TITLE: Did You Miss Me?
AUTHOR: Moonchild in Distress
FANDOM: Weiss Kreuz
RATING: R
PAIRING: Schuldig/Yohji
GENRE: AU
SUMMARY: Yohji does not miss him. At all
WARNINGS: slash
DISCLAIMER: I'm just borrowing them. Will return mostly undamaged, honest.
ARCHIVING:my LJ and my Yahoo!Group. If for some unfathomable reason you want to put it anywhere else, please contact me
FEEDBACK: pretty please?
BETA: many, many thanks to Anon who kindly agreed to help me with this story
DID YOU MISS ME?
Did you miss me, Kudoh?
No.
This is how it starts every time. Their own routine. The first time the question was asked, Yohji answered without thinking. They didn't have much history back then - a few drinks, some dancing and a couple of nights for the lack of better offers - nothing that gave Schuldig the right to pose such a question and expect an affirmative reply.
The next time the question was voiced, Yohji decided that it was supposed to be a joke between them and accepted it as such. Some of his lovers do that, insist on meaningless rituals and code phrases as if relationships aren't complicated enough without that. It's roses with Akari - tea-roses, Yohji, remember? Like the ones you brought me on our first date - and chocolate croissants for Misa when she wakes up in his bed. Perhaps it is giving them a feeling of stability. Yohji doesn't mind as long as following their wishes leads to fulfillment of his own.
Tonight Yohji knows for sure he has given the wrong answer. Something is different about this visit. Something about Schuldig. Yohji felt the difference the moment he opened the door to his regular guest but couldn't immediately tell what it was. The German looks like a stranger, and his voice is distracted, almost hostile.
There is no kiss at the door or after that. Just the usual question Schuldig offers as a greeting. He is... yes, businesslike, that's the word, as he takes a chair and invites Yohji to follow his example with a nod. He delves for a cigarette and doesn't give Yohji a chance to offer him a light.
"There's something you don't know about me and this... arrangement we had. I thought it would be decent to provide you with an explanation before I go."
"Arrangement", past tense and "before I go". Yohji's trained ear catches all the signs of an ending. He doesn't allow himself to react yet. He's not sure what his reaction should be.
Schuldig pauses, probably to give Yohji a chance to respond, but then after a few moments of silence, proceeds.
"You know about my abilities and that people I was working for used them for... not quite legal purposes. As you might understand, the methods they were using to control me - and it's not easy to make a telepath obey, I assure you - weren't legal either.
"Getting away was out of question. I won't go into details but they had ways to find me. However, that didn't mean I complied with their every wish. In the beginning I was quite rebellious. Due to the nature of my gift, I often act impulsively...."
Schuldig stops himself and laughs. "I am being too vague, aren't I? Let me clarify this: I was used to doing what I wanted and when I wanted. Anything I found entertaining, from singing karaoke with some drunks to group sex, could make me forget about a mission entirely. My bosses were quite unhappy about this. After several fuck-ups I was offered a choice. Either I behaved, or they would help me to behave. The latter meant that I would be given medications making me allergic to most of known drugs and castrated."
"Shit." Yohji doesn't know what horrifies him more, that Schuldig had been threatened like that or that they have been having this on and off relationship for two years and all this time he has had no idea about Schuldig's situation.
"What I'm going to say next will sound as a bad joke to you. It really was a demonstration of their sick sense of humor. They forbade me to have more than one sex partner. More than that, they chose the only one I could have among those I was fooling around with at the time." Schuldig says nothing else, simply staring at Yohji expectantly.
"You don't mean that... that I...."
"Exactly. You were the perfect candidate. Too slutty to refuse my advances, too fond of women to let this become serious. Of course they weren't forcing me to fuck you - I could forget about your existence altogether. But I was forbidden to have anybody else. They were very clear about this. Disobedience would've led to rather radical interference in my physiology. Facing the choice between your company and complete celibacy, I preferred to become your most regular acquaintance." Schuldig smirks.
Yohji shakes his head in disbelief. "This is ridiculous! Choosing bed partners for their employees, it's the craziest thing I ever heard of."
"Well, to the best of my knowledge they never went that far with anybody but me. And it was actually a very smart plan. You were usually prepared to accommodate to my needs but there were quite a lot of other people whose needs you were accommodating as well.... You kept me entertained and busy, as most of my free time was dedicated to ensuring your availability. You should be flattered, really. I can't remember a single sex partner I paid as much attention to as I paid to you."
There is a knot forming in Yohji's stomach, cold and unpleasant. He suddenly wishes Schuldig has broken up with him without this talk. Maybe he is a whore, it doesn't mean he wants to be reminded of that.
When Schuldig leaves, which doesn't take him very long since neither has the mood for a romantic goodbye scene after the German's lovely confession, Yohji realizes that he cannot process this information without a couple of drinks. So he starts processing. He fails to wash away the memory of the talk but at least he manages to convince himself that there was no disappointment in Schuldig's eyes as he walked away. That there was no feeling of something important left unaccomplished as the visit ended. It takes more than a couple of drinks but the conclusion he arrives at is satisfying. He's relieved.
Yes, it is a relief to know that there is no attachment, no permanence after all. With the frequency of Schuldig's visits, he was beginning to wonder if they were becoming more than fuck buddies.... They weren't. Just a joke Schuldig's employers had played on both of them.
"You don't understand why I chose to tell you all this now? They are gone, the organization I worked for. Nobody to make decisions for me but myself. So I'm going to study the opportunities.... Don't worry, I won't hold any of this against you as you were clueless about the scheme."
And every time he had given his answer, he believed it to be the correct one. He never missed the German, the lithe body rubbing against his, the teasing grin, orange strands on his face in the morning, the sarcastic voice boldly finding way into his thoughts at most inappropriate moments. Yohji feels proud of himself for staying unattached after two years. Not a friend, not a lover. He didn't miss Schuldig before and isn't about to start now.
It's good to know he won't be missed either. It's good, really. He just needs another shot to make it sound more convincing.
Yohji wakes up to a hammering headache and a warm hand lightly stroking his face. The first is only to be expected, after consuming half of his alcohol stock. The second is a surprise. He didn't think he would be included in the list of opportunities.
"Did you miss me?"
"Yes."