Disclaimer: I don't own Saiyuki.

Goldilocks and the Three Bears

Roles

Goldilocks - despite his protests, Sanzo was given the role

Father bear - Gojyo

Mother bear - Hakkai

Baby bear - Goku (Gojyo teased him)

Narrator - Kanzeon Bosatsu

The roles are given by our producer/director/script writer/prompter, Jiroushin.

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Goldilocks and the Three Bears

(Sanzo and the Three Youkais)

"Once upon a time," Kanzeon Bosatsu said, "there lived three bears in a wooden house. There is papa bear, mama bear, and wee little baby bear."

"Is that Jiroushin's lines or did she make them up?" one of the audience muttered.

On stage, Gojyo, Hakkai and Goku were standing side by side, wearing a bear costume each. Hakkai was the only one smiling.

"On one fine morning," Kanzeon Bosatsu continued her narrating. "Mama bear made porridge for breakfast."

Hakkai acted as if he were making porridge. He poured them into three bowls.

"It's too hot to eat right now," Hakkai said with a smile to a smoking Gojyo and a salivating Goku. "Let's go out for a walk while it cools."

"Alright!" Gojyo said in a false cheerful voice. "We don't want to burn out tongues," he added sarcastically.

"Em, lets!" Goku said.

"And so the bears left the house for a walk," Kanzeon Bosatsu said.

Jiroushin wiped his forehead. Phew! So far so good.

"Suddenly, there came a girl by the name of Goldilocks," Kanzeon Bosatsu narrated with a laugh.

Sanzo made his appearance, glowering. He was dressed in a a red shirt and an overall.

"Mm, I smell porridge," Sanzo said. Jiroushin started praying that he wouldn't spoil the play again like he did with the Cinderella play.

"Goldilocks followed the smell and came upon the bears' house," Kanzeon Bosatsu said. "He - no - she entered the house and started towards the porridge. She started with the biggest bowl first."

Sanzo reluctantly took a scoop of porridge and ate it.

"This is too salty, I can't eat this!" he said. He took another scoop at the second porridge and gulped it down. "This is too sweet, I can't eat this!"

He advanced to the third bowl and took a spoonful of porridge. "This is just perfect!" he said with a hint of sarcasm. He finished it all and set down the bowl with a bang.

"Not a first class acting, but okay," Hakkai said with a smile from behind the stage.

"Okay? Even the baka saru can act better!" Gojyo said.

"Goldilocks then looked around her,"Kanzeon Bosatsu narrated. "She spotted three chairs of different sizes. She went over to the biggest one."

Sanzo sat down and got up again. "This is too hard, I can't sit here!" he said without enthusiasm and went over to the second chair and sat down on it. "This is too soft, I can't sit here," he said. But he didn't get up.

Sanzo sat there for a full minute before getting up and sitting down on the small chair. "This is just perfect," he growled.

Two of the chair's leg had been sawed halfway, so it took bout half a minute for it to crack and break, bringing Sanzo to the ground.

"Oh, I broke the damn chair!" Sanzo cried sarcastically.

The audience sweatdropped.

"Mummy, what is the meaning of the word 'damn'?" a little girl asked.

"It's not a good word," her mother replied.

"Goldilocks got up and looked around her once more," Kanzeon Bosatsu said, laughing. "She spotted a flight of stairs leading up. Out of curiosity, she went up."

Sanzo stomped up a piece of cardboard stairs and the curtain closed. Everyone came and took away the table of porridge, the stairs and the chairs to replace them with three beds of different sizes.

"Sanzo!" Goku cried, running up to him. "Why did you ate all my porridge? You're mean, you ate all my porridge!"

"Maa, maa, Goku," Hakkai said.

"Hm!" Sanzo said. "I didn't want to do this stupid play in the first place!"

Everyone but Sanzo left the stage as the curtain rose.

"Goldilocks found herself facing three beds of different sizes," Kanzeon Bosatsu said. "Feeling sleepy, she decided to take a nap."

Sanzo went over and sat on the first bed before getting up. "This damn bed is too hard, I can't sleep here!" He strode over to the second bed and flopped on it. "Now it's too soft and lumpy! I can't sleep here!"

The audience all sweatdropped. Jiroushin was crying silently.

Sanzo stomped over to the smallest bed. He flopped on it. "This is perfect!" he said, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

The curtain dropped. The audience started muttering among themselves over the weird play. The curtain rose and the scene is changed back to the kitchen and chairs.

"Presently, the three bears came back from their walk," Kanzeon Bosatsu said.

A grumpy Gojyo, a smiling Hakkai and a wide eyed Goku all trooped in, still wearing the ridiculous bear costume.

"Someone tasted my porridge!" Gojyo roared.

"And someone tasted mine," Hakkai said.

"Someone has tasted my porridge and look!" Goku said. "He ate it all!"

"She!" Jiroushin hissed.

Goku really started howling. Hakkai comforted him and offered him his own porridge. It was turn for the chairs.

"Someone sat on my chair!" Gojyo roared. He had a coughing fit after that.

"And someone sat on mine," Hakkai said. "Do you want a cough drop, Gojyo?"

Jiroushin didn't care anymore. Let them screw up the whole play if they want to.

"Someone has sat on my chair and look!" Goku said, his mouth full of porridege. "He broke it!"

"The intruder might still be in here!" Gojyo said. "C'mon! Let's go up and see."

The curtain dropped and the scene was hurriedly changed back. Sanzo didn't want to lie in the 'baby cot' but he was forced into it all the same.

The curtain rose.

"The three bears came up into the room," Kanzeon Bosatsu narrated. "They went over to their beds."

"Someone laid on my bed!" Gojyo roared.

"The someone did that on mine too," Hakkai said. "Why didn't he fold the blanket back?"

"Someone has laid on my bed and look!" Goku said. "He's still here!"

All three of them crowded around an angry Sanzo.

"What are you doing here?" Gojyo roared.

"I tell you what I'm doing here!" Sanzo snarled, veins throbbing. He took out his gun. "I'm stuck in the middle of the stage in front of stupid people being treated like an idiot! Now get out and leave me alone!!"

Bang! Bang! Bang! Gojyo, Hakkai and Goku got the message and ran back stage. Sanzo pocketed his gun with a 'Hm!'. The curtain dropped and the audience all clapped in approval!

"And Goldilocks lived happily ever after," Kanzeon Bosatsu narrated with a grin. "The end."

A/N: Review! I was actually planning to write Beauty and the Beast first, but someone wanted Snow White, so Snow White it is!