Disclaimer: Hickory Dickory Doc, the mouse ran up the clock and I don't own Harry Potter

oh & yes, the chapter titles are all going to begin with "the one..." like the show Friends, which I also, don't own.

Yeah, let's do it for our country, the red, white, and the blue,
It's not a lot to ask of us, our parents will approve.
Tomorrow I'll be fighting, and I'll win this war for you.
Let's do it for our country, we owe it to our country.
Let's do it for our country, our country wants us to.

- Grease 2
(funny song, you should all listen to. The red white & blue part doesn't really fit, but hey, Britain's flag is those colors too.)

Harry and Hermione walked in silence for some time, the most awkward moments in their entire friendship. Hermione could not bear the tension any longer and said, "So, how exactly is this whole thing going to work? Hmm, that's not exactly how I figured I'd be planning my wedding but what must be done must be done. Harry? Are you listening?" There was no answer. "Harry?" she stopped walking and stepped in front of him, trying to catch his emerald eyes. He snapped his head to the left with more hostility than originally intended. "What is it with you two? Must you make everything more difficult than it already is? Two peas in a rotting pod..."
"I'm sick and tired of hiding."

Hermione had prepared an entire speech in an instant and was startled by the interruption. "I'm sorry, what did you say?"

"I said I'm tired of hiding. I'm ready, if he isn't than to hell with him. The sooner this happens, the sooner it can all end and..."
"The sooner what can all end?" she began trying to keep her voice calm. She had extra fire built up from her fight with Ron, but she knew that was not the way to deal with Harry. "You may be a celebrity and you may be our only answer, but that doesn't change the fact that there are people older and wiser than you that know what they are doing and no that if you face Voldemort now, he is going to win. You need to wait for the opportune moment."

"They can't know that they can't..."

"What they can or can't do doesn't matter. The only rules that really matter are these: what a man can do and what a man can't do. For instance, you can accept that your not ready to face him yet or you can't, but either way, you have an entire Ministry, who is here to prevent you from acting upon this ridiculous conception. And me, for example, I can let you face him, but I can't go through life without one of my best friends. So, can you marry me, go into hiding and save the wizarding world some day, or can you not? It doesn't really what you say, because as usual you are going to listen to me no matter what." She linked arms with him in what she hoped was a comforting manner, "Now will you please tell me what's going to happen?"

"Someone from the Ministry is going to perform the ceremony when we get there."
"Right. And there would be..."
"I have no idea, I was supposed to raise my wand like this, trace a lightening bolt and say...now what was it..."
Hermione opened her mouth ready to scold him but he noticed and quickly prevented her from doing so.

"Relax, I wasn't serious," he cleared his throat, wanting to be sure he got it right the first time, "Trasportare Segreto"

Imediately, two owls swooped down and then transformed into humans before their eyes.

"This is Shane and Leaslethey were with me for a time a few months ago, were undergoing training to become aurors but quit to protect me instead," Harry explained.

"What Potter neglected to tell you was that we didn't really have a choice," Leasle said teasingly. "The Ministry found out we were unregistered animagi and they had been looking for owls..."

"He grows on you though, doesn't he?" Shane said to Leasle while giving Harry a playful shove. Turning to Hermione and Harry he continued, "Now if you lovebirds don't mind eat these and we can be on our merry way."

He handed them two wafers of a peculiar greenish color and smelling a bit like cheese.

Harry studied them; looking as though he might be sick.

"Oh just eat it Harry. It's a shrinking wafer, it'll allow us to fly on their backs and we'll resume our rightful size in about, oh I'd say three hours based on the size of these. Less risky than using a broom," Hermione informed him.

"Cheers," he said, holding up the wafer in a mock toast to his future bride. Holding their noses, they managed to swallow the putrid little things and began shrinking instantly. Shane Leasle resumed their owl forms and hoisted their miniature passengers onto their backs, successfully beginning the journey.

Harry opened his eyes and saw one...two...about five Hermiones kneeling at his side. "What happened?" he asked, noticing that there were a crowd of Shanes and Leasles surrounding him as well.

"Hehe...there was a bit of an accident when we landed here, you slipped off and hit your little head rather hard," Shane said nervously, wondering how Harry would react.

"Trying to kill me off so you can go back to being an auror?" Harry said jokingly.

"If you breathe a word of this to the Ministry..."

"You know I wouldn't. So er...where is here?"

"We have specific instructions not to tell anyone that, including you," Leasle said.

"What in Merlin's name is the logic behind that one? Am I hiding from myself?"

"It's not that none of us trust you it's just that..." Leasle was cut off by Shane.

"No that's pretty much it, none of us trust you. If you knew where you were, the desire to go gallivanting around would overwhelm you and we can't have that."
"That word's always confused me a bit," Leasle said. "I mean, I know you can be under whelmed, and you can be overwhelmed, but can you ever just be, like, whelmed?"

Hermione, who had been lost in her own thoughts sitting beside Harry ignored Leasle's comment and instead responded to Shane's warning about Harry and his adventures.

"So we are in a populated area then?"

Harry was puzzled by this. "I figured they'd stick us in the middle of a desert or something."

"Well, that's what we thought at first too," Leasle explained, "but you can hide a needle in a haystack..."
"...or in a pile of needles," Hermione finished with her. Shane wanted to make sure that Harry didn't get any of his famous ideas, for his head would be the first to roll. "But there are also many complicated charms and curses protecting you, once you are in, you are in for good."

"Not that I'm eager to go in, but what are we waiting for?"

"Well call me old fashioned but I always thought the groom should wait until after he said 'I do' to pass out," Leasle told him. "Are you both ready?"

Harry and Hermione looked at each other and smiled as reassuringly as they could under the circumstances.

"Well I think its more romantic to do this out here than in that horrible little...I mean, charming home which we will all learn to cherish...anyway, here we go..."
"Wait, you're doing it?" Hermione and Harry asked at the same time.

"How sweet, sound like you've been together ages already," Shane commented.

"Echem," Leasle began. "Mawage. Mawage is wot bwings us togeder tooday. Mawage, that bwessed awangment, that dweam wifin a dweam..."

Hermione and Harry looked at each other expressing an emotion somewhere between confusion and revulsion."

"And wuv, tru wuv, will fowow you foweva. So tweasure your wuv"

"Leasle, I know you've been looking forward to this and it is a very touching moment, but can we get on with it..." Shane said, looking impatient.

"Fine then," she said, leafing through a copy of Wizard Marriages for Dummies. "Apparently, as long as I say man and wife and you put these (she held out her other hand revealing two rings) on each others fingers, you're married."

"Are you sure you're authorized for this?" Hermione asked, trying to hold it together as she endured what was quite possibly the worst wedding ever.

"We're a bit short handed right now but as of yesterday, yes, I am authorized, so on with it," she said, shaking the rings in their faces. They did as they were told and trembled for they knew what was coming next.
"You may kiss the bride," Leasle said, smirking.

They leaned in telling themselves just a kiss...just a small kiss...nothing to worry about, just enough so that they don't get suspicious and realize that we have no feelings for each other at all...okay this isn't so bad... its actually quite nice...wait...back up...did I just think that?! They abruptly pulled away from each other, hoping that if they concentrated enough, they could repress that memory and forget the muddled thoughts and feelings that flooded their minds and hearts.

New and a bit alarming
Who'd have ever thought that this could be?
True that he's no Prince Charming
But there's something in him that I simply didn't see

It's so peculiar. Wait and see
We'll wait and see
A few days more
There may be something there that wasn't there before
You know, perhaps there's something there that wasn't
there before
There may be something there that wasn't there before

-Beauty and the Beast

And if anyone really hates h/hr fics, I'm sorry, but there's a little more coming. I was going to try & be all mysterious, but please, it's sorted under Ron, Hermione, there is no mystery, just be patient, Ron will come back eventually.

I also apologize for all the random movie quotes (ex: POTC, The Princess Bride, 10 Things I hate about you) but I couldn't resist. If they really make it horrible, I'll take them out, tell me what you think. If you don't know what quotes I'm talking about, go watch those movies now. Right now! Well actually, not until you review. Even if you'd rather poke your eyes out with a Q-tip than read the next chapter, please review. I wanna see that little number going up up and awaaaaaaaaaaaaaay.