer exist there, and that, at least there, is where your story ends. Fairest Gwendolyn and her plight is also none of your concern as her choice now has nothing to do with you."
"Well, on that point I beg to differ with you. Is it not my heart that has blinded her and left her defenseless in the world? Am I not the one she erroneously addresses at this very moment. But seeing as you are all knowing, light of light, True God of True God, I will leave you to this then. And all I ask is that you remember your promise to me," Captain Hook responded, utterly defeated he began to walk slowly away back into the heavens.
"My promise, James, was fair trade for Queen Mary."
Captain Hook stopped and stood, his head despondently lowered. Without looking back to where the Lord sat waiting and watching, he replied, "And now that I can no longer exist in that world, I ask for fair trade, dearest Lord, in heaven for all that I have lost on Earth …I am brave enough to believe…"
Back on Earth, Father James still stood at the bottom of the attic stairs as Wendy spoke one last time before she readied herself to abandon him forever, "God wanted you to remember Neverland, if He hadn't, you would be perfection in the flesh. I know what ails your arm and hand. Your hand is a reminder to you of the sacrifices you made to save others. Your arm is deformed from elbow up to your shoulder blade, because that was the punishment for loving my mother when Pan brought her to Neverland when she herself was a young woman on the verge of growing up. God took from you your wings so you could not escape your assignment there."
God held his stare to Captain Hook, but moved his all seeing eyes to Wendy Darling and sighed, "Well, at least she is correct on that one account. On Earth, you would have been perfection in the flesh … Did you tell her that James?"
Captain Hook still did not give God his undivided attention, only mumbling, "No, I did not." He turned about on his heel and in an instant was standing back in front of God's massive throne in Heaven. Looking up reverently, he offered, "That is just another one of the hopes that she has created to heal her broken and bleeding heart … May I ask where is the mercy she is deserving of? I beseech You, You who is almighty in power, You who is omnipotent. Protect and secure her delicate heart in which I sacrificed mine so magnanimously to save …"
"Her choice stands before her now. I cannot intercede, not even for the happy ending promised to you. We must remember the rules of fair play."
"Then there is to be no happy ending for her parents either, thus Lucifer has already won…" With that said, again, Captain Hook hung his head.
"Conceding defeat was never your strong suit, James, you disappoint me."
Captain Hook raised his head once more and valiantly proclaimed, "I do not concede defeat on my own behalf, for there would be no defeat if I were there."
"And what of the rules, James?"
"You need no rule of three to take action on this very important matter, for I believe another rule states, turnabout is fair play. I also believe there is a Joseph Baker in this story that was taken before his time, unfairly, by your foe. Therefore, if that is in fact the case, there is time that is owed on Earth. Maybe, just maybe, you could borrow the time on his term and lend it to me?" Captain James Hook stood, his face bowed, speaking before the Lord on his throne. He slowly raised his eyes up to God with the most innocent face he could muster said, "Did not a saint once say, I have been all things unholy. If God can work through me, he can work through anyone. Let it be through him who shares the likeness of my heart."
God thought on it a moment, "Borrowed time…" and Captain Hook grinned happily, nodding his head. God leaned over and gazed down from the heavens to Earth, directly into the Darling home's attic. "I know what you are waiting for, Dearest Lord, and it will come…" Captain Hook reassured, watching as well.
In the attic, Wendy Darling stood staring at Father James who still remained at the bottom of the stairs with his eyes forward. "Nothing to say for yourself Captain Hook?" she shouted heatedly to him. Father James could not speak for the pirate captain who had served his lengthy and merciless penance in Neverland, but he could speak for himself, and so he did. "I would have left the priesthood for you … I love you that much Wendy … more than myself …."
"Go to her now James. Begin with a correction to your Gwendolyn …"
"As you wish …" James Hook knelt before God before dissipating. Another arrived in his place before the throne, and God cast down His all-seeing eyes to the young man, offering a bewildered smile, "Have faith, dearest heart, 'tis only for a short time…"
Wendy turned on her heel, and Captain James Hook now stood in the doorway, staring straight ahead, unblinking. All at once he spoke in a strict and unyielding tone, quite familiar to the once-fair maiden, "You are wrong on that account of the true tale, Gwendolyn, my shoulder blade and arm is the result of the broken wing I received trying to escape from heaven, not hell. I fell from the sky begging forgiveness for my weakness and envy of man and this most unusual and annoying power called love. Peter Pan was an angel too, once, who lied to me and told me he could lead me someplace where I could leave my duties defending heaven and enjoy all the pleasures of man. He asked no one for absolution as he fell, for he was heartless -- in every sense of the word -- and where he landed, well, let's just say I can understand why he's always hated me so. But God had mercy on me, for He had already entrusted me with a heart, and I landed on a ship, to serve my penance in purgatory -- Neverland, as a child might call it. My wings were taken from me, though much, much later, and not by God, but by St. Michael, the archangel. And you are correct on that assumption, it was retribution for loving your mother after He warned me Himself it was forbidden."
"It's no assumption, she told me herself," Wendy responded, turning back into her bedroom.
James stood, his eyes ahead, the face of a pirate captain now returned, frightening and hostile, shadowed over that of a harmless priest. He turned around and ascended the stairs, two at a time, to find Wendy sitting on her bed, gazing at his portrait. "He told you to go on, Gwendolyn, marry another have a family live the life you deserve, the life he was willing to give to you," he jeered, hands on hips, shaking his head.
"He? Who is he?" Wendy replied. She remained calm, with her hands folded on her lap, staring up to him. "You think I'm angry with you over my mother, or jealous of what you had with her. That's not true, you see my mother loves my father, and not to sound spiteful, but I know the only part of you she loved was the part of him she saw in you, which she felt belonged to her, even before she knew him. She told me she never loved you when she was in Neverland as a young woman, she only wanted to be saved from having to marry a man she didn't love. And my father did that, not you."
James stood tall, glaring down at her. "She did love me when she was in Neverland as a young girl, and if she claims anything else, she is a liar. I know what happened there, not you! And what of other times we shared company in Neverland, when you were off with Pan? Did she love me then, or did she love your father, who beat her and cheated on her, from whom she beseeched me to protect her? You know, Gwendolyn; I had your mother, I felt her body against mine. I loved her then."
"You loved her then, 'then' being the important word. You loved her because I was not there, had I been there, you would have never felt that emotion. And if you tell me otherwise, I will call you a liar. If I were there…"
He swiftly interrupted with, "Which you were not, because you were off with the devil," prompting her to begin again.
"If I were there with you, we would have defended her together. She always loved my father, James; she never stopped loving him, not even for a moment. You were the peace in her mind she needed to get past what he did to her. You were the missing part of puzzle for him to see he was wrong. You were the truth within both mother and father, telling her he would never hit or hurt her again, which he never has. You were the truth, telling him that she still loved him, in spite of his actions against her, and this truth was enough reason not to. And you were the sword God needed to end the evils that haunted them throughout their lives. You were their guardian angel, flawlessness and precision guided by God's hand. You told me my father's fate, James, it overcame him, he conquered, and it's over. That man sitting downstairs is not the same man that cheated on my mother and beat her, for that man is dead. That is my father downstairs, and with him, by his side, always and forever, is my mother."
Wendy rose up on the bed and moved to the headboard, reaching upward to take the painting of Captain Hook down off the wall. "I love you, James. I loved you when you were an angel dressed as a pirate captain, and I love you now that you are a man. I love the part of you that is mine, which means I love every part of you. Here take this; I need no more reminders of you, not like this. The way you are now, still suffering for sins that God has already forgiven will last me my lifetime. You must make your peace with Him, not me, before you can move on. Really James … now you do your penance as a priest…"
She placed it in his hand and he threw it down, breaking the frame as it fell. "I have made my peace with God. I am here, am I not? That alone proves I am once again in His good graces. And now that I have returned, I ask you to give poor Father James the respect he is deserving of for his sacrifices. It is a vocation to be a priest, Gwendolyn, a sacred calling by God to be in His service. Who are you to call it suffering?"
"It is also a sacred vocation -- a calling as you say -- to be a husband and father. And I think it actually more revered in God's eyes. Being a priest, you can hide away behind the altar or in the confessional, hearing the sorrows and joys of other lives, never having to worry that the suffering that affects those others will befall you, for you only have yourself to be responsible for. God helps those who trust Him to help them, a priest brings those who seek God to Him, and God Himself leads them from there. Is that not what priests tell those who ask for help? 'Pray to God, He will light the way'."
Wendy stood straight, slim and tall, unafraid of this confrontation. Truthfully, since she realized he would rather be a priest than with her after God forgave his sins, she was waiting for this fight. Waiting to prove her love for him alone was all he would ever need. "But to be husband and father, you are responsible not only for yourself, but for your family -- a group of people joined by love who rely on their father for that light to see the paths of their own lives more clearly. God leads them as best He can from afar, but you have to do the rest. You cannot imagine what my father has seen in his lifetime. He has seen my mother from a time where her beauty was renowned and has watched that beauty fade away like dust in the wind. He held his own son a moment after he was born, and watched that very same son lowered into ground after he died. He has worked endless hours at his profession … You know what he's done, James, you were there, onboard the ship that day Pan was defeated. You heard him recount his life and his sacrifices for his children. That is why priests are called 'Father,' to honor those whose serve God away from heaven here on earth. They are the watching angels on earth."
Wendy's tone was not angry, just agitated. She had always known he was strong enough to believe, and now he had faltered, and that weakness in him consumed her. Captain Hook stood rigidly before her, the same stance he had in heaven. His hands, one real and one a false replacement for that which was lost, on his hips, shaking his head angrily. "You still don't see it, do you? It is impossible for you to be this blind, Gwendolyn!"
"Why are you afraid, James?" she asked, still standing before him. "Did you think after all this time I would not be waiting?"
"I knew you would be waiting, Gwendolyn, but I must tell you, dearest, you are going about this the wrong way." Captain Hook looked up to her. The desire in her eyes was overwhelming to him. The heart in his chest pounded quicker, harder, than he had ever felt it. "To be real…" his mind spoke silently to him, "as you have always wanted…" Father James' heart added for good measure, hoping to sway him into her illusion. Wendy's tears, tears that poured down her beautiful cheeks only added to a weight that tugged at the heart within his chest. "Please, James, I love you…" Wendy cried, now covering her face, weeping inconsolably.
It was at that moment, more than Captain Hook could bear. His mind and the heart he held within him, goaded him on with, "Go to her now, help her live your happy ending…"
James knelt down and embraced her around the waist, choking through his own tears. "After all this, your father could never give me the blessing of your hand. I know he wouldn't. He knows too much of my past, I was with your mother and I did love her, I wanted to take her from him, your father knows that."
James lifted his head to Wendy who replied, "But you didn't, you kept your word to him, and you don't love my mother the same way he does, he knows that too. He knows you love me, and have always loved me. He trusted you, James, with his entire life, and you helped him, you gave him courage. And, James, although I remember everything, my parents don't."
"They may not remember Neverland and all that happened there, but they are aware that Father James is a priest, and will be excommunicated from the church, for those he serves are already suspicious of his interests in you. Not to mention you are already an older woman of questionable reputation. And add the fact that he must leave the faith dishonorably for you both to be together is bad enough. It would shame your parents for the rest of their lives. I do not speak of your parents thinking ill of you or Father James, I think of all the others that will think ill of your parents. You must be patient and wait. Let me think of a resolution for you and --"
"No, James, we will not wait." Wendy grabbed him by the arms and drew him up. "We have waited long enough."
"Gwendolyn, you are confused of my identity … I am not who …" was all poor James Hook could manage, for Wendy held her hand to his mouth to quiet him. "Right here, right now, you are my James and whether that be Captain Hook or Father Dunange, I will not wait another moment for us to be together."
Without letting him speak a rebuttal, Wendy led James by the hand into the parlor where George and Mary sat, each side by side, in armchairs. George, who had just learned, at his ripe old age, to master the art knitting, was crocheting what appeared to be a baby's sweater. Mary was doing the same, her correctly sized and shaped baby's leggings gave the hint to her husband's creation only from the matching hues of yarn. Mary noticed them enter and looked up, seeing Wendy nudge James forward, taking her place beside him. James inhaled deeply, exhaling nervously, waiting for George to also give him undivided attention.
"George," Mary spoke, poking his arm, causing him to look up at the two adults standing before him. "I think they want to tell us something," Mary said, putting down their work on the side table and returning to her seat to hear them clearly.
"WHAT?" George shouted as Mary shook her head and urged Wendy to begin, "Alright Wendy, what is it?"
Wendy pinched James and he stepped up with a confused expression, expecting to find his center and his valor in Mary's tranquil eyes. But oddly enough, he found nothing. He stuttered and stammered, trying to vocalize something, only finding himself completely and undoubtedly lost, not only in the room, but in the world as well. His mind rambled thoughts just as quickly as Father James' heart beat, both offering him assorted encouragements that blurred into nothingness. It was obvious, at least to God, poor James Hook was clearly out of sorts in his new surroundings and so He offered His own substantiation, "You said you were brave enough to believe, James. Well, believe James…"
And so, Captain James Hook did.
"I wish to marry your daughter, Mr. and Mrs. Darling, we would like your blessing."
Mary stared blankly at him and then looked at Wendy, who smiled with a childlike face of uneasiness, waving her hand to her mother as if to say "hello." Mary turned to George who was watching without seeing and listening without hearing, "WHAT DID HE SAY MARY? WENDY DOESN'T WANT TO BECOME A NUN, DOES SHE?"
"No, George, quite the contrary this man wishes to marry her, and I'll assume by her silly expression that Wendy has accepted his proposal." Mary held her head slightly tilted between those before her and her husband while she gave George an explanation too quietly for him to hear.
"QUIET COUNTRY? DID YOU SAY HE'S MERRY, MARY? SILK SAMEDAY, WENDY? ARE YOU SPEAKING OF HER UNDERGARMENTS? WHAT SORT OF NONSENSE IS THIS?"
Mary gazed heavenward, as though asking for strength, and shook her head, not answering George, only turning her attention to James as she leaned her head forward and offered, "Are you not a priest?"
He simply answered, "Yes, Mrs. Darling, I am."
Mary closed her eyes and shook her head again, opening her eyes enough to reply, "And in that matter your intentions are?"
James stood up straight and took Wendy's hand in his, "I will leave the church to marry her. I love her. I have loved her since the moment I met her. I want to spend my life with her. We are in love and want to get married and raise a family together and that is not wrong. And I don't care what anyone says about it." He ended his declaration by kissing Wendy's hand, gazing upon her face, which held all the comfort he needed.
"MARY WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON? I CAN'T UNDERSTAND A WORD THE MAN JUST SAID!" George's question and comment brought James and Wendy back to the reality of the real world.
Mary titled her head, the way she did when she gave her husband the first explanation of their meeting, only this time she shouted, "FATHER JAMES DUNANGE, THE NEW PRIEST FROM CHURCH WISHES TO MARRY WENDY. HE WANTS TO LEAVE THE CHURCH FOR HER. THEY WANT OUR BLESSING."
George pulled his head back with an expression best described as if Mary had just told him James confessed to being Father Christmas and offered proof of his revelation. "THEY WANT TO MARRY AND HE WANTS OUR BLESSING?" George repeated.
Wendy interrupted, "I know that some people will not understand, and I know the shame it will bring to our family, I wish you not to suffer it, but I'm begging you to… please I love him … and he loves me … that's not wrong …"
Wendy could see her parents and she knew what they were thinking, James saw the same and he touched Wendy's shoulder to stop her pleading for permission for something they would obviously never give their blessing to. A defeated Wendy fell into James' arms and began to cry, he moved his head to hers and wept as well, both shedding silent tears for all that could have been. "I sorry, Wendy, I cannot marry you without their blessing, for that is wrong."
Mary watched them with a quizzical expression, George insistently tapping on her arm. "ARE THEY STILL HERE MARY?"
Mary put George's hand to her check and nodded her head, to let him know they still were. "THEN WHY IS IT SO QUIET IN HERE?"
Mary moved his hand over just a little so that her husband could feel the tear that rolled down her cheek. George pulled Mary closer to him, and in a whisper as best he could he spoke, "Oh my darling love, he did pledge his life to be in service to the Lord. Now I understand we all make mistakes in our choices, but do you think God would be angry if Father James preferred the calling of husband to that of priest? What I am truly asking is, do you think God would give his blessing to our Wendy and James?" With his hand still on her face she gave her answer. "Are they still here?" he repeated softly. She nodded.
Wendy had come so far, it had taken her so long to get to where she was, and James had endured it with her, even from afar. In a way, she felt as though she should be more valiant and not let their love be so easily defeated. As George and Mary engaged in their private conversation, Wendy suggested, "We could run away, not back to Neverland but someplace else to be together."
James only shook his head, "We must have their permission, and there is nowhere left in the world to run away to, dearest Gwendolyn. I am real, here and now…" James said into her ear, cradling her in his arms. "There are still rules that I must abide by Gwendolyn… and this is one of them…"
To hear her mother's voice speak up only crushed Wendy further and drove her deeper into the darkness. "Let us try this again, now that the shock has worn off. If we are going to give our final decision that you, our daughter Wendy, and you, Father Dunange, will hear and accept, it must be done properly so there are no questions of neither your intentions, Wendy and James, or ours, your father and I, Mr. and Mrs. George Darling."
Wendy and James broke their hug and wiped their eyes, moving to face Wendy's parents side by side. They clutched the other's hands and waited for Mary who was waiting for them. "Go ahead, James, ask Mr. Darling and I again."
"Mr. and Mrs. Darling, I would like ask for your daughter's hand in marriage and we together would like to ask you both for your blessing."
Mary turned to George who was sitting looking out at where the muffled noise he was hearing came from. She tapped him to gain his attention to her and then she shouted, "JAMES HAS ASKED TO MARRY WENDY, THEY WANT OUR BLESSING."
"WHO? SOMEONE ELSE IS HERE TO ASK HER TO GET MARRIED? I WAS UNAWARE OUR DAUGHTER HAD SO MANY ADMIRERS. WHAT ABOUT THE PRIEST?" George yelled back.
"NO, THERE IS NO ONE ELSE GEORGE. FATHER JAMES DUNANGE IS ASKING TO MARRY HER," Mary responded, still watching her husband.
"AGAIN? DID HE NOT JUST ASK?" George replied, shifting in his seat, seeming rather annoyed at the goings on in his parlor. The darkness Wendy felt flood over her increased tenfold, but only for a moment when George shouted. "HOW MANY TIMES WILL SHE MAKE HIM ASK HER BEFORE SHE SAYS YES? WENDY, AT YOUR AGE, YOU SHOULD NOT BE PLAYING HARD TO GET."
Wendy and James quickly turned to each other, their expressions overjoyed, waiting in anticipation of the answer, knowing it was so close, but at the same time possibly years away. Their excitement only increased, when Mary, unable to hide her happiness let a smile escape, and then a giggle, as she shouted, "SHE SAID YES ALREADY, THEY WANT OUR BLESSING. OUR BLESSING, GEORGE."
"THEY WANT OUR BLESSING?" Mary placed George's hand on her cheek; Wendy ran to her father and knelt before him, placing his other hand on her face as well. Mother and daughter nodded their heads in unison and George answered, "WELL THEN, GIVE THEM OUR BLESSING, MARY, AND THEN OPEN A BOTTLE OF OUR FINEST TO TOAST THEM WITH."
All present, including the maids, housekeeper and cook, attracted by all the shouting, hugged and kissed and danced around the parlor, with Mary playing the piano when Uncle Harry dropped by.
"Wendy and James are to be married!" Mary shouted as she opened the door.
"Father Dunange, you mean? Is he not a priest? What will the neighbors think?" Harry asked with a disturbed expression.
"He loves my daughter, and she loves him and that is all that matters. He shall leave the church and marry my daughter, and give me grandchildren that I can cherish here in my home and not from afar," Mary commanded, kissing his cheek and shuffling him in the parlor to take up a glass, "And frankly, Harold, I don't give a damn what the neighbors think!"
"To Wendy and James, may you live a long, happy and uninterrupted life together, and may God grant you babies of your own with whom to share all your love and devotion." George, Mary, Wendy, James, Uncle Harry and the house staff raised their glasses, with Wendy adding before they toasted, "May we be as happy as my parents have been all these years together, and give the same fine examples of what it is to truly love selflessly."