I'm way too tired for this. Please excuse any typographical errors. It's a short chapter but it sets up the next one. Again, it's light and fluffy, just for Storymom. She's all about the fluffy.

Josh, my paycheque sucks, but I'll give it to you if it means I can keep your characters... I think I've addressed all legal disclaimers ad nauseum.

Oh, I've "borrowed" bits from "The Pilot, The Debut, and The Outsider". You'll recognize the lines.

Chapter Twenty.

"So... I totally screwed up. No... Really... I fucked everything up. I still can't wrap my head around what Marissa did. I mean, she could care less about me. Why would she do this to Summer? Her best friend... Why would she do this to Ryan? They were friends.... I don't know how "good" friends they were but... Oh, you done? Nothing to scoop? That's a relief... I guess you've noticed I'm not really a dog person..."

Seth swore Peanut rolled his eyes at him before tugging on the lead, propelling Seth forward.

"What do you think? Yeah, I know I talk a lot and don't really say much. Ryan says he thinks I talk just to hear my own voice. That would be true if I had a really cool voice, like, say, Russell Crowe, you know, the Aussie accent and all. I think my voice is a little nasally. It's these damn adenoids... Anyway... So how do I fix this? Ryan says we're good, but I know he's pissed at me... And at Dad... Maybe if I buy him a car... No. I haven't got the Bar Mitzvah funds for that. A Harley? Yeah... I could see Ryan on a Harley... Not that I could afford one of those either. A used Vespa, maybe? Nah... he's definitely not the Vespa type..."

The dog abruptly stopped. Seth looked down at him.

"What?"

The smell hit him.

"Oh man... That's just rude... Now I know why we don't have a dog."

Seth put a plastic grocery bag over his hand and cleaned up the mess.

"So what you're telling me is that I shouldn't try too hard and just let things work out on their own? Maybe you're right... I'll do it your way..."

Seth tied the bag and deposited the "package" in a nearby garbage can.

"You know, that 'beater looks good on you. It's never been a look I could pull off though..."

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Kirsten was so lost in her thoughts that she hadn't noticed they were on a different floor of the Holiday Inn. Her mind was on Ryan and Seth and battling with herself over leaving the two of them in Carmichael. Then there was the nagging feeling that Ryan was sicker than he let on...

"Kirsten..."

Sandy's soft voice broke through her chaotic thoughts. He had stepped into the room, holding his hand out to her. She allowed him to lead her inside. Kirsten gasped as she took in her surroundings. Flowers filled the room. Arrangements of colourful blooms had been placed on nearly every horizontal surface.

"Oh, Sandy...."

Sandy held her tight, his head nestled in the soft spot between her shoulder and neck.

"I missed you..."

Their lovemaking was almost desperate, urgent, a culmination of the emotional roller coaster they had ridden for the last 5 weeks. The world seemed to stop as they reconnected. Mind, body and soul entwined in the promise of a new start.

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Ryan sat on the floor of the washroom, his breaths coming in harsh gasps. He'd given up trying to vomit. His stomach was begging for release but his gut refused to co-operate. He could feel the sweat running down his back.

He was so cold...

So tired...

He reached up, grabbing the sink with his right hand to pull himself up. His vision greyed.

Bed...

Sleep...

9 steps...

Thirsty...

7 steps...

Water...

3 more steps...

Empty glass...

1 more step...

Drink... later....

Ryan curled over onto his right side, drawing his knees up and cradling his left hand against his chest. Burrowing beneath the blankets, he slipped into the waiting darkness.

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Seth let himself into the small apartment. He took the lead off Peanut's collar and watched as the dog lay down on the floor beside Ryan's bed.

"Ryan.... You still awake?"

The lack of movement from under the pile of blankets told him that Seth/Ryan time was not going to happen that night.

"This actually works out well for me..." He mumbled quietly. "I'm going to have time to do all the stuff that I haven't been able to do since you moved here... Like I'm going to start my novel... "Me time..." Maybe I'll learn Chinese... study my Talmud. You know what I mean? Sink my teeth into it..."

Seth went over to the fridge, found some orange juice and poured himself a glass. A quick inspection of the cupboards revealed an unopened bag of pretzels and a box of granola bars. He fished one out, returning the rest to their proper place. Juggling his snack and drink in one hand, Seth moved to the kitchen table, looking through the pile of library books.

"So... The pupil has become the teacher..."

Seth picked up a book and settled onto the air mattress, reading until he fell asleep.

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The cold finally gave way to a pleasant warmth. Ryan stopped shivering as he walked on the beach. The light from the sun had turned the usually grey-tinged water to a brilliant blue. Sandy approached, his surf board tucked under his arm.

"Why don't you join me this morning. 6 foot waves...."

Ryan shook his head sadly.

"What if something happens and... and you guys change your mind?"

Sandy smiled at him.

"Like what? You steal a car? You burn down a house? You beat up the captain of the water polo team? Those ships have sailed my friend..."

Kirsten approached, coming out of the water, carrying a briefcase and a roll of blue prints.

"You just have to promise us you'll stay out of trouble. From now on... No more fights..."

"You're still on probation. And child services will be up our ass all the time..." Sandy continued.

"No more trouble. I promise..." Ryan said softly.

Sandy's open hand of welcome morphed into a clenched fist, striking Ryan in the face. He brought his hand up to his rapidly swelling eye.

"Is this your way of thanking us for everything we've done for you?" Sandy raged. "I should have left you in juvie. I bring you into my house... Seth tries to be your friend and you turn around and fuck his girlfriend?"

Ryan took a step backwards.

"I didn't... I wouldn't..."

Seth's fist to his stomach caused him to lose his balance. Ryan fell in the sand. He looked up at Kirsten.

"Look Ryan... I don't mean to play bad cop... It's nothing personal..."

An old beat up Chrysler churned in the desert sand, sending up stinging granules in Ryan's eyes. The car door flings open.

"Unbelievable! What kind of family I got, huh? What the hell did I do to deserve this family? You want to tell me that? You should have left him there." Sandy nodded his head in agreement. "Just like his Dad's doing. Just like his brother's gonna..."

"I can't do this anymore, Ryan... I can't..."

"I want you out of my house..."

"I want you out..."

"But mom... Where am I going to go?" Ryan desperately tried to get his breath. The heat was stifling. Suffocating him.

"Ryan... Just get out..."

Alone... He was alone. He couldn't breathe. His heart was ready to explode. Ryan shattered. Fragments littered the pristine sand.

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Seth woke with a start. It took a minute for him to be able to focus. The soft snoring of the dog helped him to regain his bearings.

Ryan's apartment.

Carmichael.

He felt the floor, looking for his watch. 7:15. A quick trip to the washroom and another hour or so of sleep. Then it would be time for a coffee and bagel run. The start of Seth/Ryan time.

Coming out of the washroom, Seth noticed that Ryan hadn't moved since he'd gone to bed. After sharing a room with him for a couple of weeks when Theresa stayed in the pool house, Seth knew that Ryan was anything but a peaceful sleeper. Usually Ryan would fight with the blankets and beat them into submission.

"Ryan... You sleeping?"

Okay, not the brightest question, but something told Seth that everything wasn't right with the world.

"Ryan..."

Seth gently pulled the blankets back.

Oh shit.

"Ryan... C'mon... Please...?"

Ryan lay huddled on the bed, his eyes open, staring into nothingness. His hair and his sweatshirt were soaked in sweat. His breathing shallow. He was fighting for every breath.

Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck...

"Ryan... Wake up...."

Seth was now in full blown panic mode. He frantically dug through his duffle bag for his cell phone. He kept it together long enough to make a distressed call to 911

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Kirsten rolled from under Sandy's protective arms and answered the phone after the first ring.

She heard her older son's hysteric voice.

"Mom... It's Ryan..."