My Darling Love

Chapter 65 – Pride and Joy

"A little girl at the wedding afterwards asked her mother why the bride changed her mind. She went down the aisle with one man, and came back with another."

-Source Unknown

George was too deaf to discuss matters privately, so Mary sought the advice of Harry, with whom she had lunch weekly, "First, Mary, you must find him a viable profession, one in which he can provide, by his own efforts, a home for Wendy and any children they have, although I doubt at her age it is a necessary worry after babies and such nonsense." He finished his opinion over dessert with, "I would advise that, once he is employed, you delay the wedding until he has served at least one year's time at his place of business, money is scarce these days, many who are new in the workplace soon find themselves out of jobs."

Harry scratched his forehead, wondering if he should voice his true opinions. Seeing his sister-in-law's intrigued look of anticipation, he finally put it to words. "James may change his mind, Mary, and go back to the church. Wendy needs to understand the depth of his sacrifice, and give him time to truly make up his mind. You and George should insist they delay the wedding and not let them rush into anything."

The wedding was scheduled for that summer. Mary would not delay it for two reasons, first being the most important to her; George's health had begun to fail further. He would not admit it, but he had aches and pains inside of him he kept secret. It seemed that monthly, he caught a cold that would leave him bedridden for days. Many a morning when he was feeling well, Mary had awoken to find him dressed and already out of bed, the maid done with the first load of laundry before breakfast, when normally laundry was put off till late afternoon.

"He had another accident, Mrs. Darling," she would explain quietly, "on his way to the bathroom." His hearing and sight were problematic, and now his sense of smell and taste fled him. This he kept to himself also, Mary only making the discovery one night in the middle of winter when he asked, "What's for dinner, Mary?" as he sat down.

It was roast chicken, not the pot roast she had herself been erroneous misinformed of by their cook. She told him, "Pot roast, dearest," as the platter was carried in and corrected, "Oh no George, supper tonight is roast chicken."

He didn't hear that part because he remarked after finishing his plate, "This is the best pot roast the cook's made yet."

But George still has wits about him, and had gotten so skillful at playing chess with his wife that he won his first match against her in their entire marriage in only four moves.

The second reason was more for Wendy, who was already swelling in the middle as her June wedding date slowly approached. The night of her parent's blessing, James and Wendy made love in the attic.

"Shhh … Your parents will hear," he whispered as she moaned her delight.

"I don't care if they hear, I want the God in heaven to hear!" God heard and dispatched an early wedding present down to her that eagerly flew on tiny wings landing in its new home, Wendy's belly. There it would rest for at least the next nine months before relocating to a more comfortable spot, her new parent's awaiting arms.

Wendy was to be thirty-eight in April, and as far as she was concerned, the absence of her monthlies the next month meant nothing except that her change of life had begun. And just like her mother, who needed some sort of proof (aside from the rabbit that died in the doctor's office), Wendy waited until she felt the first movements of the life inside of her. That proof came the day of her wedding.

George still had friends and favors owed at the bank, not to mention Harry who came across all sorts of tradesmen at his pub and together they got James several job offers. Seems everyone had a son or a friend that needed an apprentice of some sort that was more than happy to offer them up to Mr. Darling's future son-in-law. James had his pick of being a banker, a plumber, a baker, a house painter, a bricklayer, a barber, a carpenter and numerous other workable professions.

James chose carpenter, reasoning, "The son of God was a carpenter," and worked seven days a week to learn his trade. It came to him quickly as he excelled above and beyond what others might have expected of a priest, stripped of his collar with only one workable hand. Although, Mary and George would not let him stay in their home, "Wendy, there are certain formalities in polite society that not even your father and I will bend. Living in the same home with a man you are not married to is one of them."

James could not stay at the church mission, for the church threw him out on his ear when he informed them of his broken vows, and his resignation from his position. Uncle Harry, without a second thought, allowed James his spare room to sleep in. James worked sunrise to sunset, and in only a few weeks, he had enough saved for a modest flat.

It was good he chose the profession of carpenter, for he became proficient in other areas, and in his free time, willingly did repairs to the Darling home for which George paid him generously. "I only hung a few pictures and fixed the backdoor. You need not pay me a week's wages for something I want to do for free," he would tell Mary as she handed him the cash folded after dinner.

"George insisted, take it, save it, keep it for a rainy day. Trust me, James, there will be many once you are married."

James did not have enough money to buy Wendy an engagement ring, so Mary gave Wendy hers. "I never knew father gave you one," Wendy told her mother as she fitted her for her wedding dress. "That is why your father and I want to entrust it to you, it was your grandmother Josephine's ring, and her mother's before her. Wear it in good health."

When James was not working to make a way for Wendy and him in the world, George was tutoring him on finances. Every Sunday, he would come by, and as was his regular hours of enslavement, George would keep him at his desk, mentoring James in the art of balancing the house books and investing his hard earned money wisely. James never minded, for George was a very good teacher, even though he was hard of hearing and almost completely blind.

"Alright, son," George would begin in a loud tone, "Now read to me what you have completed thus far." James would read from his ledger, while George kept his eyes raised to the ceiling repeating the numbers and doing the arithmetic in his head. "Very good, son, now you forgot to carry the one again, so therefore you have more money than what you totaled."

Mary would sit nearby and prompt her husband and future son-in-law to eat and take rest. "You both have been working on that all afternoon, I think it's time to stop for awhile. Your shouting of numbers and expenses is giving me a headache," Mary would offer at James bewildered face, while George admonished over savings and "safe money," as he called it.

"Women never think of money, James, that is why we have to," George would tell him, but then concede, as his lovely wife would tap him on the shoulder and peck his cheek but not before reminding, "If you run into any trouble, my brother Harry will help you, James. Never be ashamed to ask for help."

The gossipmongers of London had the rumor mills churning stories of how the scandalous daughter of the Darlings, who had whored her younger years away, had tempted an innocent priest from the Church and led him into sinful ways. The untruths and torrid tales grew just as quickly as Wendy's belly did and everyone not concerned was sure a marriage in the church would not be permitted. But it seems Wendy's father, even as an old man, was still alive, and therefore still able to save the day. With the threat that Mr. and Mrs. Darling, one of (if not the most) generous contributors to the parish would leave that parish and go elsewhere if their daughter and her fiancé were not allowed to marry there, the monsignor and bishop had no other choice but to also give their blessing to Wendy and James. The offer of a gracious donation for four new of the most glorious stained glass windows for the church did not hurt either. Before the wedding took place, the windows had been selected and installed, marked on the inscription, "Donated by the good will and kind hearts of Mr. and Mrs. George Darling and family."

And so Wendy stood at the back of the church. She wore a dress of silk and satin, white as freshly fallen snow, the first of winter. There was no train to run down the length and fan out feet behind her, nor a veil for that matter. There was no beadwork or pearls to encircle the neck and bodice, for her mother did not have enough time to craft it so. It was of empire style, cut closely around her chest, opening out below her breast and hemmed at her ankles. Instead of a crown of jewels, she wore a ring of fresh cut flowers in her long flowing hair. She had dreamt all of her life of wearing her mother's dress, but it was ruined by time. Since there had never been a more beautiful dress to be married in than Mary's, Wendy would have to make do with the one her mother made in its place.

Wendy carried roses in a variety of different shades of pink in full bloom, just like her mother. Her bridesmaids (there were two) wore dresses in a hue of their choice, in the style they liked. Therefore, the housekeeper of the Darling house, Wendy's good friend, preferred mint green and John's wife liked lemon yellow best. They lined the front altar, standing as a family, just as happy as Wendy was, awaiting her arrival.

James had groomsmen; two also, Harry acting as best man, and John. They bore the same overjoyed expressions, smiling to Wendy who was waiting. To her right, was her father, who, on this most special of days was more proud than he had been in his entire life. For Wendy was by far the loveliest bride he had ever seen, next to Mary, her mother, his wife. Mary smiled ear-to-ear, turning in her seat and then standing before everyone else present, so as to not miss a moment of her daughter and husband walking arm and arm down the aisle as the wedding march began.

It should be the have been the happiest day, and it was, for there was not one reason in anyone's heart for it not to be. Mary nodded to George to step forward down the aisle but his eyes were fixed in a stare directed towards the groom. Wendy nudged her father onward, as he could not see Mary urging him on from where she sat. "Is it time Wendy?" he asked, and she placed his hand on her cheek, nodding. "Forgive me, Wendy, for I do not wish to ruin this day for you but …"

Wendy held her father's hand to her face, worried he would break her heart by dragging her away from James who was waiting, troubled by her delay. A tear ran down her cheek, and George leaned closer to her ear, "Don't cry, Wendy, it is to be a happy day. I don't mean to upset you, I should have let your uncle walk you down for I cannot..."

Wendy hugged her father, whimpering, "You don't approve of James, Father, I thought you did?"

George pulled her to face him and for the first time in a very long time she looked into his eyes and realized that, although she stood directly in front of him, he still moved his face around looking for her. "I do approve of him, dearest, I think of him as my son, it's just, I can't see anymore. My eyesight has failed me and now I fail you." His eyes welled with tears; "You will have to direct me down the aisle, for I have waited for this day just as long as you have. I'm sorry for being so selfish and robbing you of this moment."

The wedding march had ended and began again on the order of Mary. Wendy wiped her father's tears and then her own, "Hold my arm, Father, and I will lead wherever you want to go."

George smiled, clutching her hand as he wrapped it around her arm. "Please don't tell your mother I'm blind, Wendy, for that is another burden of mine I wish her not to bear. And I think to your intended husband waiting at the alter is best place for us to journey together at the moment, now lead away before they start without you."

Wendy directed her father down the aisle marching along slowly. She felt that, had he walked her with his own eyes, he would have strolled at that slower pace to linger on the pride he felt of the moment. Wendy was not selfish, nor was George, and neither was robbed of anything on that day.

As they arrived at the altar, at a time when every father turns to his daughter and expresses sentiments of love and pride, her father said aloud, "I held you a moment after you were born and I raised you with all that I had inside of me to give and plenty that I didn't. It was through you, your brothers and mother that I learned how to truly love someone other than myself, and found my strength and courage. I hope on this day, as I put you, my precious baby girl who stood here at this altar with me and your mother on our wedding day hidden in white, as I place you in the arms of another that you love, that you are just as proud of me as I am of you."

"Oh daddy…" Wendy cried and kissed his face nodding her head to him.

"Who gives this woman to this man?" the priest spoke interrupting them.

"HER MOTHER AND I DO," George called out to the packed house of family and friends that gathered to see the couple wed.

The priest instructed James and Wendy to face one another, but before she did, without being asked Wendy spoke, "I want to give my mother a rose from my bouquet before I am married." She took her father by the arm and led him to his wife, giving her a loving embrace and handing her the prettiest flower from her bouquet, Mary whispering, "Thank you, Wendy, for everything."

That day, before James had stepped out to the front of the church, alone he knelt in the confessional and prayed to God for His continued guidance here on earth. God was silent to man, even though He watched from a distance. With the free will He had entrusted man, He kept His hand from directly interfering with choices made, knowing at times they were wrong and no good would come of it. Where James Hook was concerned, especially while acting in the place of another, God could not help but open his mouth and speak up on this, a blessed day indeed.

"Remember, James, strength of heart is different when you are real, where you wish to be there on Earth, nothing is easy, and everything must be fought for on a different battlefield each day. And there is no peace there. Man does not care anything about the wars you have seen with evil, James, they are blinded in other sins you know everything of. But do not fear, for fear begets hate and hate begets war, and war begets fear, and thus, you will be find yourself trapped of your own free will in this never-ending circle. Love those who love you, James, and love those who don't. Forgive them when you are wronged and always remember, James, because you cannot hear Me, means not that I am deaf to your prayers. If you ever feel you cannot go on, for at times it will feel as though there is no way possible, remember that I placed you there because I know you that you are strong enough to never accept defeat. Remember to watch over your children in the night. Remember the scared duty I have entrusted you with, see that it is done in a timely manner. And James, remember -- time is not of the essence, there is no forever where you are concerned, at least not there on Earth. Soon, but not too soon, I will have no other choice but to call you home…."

Wendy and James were married in the eyes of God, and He smiled down on them, blessing their union with sunshine and a night of a cloudless sky full of stars.

There was only one guest, and uninvited at that, who was unhappy with hate in his heart. He hid in the balcony and watched the ceremony take place. Peter Pan was not without his own tears, and he shed them as James and Wendy were pronounced "man and wife in the eyes of God and Country."

George and Mary gave a grand reception for their only daughter, held at the best restaurant in London, full of fine foods and much wine and good cheer. The gathering made merry until it was time to send the couple off on their honeymoon. James carried Wendy dressed in her traveling suit out to an awaiting cab heading for the train station with everyone waving and chasing after them as they drove away. But unlike her parents, who spent their wedding night in a flat in the trashy section of London making love like newlyweds who were new to love in that way should, James and Wendy spent their wedding night fast asleep in a private compartment as the train railed down the tracks to the countryside.

John and his family took Mary and George home to their empty house. "MAYBE WE SHOULD HAVE JAMES AND WENDY MOVE IN WITH US, WE HAVE PLENTY OF ROOM," George shouted to Mary as they lay in bed, readying for sleep.

Mary shook her head, sighing loudly at his decibel level. He didn't see her or hear her, but he did feel her rigid body when he snuggled next to her. "PLEASE, GEORGE, I'M TRYING TO GO TO SLEEP!" She yelled so he could hear and shoved away his hand. George rolled over without another word and shed tears as quietly as he could.

The sound of his weeping made Mary rise from the bed and walk around to George's side. "George," she spoke gently touching his cheek. He quickly got up affixing his glasses although was no need for them anymore, simply out of habit. He said nothing and just stared up trying to understand what his wife was doing out of bed beside him, "SHOULD I SLEEP ON THE SOFA MARY? I DIDN'T MEAN TO BOTHER YOU."

"I LOVE YOU, GEORGE!" Mary shouted to his confused expression, she almost sang it to him ending with a rather lingering passionate kiss.

George heard that and responded, "I LOVE YOU TOO, MARY."

Mary hugged him and kissed his face, repeating her words, "I LOVE YOU GEORGE, I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU. PLEASE, PLEASE DON'T STOP SPEAKING TO ME, I DON'T CARE IF YOU SCREAM AT ME UNTIL I'M DEAF, JUST PLEASE DON'T STOP SPEAKING."

"GOOD, I THINK IT'S ONLY FAIR YOU BE AS DEAF AS I AM, MARY." George kissed Mary back and soon they kissing, hugging, touching more then they had in years.

George was nearly deaf and blind, but not without the desire to make love, and as he mustered all he could inside, and with a little prayer to God for mercy and relief, a part of George that lay unresponsive for so long, arose for Mary on that night. Just like newlyweds, who giggled and shifted about uncomfortably trying to see what suited them best, the George and Mary of many years married also chuckled and moved gingerly about one another.

The sounds of passions exchanged echoed throughout the empty house. When all was said and done, they rested breathless from all the laughing and lovemaking done in their bed. "I think, Mary, you should look for me in heaven. It will be better on a cloud," George panted as he got up for a glass of water to drink from his bedside table.

"No, George, it is best with you right here in our bed, and I think this is the place I want to die right here with you," Mary responded, as he returned to bed. "Promise me George that we will never be parted, not even in death … I don't want to live without you."

George rested his head back on his pillow and closed his eyes without answering. Mary was just about to raise her voice to the heavens at repeat her request at full voice when her husband touched her arm.

"I can't promise that we will never be parted by death, Mary. But I will promise that no matter what, whatever it is that happens to souls like ours when we die, I will be with you once again." He turned his head to see her through his own eyes, only to be denied on that one measure, but just the same, he finished with, "Promise me, Mary, that you will live on after I am gone. Promise me you will love. Promise me you will live to see our children's children's children. I think the title 'Great Grandmother Mary' will be very fitting on you."

He squeezed her hand and Mary smiled, "I promise George," and with that, the light was extinguished and Mr. and Mrs. George Darling finally slept.

Wendy and James spent a week in the countryside, sightseeing and honeymooning. It was truly a glorious time for the couple now made anew in the real world. Although Wendy attempted to engage him conversations about Neverland and Peter Pan, James always seemed to change the subject offering, "That part of your life, Wendy, was left in the confessional." After a few days of niggling on it, Wendy gave up and not another word was said.

That was, until the last night of their holiday as they packed their things, readying to return to normalcy as husband and wife. It started out innocently enough; they'd spent their day at the shore, returning to their room to dress for dinner. Supper was eaten at a lovely restaurant and, wanting to engage in a little intimacy once more before the sun set, they went back to their room. "Allow me to slip into something more comfortable," Wendy purred as she slipped into the bathroom to change. Mary had purchased for her daughter a grand negligee to wear on her wedding night, but since Wendy slept through it she saved the best for last. She dressed herself quickly and rushed back into the bedroom, interrupting her husband whose mind had seemingly already wandered to another.

James stood by the open windows of their room wearing the face of Captain James Hook. In his hand he held the drawing Wendy had made of her mother Mary, the same from the park. Apparently he had taken it from her sketchpad and kept it with him always, for that is what he explained when she caught him, red handed. "So, am I to understand that you are in love with my mother while I am expecting your child?" Wendy shouted slapping and punching his chest as she wept. "WHY DID YOU NOT JUST MARRY HER?"

"Gwendolyn, please, you must understand…" But there was nothing for Wendy to understand -- or accept, for that matter. Even on her honeymoon, her mother was competition. "So she is who you think of when we make love, she is who you thought about as we were wed! You wished it were she standing up by the altar! How could you marry me knowing the way you felt about her? How could you give me a baby, knowing it was my mother you wished to have children with? Why?"

Poor Wendy fell to the floor crying inconsolably, James fell with her, holding her to his chest, "Gwendolyn, I love you, and you must believe me. It's just, your mother and I…"

"My mother did not love you, she has never loved you! SHE LOVES MY FATHER!" Wendy screamed, and James nodded his head, acknowledging the truth of her declaration. "When will you let her go James? How long has this been going on? I was just part of your plan to get to her, wasn't I? All that we shared in Neverland, it was all to get to my mother? You are worse than my Uncle Peter…"

Now Captain Hook felt the same way about Peter Darling as everyone else that knew him did. He was the devil, some would even swear worse than the devil. So to call James worse than the devil himself, was an insult he could never stomach. As a matter of fact, just to be held in the same sentence as Satan ignited fury in James' heart. Therefore, where his arms should be a place of comfort for his wife, they became the battering ram he used to shove her away. He stood, gathered his coat and left the room without a word.

Wendy picked up the picture of her mother's face, drawn to perfection on a worn piece of sketch paper, and shredded it, throwing the torn pieces out the window and into the night sky. James left the front door to the hotel as Mary's mocking mouth blew past him in the wind. He caught what was left of Mary Elizabeth Darling and touched his fingers to her lips. "Queen Mary belongs to another, and another after that. You, James, are neither." James repeated the words of God told to him, as she left his ship when she was only sixteen returning to the real world to grow up.

James turned around and went back up to his room, stalking in as a pirate captain would to his beloved sitting on the bed engulfed in her broken hearted tears. "Gwendolyn, I love your mother. From the first moment I saw her. But I have accepted that she loves another before me, your father. They were destined to be together, just as you and I are. I am sorry you find it difficult that I loved her before you, but if I remember correctly it was not my heart you returned to Neverland to retrieve, it was another. Peter Pan."

"I do not carry reminders of Peter Pan with me, James!" Wendy retorted, rising, furious at his words.

"Oh really," Captain Hook -- sans pirate attire -- sneered, feigning surprise at her sentiment. "I think you carry him with you, Wendy, right here in your heart." He poked her forcefully in the chest; purposely calling her by a named he once said "keeps you a child in my eyes, immature and unready for real love."

"Peter Pan is not in my heart! That's absurd! How dare you!" Wendy gaped back, shocked by his arrogant appearance.

"He must be in your heart, Wendy," again sneering her name, gathering her up into the argument, "for he is certainly on your mind." James pranced around their room like a schoolgirl gossiping over a crush complete with an exaggerated smile and a gleeful tone while repeating Wendy's words, "I wonder where Peter is? Do you think he is still alive somewhere? Have you seen him? Did he return to Neverland? I hope wherever he is now he is well. I read in the newspaper he was committed to a mental hospital. Do you think I should have visited him there? He probably was scared to be alone. I feel so sorry for him." He ended by jumping on the bed, laying flat on his stomach with his arms under his chin, batting his eyelashes.

Wendy slowly turned and looked down at him. His smile had been replaced by rage, his eyes rolling red with fury, with malice. He rose up to his knees and stared blankly at his wife. "Peter Pan is in hell, although I am sure he is alive, Gwendolyn. After all, he is immortal and there is no salvation to be found in death, only reawakening. I have not been in Neverland since he threw my dead body overboard, so your guess is as good as mine as to where he is now. You hope he is well, how nice of you to be so concerned over a servant of the devil that destroyed the heart of your one true love, a pirate captain, and then your daughter by him with one swift thrust of his dagger."

He kept his eyes, not to her, but past her. The look on his face was terrifying to gaze upon. To Wendy, it was as if any moment he would lunge forward at her and strangle out the life she held within her. He did not move toward her, but spoke in a slow soft voice, gentle and comforting, strangely uncharacteristic for Captain Hook, "I didn't read about him in the newspaper, but I was there when he was committed to the ground in potter's field having thrown himself out a window to the unforgiving pavement below. How ironic it is that I was the priest sent to give him last rites. You should find some comfort that he did not suffer long, although there were others who befell the same fate at his hands that suffered for eternity. It would not matter had you visited him there in the mental ward, he wouldn't have known who you were anyway. He was not scared to be alone for Lucifer was with him. Again, how nice for you to be so concerned."

"James…" Wendy managed, moving to him gingerly with her arms out. He slumped down still on his knees and lowered his head.

"You see, Gwendolyn, I don't speak of your mother, for there is nothing to say and I don't want to talk about her now. I thought I made that abundantly clear years ago on the Jolly Roger. You had questions and I gave you the answers. You obviously still have questions; only this time the answers are not what you want to hear."

He looked up to Wendy, the blue in his eyes returned. "I love your mother. But not in the way you are thinking. She is not whom I think about when we make love. She is not the one I thought about when we were married. I did not want your mother standing up at the altar with me. I wanted you there, dressed in white. I married you, Gwendolyn, and gave you a baby, because you and you alone are the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. Your mother came first, and there is nothing I can ever do to change that. I can never make you my first love. Peter Pan came first for you. There is nothing you can do to erase him from existence; thus, I will never be your first love. But we are together now. My heart beats for you and only you, and Gwendolyn, it has since our first kiss. Your mother's heart beats for George and only George. Your father's heart beats for your mother and has always only beat for your mother. Whom does your heart beat for?"

A tear escaped down his cheek and Wendy, his wife, was there to catch it and wipe it away. "You, my heart beats only for you." She touched her brow to his and stole a kiss, a short, sweet loving kiss. She placed her hands upon his face and held it up to hers. "Why do you still carry her picture?"

It was a fair question, and he gave a fair answer, "Because I can no longer feel her in this heart," James gently touched his chest, "and her absence there has left an empty space that has yet to be filled."

"Not even by me?" Wendy asked, her tears returning.

James shook his head and then brushed his lips to her hands. But it was not what she thought at all, so he clarified, "Father James Dunange never knew Neverland, and so, here, it has been obliterated from my being. All the emotions from that place, good and bad, I carried with me there are gone. All but one…you. Just because they are not there, does not mean I don't remember what it was once like. Your mother is the closest thing I will ever have to recalling the accomplishments of my never-ending difficulties. My prides, my joys, my victories, do not rob me of that, Gwendolyn. They will be replaced one day soon enough by our own life together, and not even your mother's heart will be able to return them to me. And when they are forgotten, so will Queen Mary and Captain Hook."

Wendy would never rob James of his prides, his joys, especially when he promised new prides and joys to be made together. Therefore, with his words, she fell into his arms and began showering him with endless kisses and kindness. James reciprocated the affections and unlaced the robe that hid her silk and satin gown. That came off as well, and soon both were bare on the blankets kissing and cuddling. Wendy was round in the waist, so her on top was better and that was the position they chose for this encounter. It was a loving experience for only the two of them and when it ended, it left them out of breath, and wanting more.

James spooned his wife, rubbing his nose over the sensitive skin of her neck. She moved her head just enough to catch him in another kiss, that progressed forward into another exchange. "I love you, Gwendolyn, only you…forever…" James whispered into her ear as he moved in and out of her. She loved him as well, so she told him, "Only you, James, there has only ever been you…"