Winter's Refuge
Chapter Thirty-Five
LOM
I persuaded Heyes to ride in the wagon with me. Actually, I just told him that's what he was going to do. I couldn't keep an eye on him when he was trailing us. The warden's visit in the doctor's office sent him into a deeper spiral. His one touchpoint was the Kid. In the wagon, he could watch him continuously. Sitting sideways, he flinched at every moan, every cry from the Kid.
"Keep the wagon ride as smooth as you can. I need to redo the stitches on his temple...and put one or two in the wound on the back of his head." Dr. Arden continued to work on the Kid as we rode.
Heyes finally turned around and pulled out his chalkboard. It took him a long time, but he finally wrote. "I home alone."
He was suffering. His written sentences had all but deserted him. Those three words took him twenty minutes to write. But it meant he understood the situation. I wasn't about to let him travel alone. "No Heyes, I'm going with you."
He didn't respond or object, just kept watching the Kid.
I dropped everyone off at the medical center. When I told him to, Heyes followed Colin, head and eyes down, feet shuffling. Kid would have hated his submission behaviors. I went to the train station. The Kid was right. Heyes had to leave today. None of us were willing to take a chance with his parole.
I pulled Colin aside. He'd stay with the Kid as he was already here with the governor. I was going to the ranch with Heyes. As I bought our tickets, I thought of what Heyes needed from me. I don't have the Kid's patience and I don't have his connection with Heyes. I had no idea what was going on in his head right now. I'd never lived through what they had.
When I got back to the hospital, I found Heyes sitting in the Kid's room, but not by his bedside. He was in a dark corner, clutching his chalkboard, and watching his cousin's every breath with intense interest.
The Kid was muttering through his pain. I moved closer. He wasn't muttering, he was saying, "Water, water."
I poured water into a glass. He was on his side and the hand that he reached out for the glass shook with pain. I helped him lift it to his mouth. He took one gulp, then closed his eyes. I thought he was asleep again, but he said, "More."
This time he sipped it slowly before letting go of the now half empty glass. I caught it. Sleep came right away.
I turned to Heyes. "He needed water. Why didn't you help him?" I realized my voice held an accusation and my anger.
Blankly he looked at me and shrugged his shoulders.
Suddenly, I was as worried about Heyes as I was about the Kid. I stepped into the hall and looked for Dr. Arden. Waving at him, with a look back at the Kid, I caught up with him.
"Dr. Arden, Heyes..."
"I know, Sheriff, I know. I just don't know what to do for him. Jed is the only one that can consistently reach him."
"The Kid was asking for water and Heyes just sat there and watched him."
Dr. Arden stopped and turned back to the Kid's room. "Let's go. I know you two are leaving on the train soon."
"Doctor, I need to know what to do with him, how to handle him. I'm not the Kid."
"Still, Heyes trusts you and that's important. Have patience with him. Repeat everything until he understands."
"But doctor…"
"I believe Heyes is at a tipping point right now and the next few weeks will see if his recovery moves ahead or not. You need to support the progress."
"Tipping point?"
"I've seen two different Heyes today. The one sitting in that room now getting lost further and further into his guilt and fears. This Heyes is not aware of what is happening around him. Otherwise, he would have given Jed water."
I nodded. That's the Heyes I thought I had seen all day so was surprised when Dr. Arden continued. He must have seen the despair on my face.
"But remember, Sheriff, we've seen another Heyes today. One fighting to get out. Fighting to recover."
"Huh?"
"Despite his fears and despair, he made the decision to go to the prison. That took a lot of strength. He needed some support, but he composed a positive message and wrote it out for the Kid outside the dark cell. He retreated but didn't crumble when the warden was yelling at the governor. He thought enough about the Kid to bring him an apple, something he knows Jed craves. I even saw him grin when he gave it to him. All of that took great determination and more concentration than I thought he was currently capable of. That's what you need to recognize and encourage."
I sighed. "Not sure I know how to do that. And when I get to the ranch, Chrissy's going to need me, too. The Kid just seemed to always know what they needed."
"He just does what he thinks best…and he does seem to have unlimited empathy and patience. He's taken on a lot. Maybe this will make him slow down."
I thought about it as we looked into the Kid's room from the hall. "Yes, he's taken on a lot of things. Seems like everyone expects a lot of him. I'm afraid if he does slow down, Heyes and Chrissy won't get better and everything will collapse like a house of cards. He doesn't understand how much he's taken on, how many people depend on him."
I moved to the side of his bed. He was having a nightmare. He tried to roll on his back, but I caught him. Looking at the doctor, I added, "Chrissy and Heyes, Juan and Rudy, the customers of his blacksmith shop and the ranchers who bring their mares to him all depend on him."
Dr. Arden looked at me, then the sleeping Kid. "The townspeople of Three Birds think of him as a hero after the fire."
"I think I can at least take some of that off of him until he heals."
ASJ*****ASJ
When I told him to follow me, Heyes followed me to the train without objection. He had again shown me his board where he had written, "I home alone."
"No, Heyes. I'm going to the ranch with you," I said strongly because I didn't want an argument. The doctor's words came back to me, so I added, "It's good of you to suggest that."
He stood a few steps behind me. I let him. I was tired of trying to get him to change. When the train came, a rush of people got off and people were trying to board through them. Everyone was pushing. Heyes retreated to the back of the platform looking bewildered and very alone.
"Come on, time to board," I called. I had both of our traveling bags and no free hand to guide him.
Looking down, he followed me, bumping into a middle-aged lady in a beige traveling suit. "My word, young man, look where you are going!"
Heyes froze then looked around in panic. I know he was searching for the Kid. And I knew what the Kid would do. Carrying both bags in one hand, I draped the other arm around his shoulder saying, "Come on, buddy, let's get on the train." I was afraid his name might draw unwanted attention. There were no seats in the first railcar. As we walked down the aisle, he wrapped his arms around himself. Still looking down, he avoided eye and physical contact with everyone. I saw an empty row halfway back on the right of the second car.
"Aisle or window?"
He reached and took first his traveling bag and then mine and placed them on the aisle seat before sitting in the middle seat. I climbed over him to the window seat as the train left Cheyenne.
HEYES
The Kid was happy when I gave him the apple. He's hurt. Hurt so bad he's in the hospital. And I remember why he's hurt. He did it for me. The warden scared me, but I remembered the Kid said he looked up out a window, not down. So that's what I did. I watched a cloud. It floated across the sky. It's free. It makes different shapes but then it took the shape of a gun and my heart beat fast. I only saw this warden a couple of times. He started during my last months. He left most things to Dr. Arden. The warden was yelling, but not at me. He was mad at the governor, but I think the governor won the argument. I'm glad because the warden called me a sniveling mute. I don't like that, but I don't remember how to fight back. I'd rather run away. There is no place to run but into my mind. Maybe I am a sniveling mute
In the hospital, they let me stay in the Kid's room. He's in a lot of pain. I want to help but I don't know what to do. There is no bowl with cool water and a rag, or I would wipe his forehead. I can't help it. I touched the stitches on the back of his head where he fell just before we were arrested. I forget about that scar because his hair covers it. But his hair is gone now. He looks much more frightening without his curly hair. And I touched his temple. With the stitches, it looks red and angry. I look around to see if there is some cream I can put on it. I know it hurts him.
"Heyes, go away. Let me sleep." The Kid sounds angry. He wants me to go away. He must be angry that my confession put him in prison. I don't want to leave. I am going to sit in this corner where it's dark and no one can see me. I won't bother him at all. I'll just watch over him.
Now Lom is angry with me because I didn't give the Kid water. But the Kid told me to go away. That's what I'm doing. I won't bother him at all. Lom said he's going with me to the ranch. I wrote that I'd go alone but he won't let me. I'm glad. I just need to get to Bridgeport. I can be there with my parole. Maybe I can find a job there in the livery? I don't want to go away but the Kid told me to. I put him in prison. They hurt him in there. Lom asked me to go say goodbye to the Kid. But I can't. I don't want to leave him. I remember he gave me another chance with my parole. I was proud of him the way he walked out of prison, but later he collapsed. Maybe he's going to die. Maybe they did break him in there and he hid it until he was free. If he dies, I killed him, my partner, my best friend, my cousin, my savior.
We have to take the train to Bridgeport. There are a lot more people here than before. They rush off the train at me when it stops. I back up until I find a place to hide, and they rush on by me. Lom helps me. I trust him, but not like I trust the Kid. He said we're going to the ranch, but I want to stay in Bridgeport. The Kid has done enough for me. But then I get on the train, and I'm scared. Everyone must be staring at me. The men are wearing guns. I used to wear a gun. Now I'm frightened of them. There's a reason. I need to think about why I don't like guns. My gun is black. But it's not my gun anymore. It's Chrissy's. Why? I know why guns are bad…why my gun is bad. I can't touch guns. I found my gun and I sent the Kid to prison. My heart is beating fast; I can feel it. I'm shaking.
"Buddy!" Lom is talking to me. He has his hand on my arm. I think he was talking to me before and I didn't listen. The Kid says I don't listen. I need to try to listen. Chrissy listens, he says.
"You okay?"
He is trying to look in my eyes but that's bad. Never look a guard in the eyes.
"You okay, my friend?"
Lom's not a guard. He's my friend. I raise my head and nod. He didn't use my name. We must be in danger. It doesn't matter. The Kid told me to go away. I don't know where to go so I'll follow Lom.
"You and the Kid left your horses in Bridgeport, right?" I think Lom had asked this more than once. I nod. He keeps talking. "I always admired Winter's Glory, but sure didn't want to ride him for this reason."
Nobody rode Winter's Glory except the Kid, not even Rudy. I realize my thoughts are wandering, thinking about the horse, and going riding with the Kid. Lom's still talking. He bent closer and said, "Heyes!" into my ear. Startled, I look at him. We're in danger here. He shouldn't use my name. Someone might recognize it then recognize me. I look closer at the other passengers around us. They're all pretending not to look at us.
"Heyes!" he says a little louder this time. He had something to tell me. I need to listen to his words like the Kid told me. "I'll need you to help me with Chrissy when we get to the ranch."
My panic must have shown on my face. Something's happened to Chrissy. I try to ask, 'what?' but only a garbled sound escapes. The warden was right to call me a sniveling mute.
"Do you want your chalkboard?" Lom's impatient. He was awake all night worrying about the Kid. I was, too.
I don't want my chalkboard; I can't write words unless I have a lot of time. Dr. Arden tried to explain why I can think clearly but can't express myself in words. I wonder what he would say about having trouble writing my words, too.
I need to listen to Lom. Maybe I'll find out what danger Chrissy is in. "You understand? I don't know Chrissy's routines, you do. I don't know what upsets her." He sounded sincere.
I pick up my chalkboard. Lom needs to know what upsets Chrissy. I understand that's important. He's still talking but I have to concentrate on my writing. I know what I want to tell him, the threat to Chrissy.
Finally, I sit up. Lom has stopped talking and he's looking out the window waiting for me to finish. I touch his arm gently. I don't want him to jump in surprise.
"Buddy?"
I showed him my board. I only wrote one word but it's important. "JEREMY."
"Jeremy? Who's Jeremy? I asked you what upsets Chrissy. Can you tell me that?" Lom is abrupt, irritable.
I answered his question, but I can't explain my answer.
"We're almost to Bridgeport. If you can't tell me what upsets her, then think about what you can tell me about her routines. I know enough that we don't want to disrupt those patterns."
I give up. He doesn't understand. I know Chrissy milks her cow and gathers the eggs. The Kid cooks breakfast. I can cook breakfast, but I don't want to make coffee. Nobody but me likes my coffee.
ASJ*****ASJ
I just followed Lom while we got the horses and rode to the ranch. I feel free when I'm riding. He doesn't talk to me, and I understand. He's mad at me, too. But now I know what he wants me to do-take care of Chrissy.
When we turn up Old Cummings Road, I look at the blacksmith shop. I need to change the sign that the Kid will not be home for a while. That's something I can do. As we approach the gate, I look ahead at our house. Our house, my home. It's been a long time since I felt that way about anyplace. I don't want to go away. I'm going to try harder to be good, so the Kid lets me stay. At the gate noise, Juan and Chrissy come out onto the porch. At first, they look friendly but then Chrissy looks frightened. Of course, she recognized Lom and doesn't see the Kid. She's running toward us, looking past us on the road for him. Lom doesn't remount, he just locks the gate and we wait for her.
"Jed? Jed?"
Lom caught her in his arms to stop her from running into the fence.
"Jed?"
"Let's go up to the house and talk," Lom says, and I see Juan trailed Chrissy down from the house. He looks to me for an explanation, but all I can do is shrug my shoulders. Chrissy let Lom turn her around and she marches in front of us back to the house.
"Juan, leave the horses for a few minutes while we talk." Lom's voice was firm.
I can't help it, I start shaking. They're going to be mad at me for sending the Kid to prison.
In the house, Juan and Chrissy are sitting at the kitchen table facing Lom. I can't sit down with them. I don't deserve to join them. I stand by the back door and try to listen. It hurts to hear what happened again. It hurts worse to see Chrissy's expressions as she listens. The Kid is right, she listens to it all. When Lom is finished, Juan asks a few questions, but Chrissy froze. She is staring at a spot above the stove where there is nothing.
Lom and Juan go out to take care of the horses while I watch Chrissy. Is that is what I am supposed to be doing? I don't know. I think so. Juan walks by with the travel bags.
"Mr. Heyes, I'll leave yours outside your door. The sheriff is going to stay in Jed's room. He'll be in to start dinner in about an hour. I need to show him some corral where the new mare kicked part of it out."
I nod to him but I'm watching Chrissy. I want to help her, but I don't know how. I'll just stay here and watch until she needs something.
I waited and stayed where I was. Suddenly, Chrissy stood up and walked to her bedroom. She did not close the door, so I stood in the doorway watching her. She was taking clothes out of her drawers and stacking them on her bed. When she saw me standing there, she pushed by me and walked to my room. Picking my travel bag up from the floor, she carried it into my room. She put it on my bed and pointed.
"Mine," she said.
Was this her bag? I thought I remembered the Kid buying it for me but maybe I'm just borrowing it?
"Mine. Now!" Chrissy was adamant it was hers.
I took my things out. I didn't bring a lot. I put my chalkboard and chalk on my dresser. Chrissy looks at it and her eyes get big.
"Jeremy? Why Jeremy?" She sounded frantic.
I took the board and concentrated on writing. "Told L." It took at least ten minutes to write that while Chrissy stood there watching me.
When I showed it to her, she thought for a moment before she wrote, "Good" on my board.
She pointed back to the bag, and I just dumped the few things left in it on my bed. She grabbed the bag and went back to her room. I started to put my things away when I heard her walk to the kitchen and out the back door. Lom said to help with Chrissy. He's not here so I follow her. She's in the stable. Sometimes she reads to her pregnant mares and lately Spring's Moirai. She calls her Maura, but I looked it up and Moirai is the goddess of fate.
She's not reading to the horses. She is saddling Spring's Moirai and I know what she's planning to do. She's going to try to go to Cheyenne, to the Kid. I have to stop her, at least until I can get Lom back here.
I point to Spring's Moirai and shake my head no.
I have her attention.
I pull her and point to Summer's Gold, the horse she always rode before Juan brought Moirai here. She thought for a moment and nodded. She started to go to the horse, I caught her arm and shook my head. I pointed to myself and then the horse hoping she understood I would saddle her.
She thought for a longer moment this time. "Good," she said as she went back into the house. I put Summer's Gold into the outside corral and tried hard to remember where Lom said he was going to be. I looked around the ranch and then I listened. Just barely, I could hear Lom's voice talking to Juan. I have to get to him.
I run towards his voice hoping he stays where he is. I haven't run in over five years. My heart is beating wildly, and my lungs hurt as I gasp for air. My legs hurt; the muscles fight this unusual exertion. Lom looks surprised when he sees me.
"Heyes, what are you doing here?"
I try to talk but all that comes out is gasps of drivel. Frustrated, I grab Lom's shirt and pull him toward the house.
"Heyes, we'll be finished here in half an hour and then I'll go back to the house." Lom seemed annoyed. I didn't want Lom mad at me. I want to help him. I want to be helpful. I want the Kid to keep letting me live here.
I push him from behind toward the house and point again. He turns with a very angry face. I look down. What have I done? I pushed him. I shouldn't have pushed him.
Juan was the one who understood. "Mr. Heyes, is something wrong with Chrissy? Is that what you are trying to tell us?"
I nod and nod again. I pull on Lom's arm and this time he understands. Lom and Juan set off at a run toward the house. I try to run after them but I'm out of shape, my legs ache. I move as fast as I can and find Lom's IN Chrissy's room. It's obvious she didn't invite him in.
"Chrissy go Jed!" She was standing on the far side of her bed holding the empty travel bag close to her chest.
"He'll be home in a few days, Chrissy. You're not going anywhere." Lom's words left no room for argument.
"Chrissy go Jed NOW!"
Lom saw me and Juan standing in the doorway, not entering the room. Realizing what he had done wrong, Lom turned back to Chrissy. "I'm sorry I came into your room uninvited." He stepped into the doorway pushing me back.
I don't mind. I have to write something. In my room I concentrate on making the letters. I can easily spell the words in my thoughts. It is so hard to form each letter on the board, but I get it done. By the time I finish, Lom is yelling, "Chrissy you are not going to Cheyenne."
Chrissy was packing the travel bag deliberately not looking at Lom or Juan. I admired her determination.
I handed my chalkboard to Lom and watched his face as he read it. "Kid angry told H GO AWAY. I go away. Kid needs C with him. I stay J."
Lom's brow creased. 'The Kid told you to go away?"
I nod. It was hard to admit. Maybe Lom will want me to leave the ranch.
"Is this why you didn't give him water?"
I looked down. I was so sad that he didn't want my help that I felt like crying.
"Heyes, he just meant for that moment. He was hurting and trying to sleep. After I gave him water, he told me to go away, too. He was calling for you before we left. I didn't know where you were."
I had to look up. I had to see Lom's eyes. I can't read people very good anymore, but I think I can tell if Lom is sincere. He is…and he's concerned.
I point to my chest.
"Yes, he was calling for you. He would never send you away. Don't you know that?"
I didn't know what to do so I shrugged my shoulders. Lom walked to the kitchen and poured himself a cup of coffee. "Juan, would you come here?"
While they were talking in quiet tones, I watched Chrissy from the hallway. She waved me in and took my chalkboard. She read it before she set it on her night table.
"No! No, Jed love Heyes. Jed need Heyes," she said as she pulled me close and hugged me. She quickly broke the contact.
"Understand now?" she asked.
"Help Chrissy," she ordered, handing me a dress, and pointing to the bag. All the drawers of her dresser were hanging open. She quickly closed the second one from the top.
Lom and Juan were standing quietly at the door. I don't know when they got there. I was thinking about Chrissy's words.
"Chrissy?" Lom's voice wasn't so firm anymore.
We stopped packing and looked at him. I went and stood next to her.
"We talked it over and Juan is going to take you to Cheyenne, to Jed. Me and Heyes will run the ranch until you bring him home."
Chrissy froze for longer than she had in a long time. Then finally she said, "Good."