Yes! Parenting,Dammit!Parenting! But not in this chapter. I'm trying, I'm trying. I can hear the dialogue being run by the voices in my head, but then the meds kick in and they're quiet and I'm alone once again. This chapter has been brought to you by way too many "Clodhoppers". I can not be held responsible for what I write in a chocolate covered, graham cluster'd state.
Chapter Twenty Three.
The airlift had been uneventful. Sandy arrived a few minutes before the helicopter did and was working on the reams of paperwork when he was informed Ryan was now settled into the ICU. The questions on the admitting forms were identical to the ones at Sutter Memorial.
Both were left with blank spaces.
Childhood illnesses? Allergies? Inoculations?
Things he knew about Seth. Every bump, every scrape, every misadventure on his skateboard... the day he lost his first tooth were all committed to memory. None of that was in Ryan's file.
Did Ryan ever have chicken pox? Seth did, when he was 6. No memories of a blond haired, blue eyed 6 year old and yet it seemed as if Ryan had always been with them.
Sandy looked up and glanced around the room, making sure Captain Matthews wasn't there, reading his mind. This wasn't guilt. Just, well, observations. New memories for the Cohen family were going to start.
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Another recliner, another ICU, another night. Kirsten managed to convince Sandy and Seth to go home. She'd take the night shift. She tenderly ran her fingers through Ryan's short hair, startled when he moved his head.
"I know, Seth hates it when I do this to him" she said softly, regaining her composure. "but you're going to have to wake up and tell me to stop."
A muffled groan was the only answer she received. Ryan shifted slightly before his body relaxed again.
"Okay, I'll stop for now..." Kirsten leaned over and kissed Ryan's forehead. She didn't need the monitor to tell her his fever was nearly gone. Smoothing his hair back down, she whispered "Good night" and settled in the chair, holding on to her son's good hand.
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Ryan had been treading water for hours. His chest hurt. His arms... his hand... The pain was making it hard to breathe. Splintered sounds filled the black void he was in. He had tried swimming out of the darkness, but he wasn't strong enough. The tide kept pushing him further away until the only thing he could do was try to stay afloat and wait for rescue.
Or until he drowned.
He slowed his arms and leaned back, letting the water hold him up. The sounds became a little clearer.
"He still hasn't woken up... I need to see him awake..."
Who was still sleeping? Seth? Maybe I should kick his ass out of bed...
"If I hadn't... This wouldn't have happened..."
Seth ... c'mon, your dad needs you to wake up... What the fuck is that buzzing noise? Ryan kicked his legs and moved his arms, trying to escape the sounds that reverberated off the water.
"He could have died... How am I supposed to reconcile that?"
Fuck! NO!
"Seth!" Ryan tried to scream as his mouth filled with water. He frantically looked for his brother in the murky ocean.
Seth was gone.
That thought played in Ryan's mind. It didn't matter that he thought he'd heard Seth's voice earlier. It didn't matter that he thought he could hear his brother, urging him to wake up.
Seth was gone.
It couldn't have been Trey.
Trey was gone.
He was alone.
The whispering in his ear was different this time.
Kirsten.
Her fingers playing with his hair.
Dawn used to do that, right before she'd grab a handful and scream at him. Her alcohol soaked breath shouting obscenities, reminding him of his worthlessness.
Pulling away, knowing it was only a matter of time before Kirsten would do the same thing.
They all did the same thing.
They weren't any different.
Ryan felt the air leave his lungs as he sank deeper.
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Sleep was pretty much a lost cause for Kirsten. Every movement from the bed made her hope Ryan would wake up. The slight twitching of his legs, the way his fingers curled around her hand...
"It's time to wake up, Ryan... You've been sleeping long enough..."
Kirsten repeated those words over and over.
Ryan grasped the hand that reached for him in the dingy fluid. He allowed its strength to pull him back. Sounds grew clearer as he neared the surface.
"It's time to wake up Ryan... We need you to wake up.... I need you to wake up... We're waiting for you..."
Kirsten's voice....
Her fingers in his hair... Again.
Playful... Gentle... Soothing. No words designed to hurt him. Only encouragement, urging him to awaken.
He wasn't sleeping.
Seth was...
Kirsten watched the rapid movement of Ryan's eyes under closed lids.
"C'mon sweetheart... You can do it..."
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Sandy woke early to the sounds of the surf. He lay there listening to the waves. He turned over reaching for Kirsten.
An empty space.
A home incomplete.
A tentative knock.
A door opening.
His son, bearing gifts...
His older son.
Hot coffee...
"Hey dad... you look like you slept well...Not! So, I thought you'd recaffeinate and we'd go see Ryan... And Mom... I can't forget the woman who gave birth to me after 37 hours of labour as she's so fond of reminding me. Are you going to be long?
Sandy glared at Seth.
"Yeah... Okay... I'll let you finish... Oh, uh, you have like a gazillion messages from Silvana Weaver... An old girl friend perhaps? Maybe looking to hook up again...?"
"Seth..." Sandy's tone relayed this was not a joking matter.
"Sorry... Shutting up now..." Seth pantomimed locking his lips together and tossed the imaginary key over his shoulder.
"I'll drop you off at the hospital so you can see Ryan... And your mother. I'll be there as soon as I can.
"Dad?"
"Silvana Weaver is from Child Services..."
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Ryan waited for the blurry images to come into focus. He blinked several times, trying to clear the haze.
"Ryan...."
Again, with the fingers in his hair.
"Look at me, sweetie... You're okay..."
He concentrated on Kirsten's face as his vision cleared . Her hand moved from his hair to his cheek . He became aware of something covering his nose and mouth. She reached for his hand before he had a chance to remove the obstruction.
The jump in Ryan's heart and respiration rates brought the nurse who had been monitoring the unit from her desk.
"Hey... You're mom told me about your blue eyes... It's nice to see them open..."
Mom.... Dawn?
Not mom.
Kirsten?
Ryan closed his eyes in confusion.
"Ryan... stay with us, okay? You can't go back to sleep yet..." The nurse pressed the intercom.
"Jen... this is Elze. Can you page Dr. Langille for me? Her patient is awake."
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Sandy pulled up in front of HOAG's main entrance. Seth had been quiet the entire drive. Now he forced himself to ask the question that had been churning in his mind.
"Are they going to take Ryan away from us?" Seth was unable to look at his father, afraid of the answer he might see in his face.
Sandy placed his hand on Seth's chin, forcing the boy to look at him.
"I'm too good of a lawyer for that..."
Sandy waited for Seth to disappear through the sliding glass doors. He needed to be too good of a lawyer. Meeting with Child Services on a Saturday was not a good thing.
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"Hey..." Sandy was puzzled to find Kirsten and Seth in the hallway outside ICU. "What's going on?"
Kirsten gave her husband a quick hug. Seth told her about the call from Child Services, explaining his father's absence earlier.
"They're moving Ryan from ICU..."
"He's awake?" Sandy's eyes lit up.
She was not about to give him anymore information... Not yet.
She'd be damned if anyone was going to rip apart her family again.
"Sandy. Child Services. What happened?"
He turned, straining to look at his backside.
"Is my ass still there? 'Cause Ryan's social worker took some pretty good chunks out of it..."
"Sandy, don't say "ass"..."
Kirsten waited for her husband to finish. Sandy was waiting for her to ask again. His self-satisfied smug expression told her what she needed to know.
"Everything's okay then?"
Sandy shrugged.
"Ms Weaver's going to be up our a---- uh, backsides and if anything else shows up on her radar... Well, let's just say it's going to take more than my roguish, brilliant and impressive legal skills to fix it."