Addendum 5.2 – "Savor the Veal 'pt. 4'"

April 1993 – Fairfield, CT

Staring at the stove, Angela's nose drifted up high to where she was practically sitting in tiptoe. Tony leaned far over her shoulder as he poured her a glass of orange juice.

"Ya know," his low voice smoothed into her ear. "That could all be yours, if only you were a breakfast eater…"

Angela laughed shyly and shook her head. "No, no I'm fine. Thank you, Tony." She resituated herself and sniffed needlessly as she took a sip of coffee.

"Suit yourself," he shrugged and rose to put away the juice.

Sliding the puffy, Florentine omelet from the pan, Tony looked up. "Is Jonathan coming down?"

Angela watched as he used the spatula to split the eggs between Jonathan's plate and his own. "Uh-" she stalled. "I- I'm not sure."

Tony's signature bravado danced on his face, "Ya sure I can't interest you? You ate breakfast in Iowa."

She collected herself again and sat up straight, "No, thank you. I'm trying to cut back."

He put the pan back on the stove and sat down next to her. "Angela, eggs are good for you."

"Well, your dismal replacement had been quite insistent that we eat all her meals, and they were rarely good for us. I'm a few pounds over my ideal."

Tony took a bite and scoffed, "Yeah, I was wonderin'…"

She scrunched her face, "Tony!"

He threw his hands up, "Just joshin', just joshin'!"

Her scowl remained, and he rolled his eyes and sighed. "Angela, are you kiddin' me? You look great. You always look great."

Her face started to relax into an easy smile, "Th-"

"'sides, this you has its advantages," he laughed, reaching toward her blouse.

She leaned back sharply, a disbelieving snarl on her lips.

Tony exhaled long but couldn't entirely muffle his laugh, "Oh, come on, Angel-" He stopped talking as her lower lids rose on her ever-tightening face.

Tony put his hand over hers and shrugged. "I'm sorry; I was just teasin'."

She didn't retract her hand, but her squinted eyes stayed as they were.

Tony sighed again, "Angela, you know how hot I think you are." Then his words started to come out faster. "For cryin' out loud, you got me off…" He shook his head and shrugged, "I can't even remember how many times last night…and this morning," his eyebrows acknowledged. "- after a while, I think I forgot how to count!" He laughed a bit loudly for her nerves and slapped his knee.

But her small, involuntary smile appeared despite herself. She sighed and glanced off to the side. I know he doesn't mean it when he does this kind of stuff, but is he really that out of it? How can he not know that hurts me? She looked back over at him, "Ton-"

"And geez, it couldn't be more than 3 or 4 pounds anyway - I could train that off you in a week!" he said, snapping his fingers. He shook his head as he went in for another bite of eggs, "…not like it's fifteen or nothin'."

Angela's frozen face felt rounder by the second. She sucked in her stomach, wondering if she should just start turning all the lights off now. But just then Jonathan pushed his way through the swinging door, "Mom?" His clearly confused look instantly morphed into excitement. "Tony!"

Tony laughed and stood up to hug Jonathan. "Hey, pal-o-mine!"

"Tony! I can't believe it!" Jonathan looked down at his plate, then brought wide eyes of hope up to Tony's. "And you cook with vegetables!"

It was Tony's turn to look confused, but Jonathan had already sat down to start scarfing up his food. Mouth full, Jonathan took a swig of milk, "So, you're back?"

Tony sat down and nodded decisively. "Yup! It was a big mistake to stay out there by myself. I need to be home with my best girl and my bud and..." He looked up confusedly from his food. "Say, where's Mon?"

Jonathan's eyebrows went up. "Oh, Grandma hasn't been coming to breakfast since the she-beast took over - probably still in the habit."

Tony laughed loudly, "Housekeeper was a real dog, huh?"

Jonathan leaned over the table toward Tony, "Bow. Wow."

Tony laughed again and stomped his foot to mark the hilarity. Jonathan joined back in and continued to delight his mentor, "More like a blubbery whale! I didn't know you could fry so many things. No joke: all the food was brown!"

Tony was still laughing as he tried to take a sip of milk. Feeling fresh out of levity, herself, Angela no longer sensed there was room for her at the table. She scooted her chair back and stood silently in front of her empty placemat. Tony looked up at her, still cackling through barely-open eyes, "Where do you find these people, Angela?"

Angela's tall, thin form remained stiff, but she tilted her head down at him, "Yeah, I sure know how pick 'em, don't I?"

Backing up, her head did a slight whiplash to make her point, if only to herself. And without another word, she left the boys to entertain each other.

Angela pinned her coral cameo onto the charcoal lapel of her blazer and looked up into the mirror. The bathroom lights shone down on her brightly.

Uncomfortable, she moved her gaze to the delicate heirloom, wishing she could feel as pretty as she'd felt that night with her father, so long ago. It had been her first Broadway show, and it had lived up to all expectations. Now it seemed nothing did.

She rolled her eyes at herself; her juvenile hopes annoyed her. Squinting again into the mirror, she tried to tell if that's because they were unrealistic or unmet.

I felt beautiful that night out with daddy, so polished and refined… but he treated me the same way when I was in my shorts and a sweatshirt.

I don't remember not feeling pretty with him.

"Angela?"

Her head whipped up, and Tony came up behind her, sliding his hands around her hips. She instinctively sucked in her tummy.

"Hey, you okay?"

She wanted to nod and leave the room. A rush of emotions swirled about her, and she didn't know which to harness. She was furious that he could be so heartless about Marge's appearance, even if she were awful. She was scared trying to tabulate how many omelets it would take for him to think the same about her. She didn't want to start lying and hiding again, but she didn't want to prematurely connect those dots for him, either. So, she just stood there, not knowing where to step.

And it wasn't just that. A flurry of memories with Tony, cruelly familiar to her ones with Michael, came back and seemed to separate the two of them right where they stood. She was terrified and grasped at connection.

Spinning around to face him, she blurted, "Tony, do you remember Trish?"

His face scrunched, "Which Tri-" before realization caught up with him. "Oh, that Trish," he scoffed. "What about her?"

"Well, you know I've had my…" a nervous laugh broke free, "troubles with weight over the years."

Tony's squint seemed to narrow, but she plowed ahead.

"It's just... well, you remember when she came and picked at all those old wounds?"

"Yeah," he shook his head in disgust. "She dumped me for the rich dude and had someone as gorgeous as you feelin' like a dog."

There was a lot to his statement, but Angela felt the need to pinpoint and did so timidly with a tiny move of her index finger. "See, that? That right there."

"What?"

"Calling women dogs."

His neck craned forward, "I wasn't talking about you, Angela. I was talking about-"

"Yes, you were!"

Tony's confusion was obvious, and she took advantage of the silence.

"Tony, that was me. And if that was me, that is me." She pointed her finger into the distance of her past. "You would've said the same thing about me had you seen me in high school. You would've been laughing with everyone else… probably barking as I walked by."

Tony laughed, "Good one."

Her severe stare plunged his breath deeply, and he shrugged. "You're right. That was mean." But then he tilted his head, "It just seems nuts to think of you being like that." He glanced down at her body, and she fought the urge to cover herself. "You're so beautiful."

She fought the stinging in her nose with volume, "And what if I weren't!? What if I didn't look like this? What if I gained those 15 pounds? What about 30? I lost a whole lot more than that in college! What if, Tony?" Then the tightness in her chest choked her voice to almost nil, and she barely heard herself finish. "Am I safe?"

Several seconds went by with Tony's face at a complete stall, but at his eventual exhale, he turned the same look to the side and took a step closer.

Easing into a slow, solid hug, he mushed his hair up against hers. Quietly, he answered her. "You're always safe with me."

Another blank second or two passed before her own breath sucked in sharply. He heard me. Shaking, Angela put her arms just as slowly around him, and held on for dear life.

New evidence was tipping the scale of her beliefs, and the two of them stood together for a while as she wondered with how many other truths she could trust him.

He was still holding her tightly when he leaned back, "Hey, it's getting late," he whispered. "You want me to drive you to the station?"

She smiled and put a soft kiss on his lips. "You know, I think I'm going to drive today. I want to do a little shopping after work."

"Shopping?" He scrunched his brows, then evened them out. "Well, okay. I didn't get a chance to talk to you about it last night," he said as his cocky smile briefly returned. "But uh, I still need to go get my stuff from Wells. I just had to see you, but I didn't think it all the way through before I flew home."

She squeezed him tighter, grateful and happy to hear him call this home.

"Uh, anyway. I'm not sure how long it'll take me, but I should probably go take care of that sooner rather than later. If Dr. Graham is so heartless to ex-coaches,"

Awareness pulsed Angela's eyes at his word choice before he continued. "-I can only imagine how he is with their stuff."

Tony wasn't safe from judgement, either; possible missteps could carry heartless consequence for anyone. Grounded, she had a sudden need to set his mind at ease in at least one area. The first thing that came to mind was a kiss - a good one, a soft one, one so sincere and deep, he could no longer wonder if he'd made the right choice, and she gave it her best shot.

Whatever she'd done with Michael, it wasn't enough. Somehow, she'd left him wondering if she'd ever really bet on him - if his back were against the wall, that he could call her name. She knew he'd never fully believed he could, and while that stung, he probably shouldn't have. She knew she'd needed the same restraint.

But in the same way, she knew things were different with Tony. Something in her truly believed, despite the sometimes-brutal similarities in their behavior, that the reasoning of these two men was as different as they were. And remembering with whom she was dealing, Angela committed not to leave any variable in her power wanting.

She loved feeling Tony's mouth join her impromptu make-out session, and many moments were lived to their fullest as she strengthened her resolve. But then he pulled back.

"What was that for?" he asked softly.

"I love you," she hurried.

He waited a second. "…I know…and I love you. But I was trying to talk to y-"

"I know. And I'll listen. I just-" she started breathing surprisingly heavily and put her hands up to his face, almost panicking. "I really want you to know that. And I want to thank you for coming back." She shook her head in amazement. "Tony, you've given up so much for me, but I want you to know I want to be with you. Forever."

An understanding smile spread slowly on his face, and he gave her another good hug. "You will be," he said behind her ear. "At least, after I go get my stuff."

Angela smiled as she pulled back and sniffed. "So, what are your plans? Do you want help?"

Tony shook his head. "Nah, it'll take me a few days to pack up and drive home." He tipped up a sad smile, "You've missed enough work for me."

Her softened heart showed on her tilted head. Tracing grateful fingers down his temple, her eyes set on the little gray threads bursting through the dark brown. She marveled up at them. He chose me. He wants to be with me forever, too. Stretching up on her toes, she closed her eyes and pressed her kiss against the evidence heralding the weight of that choice. He only has one life, and he wants it to be with me. Even with a marriage license in hand, she'd never felt that sure of Michael.

She held her lips there, soft and strong, then slowly worked her way down the tanned skin toward that full mouth she was always excited to taste. Exhaling, she started to smile. He's so sexy!

Tony kissed her back through a hesitant smile, "Angela-"

She kissed him again.

"Gotta be honest, honey," he kissed her back. "I'm pretty juiced right now-"

She kissed him deeper, smiling wider.

"But, I mean, I guess…" he kissed her back with his eyebrows up. "I guess we could try-"

Laughing, she gave him a solid, closed-mouth kiss. Pulling back, she shook her head. "We don't have to. I know you love me."