"A Friend in Need"

by Sharan McQuack, Launchpad's wife. Did I mention I'm a female duck about two years younger than Launchpad there? Yes, I'm female, here, too!

This takes place after " A Taste of his Own Medicine" I harbor the suspicion a lot of people agree with me, only Disney made in all too clear that admiring and respecting LAUNCHPAD is NOT permitted, only humiliating him. One question: WHY?

Disney, if you treated Launchpad no better than you do DUCKWORTH, that would be good enough for me.

I'm NOT writing the kind of story Disney seems willing to sell (more's the pity), I'm writing to kind of story I'd like to BUY.

The Beagle Boys were down in the dumps. Literally. They were hiding from the cops in the one place the cops forget to look: the city dump.

It's a great place to hide. It's huge, there's plenty of stuff to hide behide, food can be found, including unopened cans and boxes of food that people just toss. It stinks and it's dangerous. Broken glass and rusty metal is everywhere. You have to watch out for trash avalanches and junkyard dogs. No wonder the cops avoid the place! Anybody with sense would. But who said the Beagle Boys had sense?

Just then Megabyte Beagle called out to the others:
"Come here, brothers. I found something very interesting." he said.

"Duh, that's looks like the Gizmo-duck suit" said any-given Beagle.

"That's exactly what it is- an earlier version of the Gizmo-duck suit. It looks like whoever invented it (1) did not get it right on the first try. Whoever it was junked this, an earlier version of the Gizmoduck suit right here." Megabyte began.

" I can see why. Media miss-match, bad wiring, slow computer, it's a mess. Looks like something he used to get straight in his head what he was trying to do, then he junked it when he got it right. Brothers, this may be something we can use to rob the money bin- and lay the blame on Gizmo-duck!" Megabyte finished.

Speaking of Gizmo-duck, his alter ego, Fenton Crankshell was in the office portion of the Money Bin when he met Launchpad.

"Fenton- I'm glad I ran into you! I need to speak to you about something important." Launchpad said.

"Launchpad, I don't have time for your nonsense right now. I'm supposed to be meeting with Mr. McDuck!" Fenton said.

"That's weird. Mr. McDee just went into the main conference room with a bunch of big-wigs and he gave strict instructions to Mrs. Featherbee that he's not to be disturbed." Launchpad said.

"Well... I'm supposed to be at that conference! I'm late!" Fenton said.

" Look, you keep dodging me. I need to get this over and done with. But not here where anybody can hear us. Let's go into the mini-conference room, it's empty." Launchpad said, ushering Fenton into the room.

"OK, Launchpad, what's so important it couldn't wait and we had to come in here to talk?" Fenton asked.

" I want your official permission to tell my wife, Sharan, that you are Gizmoduck." Launchpad said.

Needless to say, Fenton was flabbergasted by this request.

"Launchpad, have you been flying too high?" Fenton asked. "What make you think I'M Gizmo-duck?"

"Other than the fact you look just like him? I wear goggles, too, you know. Can you recognize me with my goggles down? Guess what- I can recognize YOU, even in those ski-mask goggles you wear as Gizmoduck." Launchpad stated.

" Besides, Mr. McDuck once accidentally called you "Fenton" when you were wearing the g-suit. Right in front of me. Which confirmed my suspicions." Launchpad said.

"You're smarter than you are given credit for, are you, Launchpad?" Fenton asked.

"What's the old joke? " I almost have to be?" Can I tell Sharan? I won't tell anybody else and neither will she." Launchpad asked.

"Oh, all right. So I'm Gizmoduck. So tell Sharan. What can I do?" Fenton asked.

But that evening, the Beagle boys were on a rise near the Money Bin. One of the skinnier Beagle Boys had managed to climb into what I shall call the B-suit and Big Time handed him a Gizmo-duck Halloween mask the Beagle boys had actually (don't tell anybody!) BOUGHT! With the mask under the goggles and inside the B-suit, in was difficult to tell it wasn't Gizmo-duck, especially from a distance, especially in the twilight.

The Beagle in the B-suit attacked the Money Bin, hoping that, as was usual for a Tuesday evening, Gizmo-duck would NOT be on duty. The Beagle Boys had been casing the joint on general principles and knew when Gizmo-duck was on duty and when, as now, only ordinary security guards would be around.

The ordinary security guards hesitated to fire when they saw what LOOKED like Gizmo-duck barreling towards the bin. But when he started making a serious attempt to rob the joint, they hesitated no longer and opened fire.

The B-suit deflected the fire- so the security guards charged "Gizmo-fraud" el masse. There were so many guards with so much ammo, that soon the bogus Gizmo-duck had to flee minus the money in the money bin.

The next day, Launchpad came into the mansion to speak to Mr. McDuck.

" Mr. McDee, what this about Gizmo-duck being under arrest for trying to rob the money bin? We both know Giz wouldn't do such a thing! I can't believe you are pressing charges!" Launchpad said.

"I know Gizmo-duck wouldn't rob my bin! And I'm NOT pressing charges." Mr. McDuck began.

"Can you keep a secret, Launchpad? Stupid question, of course you can." Mr. McDuck said.

"It seems that a large deposit of gold was found on land owned by the Federal Government. They want to keep it a secret until the mine runs dry, figuring crooks can't rob a mine they don't know exists. They managed to ferry some of the gold into Fort Knox- but it's a very rich deposit and all it takes is one employee with a big mouth to blow the secret. So they thought of hiding the gold in the safest place they could think of- my money bin!" Mr. McDuck explained.

"They came to me and offered me quite a nice tax break to stow the gold in my bin and for me to keep my trap shut. They figured no one would notice or remark on more gold heading towards my money bin! It's too common an occurrence. So for the first time, all of the gold in the money bin isn't mine. Some belongs to the Federal Government. (Although with taxes, that's where too much of my money ends up!)" Mr. McDuck continued.

"The Federal Government is pressing charges against Gizmo-duck, not me. I have to pretend that I'm the one pressing charges- but in exchange, they're not going to unmask Gizmoduck. They striped his suit of all it's weapons, but let him keep his goggles on." Mr. McDuck finished.

"Well, we both know Gizmo-duck would never do such a thing. It must have been somebody else in a gizmo-duck suit. Trouble is, how are we going to prove it?" Launchpad asked.

"WE?" inquired Mr. McDuck. "

Yes, "WE". Gizmo-duck saved me- and you- from being melted down into axle grease.(2) (Here he whispered very softly) Fenton saved me from drowning. (3) I owe him. And Launchpad McQuack always pays his debts." Launchpad said.

"Very well, then. Isn't that Darkwing fellow you're friends with a detective of sorts? Could he help?" Mr. McDuck asked.

"DW is - otherwise occupied." said Launchpad.

Launchpad had called DW up earlier, as soon as Launchpad heard that Giz had been arrested. But DW and Morgana were in the process of moving. DW had gotten bored of retirement and Morgana had talked him into taking HER on as his sidekick (4), at least until Gos is old enough.

Morgana pointed out that while St. Canard was now protected by Gallant Goof, there are plenty of other cities where the crooks have gotten out of control- why not move to one of them? And even with the Thunderquack locked up tight in one of Launchpad's hangers (5), there was an awful lot of VERY dangerous stuff DW had to move.

Launchpad again offered to help, DW said later. Right now, they were in the argue-about-where-to-move- to, do inventory and plan-for-the-move phase, actually packaging their bags and moving would come later.

Mr. McDuck showed Launchpad where the robbery took place. They followed the tracks Gizmo-Fraud made back to the dump, but somebody had been using a wheelbarrow to haul trash around and there were dozens of one-wheel tracks going every which way but loose.

"Well, now what do we do? Hate to admit it Mr. McDuck, I'm no detective and I don't pretend to be one, either!" Launchpad said.

"Launchpad!" said a large dog of the two legged talking variety (6) "Haven't seen you since you bid against me on the USS Jumpstart!" he said.

"Hairy! Ix-nay on the umpstart-jay!"Launchpad said.

But Hairy didn't seem to hear him.

"Hey! Ain't you Scrooge McDuck, Launchpad's boss? I'm Hairy Harrison- no relation to the disk-jockey on WCBS-FM." Hairy said.

(ATTENTION WCBS FM: PLEASE bring back SOME 50's music! You are supposed to be the Rock and Roll station. Rock and Roll STARTED in the 50's. You should NOT forget where you started. Would it KILL you to play the Everly Brothers version of "Twist and Shout" once in a while? I don't think so. Thank you.)

"I own this place. Guess that makes me a junkyard dog. You ever thank this big lug proper-like for buying the USS Jumpstart (7) OUT OF HIS OWN POCKET?" Hairy asked.

"What? Launchpad bought the Jumpstart with his own money?" asked Mr. McDuck

"Didn't he tell you that? Where did you think the money came from, the tooth fairy? Those Beagle Boys fellows swiped your bin, used your money to buy your mansion, then them there robot aliens swiped the bin- you was flat busted! How ELSE did he buy the Jumpstart, if not by using his own money?" Hairy asked.

"When I heard about that, I dropped my bid to buy it from DASA (Duckburg Aeronautics Space Agency).And since mine was the only other bid, Launchpad most of gotten it for remarkably little money- for a rocketship." Hairy said.

"Hairy! I didn't want Mr. McDuck to know about that!" Launchpad said.

"It's true, then? Why didn't you tell me?" Mr. McDuck asked.

"If you knew, you try and pay me back. I did it as a favor to a friend. And friendship doesn't come with a price tag attached." Launchpad said.

"Well. I insist on paying you back! I've seen too many friendship ruined over money! I'm not going to let that happen to you and me!" Mr. McDuck said.

"Good Lord, he's thinking of his old girlfriend Goldy- for decades he thought she had stolen gold from him and he refused to speak to her and by the time he found out she was innocent- they were both old and stubborn and set in their ways" Launchpad thought.

"If you insist- but you should know ANOTHER reason I didn't tell you was because I was afraid you'd expect me to buy me own planes all the time, if you knew about that. Also, you should know I made a very nice profit on the deal." Launchpad said.

"Eh?" Mr. McDuck asked.

"That robot-alien spaceship Gizmo-duck- er- commandeered- he didn't know how to fly the thing. The robot aliens, right after you and I blasted off in the Jumpstart, readied one of their spaceships to capture us." Launchpad began explaining.

"They loaded the Money Bin on it, hoping it would lure us too close. They knew we wanted it back very badly, even if I doubt they understood why. So Gizmo-duck just hopped on board before it took off.(8) The spaceship followed it's previous instructions and followed us and beamed us on board. But by then, the robot-aliens were destroyed-my best bet is that MEL rigged the whole planet and all the robots to die when he did." Launchpad continued.

"I must admit I was impressed when Giz TOLD that to the boys- but I guess there was no other way to explained himself handing me the controls as soon as we were on board. Still, he COULD of fudged the truth a little. Any rate, he gave the spaceship to me, having no use for it. And keeping a spaceship he sort of stole would be bad for his image as a superhero. Not that he could give it back..." Launchpad went on.

"NONE of it's controls were in English- or any other langage I've ever seen. It was all I could do to get us back to Earth safely. I was flying on pilot's instincts and fervent prayer. I sold it to DASA because of that- for about three times what the Jumpstart cost me. The boys at DASA where eager to buy a genuine alien spaceship!" Launchpad said.

" It's not as if you knew that would happen ahead of time! I'm paying you back!" Mr. McDuck said.

"Fine!" Launchpad said. "We have the weirdest arguments!"

"Hairy, do you have something that looks like the gizmo-duck suit in this dump?" Launchpad asked.

"Looks like it? I've got the genuine article- the original gizmo-duck suit is sitting in this here dump! I'll show it to you!" said Hairy-the-yenta.

(Launchpad seems to be a yenta-magnet, what with DW and Giz...)

But when Hairy took them to where the B-suit used to be, of course it wasn't there..

"Well, there's no point searching this place. It's huge and they may not even be here." Launchpad said.

"They won't be. It's embarrassing, but the fake Gizmo-duck who tried to rob my bin, picked the pockets of my security guards! Took their wallets, jewerly, cell phones- so whoever did this- and it was almost certainly another attempt of the Beagle boys on my bin- has some money now. No one would stay here with money in their pockets. They must be holed up in a cheap motel by now." Mr. McDuck said.

"Wait a second! The jumpstart! Mr. McDuck, believe it or not, I just had a brilliant idea!" Launchpad said.

Cut to the Fleabag Motel, where the Beagle Boys are staying. Megabyte Beagle is surfing the net on a wireless computer he swiped. They paid for the motel with stolen money, and they plan on stealing it back before they leave.

"Hey! It says here that Scrooge is hiring temporary security guards for the Money Bin! Now why would Scrooge do that for? Of course! The security guards who were on duty when we tried to rob the bin using our suit have to testify agaist Gizmo-duck in court!" Megabyte stated.

"And with the court system the way it is, Lord only know how long that will take! So Scrooge is hiring some temps to fill in while they wait to testify. A bunch of no-nothings will be guarding the bin- and no Gizmo-duck around! Brothers, this is too good an opportuntity to miss! We're trying again!" Megabyte said.

So, that night, the Beagle Boy in the b-suit, snuck down towards the Money Bin. Using an ordinary gun(the weapons on the b-suit were unfixable), he shot out the lights on the Money Bin. Then he headed towards the bin. When he was within reach, however, lights mounted on wheels rolled out and blazed on.

"There! Is that what you saw the last time?" Launchpad asked the ordinary security guards, the same ones who had been on duty the last time Gizmo-fraud attacked the bin.

The ordinary security guards behide the lights nodded.

"Warden! Is Gizmo-duck still in jail?" asked Mr. McDuck into a cell phone.

The Warden of Duckburg Prision answered: "Yes, Mr. McDuck, I'm looking right at him. Gizmo-duck is still in his cell."

"Well, not for long. We just caught the real thief." Mr. McDuck said.

'Launchpad, however did you think of this idea for flushing the Beagle boys out of hiding, anyway?" Mr McDuck asked.

"Well- what Hairy said about the jumpstart and what you said about being embarrassed reminded me of something. You never asked me how the robot-aliens caught me when you sent me to warm up the Jumpstart. It's embarrassing, but I saw the Money Bin standing apparently unguarded, and knowing that Gizmo-duck was keeping the robot aliens busy, I did something dumb. I tried to rescue your bin all by myself..(9)" Launchpad began.

"I tried to use one of their cranes to move the bin to the Jumpstart. Turned out to be a trap. They knew we wanted your bin back and we were on the loose, so they used your bin as bait- and I fell for it! But remembering that gave me an idea- the Beagle Boys might fall for a similiar trick. If you made them think the bin was unproperly guarded, they would try to rob it again. I was afraid they wouldn't use their gizmo-duck suit the second time, but considering how often they've failed at robbing your bin even before Gizmo-duck existed, I doubted that." Launchpad said.

Later, Launchpad and I were talking in our house, alone.

"Gizmo-duck is FENTON? You sure about that, Launchpad, love?" I asked.

"Sure. Didn't think he was me, did you?" Launchpad asked.
"Heck, no. I need to be married to a superhero the way I need a hole in my head! And don't you forget that! I just hope Fenton knows what he getting himself into. I frankly could not possibly care less who Gizmoduck is. But thanks for not wanting to lie to me." I said to Launchpad.

The End

(1) I KNOW who invented the g-suit. YOU know who invented the g-suit. But Disney never said if that is general knowledge in the Disney Universe or whiter, like Giz's other identity, that is considered Top Secret.

Open offer to any Gizmo-duck fans: I will pretend to believe a twit like Fenton is capable of saving STRING, never mind such things as that and other you-have-GOT-to-kidding stuff Disney showed him doing if YOU pretend to believe Launchpad has a brain. Personally, I think compared to an idiot like Fenton, Launchpad McQuack is a Phi Beta Kappa Key. Same offer is available to DW fans. And if YOU believe such twits could be heroes, you have a much better imagination than I do. I wish I could think of a politer way of putting that, but when the Good Lord was passing out Tact, Dipomacy and Sublety, I was out having a weenie roast. At least I like FENTON. And I COULD be reading Fenton wrong, like I firmly believe Disney is reading Launchpad wrong.

(2) Mistaken Secret Identity

(3) As long as it ain't Launchpad. I would have nothing against DW if Disney had not dragged Launchpad into that show or if they had let return to Duckburg and Mr. McDuck after the first two episodes. Had they done so, I would of ignored DW the way I ignored the cartoon Mighty Ducks.

I first suspected Launchpad might know that Fenton is Giz back in DW's "Tiff of the Titans". I think when Launchpad offered to let Fenton stay with Drake and himself because all the hotels where booked up, Launchpad had forgotten for a second that Drake did NOT know that Fenton was Giz.

Launchpad found himself caught between a rock and a hard place. Launchpad couldn't tell Drake that Fenton was Giz without Fenton's permission and couldn't ask Fenton for permission with Drake there without letting cat out of bag. Launchpad couldn't tell Fenton that Drake was DW without Drake's permission, couldn't ask Drake for permission with Fenton there.

Then DW and Giz tried to prevent FOWL from stealing an AIRPLANE without asking him, Launchpad for help- despite the fact Launchpad could of chased the Egret in the not-to-be-underestimated Thunderquack.

I think Launchpad actually washed his hands of a situation and walked away. "This is too dumb. Check, please!"

I guess I had to do something to try and make that show halfway tolerable to me. And I still quit watching it because it made Launchpad look WAY too dumb.

(4) Super-Ducktales

(5) Launchpad offered to teach DW how to fly the silly thing, but for some weird reason, this offer distressed DW greatly

(6) There are two-legged talking dogs like Goofy and their four-legged barking cousins like Pluto- about as closed related as we are to chimps.

(7) SuperDucktales

(8) OK, YOU explain how FENTON knew how to fly an alien spaceship.

(9) BE HONEST NOW! Do you for one NANO-SECOND doubt that Launchpad would at least TRY to rescue the money bin? I don't. I personally think he'd stand a LOT better chance at succeeding than Gizmo-duck ( and considering the unusally heavy apathy that greeted the creation of Gizmo-duck, I doubt I'm the only one. How do I know Giz went over like a lead balloon? There is his lack of apperance in ANY story in ANY issue of "Ducktales", Gladstone or Disney. There is lack of apperance on Toondisney's 'Ducktales" webpage. You explain that otherwise), but since I didn't write that story, I'll pretend to believe it.

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Since my snippy comments about Ugly Twerp have vanished, I'll re-post this- since being nice to Launchpad is more important to me than being nasty to Ugly Twerp, whom I orginally liked.

SURE Launchpad is REAL STUPID!

How many of the following statesments are true?

He knows how to fly a plane ( including jets- including one he couldn't SEE- the flight suit must of allowed it's pilot to see the invisible jet and Launchpad wasn't wearing it)

and YOU don't.

He knows how to fly a helicopter (which I hear is VERY difficult.) And was that huge helicopter in "Treasure of the Golden Suns" that Launchpad flew a VTOL? A Vertical Take- Off and Landing craft? Launchpad is also flying a VTOL in "Ali Bubba's Cave". If Launchpad knows how to fly one of those babies, no way is he anything remotely resembling stupid. Sorry, wrong number. Wrong area code. Wrong PLANET.)

and YOU don't.

He knows how to steer a speed-boat, pilot a sub, and fly a rocket ship.

And YOU don't.

And NOT ONE WORD ABOUT CRASHES DO I WANT TO HEAR BECAUSE I DON'T BELIEVE IT! We're talking about Launchpad McQuack , who once landed a plane on top of an train (Armstrong) , who in "Ducktales" comic # 5, landed a plane on an ordinary rooftop! Which is hard enough in a helicopter, let alone a plane!

And I'm supposed to believe he can't land safely anyplace he likes? SURE. Like the world's richest duck is going to hire a pilot to fly himself and his heirs around if said pilot ain't the best there is. OF COURSE!

He can fix a plane. He can even build a plane. Even Disney admits Launchpad build the Thunderquack.(And it only took him a year to do it. I suspect it takes Beoing a year to build a plane from the time it's designer gets the idea till the first one rolls off the assemble line.)And the Thunderquack is a very impressive (if stupid looking) piece of hardware. Not to mention the Sunchaser- which now hangs in a museum as the FIRST PLANE TO FLY TO AND FROM THE CENTER OF THE EARTH! And how can you build a plane without first designing a plane? At least inside your own head, if not on blueprints? And using blueprints is probably easier.

SURE Launchpad is REAL STUPID! NOT!

By the way, Launchpad can sure think up jazzy names for planes, can't he? Like the Joyrider, his favorite bi-plane. And the preformentioned Sunchasher and Thunderquack. And you do realize it had to be Launchpad's evil counterpart from the Negaverse who designed the fancy chopper Negaduck flew? (Not to mention teaching him to fly silly thing!)Designing and building a helicopter has GOT to be harder- and require even more brains- than designing a plane. If Launchpad's "evil twin" has that kind of brains, so does my Launchpad.

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What Launchpad Is:

Disorganized- YES!

Scatter-brained-Definetely!

A little flakey- Yup.

And if you haven't figured out I know what it's like to be disorganized, scatter-brained and more than a little flakey- boy are YOU slow on the uptake!

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