So not only does muchtvs not have my back, but she's telling Josh to sue me first? I don't know what illegal substances she's been smoking but unless she's talking monopoly money, then I'm broke. My favourite son's shrink bills are $145 per week, $30 of which is covered by Mr. Romie's work insurance. The little beggar is also playing ice hockey and needs goalie equipment because in Canada, if your kid doesn't play hockey then you are the world's worst parent and your kid is subject to endless ridicule. An example of the expense for a 13 year old goalie? How about a $70 jock. Yes, a $70 jock, because that's one piece of equipment you don't want to buy used. So my dear, sweet Josh, sue muchtv's ass. American money is worth so much more than our poor battered loonie. By the way much, sweetie, I also bring a blender when I camp because you just can't make a decent iced cappuccino without one...

She's right though Josh, I am medicated. It's Friday night, it's my anniversary, Mr. Romie is working the midnight shift, I'm eating cold Indonesian rice with chicken and double salted licorice. Do you really want to sue me? I'll share the licorice with you.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Chapter Fifteen

Sandy stood up, finally taking his eyes off the dog.

"I'm Sandy Cohen... I've been looking for... Ryan, uh, Marty... He's my, uh... I'm his..."

"I'm Amanda Murray. If you've been looking for Marty, what are you still doing in here?"

Sandy felt his anger rise.

"Look Ms Murray... Hell doesn't even come close to describing the last four weeks. I don't need you to tell me..."

"Yes you do..." Mandy stepped into the apartment. "If you've been looking for him all this time, I'll ask you again. Why are you still in here?

Sandy was beyond exhausted. His reasoning skills were pretty much shot and the last thing he needed was an argument with a woman whose hair was the colour of an eggplant and a dog wearing an undershirt. Where the fuck were they hiding the hidden camera? This was just too surreal.

"He walked out on me..."

Mandy turned on the light and stepped closer. Her hair really was purple...

"So now you're throwing a temper tantrum? This isn't about you. Put your ego back in your pants. You can have your pissing match later..."

She was right. It wasn't about him. He knew that. Sandy reached for his jacket.

"Down the driveway and turn left... He always seems to turn left."

Sandy nodded and rushed past her to his car, the rain pelting him. It only took a few minutes to catch up to Ryan. Sandy honked. Ryan ignored him, walking faster. He swore and put the car in park. He hated the rain.

Albert Hammond was right. It never rained in California. It poured. Man, it poured.

He caught up to Ryan, grabbing him by the arm, and stopping him. Ryan wrenched his arm away from Sandy.

"What do you want from me...?"

Sandy lost his resolve.

"I want... I want you to listen to me... I want to make this right... I want to get out of the fucking rain..."

Ryan took a step back.

"You can't always get what you want... Let's just end it here, okay? Your little social experiment failed..."

"It was me. I failed. I failed as your lawyer, I failed as your guardian, I failed as your father..."

Ryan turned and started walking away again.

"Ryan!"

"Ryan!"

Ryan stopped and looked at Sandy, grateful that the rain and his tears were indistinguishable.

"You don't get to walk away from us again..."

Sandy felt his cell phone vibrate. He would have ignored it but he knew who was calling. He pulled the phone from his pocket, opened it and held it out to Ryan.

"Talk to Kirsten... You owe her that much..."

Ryan crossed his arms over his chest. Tightly. Feeling as though if he didn't, his legs would give out on him.

"So all this talk about family and fatherhood is just a load of shit, because now you're telling me I "owe" you? This is just fucking unreal..."

Sandy took a few steps forward.

"You owe us nothing... Just talk to Kirsten, let her know you're alright... Can you do that for her...? She's been worried sick..." Sandy lowered his voice. "We all have..."

Ryan hesitated before he took the phone.

"Hey..."

"I'm okay... Really..."

No... It's not going to work out..."

"Kirsten... Stop... I'm sorry..."

"I didn't think you'd worry..."

Sandy couldn't hear what Kirsten was saying to Ryan, but whatever it was, was breaking down the boys defenses.

"Yeah, okay... Yeah..."

"I'll talk to him..."

Ryan looked up at Sandy.

"Kirsten, I promise... I'll listen... Yeah... Tell Seth he can call me if he wants.... It's up to him... Yeah, I still have it... I'll answer the phone...

"Okay... Thanks..." Ryan whispered before he handed the phone back to Sandy.

He moved away as Sandy spoke to Kirsten. He knew Sandy would freak if he went too far, so he sat down on the curb waiting for him to finish. He began shivering. Ryan leaned forward and wrapped his arms around his knees. He didn't even have shoes on. He closed his eyes.

"Ryan..."

He looked up and saw Sandy with his hand extended. He held out his good hand and allowed Sandy to pull him up. He said nothing to his lawyer on the two block ride to his apartment. His only thought was what their soaked clothes was doing to the leather interior of the car. This time Sandy pulled into the Murray's driveway. Ryan exited the car and ran up the stairs to the apartment. Sandy was right behind him.

"Get in the shower and change into some dry clothes. I'll take a look at your hand when you're done..."

"I don't need you to look after me..." Ryan snapped.

Sandy remembered Amanda's words regarding a pissing match. He just wasn't up to the challenge.

"Fine... I'm sorry... Kirsten will have my ass in a sling if you end up with pneumonia. I'm just trying to save myself from some heavy duty wrath..."

"I'll look for something you can change into..."

Sandy shook his head.

"Don't worry. I've got some stuff in the trunk..."

Noting Ryan's look he explained. "Try sharing a hotel room with Seth and Summer. It was just easier to keep most of my things in the car."

Ryan gave him the smallest hint of a smile and locked the washroom door behind him. As soon as Sandy heard the water running he went out to the car and grabbed his suitcase.

He really hated the rain.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Seth was starting to bounce off the walls, unable to sit still. His non-stop monologue was driving Kirsten and Summer crazy. They both knew it was his way of coping and Kirsten would rather have a pingy Seth over a withdrawn, sullen Seth any day. She already had one brooding son.

Kirsten knew that finding Ryan was only half the battle. The real struggle would be to convince him to come home with them. She was overjoyed when she heard his voice, telling her he was okay. She wouldn't fully believe it until she saw him and wrapped her arms around him. She didn't care how uncomfortable it made him. She was going to hug him and then yell... Maybe not yell... Okay, just a little...

She thought back to when Ryan told her that he didn't think she'd worry about him.

What was he thinking? That they would open up their hearts and their home to him and then at the first bit of discord, kick him to the curb? She thought they had made it clear to him after the Oliver incident. He was a part of their family and than meant in the not so pleasant times as well as the good times.

She realized that's exactly what he'd been thinking. Despite the love she felt for him, he was constantly afraid they would throw him out.

Just as his mother had done.

Instead, he left.

Just as his mother had done.

It was all he knew.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Sandy rolled his wet clothes in a ball and put them into an empty grocery bag. He rummaged through the kitchenette cupboards looking for something to warm them up. Cup a Soup and instant coffee.

It would do.

Ryan emerged from the washroom, still soggy, but wearing dry clothes. He opened the T-3's, shook 2 pills out, swallowed them and chased them with the glass of water Sandy handed him. He had re-wrapped his hand after his shower. The edges of the cut looked a little red and swollen. Ryan squeezed some Poly-sporin onto a clean gauze pad, pressing it down before winding the white bandage around it.

He didn't need Sandy to look at it.

He was a big boy.

He had the boxers to prove it.

Ryan sat down on the edge of the bed. Sandy passed him a mug of yellow liquid.

"My mother would kill me if she saw me serving you chicken sweat..."

"Your mother doesn't have to find out..."

He bit down on a still dehydrated piece of chicken... At least he hoped it was chicken. He didn't want any conversation right now. Especially with Sandy. He wanted to be alone with his mug of crunchy poultry perspiration and figure things out on his own. But he promised Kirsten he'd listen to what Sandy had to say.

Sandy sat down in a chair across from Ryan. He had a mug filled with instant coffee. He then realized what Ryan had accomplished. He had a job, an apartment and food in the fridge. He did it on his own. Sure he had some help along the way, but he had done it. He "had" taken care of himself.

He drew a deep breath.

"Ryan... I know I screwed up... I broke every promise I made or implied. I..."

"Forget it Sandy... It's over... Talking isn't going to change what happened. We all know it wasn't going to work, so now you're off the hook..."

Sandy stood up and put his coffee down. How could he make this kid understand?

"Families take work... It doesn't just happen. Hell... that's why there are a lot of wealthy shrinks out there. We're human and we're hard wired to screw up, but we also have the capacity to care, to love and to protect.

"And look how well it's turned out? Doesn't matter... I'm better off on my own..."

Sandy knew he had to be careful.

"You've made a new life for yourself and maybe you don't need us, but we need you... We want you..."

Ryan stood up as well, cramming his hands into his pockets.

"Why do you care? He asked softly. "I'm just the kid you brought home, the one whose own mother didn't even want..."

Sandy shook his head.

"I don't know why. All I know is, I do... Kirsten does... Seth does..."

Sandy let a moment of silence pass.

"Do you have any idea what it was like? Getting a phone call at three in the morning, telling me there's a kid matching your description in the morgue? Praying it wasn't you... Making promises to God that I don't know if I'll ever be able to keep so it wouldn't be you...? Relieved that it wasn't and then feeling like a real shit-head because I was grateful that it was someone else's kid and not you lying there?

Sandy closed his eyes at the memory that was forever seared in his brain.

Ryan started to pace.

"I didn't mean to put you through that... This whole living in Newport thing... It should have been easy... but it's not. A year later, I'm still the kid from Chino who burned down your wife's house. I want to move on from my past, but I can't. Here... I'm Marty Nevis. Nobody knows me and I like it. People don't look at me like I'm going to steal their car. They don't hang onto their purses like I'm going to grab them. It's like... I can breathe... I don't have to fight to prove I deserve to be here..."

Ryan pulled his hands out of his pockets. Despite the pain pills, his hand still throbbed and it started to feel like it was burning.

"Okay..." Sandy replied quietly.

"Okay what?" Ryan was unsure. "You'd let me stay...?"

"If letting you stay means I could still be a part of your life, that Kirsten and Seth could be as well, then yes, I'll let you stay... I'll do anything to keep you in my family... Even let you go..."