A/N: For those many of you who were asking about if this is a Literati or a Trory, it IS a Trory. I know that it may not seem like it right now, but it'll get there. The first three chapters are mainly prologue stuff, because there's a lot that I need to get through before we can skip ahead to the Trory action. So just hold on please… And as always, tell me what you think. I'll take any kind of review, the good, the bad, I hope it doesn't get ugly, but if that's what you really feel it deserves, go right ahead…
-Ivy
Prologue: Reflections and Decisions
*2 Months After Jess and Rory's Engagement*
How could she break it to him? How could she tell her 18-year-old fiancé that she, Rory Gilmore, was pregnant? How could she tell him that they were going to have their first child in less than nine months?
As she sat on the bridge, gazing out upon the peaceful water, Rory pondered all these thoughts and more, her soul in turmoil. She had sworn to herself that she would never put herself into this position…but here she was, 18 and pregnant. Yes, stupidly enough, she and Jess had made love for the first time just a month ago – without the use of protection. And now…now they had to deal with the consequences.
Yet…as terrified as Rory was, she was also overjoyed. After all, this child would be the ultimate culmination of her and Jess's love and devotion for each other, and would signify the true beginning of their lives together. Rory had already taken care of the hardest part of it all…breaking the news to a very unhappy Lorelai. And although the prospect of Rory being pregnant did not exactly fill Lorelai with joy, she still swore that she would always be there for Rory, through thick and thin. In fact, Lorelai had already helped Rory figure out a plan as to how she could still go to Harvard, and had even offered to come with Rory for 'moral support' when she broke the news to Jess. However, Rory had insisted that this was something she had to do alone…the question was…how?
Rory's thoughts were broken as she heard footsteps coming onto the bridge from behind her. Knowing exactly who it was, Rory's thoughts were once again thrown into chaos. Soon Jess took a seat next to her, grinning broadly.
"You know," he started, "I don't think that pissing Taylor off will ever get old" he smirked, laying down on the bridge, leaving his legs to dangle over the edge.
Rory smiled half-heartedly, which went unnoticed by Jess, "What'd you do this time, Jess?"
"Nothing even remotely close to the kind of shit I used to pull…All I did was drop a gum wrapper on the sidewalk in front of Doose's, and - "
"Let me guess," Rory interrupted, knowing exactly where this story was going, "Taylor lost it."
"Of course." Jess smirked.
"That was the purpose, wasn't it?"
"Now come on, would I pull a mean old trick like that?" Jess smiled.
Rory grinned; feeling more relaxed than she had in the last 24 hours.
After that they lapsed into the companionable silence that they were so known for. However, today the silence was different, it was lacking something…
Not being dumb, Jess could sense that there was something wrong, something that Rory had yet to tell him. Concerned, he sat up and lovingly put his arms around her, pulling her close to him. Gradually, he leaned over and whispered into her ear, "Ror…Rory…baby… what's wrong?"
Rory slowly turned to him, her eyes wide, then turned away again, shaking her head. "I-I-I don't know what you're talking about Jess. I'm fine – everything's fine…" she lied.
Jess however, was not fooled. "Come on, Ror. Whatever it is, you can tell me."
Rory shook her head again, "I already told you everything was fine, Jess."
Jess was becoming a little exasperated. "Rory, that's bull and you know it…whatever it is, I'll be here…you can tell me anything…" he whispered.
Rory thought about it. 'There's no way out, Gilmore! If you don't tell him now he'll sure as hell find out in nine months!' " Jess I - " she hesitated.
"Yes, Ror…?" by this time, Jess was beginning to get more than a little worried.
"Jess, I-I'm-I'm pregnant," she finally choked out.
"You're – you're what?" Jess sputtered.
"I'm pregnant, Jess…we're pregnant."
To say Jess was shocked would have been an understatement. For the first time in his life he had no smart-ass comment prepared…instead he felt…numb… Unconsciously, he pulled away from Rory, not noticing what he was doing. However, Rory was not unconscious to Jess's actions.
"Jess?" she whispered, glancing at him, afraid to see the look in his eyes.
He shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts, and looked down at her, his eyes clouded and unreadable. "That's – that's great, Ror…" Leaning over, he gave her a quick, yet loving, kiss and then stood, putting his hands in his pockets and looking around uncomfortably. He motioned over his shoulder with his thumb, "I'm just gonna go take a walk okay? You know, take some time to think and shit…" With that, he turned and started to walk away.
Rory stood quickly, brushing off her pants. "Jess!" she called.
Jess stopped and half-turned to face her, but found he could not look into her eyes. "Yeah?"
Rory ran to where he was standing. "I'm sorry, Jess…so sorry…"
Jess closed the distance between them, cupping her face in his hands and kissing the top of her head, and then putting his arms around her. "No, Ror, don't be sorry. Don't ever be sorry. This wasn't your fault, okay? Remember that…" Reluctantly, he pulled away, giving her one last kiss, and once again began to walk away. However, after he had walked a few steps, he turned once more and whispered, "I'll always love you Rory Gilmore…" and then walked out of sight, leaving the woman he loved behind.
Rory watched him walk away; wanting to call out to him, but knowing that he needed time. Instead, she wondered what he had meant by his last words to her… 'I'll always love you Rory Gilmore'. It had sounded almost…it had sounded almost like a goodbye. Little did Rory know, this would indeed be the last time that she would see Jess Mariano for almost seven years.
*************
Jess walked through the town square of Stars Hollow lost in thought.
How could he have been so stupid? How could he have gotten Rory pregnant? Why hadn't he used protection? If this screwed up her dreams of going to Harvard…he would never forgive himself. Never. But yet…when Rory had first said that she was pregnant with HIS baby, his heart had practically jumped for joy. He was having a baby. With Rory Gilmore. The girl he loved more than life itself. Maybe…they could be…they could be the perfect family.
Jess shook his head in despair. What was he thinking? The perfect family, yeah right. Not possible as long as he was part of it. After all, he was practically the spitting image of his father. If he ended up being anything like his father, he'd probably end up leaving Rory and his child later on. Jess came to a standstill, fear flooding his every thought. If he up and left their family ten years down the road, Rory would never forgive him. She would hate him… That was one thing Jess could not handle. He could handle prostitutes, pimps, drug dealers, gang members whose favorite time was knocking somebody out with brass knuckles…but Rory hating him for the rest of her life? Never. Truthfully, he wanted to try to make it work with Rory, try to be the perfect family member…but what if he turned out like his father? No. He just couldn't take that chance. He had to save himself…and Rory…and their child. He had to leave, before this went any further. Before he hurt Rory even more.
**********
The next morning, a melancholy Lorelai and Rory trudged into the diner, looking as if it was an incredibly good possibility that they'd been run over…only to discover a very disgruntled Luke looking pretty much the same.
Luke looked up from a pad of paper as they sat down at the counter, "Have you two seen Jess this morning? I've looked everywhere and that little punk is nowhere to be found."
Lorelai and Rory exchanged glances, Rory's eyes filled with indescribable fear. Silently, she got up from her stool and ran out of the diner, past Ms. Patty who quickly got out her cell phone and began dialing.
"What was that about?" Luke questioned.
Lorelai just sat there, afraid for her daughter. When she finally spoke, her expression was one of someone who was far older than her actual 34 years, "Can Caesar run the diner for awhile? There are some things you should know…"
**********
Rory frantically ran into the street, looking every which way for some sign of Jess. But she saw nothing. "The bridge!" she cried out, panicked. Soon she found herself running faster than ever before, slowing only when she was within sight of the bridge. But to her dismay, Jess was nowhere to be seen. 'Where could he be?' she thought. As she walked closer, she could see a small object sitting in the spot where Jess would normally be. When she got closer, she saw that it was a copy of The Sun Also Rises by Ernest Hemmingway. Smiling, she looked around. Surely this meant Jess was somewhere nearby. But as time went by and Jess was still nowhere to be found, Rory's smile began to fade. Approaching the book, which still lay in its spot on the bridge, she saw a slip of paper sticking out from under the cover. Curious, Rory pulled out the paper and opened it, her eyes filling with anguish as she began to read:
Dear Rory,
By the time you've found this, you've probably been looking for me for a while. But since you're smart, you're also probably beginning to figure out what I've done. So before you hate me forever, I'd like to try to somewhat explain myself.
When I walked into this town, I got luckier than I've ever been. I met you. Not only did you have an indescribable beauty and innocence surrounding you, but you also intrigued me. And you know that that is quite a feat. Soon I found myself falling in love with you. Me. The guy who was known for his five-minute 'relationships' when he lived in New York. If you could even call them that… But you- you are one of a kind, Rory Gilmore. Never forget that. You made me feel things that I had never felt before, and probably will never feel again. You captured my heart and had me wrapped around your little finger.
For some reason, my luck continued, and soon I could call you 'mine'. You even promised to marry me someday, to be mine forever. Sort of a funny image, isn't it? The town princess and the town rebel… I'll never forget the look on Taylor's face…
But your news yesterday shocked me, Rory. I can't lie and tell you that it didn't. After all, we're 18, and things were perfect. You were finally going to go to Harvard – your dream… I couldn't bear the thought that I might have ruined your chances of fulfilling your dream.
As I said before, I can't lie to you. At first, when you told me about our future child, I was…so…excited. My head was filled with imaginary pictures of our 'perfect' family. But then…then I remembered something. I am my father's son, Rory. Incapable of being part of that perfect family. It's not in my genes. In the end, 10… maybe 20 years down the road… I would have done something stupid. And then, not only would I have broken your heart, but the heart of our child. So I've come to a conclusion. I have to leave, Rory. Before I hurt anybody else even more than I already have. It's for the best.
Don't try to look for me, Rory. It's better that way. And who knows? Maybe someday we'll meet again. But in the meantime, I want you to be happy. I want you to find someone who can give you what you deserve, and be part of that perfect family that you should have. Forget about me.
My last hope for you is that someday you'll learn to forgive me, and stop hating me, because I…I will always love you Rory.
-Jess
As Rory read and reread the fateful letter, her mind tried to decipher what was happening. Jess couldn't be leaving her…he loved her! They were engaged, they were having a baby… Everything was perfect. He couldn't be leaving her…he wouldn't do that!
Overwhelmed, Rory collapsed onto the bridge and curled up into a ball, tears streaming down her face. "He wouldn't…" she choked out.
***********
Two hours later, Tristan found Rory curled up on the bridge in a fetal position, looking as if she'd been lying that way for hours.
Silently, he sat down next to her, knowing that she was aware of his presence.
"Your mom's worried about you, you know. She called my cell phone, hoping you were with me. She said you ran out of the diner three hours ago…" Tristan's voice trailed off, hoping Rory would respond, but all he heard was a quiet sniffling.
Dejected, he continued. "Lorelai also said that the reason you ran out was because Luke had said that he couldn't find Jess anywhere this morning… Did Jess do something, Ror?
Still no response from Rory.
He sighed. What had happened to his beloved Rory?
"What's wrong, Mary?" he finally asked, hoping against all hopes that Rory would just say something…Scream at him for calling her Mary; throw a witty come-back in his face; tell him what she had eaten for breakfast…anything.
Gently, he shook Rory's shoulder. "Come on, Ror. Say something. DO something… Because right now, I gotta tell you, you're scaring the hell out of me."
Slowly, Rory uncurled herself from her position, and sat up, looking as if the move had put her in pain. Relieved that she was finally doing something, Tristan turned so that he was sitting facing her. Instantly, he was shocked by her tear-streaked cheeks and blood-shot eyes.
"Ror?" Tristan questioned, worried.
Sniffling, Rory wiped the remaining tears from her cheeks and turned to briefly look at Tristan.
Would he leave her, too? Finally, she managed to choke out, "I'm pregnant, Tris." Glancing at him, it was obvious that he was shocked. He made a motion as if he was going to hug her against him, but she waved him off. "No, Tris, I'm not done…I told Jess about it yesterday." She hesitated, obviously in pain. "And then – then he said he had to go for a walk to think about some things." Mirthlessly, she laughed, her laughter hollow and cold. "And that was understandable, considering what I had just told him, wasn't it? I mean, he was going to be a father at 18. And now - " Rory stopped, sobs wracking her body, tears flowing down her cheeks.
"Rory?"
"He's – Tristan he's – he's gone!!" Rory finally spit out, the words bitter in her mouth.
Wordlessly, Tristan took her in his arms, cradling her small body against his, and stroked her hair, an inexpressible hatred for Jess flowing through him. But now was not the time for that. Rory needed him, that much he knew. And from then on, he swore he would always be there for her…and her child.
"Don't worry, Ror. I'll be here…Forever."