Harry found himself standing in a cozy kitchen/living room. It
appeared to be a kitchen for the most part, but with a sofa sagging against
the wall beside a rather small table. The archway that led out of the
kitchen/living room was suddenly occupied by a man with shabby robes and
prematurely gray hair.
"Harry, I've been expecting you."
"Funny how many times I've heard that this morning."
"Sit on the sofa there so the others have room to come in."
Harry squeezed himself in, between the table and the sofa.
Almost immediately, Ginny, closely followed by Luna, came in and sat on either side of him.
"Where's Dumbledore?" asked Harry.
"He's not coming."
"I know we need to talk, Harry," said Lupin, bringing a teapot and four mugs. "Do you want the two of them here or would you rather talk alone?"
Harry looked at Ginny on his left, and Luna on his right. If it would have been Ron and Hermione he would have been all for having them stay. But Ginny and Luna? He wasn't so sure. Wait, yes he was. He knew what to say. "They stay."
"Alright. You want to know about your Aunt's past."
"Yes. But first, about the letters. Some of those code names aren't safe if the letter fell into Pettigrew's hands. We'll have to think of new names. Please continue."
"You're right. It may shock you to hear but your aunt and your mother used to get along, as much as most sisters get along at any rate. Your aunt was a year younger than your mum. Getting the letter from Hogwarts turned the world upside down for the entire family. It took some getting used to, but your grandparents decided it was a good thing they had a witch in the family. Petunia even looked forward to receiving a letter herself from Hogwarts. She studied Lilly's notes over the holidays, hoping and hoping to find out she was a witch too. You see, when she went to Hogwarts, Lilly found that she wasn't exactly a Muggle-born. Both of your grandparents were Muggles but your grandmother on your mother's side had a great-great-great- aunt who was an Epheet."
"What's an Epheet?"
"An Epheet gives up his or her magic of their own free-will. Making themselves a Muggle. In this case, your mother's great-great-great-aunt was a Muggle-born witch who decided to give up her powers."
"That can be done?"
"Yes. It's very difficult but if someone truly doesn't want his or her powers, it can be done. It takes six wizards and six witches working together and the person who is having his or her powers removed must truly and without a doubt wish them gone. An Epheet powers don't completely vanish however. The Epheet cannot use them, and neither can his or her children. But somewhere down the line, a descendent does inherit them. Your mother."
"Why did my mum's great-great-great-aunt give up her powers?"
"It's uncertain but there's evidence to believe that she was a Seer, a true Seer. Perhaps she saw something that disturbed her so greatly that she wanted to be forever done with magic and all else. She refused to tell anyone what she saw. In her sixth year she wrote a letter her Headmaster saying that she no longer wished to attend Hogwarts or having anything to do with magic or the magical community. She also said she wished to be without her powers. After much deliberation, a circle of wizards and witches was arranged and her powers removed. Albus Dumbledore had just started as the Hogwarts Transfiguration professor during her 6th year."
"Does that mean my mum was a Seer?"
"She might have been, but if she was it's a secret she took to her grave. Sometimes the Sight is there but does not develop until later on in life."
"What about my aunt?"
"I told you that Petunia studied Lilly's notes over the holidays. She saw what Lilly could do and desperately wanted to be a part of it. She was so disappointed when August just before Lilly's second year of Hogwarts and no letter came for her. She held out hope a little while, I believe, but eventually she began to tell herself that she didn't want to go to Hogwarts after all. Everyone who was there was a freak. It wasn't natural to be able to do those sorts of things. And so on. Eventually she began to believe it. Up through Lilly's third or fourth year Petunia still held out a glimmer of hope. Still, Lilly caught Petunia looking through her notes from Hogwarts and reading her textbooks at times even. Lilly pretended not to notice. The final straw for Petunia came when she found a picture of James. Her jealousy flared even worse then and she wouldn't even look through the notes. Apparently it was too much to bear for her that not only could Lilly do things she couldn't but she had a boyfriend first too; although Lilly still thought James an obnoxious prat at that time. She became obsessed with making everything normal. The summer after sixth year James appeared at your grandparents' home. Sirius and I waited in the car, thinking about what an idiot James was. We both knew your mum couldn't stand him. We saw Petunia open the door. She didn't realize James was the boy from the photograph the summer before. Or she didn't care. He was flirting with her. Sirius and I could tell that from the curb twenty feet away. We could tell he turned on the charm. She seemed like she was just going to let him in the door when Lilly came and stood with them. She looked furious. Later we made James tell us what she said. He said that she was shocked he had come. He told us that it shocked her because she never thought she'd have the honor of seeing him outside of school or being asked to go to Diagon Alley. But we knew the truth. She was furious at him for showing up when in her last letter she completely blew him off, and then when he came he started flirting with her little sister. Petunia was shocked. She was thinking along the lines of, 'This handsome, charming guy who flirted with me was a freak!' All the girls thought James was handsome."
"Except my mum? She didn't even like him 'til seventh year."
"She may not have liked his personality but Sirius slipped a truth potion into her drink one day. It wasn't a strong potion but she was later heard to admit that she found James Potter to be quite the hottie. Her words exactly. You know the saying 'If you can't beat them, join them'? She couldn't become a witch, so she couldn't join them. So she decided to beat them by being as unlike them as possible."
"So that's why she tries so hard to be normal?"
"Yes."
"But then why does she remember stuff? Like the Dementors."
"Because as much as she hates to admit it, it still fascinates her and she still wishes she was a part of it all."
"How do you know all this?"
"I was friends with Lilly and James for a long time, Harry. I was friends with Lilly before she was willing to tolerate James. In fact, Sirius used to tease James and I, saying that if James didn't watch out, I was going to get Lilly. But Lilly was just my friend and I knew how much James cared about her."
"So my aunt doesn't really hate magic?"
"Oh, she loathes it. She detests it. It's the reason she stopped being friends with her own sister. But she still wonders about it. It's been painful for her this year having so many protection spells on her house. Magic all around and she can't use any of it."
"Oh."
"And you, you were a constant reminder of what she was missing. You are a constant reminder. Not only did she miss out on magic, but also when she let that separate her from Lilly she missed out on knowing her sister anymore."
"How did Uncle Vernon find out about magic? My aunt had no reason to tell him."
"Well, she loves him and didn't want any secrets or lies from him. She kept in occasional contact with Lilly until she married James, two years after Hogwarts. Then she knew Lilly had decided that she was a witch through and through, not a Muggle. Petunia may have taken this to mean that Lilly thought that Muggles and the Muggle-world weren't good enough for her, but that's when the final schism between them happened. Petunia came to the wedding. Sirius saw her standing in the back of the room. But she left before Lilly could see her or anyone could say anything to her. That's really all there is to say. I have journals written by Lilly and James. When Lilly and James went into hiding the journals were giving to Sirius to hold for you. When Sirius was arrested, the journals went to Dumbledore. He returned them to Sirius last year but . . .after Sirius died they passed into my keeping."
"Can see them?" Harry found his voice somewhat choked.
"No, Harry. Your mother was handy at Charms. Flitwick's favorite student. She charmed the journals. If your hand opens them before your 18th birthday, they'll burst into flames. I remember once when Sirius and James switched her ink with disappearing ink before a History of Magic test, just so that Lilly would have to ask James for ink. After class she hexed the three of us. She turned our ears green and had PRAT written on our foreheads with some type of ink that wouldn't come off for a week."
Harry looked up and saw that Remus's face was stained with tears. Harry had forgotten how hard it must before him to say all of this. He'd known them all longer and better than Harry had. Harry wasn't aware that he himself was crying until Luna reached up and wiped his eyes with her sleeve. "I-I-I-I think it's time I was getting back to school."
"If you wish to return to Hagrid's hut, the Floo address is 'Hogwarts Gamekeeper's hut'." Remus embraced Harry as he came to the other side of the table. Harry hugged him right back, he needed it today.
Harry whispered, "Thank you."
"I wish there was more I could do than tell you stories," replied Remus.
Ginny disappeared into the fire. Harry didn't want to let go. He'd lost his parents, he'd lost Sirius, Dumbledore and Lupin were really all he had left. What if he lost them too? He had Ron and Hermione. And Mrs. Weasley would always treat him as one of her own. But he still lacked a father. He let go and went through the fire. Luna followed directly after. Hagrid was waiting for them.
Hagrid sensed Harry was having a hard time and gripped him in a bone crushing hug. "Yeh haven't come ter visit me much this year, 'Arry."
"I've been-"
"Busy. I know. Everyday it's somethin'. Quiditch, homework, or all those extra lessons. Just miss yeh, is all. I'm here when yeh need ter talk. Don't forget that."
"I won't forget. I promise." Harry made a mental note to come back and visit as soon as he could. But right now he had to go talk to Ron and Hermione. Ginny and Luna escorted him silently back to the castle and back to Gryffindor Tower, Luna didn't leave them until they reached the portrait of the Fat Lady in the pink dress. Ginny stayed with Harry until they found Ron and Hermione. Then she left him alone to talk with them. It was hard, but Harry told them as much as he could. By the end he was sitting between his two friends, crying silently again. Ron wasn't the most soothing of people in general and helped the only way he knew how, by shooing away anyone who came near Harry; but Hermione stroked Harry's hair as he lay his head down on her and said to him "there-there, it'll be alright" in a calm, reassuring, motherly voice. Harry let the tears slide down his face, finding comfort in them just as he felt child-like comfort sitting there with Hermione. Eventually Harry stopped crying and the three of them went down to dinner, very quiet all the while.
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Author's Note: This was seriously the hardest chapter to write of any story I've ever written. That's said, I'd really appreciate reviews to tell me what you think. Was it at least semi-believable? I kind of wrestled a little bit trying to decide on Lilly and Petunia's pasts.
I've kind of been ignoring Harry's classes for several chapters but I'll go back to those in the next chapter.
The story might not be so mushy anymore. Today was my anniversary (1 year!) so I'm kind of off that romance kick I was on before but I'll still keep some in.
Preview!
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Now he looked at the note, blinked in surprise, and came over and put it in Harry's hand. He gave Harry's shoulder a slight squeeze, as though encouraging him, before returning to the lesson on heating charms.
"Open the note, Harry!" Ron whispered urgently.
"Harry, I've been expecting you."
"Funny how many times I've heard that this morning."
"Sit on the sofa there so the others have room to come in."
Harry squeezed himself in, between the table and the sofa.
Almost immediately, Ginny, closely followed by Luna, came in and sat on either side of him.
"Where's Dumbledore?" asked Harry.
"He's not coming."
"I know we need to talk, Harry," said Lupin, bringing a teapot and four mugs. "Do you want the two of them here or would you rather talk alone?"
Harry looked at Ginny on his left, and Luna on his right. If it would have been Ron and Hermione he would have been all for having them stay. But Ginny and Luna? He wasn't so sure. Wait, yes he was. He knew what to say. "They stay."
"Alright. You want to know about your Aunt's past."
"Yes. But first, about the letters. Some of those code names aren't safe if the letter fell into Pettigrew's hands. We'll have to think of new names. Please continue."
"You're right. It may shock you to hear but your aunt and your mother used to get along, as much as most sisters get along at any rate. Your aunt was a year younger than your mum. Getting the letter from Hogwarts turned the world upside down for the entire family. It took some getting used to, but your grandparents decided it was a good thing they had a witch in the family. Petunia even looked forward to receiving a letter herself from Hogwarts. She studied Lilly's notes over the holidays, hoping and hoping to find out she was a witch too. You see, when she went to Hogwarts, Lilly found that she wasn't exactly a Muggle-born. Both of your grandparents were Muggles but your grandmother on your mother's side had a great-great-great- aunt who was an Epheet."
"What's an Epheet?"
"An Epheet gives up his or her magic of their own free-will. Making themselves a Muggle. In this case, your mother's great-great-great-aunt was a Muggle-born witch who decided to give up her powers."
"That can be done?"
"Yes. It's very difficult but if someone truly doesn't want his or her powers, it can be done. It takes six wizards and six witches working together and the person who is having his or her powers removed must truly and without a doubt wish them gone. An Epheet powers don't completely vanish however. The Epheet cannot use them, and neither can his or her children. But somewhere down the line, a descendent does inherit them. Your mother."
"Why did my mum's great-great-great-aunt give up her powers?"
"It's uncertain but there's evidence to believe that she was a Seer, a true Seer. Perhaps she saw something that disturbed her so greatly that she wanted to be forever done with magic and all else. She refused to tell anyone what she saw. In her sixth year she wrote a letter her Headmaster saying that she no longer wished to attend Hogwarts or having anything to do with magic or the magical community. She also said she wished to be without her powers. After much deliberation, a circle of wizards and witches was arranged and her powers removed. Albus Dumbledore had just started as the Hogwarts Transfiguration professor during her 6th year."
"Does that mean my mum was a Seer?"
"She might have been, but if she was it's a secret she took to her grave. Sometimes the Sight is there but does not develop until later on in life."
"What about my aunt?"
"I told you that Petunia studied Lilly's notes over the holidays. She saw what Lilly could do and desperately wanted to be a part of it. She was so disappointed when August just before Lilly's second year of Hogwarts and no letter came for her. She held out hope a little while, I believe, but eventually she began to tell herself that she didn't want to go to Hogwarts after all. Everyone who was there was a freak. It wasn't natural to be able to do those sorts of things. And so on. Eventually she began to believe it. Up through Lilly's third or fourth year Petunia still held out a glimmer of hope. Still, Lilly caught Petunia looking through her notes from Hogwarts and reading her textbooks at times even. Lilly pretended not to notice. The final straw for Petunia came when she found a picture of James. Her jealousy flared even worse then and she wouldn't even look through the notes. Apparently it was too much to bear for her that not only could Lilly do things she couldn't but she had a boyfriend first too; although Lilly still thought James an obnoxious prat at that time. She became obsessed with making everything normal. The summer after sixth year James appeared at your grandparents' home. Sirius and I waited in the car, thinking about what an idiot James was. We both knew your mum couldn't stand him. We saw Petunia open the door. She didn't realize James was the boy from the photograph the summer before. Or she didn't care. He was flirting with her. Sirius and I could tell that from the curb twenty feet away. We could tell he turned on the charm. She seemed like she was just going to let him in the door when Lilly came and stood with them. She looked furious. Later we made James tell us what she said. He said that she was shocked he had come. He told us that it shocked her because she never thought she'd have the honor of seeing him outside of school or being asked to go to Diagon Alley. But we knew the truth. She was furious at him for showing up when in her last letter she completely blew him off, and then when he came he started flirting with her little sister. Petunia was shocked. She was thinking along the lines of, 'This handsome, charming guy who flirted with me was a freak!' All the girls thought James was handsome."
"Except my mum? She didn't even like him 'til seventh year."
"She may not have liked his personality but Sirius slipped a truth potion into her drink one day. It wasn't a strong potion but she was later heard to admit that she found James Potter to be quite the hottie. Her words exactly. You know the saying 'If you can't beat them, join them'? She couldn't become a witch, so she couldn't join them. So she decided to beat them by being as unlike them as possible."
"So that's why she tries so hard to be normal?"
"Yes."
"But then why does she remember stuff? Like the Dementors."
"Because as much as she hates to admit it, it still fascinates her and she still wishes she was a part of it all."
"How do you know all this?"
"I was friends with Lilly and James for a long time, Harry. I was friends with Lilly before she was willing to tolerate James. In fact, Sirius used to tease James and I, saying that if James didn't watch out, I was going to get Lilly. But Lilly was just my friend and I knew how much James cared about her."
"So my aunt doesn't really hate magic?"
"Oh, she loathes it. She detests it. It's the reason she stopped being friends with her own sister. But she still wonders about it. It's been painful for her this year having so many protection spells on her house. Magic all around and she can't use any of it."
"Oh."
"And you, you were a constant reminder of what she was missing. You are a constant reminder. Not only did she miss out on magic, but also when she let that separate her from Lilly she missed out on knowing her sister anymore."
"How did Uncle Vernon find out about magic? My aunt had no reason to tell him."
"Well, she loves him and didn't want any secrets or lies from him. She kept in occasional contact with Lilly until she married James, two years after Hogwarts. Then she knew Lilly had decided that she was a witch through and through, not a Muggle. Petunia may have taken this to mean that Lilly thought that Muggles and the Muggle-world weren't good enough for her, but that's when the final schism between them happened. Petunia came to the wedding. Sirius saw her standing in the back of the room. But she left before Lilly could see her or anyone could say anything to her. That's really all there is to say. I have journals written by Lilly and James. When Lilly and James went into hiding the journals were giving to Sirius to hold for you. When Sirius was arrested, the journals went to Dumbledore. He returned them to Sirius last year but . . .after Sirius died they passed into my keeping."
"Can see them?" Harry found his voice somewhat choked.
"No, Harry. Your mother was handy at Charms. Flitwick's favorite student. She charmed the journals. If your hand opens them before your 18th birthday, they'll burst into flames. I remember once when Sirius and James switched her ink with disappearing ink before a History of Magic test, just so that Lilly would have to ask James for ink. After class she hexed the three of us. She turned our ears green and had PRAT written on our foreheads with some type of ink that wouldn't come off for a week."
Harry looked up and saw that Remus's face was stained with tears. Harry had forgotten how hard it must before him to say all of this. He'd known them all longer and better than Harry had. Harry wasn't aware that he himself was crying until Luna reached up and wiped his eyes with her sleeve. "I-I-I-I think it's time I was getting back to school."
"If you wish to return to Hagrid's hut, the Floo address is 'Hogwarts Gamekeeper's hut'." Remus embraced Harry as he came to the other side of the table. Harry hugged him right back, he needed it today.
Harry whispered, "Thank you."
"I wish there was more I could do than tell you stories," replied Remus.
Ginny disappeared into the fire. Harry didn't want to let go. He'd lost his parents, he'd lost Sirius, Dumbledore and Lupin were really all he had left. What if he lost them too? He had Ron and Hermione. And Mrs. Weasley would always treat him as one of her own. But he still lacked a father. He let go and went through the fire. Luna followed directly after. Hagrid was waiting for them.
Hagrid sensed Harry was having a hard time and gripped him in a bone crushing hug. "Yeh haven't come ter visit me much this year, 'Arry."
"I've been-"
"Busy. I know. Everyday it's somethin'. Quiditch, homework, or all those extra lessons. Just miss yeh, is all. I'm here when yeh need ter talk. Don't forget that."
"I won't forget. I promise." Harry made a mental note to come back and visit as soon as he could. But right now he had to go talk to Ron and Hermione. Ginny and Luna escorted him silently back to the castle and back to Gryffindor Tower, Luna didn't leave them until they reached the portrait of the Fat Lady in the pink dress. Ginny stayed with Harry until they found Ron and Hermione. Then she left him alone to talk with them. It was hard, but Harry told them as much as he could. By the end he was sitting between his two friends, crying silently again. Ron wasn't the most soothing of people in general and helped the only way he knew how, by shooing away anyone who came near Harry; but Hermione stroked Harry's hair as he lay his head down on her and said to him "there-there, it'll be alright" in a calm, reassuring, motherly voice. Harry let the tears slide down his face, finding comfort in them just as he felt child-like comfort sitting there with Hermione. Eventually Harry stopped crying and the three of them went down to dinner, very quiet all the while.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * ** * *
Author's Note: This was seriously the hardest chapter to write of any story I've ever written. That's said, I'd really appreciate reviews to tell me what you think. Was it at least semi-believable? I kind of wrestled a little bit trying to decide on Lilly and Petunia's pasts.
I've kind of been ignoring Harry's classes for several chapters but I'll go back to those in the next chapter.
The story might not be so mushy anymore. Today was my anniversary (1 year!) so I'm kind of off that romance kick I was on before but I'll still keep some in.
Preview!
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Now he looked at the note, blinked in surprise, and came over and put it in Harry's hand. He gave Harry's shoulder a slight squeeze, as though encouraging him, before returning to the lesson on heating charms.
"Open the note, Harry!" Ron whispered urgently.