Exceptis excipiendis
James couldn't move. He couldn't think of anything else other than what the old man had just told him
Your brother has awoken
The voice echoed in his head over and over again. Somehow it seemed unreal, yet he knew it wasn't. he didn't want it to be. A dull pain appeared with every heartbeat and he bit his lip silently
"James?" a familiar voice broke through his thoughts. He looked up to be drowned in emerald pools, and suddenly the pain increased a great deal and he winced, hoping that Lily hadn't seen
"Huh?" he asked unintelligently, as he averted his eyes
"I said, are you not going to go with Dumbledore?" her voice growing softer, as she watched the pain in his eyes as he looked away form her
"Yea" he muttered, happy for the excuse and reminder to leave
Lily watched him go, her heart growing heavy. Something was going on. Something big that she had to find out what. A shiver ran down her spine and she shuddered, knowing that whatever was going on with James was going to get much worse before it got better
The aging headmaster was sitting behind his desk, looking at the 17 year old man in front of him, through his glasses. He sighed deeply. It was unfortunate and unfair, he knew, that youth was forced to grow at such an alarming rate these days
What ever happened to staying a child for as much as possible? He thought
"Err.. Sir?" James interrupted the old man's reflection, looking at him expectantly, "my brother? You said he woke up?" he continued. Dumbledore noted worry and fear in his voice
"Of course, of course" the professor said, pushing his old thoughts to the back of his mind and gave the youth a sad smile. Silence followed
"Well?" James asked getting irritated, clenching and unclenching the handle of the chair trying to release the ache building slowly inside him.
"I knew of the possibility of your brother waking up whilst you were here in school, so I informed St. Mungos of this. I also told them to keep me informed of his condition" he paused to examine him, "James I have received an owl a while ago informing me that your brother has woken up. Although not fully recovered" he finished, his voice solemn
"Well that was expected wasn't it? He was hit by four different spells!" James gritted, his grip on the chair tightening and loosening as his aggravation grew
"Of course James," Dumbledore said hurriedly, "if you would like to visit him, I shall grant you permission to go to him tomorrow. If you would like to take someone with you as well then further arrangements can be made" he quickly went one, from fear that James might not be able to keep in his anger for much longer. People that went through that much in such a short period of time never did
"Can I take Sirius, sir?" James prompted. Dumbledore sighed and smiled
"I wouldn't expect you to chose anyone else Mr. Potter" the headmaster replied, and when he saw the eagerness in the boy's eyes he felt his heart relax
"Thank you Pr. Dumbledore" James muttered gratefully, standing up slowly
"Oh, of course, you must be very hungry James. I think dinner just began" he told him seriously, "perhaps you might take a walk to the kitchens if you need to, instead of being amongst so many people" he smiled
"Perhaps" was all James said to the headmaster, before turning around to leave
As he made his way down the stairs, with the old man's words still ringing in his head, he was surprised to see his friends waiting at the bottom of the stairs. He stopped to observe them for a few seconds, noting that they each looked as if they were in their own world
He really didn't want to disturb them but he knew they would want to know what was going on. They loved Bryan as if he were their own brother. They would want to know that he woke up. So he coughed loudly, receiving a nasty shock in is throat as he did so, wondering vaguely where Lily was
Sirius, Remus and Peter looked up at him as he tried to gain their attention and neither of them could suppress a smile at the slight relaxation that James held in his posture
"So?" Sirius asked excitedly as he took a step closer
"Bryan's awake" he told them, unable to hold in his enthusiasm. It had been weeks since he last felt something other than hatred, fear, loneliness and pain. He allowed himself be overwhelmed by the strange feeling before he felt a stab of pain at the small of his back, making him regret it instantly
"When?" Peter asked, unable to sustain himself
"Earlier today" James told him, trying as hard as he could to destroy any traces of pain from his voice
"That's great, James" Remus said patting his shoulder happily. He looked at his friends and wondered what he did to deserve their friendships, but thankful for them all the same
"Shall we go eat then fellas? I'm starved" James changed the subject. Beginning to walk towards the Great Hall, while his friends stared back at him and slowly followed him
Lily couldn't help but wonder what was going on in the headmaster's office. She had wanted to stay with Sirius, Remus and Peter in order to wait for him, with them but she knew she had no right. She had only known James for less that two days. There was no reason for her to stay. James wouldn't want her there anyway, she told herself
But she still couldn't stop herself from sneaking glances at the door every so often. Probably something to do with her need for sleep she tried to rationalize. Again she shook her head. She had been doing that a lot lately she thought with a sigh
"Lily are you ok?" Sofie, her best friend asked, breaking through her thoughts.
"Err yea. I'm fine. Just have a lot on my mind" she tried to avoid her friend's eyes and went back to her food
"It wouldn't be James Potter would it, Lily?" Sofie smirked, not looking at her.
Lily's head shot up to stare at her friend in surprise
"Absolutely not" she stuttered, "I was actually thinking of, homework" she added lamely, knowing full well that Sofie would never believe her. She knew she was right when she saw her friend's smirk grow larger
"Good, because here comes our own Mr. Darcy now" he whispered. Lily wondered what she was talking about as she turned to see James walking into the Hall
She would have loved nothing more that to shout at anyone who was giving him any sort of 'look' if she had the chance. Fortunately, James had Sirius to rely on for that. She instantly smile when she saw the faint trace of joy in his eyes when he looked over at her
As he began walking to the other end of the table Lily realized that Mr. Darcy wasn't a bad character to compare him to. The were both dark, in more ways than one, rich and both exceptionally masterful at anything they did
"Sop staring Lily" Sofie shoved her friend out of her reverie. Lily looked down at her plate as she felt James walk by him.
She struggled as hard as she could to stop herself from asking him what had happened, and she succeeded, though she couldn't stop herself from shooting glances at him every so often. She couldn't help but notice that James was also staring at her, though he was putting up less of an effort to hide it
"James, please stop staring, it's unsettling mate" Sirius muttered to his friend, who was yet again staring at Lily Evans who apparently was staring right back
Interesting he though
"I'm not staring" James dismissed absently, finally taking his eyes off the fiery woman on the other side of the table and turned around to see his friend
"What?" Sirius asked when he detected something different in his friend's eyes, setting down his food
"Would you come to the hospital with me tomorrow?" he told him solemnly. He didn't need to say for what.
"Sure buddy, when?" he told him reassuringly. James couldn't help but smile at his friend
"Tomorrow morning we leave right after breakfast" he told him
"Right. Ok. What about Remus and Peter?" Sirius whispered hesitantly, leaning closer
"It won't be the only time I go and I'm only allowed to take one of you with me," he explained
"Ok then" was all that he said in return as he went back to his food. James glanced at Lily one more time, noting that she was once again staring right back at him, before he as well turned his attention to his food
Later that night, Lily found that she couldn't sleep much, as she lay in bed and stared up at her sealing which she enchanted to glow with little stars. Quickly getting bored of her state, she threw her covers of and grabbing a book she made her way down to the Heads' common room
As she made her way to the large couch she discovered the sleeping form of James Potter once again. She restrained from waking him up and settled herself in the armchair on the left, closer to James head
She sat down, tucking her feet underneath her, and opened her book to read. Soon she felt the urge to glance at James' sleeping form. Shortly after she couldn't understand this strange hold, he had on her as she watched him from where she sat.
"You know, you're not all that good at this staring thing, you know?" his voice surprised her. She thought he was a sleep, what was he doing awake?
"James?" she hesitated. His arm remained over his face, but she knew he was smirking, and that thought comforted her somewhat
"Lily?" he replied, mocking her. She smiled
"I thought you were asleep" she replied
"Obviously" he replied in a low voice, as he moved his arm and shifted into a sitting position, facing the fire. Lily watched his every move, vaguely still wondering if he indeed cut himself
"How, come you're down here?" she heard herself ask
"Couldn't sleep" he answered in the same low voice as he rubbed his eyes, making himself comfortable
"Bad dreams?" she couldn't help question. She knew she was pushing it but she wanted to know
"Nope. Probably just habit" he dismissed absently
"You mean you make it a habit in staying up late?" she inquired in disbelief. Her book now forgotten
"No, just not sleeping" he replied, managing to shut her up. She sank in her thoughts, wondering once again about the strange change of James Potter
"You?" he asked in return, probably just out of politeness, she thought
"Oh, I just couldn't sleep," she replied after a few seconds
The two teenagers sunk in silence, the one thinking of the other, yet in very different ways. Lily wondered who James Potter really was, who he became, his hopes, and dreams, but if what he said in the train was true, then he didn't have any. It tormented her to know that he used to be so carefree, and now so unsettled.
James on the other hand wondered what was happening to Lily. He was getting worried about her. This is not how she usually acted around him. There seemed to be something else in the way she addressed herself to him, and frankly he didn't know if he liked it or not
"So, what's happening with your brother?" she tried to find out
"Yea, he's woken up" he said in a solemn voice although he was smiling down at his hands
"I know that" she said exasperatedly as she tried to refrain from rolling her eyes, "Will you be going to see him?" she added as a more detailed question. He looked up to her with a strange light in his eyes
"Yea, tomorrow with Sirius" he whispered in his low voice
"That's good James," she told him in an equally low voice. Suddenly she wanted to go back to her bed, and she slowly stood up. "Goodnight James, I hope your brother gets well soon" she muttered under her breath as she passed him
"Night Lily" he responded without even giving her a backward glance as he stared back into the fire. When he heard her door closed he sighed deeply as he slumped deeper into the couch, mumbling "I'm sorry"
In reality, despite the amount of 'emotion' he felt for Lily, he wanted to be alone at the moment. Something was bothering him yet he didn't know what it was exactly. Something in his life he wanted to fix
He snorted. My entire life needs fixing he thought
Yes, but there was something happening and he couldn't see it, whether it had to do with his family, his friends or with school.
As he shut his eyes to think about it he saw strange images
He was in a large room. The room was stony and cold. Something strange was happening to his necklace, and as he looked down to see that he wore his family heirloom, a necklace that was given to all the Potter children. It was glowing
Suddenly he saw is brother standing in front of him, crying blood, wearing his necklace which was also glowing. He just stood there waiting, watching, crying
"Bryan?" James heard his voice come out hoarse. Was this his brother? It couldn't be
Bryan the looked him in the eyes and James felt a familiar pain shoot through his head. Something that didn't belong in his brother's eyes was evident and he took a step back
In a flash Bryan was standing in front o him, the tears of blood now gone, but he still cried as he hugged James. James returned his hug, not having hugged his brother in so long
"Thank you, Bryan" he whimpered, on the verge of tears himself. Bryan pulled away taking a few steps back still staring into James' eyes, all the while, the pain in his head growing
"I'm sorry J. I really am" Bryan muttered and the pain in his head became unbearable. He began to fall
"I'm sorry" echoed from the walls as he continued to fall
Abruptly he stopped and found that he was on a bed, and an intense pain in his back told him that his scars were bleeding again and he took his shirt off in order to tend to them. He stood in front of a mirror that was next to the bed to examine them
As he looked in the mirror at his back he saw hands stroking his wounds. When his head snapped to his front where he saw Lily, standing in front of him.
His breathing quickly picked up pace as he saw her looking at his lips. Before he knew what was happening she was kissing him. His dream self couldn't help but enjoy it. Within seconds thought he pushed her a few inches away from him
The way she looked at him though, her eyes full of desire, hope and something else that he preferred not to think about made him draw her back into an embrace. He kissed her, never wanting to let her go. She pulled him towards the bed
As their kissing became more intense, with their tongues dancing together, and her hands unbuttoning his trousers, they stumbled onto the bed. He had manage to take off her top and was now caressing her chest. She stroke his back wounds making him shiver underneath him.
Just before something else happened between them, James felt something to be wrong. That they shouldn't be doing what they were doing. Someone was watching. He couldn't see them but he could feel them. She pushed her away
"Lily, no" was all he said and the bed disappeared in a flash. They were standing up and facing each other now, both fully dressed, but he could see her crying and he could feel the tears in his own eyes
"Please, don't push me away James" she sobbed
"You don't understand Lily" he tried to explain, taking a step closer to her. She stepped away shaking her head
"Then please James, please, explain it to me" she begged
"I- I cant" he said defeated. How could he tell her? He couldn't
"James, you cant- you shouldn't push me away" she went on, trying to reason with him
"She has a point James" Sirius appeared next to her, looking at his friend in a mixture of anger and worry
"You cant push all of us away, James" Remus stepped next to them, trying to comfort Lily and James couldn't help but feel a bit jealous
"It's none of your businesses!" he yelled at them, bringing a hand up to his head. The pain was returning
"How could it not James? You're our best friend! You're one of us" Peter came out from the shadows, standing next to Remus
"Leave me alone! Leave me alone!" he shouted falling to his knees holing his head, the pain becoming yet again unbearable. Then one simple sentence made everything stop
"You are alone James"
"James?" Lily tried again. His eyes flew open and she took a step back, startled
"Lily?" he asked unsure. His glasses fell during the night. She smiled and handed him over his glasses
"You better get ready, and fast Sirius is outside waiting for you in the Great Hall" she told him
"Right, thanks" he got up to make his way to his room.
When he entered his room, Lily sighed and shook her head in his direction
"Please, don't push me away, James" she muttered as she left
Thank yous
Flying-piggy-123 I'm glad you liked it heh. I wasn't exactly sure if I should make his brother wake up so quick into the story but we'll see how it works out. The spell that Snape put on James, will play an important part in the future and all I can tell you is it's going to be for the better. And its probably going to stay for the next 5-6 chapters.
Lady of Masbolle lol! And I thought it wasn't possible! Heh thank you so much though ;p
Sanely Insane I know what you mean. it comes to you unexpectedly when you realize you like one of the characters doesn't it? Sorry it took so long to update though. Hope there are less spelling mistakes in this one although I didn't check. Oh well
Marie Thank you sooooo much!!!
Lyss Unfortunately that comes in the next chapter. And the one after that, and a few more after that. But not in this one. I'm sorry L
DracozFallenAngel Well not yet anyway heh. Unfortunately you will have to wait a bit of a long time until they end up together. Both stubborn and if you judge by this chapter, they're both way to stubborn for their own good. I'm really really really glad you liked it! I love it when people like my stories heh, well who doesn't? You can keep pestering me cos then I'll probably be more motivated to write more thus update quicker. I know what you mean about that, but then again most of my stories portray James like that, but I kind of prefer him with a bit more depth and responsibility along with a darkish side as well. I accidentally stumbled on a site which tried to explain tragic heroes and it just seemed to fit James so much!!! Yea sorry bout that. I often don't know where to stop. Just where I seem to find a good idea to continue, millions follow so I just stop so I don't get carried away heh. Never mind, I like long reviews so don't worry. I hope you like this chapter!
QuistisBlack thank you, thank you , thank you! I'm glad you liked it and I hope you continue liking it no matter how much I screw this thing up heh
Lilbird THANK YOU SO MUCH! Heh ok overdid it sorry heh
Liz Thank you very much for reviewing, I really appreciate it and I'm glad you liked it and that you still like it after a few chapters of this. Oki, now, the spell Snape put on James, made him very sensitive to his feelings. Not in the sense that he's become more sensitive towards other people, but that he feels pain when he feels something that he himself doesn't think he should feel. When Lily walks past him, he thinks he shouldn't feel anything for her, and due to the fact that his feelings are so great for her, he's in physical pain, that he cant have her? Did I confuse you? Cos I think I confused myself there heh. Tell me and I'll try to explain it a bit better
Jen Well not soon enough unfortunately. Glad you liked my story heh, hope you still read it given the fact that I haven't updated in almost six months
Sara Goddess writer? blush well I wouldn't go that far, but thanks anyway. I'm glad you like the story. Thank you, thank you, thank you so much for reviewing and saying that its one of the best stories you've read heh. It makes me feel special
Aries Chic You do? Thank you very much! Really sorry I haven't updated them yet though, but Orion it to follow and then Lost Hope but I hope you'll still read them heh. Thank you for your very kind words of praise although I don't feel I deserve them heh hope you like this chapter
Areanna Oki! I'm sorry this is so late but please try to forgive me! I hope you wont give up on this story cos there are some none clichés and some cliches coming up soon which I hope you and everyone else will like. Thank you so much for your compliment heh
Priscilla Ryu Glad you liked this and my other fics. It is a bit morbid but then again that's the best kind of story don't you think? Hope you like this chapter
A/N ok before you kill me for the long wait, please think about it this way; if I die you don't know what happens! See? But seriously, I'm really sorry for the really long wait for the updating of my stories and the addition of two more one-shots that I did but please forgive me. I'll be updating my other two fics Lost Hope and Orion very soon. Don't give up on the stories! So could you all tell me what you thought of this chapter by reviewing? Yea so, said what I needed to say now all I have to do is wish you all a Happy New Year!!!!
Latin Dictionary: Exceptis excipiendis - excepting what is to be excepted