Disclaimer: (Hmm, I remembered again!) I don't own any characters in this chapter. That stinks. But I love this chapter! I double-spaced it between paragraphs like someone asked me to, tell me if this is better.

This chapter is Dedicated to everyone who felt sorry for Fred after the last chapter (Me222 and EvilHermione1824, this means you!)

Everybody, thanks for your reviews.

Tei'La-I try to post a minimum of once a week but the number of times I get to post depends on my homework and my muse. I only post as much as I have written at a time.

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Harry's eyes kept drifting to the Ravenclaw table during dinner. Luna, her mask of obliviousness firmly in place, ignored his looks.

Harry looked around and sighed. Couples were sitting together throughout the tables. Of course, Luna was a Ravenclaw, so he had no one to sit with. He had his transfiguration book out and was studying while he ate.

When everyone was done he joined the thronging masses on their way to the houses. Harry and Ron went up to the dormitory early that night. They had a lot to talk about.

They sat on the beds, throwing a tennis ball back and forward while they talked.

"Ron, you don't mind if Luna and I attacked your brother, do you?"

"Depends. Which brother?"

"Fred. He deserved it."

"Him? That's all right. What did you do to him?"

Harry started listing everything.

Ron listened, jaw open. "Whoa. What'd he do to deserve all that?"

"Spied on us."

"That doesn't really sound like Fred," he said doubtfully. "He spied on the Order with us that summer, but I don't see him spying on a guy who's on a dat- I mean spending the day with his friend."

"He was sent by Dumbledore."

"Oh."

"So how was your date?"

"Good. We shared a table with Neville and Ginny. I don't think I'll ever get used to my sister dating though. Probably not, anyway."

"Well, maybe next time Luna and I will go with you."

"So what happened today with you two?"

"Well, this morning, Ginny and I picked out earrings for Luna. Did you hear about the Quibbler?"

"Yeah. Bad, huh?"

Harry nodded. "I met Luna at the Three Broomsticks and we ate. You should have seen her when she showed up there, Ron."

"Was she crying?"

"No, she was beautiful." He smiled at the memory and the lingering sensation that all was right with the world.

Ron shrugged, "I believe you, but she's not my type." That was as delicate as he could put it. He didn't think of Luna like that at all, he was friends with her, but he really cared for Hermione. He thought she was the most gorgeous creature on earth. "So, then what?"

"Well we talked a little and I asked her to tell me how she hexed Malfoy on the train. She said she that she wouldn't tell me any of her secrets until I stopped hiding mine. So I decided that we needed to really talk. Seriously talk. So we went outside and did just that."

"For how long? An hour?"

"An hour? It was more like four. Maybe longer. But that doesn't matter. I felt better afterwards."

"What did you say?"

He whispered, "Everything, Ron. Everything!" He smiled wide. "We sat down and I said, 'ask me anything'. Do know how good it feels to have no secrets from someone? To be completely honest with them? I just feel . . . free."

"That's how I felt after Hermione and I told each other the truth about how we felt." He smiled. "But how does my brother fit into any of this?"

"When we were talking I asked her what she was thinking. She said she wanted to kiss me. I wanted to kiss her too. It was . . . beyond words, Ron. That's all I can say."

Ron nodded in understanding. "So wonderful that you never want to stop? Your arms are around her but you don't know how they got there and all you know is that you never want to let go? That's kind of how I feel whenever I see Hermione, or think about her. I love her, Harry."

"Have you told her that?" Harry asked.

"Not yet."

"You should."

"What if she doesn't say she loves me back, Harry? I'll be devastated. If she doesn't, well, it's better not to know."

"Tell her. I think you'll like her answer."

Ron nodded.

Harry remembered Luna's face, her lips, her arms around him. "So we kissed, I don't know how long. But when we came up for air, I heard something. Well, after a suggestion from Luna I summoned the invisibility cloak I knew that someone must have been wearing. Then we saw that Fred was standing there. He confessed that Dumbledore still has guards on me during Hogsmeade trips and Quiditch and stuff. We got mad and started hexing him right and left. He never stood a chance. We carried what was left up to Dumbledore's office."

Ron's eyes widened. "He was one of the nice ones . . ."

"Don't worry. No permanent damage. Just enough to cause Dumbledore a little trouble fixing him."

"That's good."

"So how was your day?" asked Harry.

"We did a little shopping before our lunch reservation. Then when we went and were waiting for our table we saw Ginny and Neville. He's got no right to snog my sister, but I felt bad about how I treated them the last time we were in Hogsmeade, so I asked if they wanted to sit with us. After we ate, Neville and Ginny went somewhere, I think window-shopping. Hermione and I walked around, talking."

"Just talking?"

"No," admitted Ron. "But I'm not one to kiss and tell," he teased.

Seamus, Dean, and Neville walked in at that moment.

"Hey, Harry-the-dateless, how was your Valentine's Day?" asked Seamus.

"For your information, I had a date."

"Who?" asked Seamus.

"Luna Lovegood."

"I thought you said you were friends?" said Dean.

"Yes. We were friends. Now we're not. Luna's my girlfriend."

The boys all laughed, except Ron.

"Well who were you out with today?" asked Harry coolly.

"Dean and I doubled with the Patil twins at Madam Puddifoots," said Seamus.

"Oh, really?"

"Yeah. You can ask them yourself tomorrow."

"Dean, I thought you liked Lavender?" asked Ron.

"I do, but she was sick today. She was in the hospital wing."

Harry just shook his head. Some guys . . . He took out his pajamas and took off his shirt. He saw that the door was still open. Were these guys raised in a barn or something? Everyone who grew up in a cupboard under the stairs knew how to close a door. "Hey, shut the door, will ya?"

"Sure." Neville kicked it back and started to change into his pajamas.

"Did you have a nice time, Nev?"

"Yeah, I-" he looked over at Ron, who was glaring. "Ginny and I had an enjoyable lunch and then we went out for a delightful walk."

Harry fell asleep not long after that.

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Harry woke up and got dressed for class, groaning, he had double- Snape first today. He pulled on his robes and brushed his hair and teeth without bothering to look in the mirror. He put his books in his bag and went down to breakfast. He was oddly starved.

Nobody was in the common room. Strange. Usually there were people waiting around here before going down to breakfast; it wasn't that early yet.

He just mentally shrugged it off and went down the many stairs of Hogwarts to the Great Hall. He sat at the Gryffindor table and started eating.

There were odd expressions on the faces of some of the younger Gryffindors.

But it was Draco Malfoy who solved Harry's confusion.

"Hey, Potter," he spat. "What's with the new look?"

"What do you mean?" asked Harry, confused.

"Take a look in the mirror." He brought out a hand mirror and showed Harry his reflection.

Harry nearly screamed, he wasn't sure he didn't.

His hair was blonde and curly (growing longer by the minute), his robes were hot pink and shrunken so they didn't fit him so well, there was make up on his face (eye shadow, blush, lipstick, the works), he had long painted nails. And he looked behind him. A cat's tail was poking out of a whole in his fluorescent robes. Suddenly his arms and his hands weren't arms and hands anymore, they were yellow duck wings. Things got worse from there. His legs and feet became frog legs and feet. And he grew breasts.

"What did you do to me?"

"Nothing. This is an ordinary mirror. I just got an anonymous tip to show you your reflection. I'm glad I listened to it." He smirked and walked away.

By now, most of the people in the hall were looking at Harry and laughing hard.

He was so embarrassed he didn't know what to do. He looked desperately at Hermione and mouthed, "Help me!"

She shook her head. "I'll try, but I don't think it'll work." She tried. It didn't work.

"Now what am I supposed to do?" he asked.

"I suggest you go see Madam Pomfrey." Harry could tell that she was doing her very best not to laugh. She was failing miserably. "I'm . . . so . . . sorry, Harry," she gasped. "Just . . . too . . . ridiculous!"

Harry said nothing. He saw flashes of lights from cameras. Could things get worse?

Hermione's laughing became so bad that she had to double up, clutching her stomach.

Ron, Dean, Neville, Ginny, and Seamus were laughing as hard as the rest of them, if not harder.

Luna walked up to him. She turned an icy stare to everyone in the vicinity. "If anyone laughs, they have to answer to me," she said calmly, taking Harry's wing and guiding him out of the Great Hall. Unfortunately, they had to pass every table in order to get to the doors and the students could not stop laughing, no matter how many of them Luna hexed on their way through.

Madam Pomfrey was able to fix most of it. The key word being "most". She was not able to do anything about his hair, make up (which no amount of scrubbing, potions, or charms would remove) or the breasts. She told him, "Whoever did this to you was highly skilled. There's a time release on these. If I'm not mistaken, the rest of the effects will have worn off by the time you wake up tomorrow. The important thing is that we got rid of the tail, wings, and frog legs. You'll survive going to class."

"Yeah but the other kids won't. They'll die from laughing," he growled. This was not funny and whoever had done this was going to pay.

She brought out a set of very loose and baggy Hogwarts robes. "Put these on, it should help to partly fix your problem, or at least make them less noticeable. I'm sure I can find you something for support if you need it." She laughed. She had avoided it up until this point, but now she couldn't. The boy was probably at least a C, maybe a D, either way, he looked ridiculous. It would have look odd on a girl with a narrow frame like his; on a boy, it was just wrong.

"No, thank you," he said coldly.

"Child, you know I didn't mean that. Is there anything you need?"

"No."

Luna had not left and said, "I think he needs more make up."

"What?!" asked Harry, outraged.

"Miss Lovegood may be right, Mister Potter. I think I have concealer in just your color."

"I'm not wearing more make up!" he screamed.

"But this make up would make it look like you weren't wearing the other make up," she explained. Ordinary nail polish remover and clippers had taken care of his nails.

"If I don't like it you'll get rid of it, right?"

"Of course." When Madam Pomfrey was done, all that could be seen of the magical make up that had been put on him was the lipstick. "Well, I can't cover that for you. Sorry."

He looked in the mirror (he was a little nervous too after what he'd last seen in a mirror) and she was right, he didn't look like a drag queen anymore. He looked down at the lumps under his robes and shuddered (he hadn't gotten a chance to change out of the pink ones yet), at least he looked a little better with concealer on. He sighed. "You can't do anything about these?" he was afraid to change his robes. He honestly didn't want to see these on his body.

"Could bind them, make them smaller that way."

"Bind?" That didn't sound to comfortable.

"It's exactly as it sounds. A long strip of cloth tightly wrapped around your chest."

"Okay." He shut his eyes while she worked. She cut the pink robe into two pieces so he was still clothed on the bottom. She didn't take the top part of the robe off either, she just shortened it and wrapped the binding cloth over it. Then she pulled the curtains closed so Harry could change robes alone.

He pulled them open. Not bad. The cloth and baggy robes had made some difference. Didn't make it all better of course, but it helped. Now the poor boy had red lips, long and curly blonde hair just long enough for him to sit on, and baggy robes with a bulge near the top. She felt sorry for him, but Dumbledore had said . . .

"Come on, Harry, I'll walk you to class."

"It's way out of your way. I've got Snape."

"It doesn't matter. Flitwick has missed me this long; another little while won't make a difference. I can get away with it, I'm his favorite student."

So, they walked down to the dungeons. The Great Hall was empty when they passed through and no one was still waiting outside Snape's room when they got there.

"Do I have to go in?" asked Harry, miserable.

"Yes, you do." She kissed his cheek. "You've got choices. Go in there like everything is normal and just ignore the idiots."

"That's hard."

"Go in there, totally confident, and come up with sharp retorts to whatever they say."

He hesitated.

"Or you have one more option. Go in there and act really embarrassed like you are now and let them laugh at you and make fun of you. Then, whoever did this to you will win. Make up your mind fast." She knocked on Snape's door, pushed him toward it, and ran.

"Come in!" yelled Snape.

Harry took a deep breath and entered.

There was a shocked silence.

They'd been expecting him to come back either completely normal, or completely the way he had appeared at breakfast. They hadn't been expecting a partial recovering.

"Mister Potter, is that you? Take a seat."

Harry slumped down into a chair next to Hermione and quietly explained everything that happened. Potions that day was worse torture than usual.

Draco Malfoy passed as many snide comments as he could. "Potter, you look different today, did you do something to your hair?"

"No, did you? 'Cause you look like a drowned rat, Malfoy," said Harry. Draco's hair was slicked back.

"Ooh, tough guy. You're a big girl now, Harriet. Moved out of your training bra and into big girl clothes."

"I can tell you're so jealous. You're still in your tidy-whities with fluffy pink bunny rabbits on them, aren't you?"

Draco's pale face grew spots of color.

"I wonder if I should call you Harriet or Goldilocks?"

No scissors had been able to cut his perfect blonde curls. It had stopped growing once it was long enough to sit on. Madam Pomfrey had tied it in a ponytail for him. She'd offered to plait it but he'd declined.

The banter between them continued, though Harry had to wait for his comebacks until Snape wasn't paying attention. Oddly enough, Snape seemed to be paying less attention to him than usual. Draco persistently referred to him as Harriet.

Harry was so glad when class was finally dismissed.

"Who do you think did this?" asked Hermione.

"No idea," he replied. "I thought it was Malfoy, but now I don't think it was." They talked and took their time getting to their next class. Hermione promised to let him borrow her potions notes from that class.

Just a few yards from Delano's door, the seam in Harry's book bag split. "Aw, no! This is seriously not happening, Hermione." He bent down and picked up all his books. He entered the classroom 30 seconds after Delano had shut the door.

He came in and she said flatly, "You're late."

"Sorry, Professor. My book bag ripped."

"No excuse. Take your seat, Mister Potter. Or should I say Miss Potter?"

Harry went red in the face. "Mister Potter." He sat down between Ron and Hermione, wondering if perhaps Professor Delano was the source of his unfortunate day.

"Mister Potter here is an excellent example. An excellent example of the need to be cautious! I am sure he has learned his lesson."

Oh yeah, he thought. It was definitely her.

"Mister Potter, did anything in your breakfast taste odd this morning?"

"No. I didn't even get to have more than a bite of it."

"Did you notice anything odd when you woke up this morning?"

"If you're asking did I have this hair and these boobs when I woke up, the answer is no," he said bluntly.

"I-"

"No, I didn't have the cat tail, frog legs, duck wings, painted nails, or make up either. I don't know how I was hexed, but whoever did it is going to pay severely." There was a crazy glint in Harry's eye.

"I was simply going to say, someone could have enchanted your robes, or any number of personal items yesterday while you were not attending them."

The rest of class continued to be a nightmare.

Lunch was not good. Someone had developed that morning's pictures and blown them up, displaying them on the wall. Once the pictures were removed (which wasn't until halfway through lunch) there was less laughing directly at Harry, but he later learned that some of his closer friends and Luna had gone around threatening anybody who laughed.

Let's just skip the disaster that was the rest of the afternoon.

That night after Quiditch practice, Harry's teammates all went to the library. Harry didn't have the heart. Someone had smeared honey all over the handle of his Firebolt and he didn't realize it 'til after he sat down. He trudged back to the common room. It wasn't that late, but Harry entered the common room and it was deserted.

Harry didn't notice the two lone figures lounging in chairs by the fire until they said, "Hello, Harriet."

He turned sharply and saw them. Fred and George Weasley (Fred now completely recovered).

"How'd you get in here?"

"Pulled a few strings."

"Dumbledore?" asked Harry.

"No," said Fred, putting his feet up. "Last night, I came by and saw some ickle-firsties on their way in. I told them I was one of the Legendary Weasley twins and that I wanted their help in performing a huge prank on the famous Harry Potter. They were quite willing to give me the password and do whatever I asked. They made sure the common room was empty when you came downstairs this morning, and they were the ones who so kindly spread the word to have the common room empty when you came back from Quiditch practice."

"What are you doing here then, George?"

"Fred called in for reinforcements and supplies. I obliged."

"It's a two for one special, you know," said Fred.

George finished, "You mess with one of us, you mess with both of us."

Harry gave up and sat down, not too close to them. "How did you do it? I want the whole story."

"Well, I got the password. I came back later last night and snuck up to your dormitory when Seamus, Dean, and Neville went in. They knew I was there. I hexed a few things after you were asleep, but I made sure the changes wouldn't occur until someone showed you a mirror. Except for the makeup. I made that show up immediately, to peak interest and give our buddy Draco something to work with. The first years kept anyone from coming downstairs before you."

George picked up the story, "I went to pay a visit to dear Draco Malfoy. I waited outside the Slytherin house under an invisibility cloak, complimentary of you, Harry, and I pulled him over when he came out. I gave him the mirror and said, 'you want to embarrass, Potter? Show this to him at breakfast'. He was quite willing when I explained just what would happen to you." He pulled Harry's invisibility cloak out from underneath him and Harry snatched it back. George grinned. "We found it hidden in your trunk. Since you never told us about it, we thought it only right to use it against you.

"I split your bag open on your way to Defense Against the Dark Arts."

"I developed the pictures I had the first years take and I put them up on the wall."

The twins grinned even more mischievously than usual; revenge was sweet. No one beat the Weasley twins. They were the best in the business.

"Did Dumbledore know about any of this?" asked Harry, finally.

"Oh, yeah. Old Dumby knew. He didn't know exactly what we were planning but I got permission to do whatever I thought necessary and he promised to keep interference to a minimum. He said he would only have Madam Pomfrey removed jinxes and curses that prohibited you from functioning normally in a classroom." Now that George had gotten up, Fred stretched full length on the sofa.

George was tacking an order form to the Gryffindor bulletin board. "You were the advertisement for some of our newest products, Harriet. Pass these out to the other houses." He dropped a stack of flyers.

George shouted, "Weasleys Wizard Wheezes!" as he threw a pinch of green powder in the fire and disappeared.

Fred said, "The rest of the effects will wear off at midnight. If any of the girls are interested in looking like you, tell them it won't work. Our products our for amusement, not beauty, so a lot of what we tested on you (other than the animal stuff) only works on guys." He shouted, "Weasleys Wizard Wheezes!" and disappeared in the fire. He and his twin both stuck there heads back through and said, "Remember, don't mess with the masters, little boy. If you play with fire, you'll get burned!" They disappeared again.

Crowds of people swarmed down both staircases, laughing and grabbing order forms.

Game over, thought Harry. The Weasley twins win. They always won.

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So, what do you think? Do you still feel bad for Fred? *grin* I'll try and post more soon but after all that fun Valentines business, it'll take a little thinking, and I want to try and update Artemis Fowl and Fortress of Shadows this weekend. *looks guiltily at neglected fics gathering dust* So I might not post again 'til next week, unless my muse happens to jam something into my brain and threatens to make my fingers explode. Right now I have no clue what the next chapter will be (but don't be worried, 'cause that's usually the case).

Now one last question, who feels bad for Harry?