Context: In my story, Judith died at the same time Lori did. (#noShame #notSadEnoughAlready) :p

Inspiration: The beginning of this story was inspired by "Just one yesterday" from NeganSavior (available on AO3). It is the perfect beginning for what I have in mind for the next chapters.

Note : This is my first fic written in English as this is not my native language. Don't hesitate to tell me if something seems off, I'm always happy to learn!

Special Thanks : To YlvaX (AO3 writer), that motivated me to actually take the step and write in English. Your fics are amazing 3

Now I wish you all a good reading :)

Chapter 1: Touch the Bottom

Rick rushed out of the cabin, like the devil were at his tail. He couldn't believe what was about to happen. If felt so unreal that he wished for only one thing, waking up of from this nightmare. As he made one step forward away from the shed, the tension in his body made him tripped and he fell, his knees harshly hitting the ground. But he couldn't feel the physical pain. His brain was flushed with terror and sorrow. He wanted to shout, to cry so loudly that he wouldn't even be able to speak after that, but he used all his willpower to stay as quiet as possible. One trembling hand over his mouth to muffle his despair, he could only feel the heavy tears flooding his face.

And that's when his heart stopped. A loud bang had resonated behind him, making his whole body freeze instantly. He knew exactly what that meant. And the realization made him gasp. His son was dead. He had just taken his own life after having been bitten by a damn walker, convincing him that it would be better. That he didn't want for his dad to be the eye witness of his death. That he didn't want him to keep playing the scene over and over in his head. But in the end, he was sure that the sound of the pulled trigger alone would be enough to haunt his nights for the rest of his life. Ten seconds before, he didn't want to miss the detonation for anything in the world. It was the last proof that his boy's ever lived. Now faded into the deep forest but still vibrating in his ears, his brain, his soul.

And it's the time his stomach chose to manifest. His guts turning and twitching, it made him nauseous to the point where it was choking him. He just had the time to pull himself up towards a bush and to throw up behind it, his throat burning as bile rushed out of his mouth. As the spasms lessened, he was able to contemplate his state. No surprise there but he was feeling like a mess: his body weak as hell and his mind beaten to the ground. Pushing on his feet, he sat against the tree just behind him, his back straight against the trunk, his head resting on the uneven and tough bark and his legs stretched out. As he was feeling the aftermath of his outburst, he could only clench his fists and loosen them, scratching the soil under as an attempt to focus his mind on something else, to distract himself from this tragedy. Losing Lori and Judith had already been hard to deal with at the time. And now Carl… This was the straw that broke the camel's back. Now he simply didn't have anyone left, he realized in horror. He had failed his entire family. Closing his eyes shut, he squeezed his eyelids, trying to fight the new wave of emotions from overflowing.

Then all hell broke loose.

- "Wow. Look who we have here!"

He didn't even have time to reopen his eyes that some tight fists were gripping his collar, lifting his body all the way to standing, his feet struggling to keep grounded as his heels were a few centimeters above the ground. He didn't need to see though, as it was impossible not to recognize this voice. Negan. So when he finally met his gaze, there was no surprise on his face. Of all the times the man could have appeared, it was simply the worst. But his once upon a time strength was gone, replaced by a sentiment of despondency. That's why he unclenched his fingers that he had instinctively put on top of Negan's. That's why he released his arms that felt against his hips. That's why he simply let go. He was now a puppet in the hand of a puppeteer. After all, if it was meant to be…

In his blue eyes, he could only see an infinite sadness. Neither sign of fear nor anger. But at that moment, he couldn't care less. He had finally got a hold on his nemesis, and he was not gonna linger over his mental well-being. Though he had really expected him to put up a fight. To stand up. He knew Rick was more than the shit-in-his-pants guy that he met that dreadful night. Since, he had seen the sparkle of indignation many times in his eyes. And even if he didn't like to be openly challenged, even just by a dark look, he was thrilled to feel the helplessness that went with it. And he was more than happy to put him in its place every single time.

-"What's the matter, Rick? I thought you had more spirit."

He couldn't help himself. He wanted… No. He needed to get a reaction from him. Anything. Wasn't that the man who repeated not so long ago that he was gonna kill him? Well, that day and the day after has passed for some time now and he was still alive and kicking the last time he checked.

But nothing was working. And for the first time since the beginning of this shitty post-apocalypse era, he felt disconcerted. He sure hadn't expected to run into Rick today as he was there completely by accident. But he also didn't expect for Rick to behave like this apathetic motherfucker he had in front of him. He had tried to push him around, threatening him and his family, taunting him with some well-chosen barbs. But nothing was making the cut.

- "Boss, we are ready to leave."

Negan jumped as Simon appeared in his back. After making pretty much all the ambient noise by himself, he didn't expect his lieutenant to startle him just by speaking normally. Even by doing absolutely nothing, Rick had still succeeded in making him nervous without him even noticing it. That realization pissed him off instantly. He just hoped Simon had missed his embarrassing reaction. Trying to regain composure, he tightened his grip on Rick's collar and turned toward Simon.

-" We'll have a guest. Take him to the truck. We're going home."

And with that, he just brutally threw the man in Simon's direction who caught him at the last moment, not expecting the sudden move. But he knew better than to make a comment and just took a hold on Rick the best he could and went on his way.

Left alone in the clearing, Negan tried to cool off. What the hell was that guy's issue anyway? In the past, he had always been able to push the right buttons to test his limits. Seeing him smolder always had its effect. Damn, he always had a blast, just looking at Rick fuming in utter silence. But today? Just now? The almighty leader of Alexandria felt like a rag doll between his hands. A heavier version of one but one nevertheless. And the worst of it all was that he was feeling angry and he couldn't even pin-point why. Was it disappointment? Resentment? The heck. Was he really blaming Rick for having just given up after all the pain he'd caused the man? All those thoughts were spinning in his head, making him dizzy. Why he even cared was a complete mystery to him. And he didn't have the right state of mind right now to dig into the subject. Taking a deep breath, he tried to clear his head. He was going to have the long and the short of this all. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow. But it was only a matter of time. Reinvigorated, he followed Simon's footsteps back to the truck.

Comments and/or reactions are always appreciated! Thanks for reading!