DEAD/ALIVE - Chapter Twenty Nine

Joanie knew he was there, like every night since they left. She kept her eyes closed pretending to be asleep. She was too numb and too empty to interact with anyone. Joanie wished he would go to his room and get some much needed sleep, but Soapy would quietly slip into her room when he thought she was sleeping to begin his nightly vigil. She saw the ever present worry and pain in his eyes, even when he forced a smile that never reached them.

She had already decided what she was going to do. She hoped Soapy would understand and it would be clear in the carefully worded letter that she would leave on her pillow. She knew he would be hurt, which never was her intent. Her bag was already packed and hidden under the bed, now it was just a matter of waiting until the right moment.

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Heyes studied his partner's face as he slept on the train. He knew with certainty it wasn't sleep that had overtaken Kid, but sheer emotional and physical exhaustion. It was more as if his body had reached its limit and had simply shut down.

Kid was like a runaway horse. Heyes couldn't get his head turned to slow him down. Kid wasn't listening and he wasn't talking. Heyes felt helpless, but needed to keep trying to get him to move past his rage and guilt, and begin to think logically.

Heyes looked down at his hands. He hadn't realized that he was unconsciously rubbing his healing right hand with his left. The stitches had been removed days ago, but his fingers were stiff, and the cuts still stung and burned.

"Ain't we a pair," Heyes thought grimly. They didn't have a chance in hell of succeeding.

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DENVER, COLORADO

Magnolia Hotel

As Heyes reached into his valise, he stopped when his hand made contact with something paper. An envelope. Heyes' brow furrowed. He pulled it out and smiled a small smile. It was stuffed with cash and a note from Soapy.

Owed wages plus a little more. Be careful taking care of business. I wish I were younger, I would be by your side. Hope you boys will reconsider returning - Soapy

Kid had pulled his gun from his holster and laid it on the table. He opened the cylinder and removed each bullet out one by one and slowly lined them in a neat row on the table. With a clean cloth and oil he meticulously cleaned each part, piece by piece.

"We need to take the train to Deadwood." Kid said firmly. "Leaves the day after tomorrow."

"No, we need to get the horses." Heyes answered, matching Kid's firmness.

Kid was shaking his head, "That will add at least another week…more…and that's if the weather ain't bad. And the chances of that are zero. That makes no sense."

"It makes sense if we are going to have a chance of doing what we need to do."

"What we need to do is get up there as quickly as possible." Kid said as he continued to clean his gun.

"You are not listening!" Heyes said, trying unsuccessfully to check his frustration with his partner. "You think we are going to walk right into the Gem with guns blazing and get out alive?! I've got a gun hand that is still healing and you…" Heyes looked at his damaged partner, "...you've taken to drinking your meals, if you ain't notice."

Kid stopped cleaning and looked up at his partner without expression. Kid stared at Heyes for a long moment, "Then don't come." He said quietly.

Heyes exploded, as he jumped to his feet and slammed his hat to the floor. With a quick hand he ran it through his hair as he stomped across the room until he was standing in front of Kid.

"Don't come?!" Heyes said incredulously. "DON'T COME?! I'm going to just sit back and watch you kill yourself?!" He shook his head in disbelief. "You know I'd never do that."

"There is always a first time." Kid said as he slowly raised his head and met Heyes' eyes.

"I don't want to die and I sure as hell don't want you to die."

Kid sucked in a quick breath, then slowly released it before he quietly said, "You didn't see everything they did to her." His face crumbled in despair and pain, as he closed his eyes and shook his head. He opened his eyes and searched Heyes' face for understanding.

Heyes sighed and dropped his head, as his shoulders sagged.

"Kid, I'm asking that you give me this. A week to let my hand heal, that's all I'm asking." Heyes said softly.

Kid started to shake his head no, but stopped. "Okay," he said after a long moment. "But we leave first thing in the morning. Weather is good and we don't know how long it will last."

Heyes nodded and let out a small sigh of relief. Hopefully with an added week, it would give Kid time to sort out his feelings and allow him to think more rationally.

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Miller's Livery

"Surprised to see you boys. Figured you wouldn't be back 'til spring"

"Change of plans." Heyes said quickly to the livery owner.

"Guess I owe you some money back…"

"Keep it," Heyes said as he quickly caught up to Kid as he made his way to his horse's stall. It was the first time Heyes had seen a smile come to his partner's face. Midnight lifted his head from his feed bucket to give Kid a welcoming nicker. Kid reached his hand out and gently rubbed the horse's face between his eyes.

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Heyes watched from his horse, as Clem pulled back the curtains to allow the early morning sun in. He had sent Kid to get the needed supplies, telling him he had "something to do" before they left. Kid had given him a long look before telling Heyes where and when to meet.

"Bye Clem," Heyes said sadly before he neck reined his horse around to meet Kid. He stopped suddenly, pulling his reins tight, before he quickly turned his horse around and dismounted.

He paused momentarily before taking the couple steps up to Clem's porch. He knocked on the door and took a step back so Clem could see him when she pulled back the curtains and peered out. Her perplexed expression changed immediately to sheer joy when she saw Heyes and a big grin crossed her face. Heyes heard hurried footsteps to the front door before it was thrown open and Clem leapt into Heyes' arms almost knocking him off balance.

"Heyes!"

She placed several kisses on his cheeks before she paused and looked around.

"Kid?" Her face grew concerned.

"He's not here," he said, taking her by the hand and leading her inside the house out of the morning cold.

"I'm sure you stopped by to give me back something you took…Guilt…" Suddenly, concerned, "Where is he? San Francisco? Is he okay? Something is wrong…" as she rapidly fired question after question at Heyes.

Heyes held his hands up, trying to slow her down.

"No, he is not in San Francisco," Clem hadn't missed the fleeting sadness in his eyes. "He is with me. Just off getting supplies. I can't stay…" Heyes said as Clem moved to get an extra cup from the cupboard.

"What's the rush? You just got here."

"We need to be somewhere…"

"Where?" Clem pressed.

"Got some business up north…"

Clem gave Heyes a frustrated look.

"Wyoming?"

Heyes shook his head.

Clem's brow knit, as her mind raced to try and fill in the blanks Heyes wasn't telling her.

"Why did you stop here?" She slowly asked as she sank into a chair.

"I…I wanted to see you. Can't be in Denver without seeing my favorite gal." Heyes said, faking sincerity.

She looked Heyes in the eyes as hers narrowed with suspicion.

"And you are a damn liar Hannibal Heyes! What's really going on? Why aren't you still in San Francisco? I didn't expect to see you two until spring. Something happened in San Francisco…Didn't it?"

Heyes realized it had been a mistake to stop. He should have kept riding.

"Sit down." Clem said, it wasn't a suggestion as much as an order.

"I told you I can't stay." Heyes said, making no effort to take a seat.

"You are scaring me…Please sit down and explain what you got yourselves into." Clem pleaded.

"I have to get back to Kid."

"So he really is here."

Heyes nodded.

"You are not making sense and I'm afraid…," her voice trailed off.

"Sweetheart," Heyes said as he crossed to her and bent to hug her, "I didn't mean to scare you."

He kissed the top of her head, before he headed for the door.

"I just wanted to see you again and say good-bye," he said as he touched the brim of his hat and was gone.

Clem stared at the closed door and the image of Heyes walking through it. Something seemed so final. She laid her head on the table and cried.

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Kid was waiting impatiently on his horse outside the hotel, when Heyes returned.

"You're late," Kid growled and turned his horse north, not waiting for an explanation. Heyes sighed, pulled his coat tighter around himself and spurred his horse to catch up with Kid.

The bright Colorado sun helped warm them as they traveled north. They rode in silence, until they finally stopped for the night. There was an out of the way hotel with a saloon, a mercantile store, and livery that all had seen better days. Heyes had missed the name of the town, but he was happy they would be staying inside instead of making camp. The sky to the north had grown dark with an approaching storm, and the ever present Wyoming wind had picked up speed.

Kid flung his saddle bags on the sagging bed. "I knew we should have taken the train." He looked accusingly at Heyes, before taking off his hat and tossing it on the lone chair in the room. He crossed to the dingy window and pushed the dirty curtains aside as he watched the first flakes of snow start to fall.

"Dammit," he said under his breath, as he angrily pushed the curtains back into place.

"I told you we should have taken the train."

Heyes had taken a seat on the edge of the bed. Pulling off his boots, without raising his head, "You know the reason." Heyes said, keeping his tone even. He was tired. Physically and mentally, but asked the next question, bracing himself for the argument that he was sure to follow.

"If we kill Swearengen..."

"When." Kid said with certainty, "When."

"What's next?"

Kid looked confused, as if he hadn't thought that far ahead.

"Remember when we were looking for Joanie?"

There was no reaction from Kid.

Heyes' continued, "And we had that talk about what she wanted..And you promised to listen…

"What's your damn point Heyes?"

"My damn point is…you're not listening again. You're not listening to what she wants."

"She don't know what she wants."

It was Heyes' turn to get angry, "She sure as hell does know what she wants. And it's you."

"It's not going to work. I can't live with getting her hurt because of…"

"And I know she can't live without you…let it be her decision."

"I can't…"

"Like I've told you before, then be like every other man in her life, telling her what she needs." Heyes said, jumping to his feet in anger.

"You have no right to talk to me that way, Heyes!"

"I have every right!" Heyes said, pointing a finger at his partner. "There is no one I care more about than you. And I'll tell you if I think you are making a mistake. And you are making a mistake!"

Kid quickly crossed to Heyes with his fists clenched. "Since when did you become an expert on women? It's my life and my decision!"

"And how's that working for you? I've never seen someone so miserable!"

Kid took a step towards Heyes, with his hands still clenched. He stopped and opened his mouth to respond. He shook his head, grabbed his hat and coat and yanked the door open, slamming it so hard Heyes was sure he had broken the it.

Heyes sank to the bed, and sighed.

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DEADWOOD, SOUTH DAKOTA

Joanie was surprised when the train pulled into the station. She had expected her heart beat would have increased with fear and her palms would have become sweaty. She had been afraid that returning would bring back all the horrible memories of her life there, but instead she felt nothing but an emptiness. It seemed fitting if her life ended here.

She had already accepted her fate.