A few nights later Steph tossed and turned in her bed, the same bed that had been "strongly advised" by Charles after the third sleepless night feeling like a slab of rock, not at all comforting or pleasant to lie in. Sleep was impossible.
Sighing she stood up and put a bathrobe over her small night dress, wrapped it around herself firmly, and went downstairs to the kitchen, trying to make as little noise as possible to not disturb the others who were sleeping.
Pouring herself some of Logan's left-over beer she tried to ignore the memories of him chiding her when she was younger for drinking the same stuff, ignoring her smart mouth and defensive remarks as he laughed at her for tripping over her feet and then sent her up to her room to sleep off the alcohol.
She finished the first glass quickly and poured some more, appreciating the taste and slightly dizzying effects of the drink that felt warm in her throat.
She knew that Ruhko would need her now, more than ever. What ever had been affecting the child now would almost certainly be worsened by the deaths of half her family... Steph had to try to make up for some of that, as impossible as replacing any part of Logan was, she had to try for Ruhko's sake.
Another glass of beer, Steph shook her head as the almost overwhelming urge to cry made itself known. It had been there all along of course, but Steph pushed it away once again and was unable to let herself shed a tear for fear of what would happen if she did.
"I can't cry," she muttered to herself firmly. "I wouldn't stop and that's not what anyone needs, this time I have to be the one in control. 'Specially now, they're all up there sleepin' and don't wanna be woken up by choking noises.' It felt like someone else was assuring her of this when she spoke aloud. Anyway, at least Steph didn't feel worse, which was a good thing.
After the fifth glass Steph heard someone come up behind her, and after a moment when she still had not turned she heard Mark's careful, somewhat hesitant voice.
"Steph?" he said.
"What?" Steph snapped. Mark the last person she wanted to see right now, mainly because she had no right at the moment to attack him like if he had been an enemy of the X Men, but he was also not the type to know anything about feelings or even be capable of being fake-understanding. He was nothing close to a wisp of Hank. She wanted Hank to be here now.
"I'm sorry," he said. Steph's eyes narrowed.
"What?" she said again, turning and facing him, her eyes hollow behind the glare. Mark looked very uncomfortable.
"I'm sorry about your parents," he said. Steph couldn't stop her lip from quivering. "And I'm sorry I harassed you... um... yeah, I'm sorry." Steph glanced at the badly bruised cheek she had given him a few days ago, it was still an awful looking black and blue patch with red all around it. Steph turned away.
"What d' ya want Mark?" she said.
"Well," Mark sounded more guarded suddenly, but hopeful and slightly determined at the same time. "I was thinking if you ever needed to get away from it, you know, for just a night out-" Steph stood up and spun around furiously, the drink falling from her hands and smashing on the floor, sending shards of glass and beer exploding over the smooth tile as her hands balled into fists.
"What?" she repeated in a dangerously low voice.
But this time Mark didn't flinch, looking directly into her eyes. "Steph- you need it right now, you need me," he said, and grabbed Steph's arms, pulling her close as he kissed her.
Kurt was unable to sleep, which was not unusual the past few days, the loneliness in his room was almost unbearable. He had so quickly gotten accustomed to his beloved Ororo being there every night, it was still impossible for him to accept she was gone.
"Not forever," he said quietly. "Ven I go to Heaven I vill find her again... she is an angel now...." He prayed for her for a moment, then looked out the window and saw a lone figure standing in the dark, facing the kitchen downstairs. Kurt quietly teleported outside and found Creed staring hard through the windows of the mansion, scowling.
"Vot are you-?" Kurt started.
"Does Steph like him?" Creed interrupted, nodding towards the mansion and scowling. "Cause it don't look like she does." Kurt looked up and saw that Steph, in a night robe and obviously drinking some of Logan's beer was alone in the kitchen, besides Mark, who was standing behind her. Suddenly Steph jumped up, the glass she held falling, and she looked furiously at Mark, her back now turned to the two men. But before either could blink Mark grabbed Steph, pulling her towards him into a long kiss.
Steph seemed to quiver as she tried to pull away, but Mark held her firmly; Kurt could see his white knuckles even from here.
"This ain't right," Creed hissed furiously, hands clenched into fists. "Go get someone, I'll take care of that slime-"
Kurt automatically teleported into Hank's room, stunned and angered by what he had seen he woke Hank quickly, the large man sitting up, clothed only in his pants.
"It's Steph, Mark's- Mark's not listening," he said lamely, unable to describe it quite accurately fast enough as Hank opened his mouth sleepily to as what he was doing in his room at two a.m. "Creed is helping her-"
"Take me there now," Hank said immediately, jumping out of his bed. Kurt grabbed his arm and teleported them into the kitchen.
Steph stared at Mark, mouth hanging open as he drew back and smiled at her, hands still holding her arms firmly as her own hands shook. She couldn't deal with this right now, it was just too much and she could feel the strength she had forced out of herself during the past three days leaving her. Her heart started to beat furiously in fear of what was happening to her, and she could feel the tears welling up inside her throat as she slowly gave in to them. Right now she couldn't fight a butterfly, let alone the ever-persisting, completely clueless idiot who was holding her so tightly.
"Don't-" she whispered in one last attempt to fend him off, make him go away, but Mark leaned forward again, lips grazing hers just as she heard an angry roar and a door bursting open. Something barreled into Mark, who let go of her immediately.
Steph collapsed, her legs unable to support her weight once dropped. Hitting the floor she gasped for breath as her body trembled more violently, hearing Mark's cries of pain and anger as if they were a long ways away, or like she was listening to a radio program with the volume almost muted. She was in a state of shock at how fast things were happening around her, and how Mark's long expected move had taken her completely off guard, even more the inability to defend herself from what Mark obviously wanted.
Suddenly Hank was kneeling in front of her, looking furious and worried and shocked all at once, dressed in wrinkled brown pants and not wearing his glasses, Kurt was off standing in one corner as Creed dragged Mark out of the kitchen roughly. Steph felt like she wasn't even there, but only watching a movie of everything happening to her and the people around her. Nothing felt real any more. As she lay in the beer and glass on the floor.
"Stephanie, are you alright?" Hank said, reaching for her arms to help her up. Steph was trembling uncontrollably, her bathrobe stained with whisky and the blood that came from the cuts from the broken glass and hanging open, revealing her small nightdress. Hank tried to help her sit up but she started to shake worse and jerked away from him, gasping for breath as she squeezed her eyes closed, trying frantically to stop the tears that were rising up inside of her.
"No," she croaked. "No, no no no..." Hank pulled Steph up against him as she went limp and held her with her head in the crook of his neck.
"Sweet Stephanie," he said in a low voice after a moment. "Your pain, it's eating you inside-"
"No-" Steph said again, suddenly realizing what he was saying but unable to allow herself to weep for her parents. Her hands were shaking as Hank gathered them into his own in an attempt to comfort her. "No... not now- later... no."
"You can't go on like this, you're getting sick," Hank whispered, eyes shining with worry.
"I can't," Steph moaned again, stronger and feebler at the same time, the tears in her eyes threatening to fall. "Can't cry... I wouldn't stop- Ruhko needs me...."
"You're not alone," Hank said, head bowing and touching hers, his words little more than a breath now. Steph choked again, resisted the urge to throw up, and Hank touched her face, stroking her cheek gently. "It's affecting you, my Stephanie, you almost let Mark take advantage of the situation, would that have been better? Should Creed have not dealt with him?"
It was the straw that broke her, and all of the reasons Steph had for not allowing herself to face what had happened, what was happening, the reasons she had built up around her like an internal prison in an attempt to protect herself tumbled down inside her. The tears released themselves without her consent, rising up like a tidal wave and completely enveloping her shaking body with shuddering gasps and sobs as she clung onto Hank's shirtless chest.
Hank held her as she let out every tear she had been hiding from him and the others in the mansion the past few days. He stared down at her head, only glancing up as Kurt, who had remained completely silent since retrieving him, looked at the Steph mournfully and then teleported away, head and tail drooping.
It seemed like forever passed by at half speed as Steph cried in Hank's embrace, till at long last the shaking became more controllable, and slowly, even slower than Hank had been able to pull himself out of his blinding despair only hours after he learned of his friends' deaths, Steph's sobs became less frequent and soon, though the tears were still pouring and her hands still wrapped around him in a death grip, they almost completely subsided.
"Do you feel at all better?" Hank whispered. Steph put her arms around his neck as she nodded, then shook her head, then slowly gave a tiny nod. Hank stood up, picking Steph up with him. He carried her, cradled in his arms, up to her room. He made to set her on the bed, but she whimpered like a small child as she was lowered and clung to him tighter.
"I can't," she whisper pleaded. "Don't leave me alone, not now, please, I'm so alone...."
"Shh, thou art never alone, sweet Stephanie," Hank assured her, sitting on her bed. "I will always be here for you." Steph buried her head in his arm.
"That's-" she choked, "That's what he said-" Hank didn't have to ask who she was talking about as he stroked her hair.
"Logan has not left you," he said. "He watches you from the heavens- he hast never abandoned you."
"My teddy's come back just in time, haven't you?" Steph said, smiling slightly as fresh tears fell. "I'd go crazy- X Men's first real nutter...."
"Not while I'm around," Hank assured her, managing a comforting smile. "Go to sleep, fair warrior, thou needs it more than anything else-"
"Don't leave me," Steph said, looking scared again, her watery eyes shimmering in the moonlight filtering softly through her window. "Don't leave me alone!"
"I would never leave you," Hank said. Steph nodded slowly, then huddled in deeper into his embrace and slowly drifted off to sleep, her heart completely convinced he wouldn't leave but still irrationally afraid that he would.
"He won't leave darlin'," a familiar voice whispered to her. "He'd never dream 'bout it. Blue's a good guy, better n' most." Steph, in an exhausted half-delirium, nodded.
"I know," she whispered, using her last bit of energy slipping off into a long-needed, deep sleep.
What seemed like weeks later Steph was woken abruptly by Kitty's startled squeal. Eyes opening groggily she was aware of three things to begin with. First, she was in her room which was filled with soft noon-sun rays, and she was on top of her blankets and bedding but not at all cold, in fact, as her awareness returned she found herself in a bare-chested Hank's arms. The large blue man was still asleep, his head just above hers resting on her pillow with one wrapped around her waist protectively holding her close to him, and the other stretched out, which was the fuzzy pillow Steph herself was sleeping on.
Steph did not mind either of these two facts, but what rather annoyed her was the third, Kitty's head, which was goggling at them through a wall.
"Finally!" she said, actually smiling then disappearing. Had she been anywhere but in Hank's arms Steph would have gotten up, extremely ticked off, and told Kitty to stop looking as if Christmas had come early. But as it fortunately was she was in Hank's arms, and very reluctant to do anything that might disturb him or place the peaceful atmosphere in the room in jeopardy.
Instead Steph snuggled in closer to Hank and thought about the night before. Now that she had finally given in and let her feelings out it was quite obvious to her that what she had been doing was stupid. She was not one to hide anything, and the mere fact that she had kept her grief hidden to an extent and gotten numbly through the planning of the memorial services without a single tear shed was amazing.
Steph fondly rubbed Hank's fur in front of her with one hand as she made a note to thank him for helping her with that one problem as avidly and wonderfully as he did.
Steph's peace was ruined slightly when she remembered the other problem, Mark, and hoped whatever Creed had done to him had been long and painful as she growled at herself for letting him get as far as he did. The thought of what could have happened had Hank and Creed not shown up made her sick to her stomach, and she gave thanks that she had woken up in her guardian angel's arms and not Mark's. She was definitely going with Kurt to church this Sunday.
"Mm," Hank murmured, slowly opening his eyes and yawning, lifting his head enough to check on Steph and then dropping it back exhaustedly. "How do you fare this morning, sweet Stephanie?" he asked.
"Technically this afternoon," she mumbled back, eyes glancing at the clock on her wall. "We've slept in and Kitty's probably already told half the mansion after she found us a little while ago."
"Have you awake for long?" Hank said.
"Couldn't wake ya," Steph replied contently. "Too comfortable... I had to do some thinking anyway."
"And what thoughts ran through your pretty head?" Hank asked, and Steph could feel him smile slightly.
"How this was the best way I could've woken up t'day," Steph replied, her voice dropping to barely more than a whisper. "Instead of the hell it would have been if you n' Sabertooth hadn't rescued me last night." Hank sat up, a scowl replacing his smile as he gently stroked Steph's cheek when she turned and looked up at him curiously. The faded paths of her tears brought back the events of the night quicker than it would have if he was relying purely on memory.
"Mark will regret his attempts last evening," he said darkly. "Whatever Creed has left in tact will be dealt with. Alas, let us not think about that... man now, it is not a proper way to begin a day." Steph sighed as she pulled herself up too and put her head on Hank's shoulder.
"Do we really have t' get up?" she asked, putting her arms around her friend. "We could pretend ya never woke, n' I only had open eyes when I saw Kit- we don't have t' get up at all today." Hank chuckled, hugging Steph and rocking her back and fourth a few times, sighing.
"We must, we must," he said regretfully. "If not one of the others, Ruhko and young Bucky would surely come looking for us, and it is impossible to pretend anything near slumber with those children around-"
"'Specially if ya call'em 'children' t' their faces," Steph said, smiling softly again. Hank looked down at her and was not surprised to see that the smile hadn't reached her eyes. He suspected it would be a long, long time until her eyes sparked again like they used to.
Hank held her for a few more moments, then took a deep breath and slowly got up, bringing a more reluctant Steph to her feet with him. Looking down at himself and then Steph he shook his head.
"I'm afraid I cannot go through the remainder of the day clad in naught but my trousers," he said, smiling. Steph shook her head. "You'd better get dressed as well, Stephanie, I'll see find you later." He let go and opened her door, but Steph caught his arm and he turned back, seeing her empty smile again, though it was no longer a numb despair in her eyes, which was an improvement.
"Thanks," she said, kissing him quickly on the cheek. Hank smiled.
"I am always available for you," he said, and Steph let go of his arm, watching him leave and close the door silently behind him, the warm, peaceful feeling in the room and her heart almost completely leaving with him.