Authors Note: Warnings: More sexy stuff in this chapter, though I do feel
it still deserves an R rating. Anyone else with differing opinions can
voice them if they so desire. Oh, and bad language also in this chapter.
Please review - at this stage, especially with the Order of the Phoenix out tomorrow, I really need feedback. Hopefully there won't be anything in the new book that will affect this story too much - but if it does, then I'll need to know if there is anybody out there who wants me to continue. So, basically, that all sums up as: Please Review.
Thanks to those who have already reviewed.
Disclaimer: This applies to all chapters. I own nothing from Harry Potter, it all belongs to JK Rowling, Bloomsbury and other relevant publishing houses, Warner Bros and various plastic merchandising companies. And anyone else that I have failed to mention.
Chapter Nine
"We need to talk."
Sirius looked at his lover as he stood in front of him, his posture rigid and shifting. With one eyebrow raised, a somewhat confused expression on his face, he wordlessly got up from his seat and led the way to the dormitory.
"Sounds serious," he said uneasily, as they walked into the large room containing five four-poster beds. "What is it?"
Remus started trying to psych himself up, mouth opening and closing as he worked out for the thousandth time what he was going to say. "Sirius."
"What is it Moony? Tell me, for god's sake, you're worrying me."
"I can't go out with you anymore. Sirius I'm so sorry. It isn't fair on you."
He couldn't believe what he was hearing. He'd known Remus had been acting a little odd lately but this came as a slap in the face. He was completely shocked. He desperately raced his mind back through the past few days trying to work out if he'd done anything that would have caused this reaction. Remus stared hopelessly at him, Sirius' thoughts obvious on his face. Suddenly the obvious question popped into his head.
"Why? What's caused this?"
"I'm not in love with you, Padfoot. In fact apart from friendship I don't feel much for you at all." As soon as the words came out of his mouth Remus cursed. He hadn't meant for it to come out like that.
Sirius' face went white and his breathing quickened as his world crashed down around him. "I don't believe it," he got out eventually. He waited in vain for Remus to tell him it was only a joke.
"You have to believe it. What I feel for you isn't enough to support a relationship. I can't be with you. But your friendship means more to me than anything, please, let's not stop being friends."
Sirius stared at him unseeing. "Let me get this straight. You don't love me. You don't even care for me-"
"I do care for you! Just not like that-"
"Don't interrupt me, Moony," the dark haired boy said in a dangerously low voice. All hopes that Remus had had of settling this without too much dissension were dashed. "Yet you allowed me to believe you did," Sirius continued quietly. "You let me profess my love to you and allowed me to believe you loved me in return. Granted, the words were never actually spoken, but my friend, the implication was indeed there. You responded to me with passion, you returned all my kisses, and never thought to mention that you didn't actually want to be receiving them? When exactly did this information dawn on you, Remus?" Sirius said sharply. "When did it occur that it might be a good idea to tell me this?"
During this speech Remus had started shaking. "I'm sorry, Siri......"
He was cut off. "Damn it! Don't keep fucking apologizing to me, tell me when you realised you didn't feel the same way about me! How long has it been that you've been allowing me to make a complete fool of myself in front of not just you but the entire school as well?"
"I've never cared for you that way, Sirius," Remus said in a small voice. "And I am sorry for letting you think that I did."
Sirius stood up, his eyes flashing dangerously, suddenly reminding Remus of Lucius Malfoy. "Never? Then why the fucking hell did you agree to go out with me in the first place? Did it conveniently slip your mind when we were up here a few days ago? Did you just forget to say that you didn't actually want to be with me when you agreeing to do it?"
Remus suddenly lost his temper and stood up to meet his friend's eye level. "You didn't exactly give me a lot of choice, did you Sirius? You put me in such an awkward position! You didn't give me enough time to say no before you were all over me like a rash!"
He regretted those words as soon as he said them. The look of hurt on Sirius' face was too much to bear before the guilt crept in. "You didn't have to just lie there and submit! You didn't have to kiss me back and climb all over me but you did! Don't you dare stand there and say that I didn't give you any choice, cos we both know that's a bloody lie, Remus Lupin. You didn't say anything cos you were too much of a weed to tell me you didn't return my feelings! And then you stand there like the self- righteous hypocrite that you are and say that basically I forced you! I can't believe you! I thought you were a friend, hell; you led me to believe that you were a lot more than a friend. So how much of us is a lie then Remus? How long have you been lying to me about other things? Soon you'll be telling me that you're leaving me for a Slytherin!"
"I'm sorry for lying to you but at the time it seemed like the best thing to do! I didn't want to make you unhappy. I didn't want to hurt you." Sirius snorted, but Remus continued softly. "I see now that it was the wrong thing to do. I've felt so awful and guilty about what I've let you believe. I'm not leaving you for anybody. And you mean more to me than anyone else in the world. You're my best friend and nothing else about us is a lie. This is the worst and hardest thing I've ever had to do. I've never lied to you about anything else." Remus mentally crossed his fingers and prayed that Sirius would get his train of thought of anything remotely concerned with Severus Snape. He believed the lie was a necessary one. If Sirius knew what he was really feeling he'd soon be out cold and Snape would never wake up in the hospital wing.
"Well I hate to break it to you Remus, but you really screwed up on this one. Not telling me was the worst thing you could have done."
A feeling of frustration washed through the fairer boy. "And would you have listened? You would have been just as hurt and difficult to deal with had I told you then or now. And don't credit yourself with all the hurt. Yes, I deceived you. But don't forget you humiliated me in front of everybody and hurt me just as badly. You used and controlled me."
Sirius sneered, his anger, having ebbed, was rising again. "I hurt you? When, after you ran out like a girl and I came out to find you? Is this about how I kissed you? You loved that don't try to deny it. You were writhing against me like a common whore. Had I tried to fuck you like I would have anyone else you would have loved that too. I didn't control you. What I did to you were begging for. I saw the excitement in your eyes and the way they pleaded for me to continue and never stop."
"Damn you, Sirius!" Remus shouted. "I'm not just one of your conquests! I would never have allowed you to go that far with me."
"Don't delude yourself," he snapped. "You pretend you don't like being controlled when in fact it's the only thing that gets you off. I may have humiliated you, as you put it, although that was unintentional. But that certainly did not dampen your ardor when I kissed you later."
"Don't presume to tell me what I feel or do not feel," Remus growled, furious and trying to control it. "You know absolutely nothing about that. You know nothing about me. You didn't even have eyes to see that I was clearly unhappy about the way you were acting, let alone penetrate my sexual psyche. You saw nothing. You read nothing. You achieved nothing. Just like you fail with everything else. Your grades are low. The only way you scrape through school is because either James or I help you. The grades you got for your OWL's! The only thing you seem marginally good at is Quidditch, and that's because the only good thing about you is your muscles. But when it comes to people, and friends, and feelings, you fail dismally. You laugh and joke and play pranks and screw anything that moves because all you are is a walking prick with base instincts of hatred, lust and pride. You hate the Slytherins and do anything to prove a point against them. Well, there is no point. The only point you prove to anyone is that all you are is a little boy with an inferiority complex and the only way you cope with that is to make sure everyone knows who Sirius Black is. Well, we all know. A jumped-up prick who's too big for his boots with hormones that outnumber brain cells ten to one."
Remus finished because he ran out of breath and the only sound he could hear in the dorm was his heavy breathing. The next and last thing he heard was the sound of Sirius' fist connecting with his jaw. After that, everything went black.
~~~~~
Severus sat at the back of Charms class idly doodling notes on his work. He knew the lesson, having already read about stunning charms and their more interesting uses, and the Professor was one of those who couldn't have cared less about what students like Snape were thinking or feeling, and whether they were paying attention in his classes. Which was fortunate for Severus, and allowed him time to daydream about Lucius.
How stupid he had been to have refused him all that time. Thinking it over, he still couldn't work out why he had continually told his friend 'no' when now he had it he was the happiest he had ever been. It must've been that potion, he realised. All he had needed was a little persuasion and it set him off on the right direction. He thanked Lucius from the bottom of his heart for not simply accepting his 'no' and leaving him to it. And he never thought he'd ever thank Lucius Malfoy for being stubborn.
A parchment, which suddenly appeared in front of him, interrupted his litany of thoughts. Putting down his quill, he glanced furtively around him, but no faces gave away the sender. He opened it and raised an eyebrow. In perfect nondescript handwriting, it read 'You are being used. You should look up mind-altering methods in the library. Your mind is not your own. People are taking advantage of you.'
He stared at it, re-reading it until his brain had memorised it. Then it slowly caught flame and burnt to a cinder in front of him. He looked wildly about him to see if anyone had noticed or was looking his way, and was mildly relieved to see everyone else engrossed in a demonstration at the front of the room. His mind was confused. What kind of note was that to send to someone? Who had sent it? He didn't recognize the handwriting. What did it mean? How was he being taken advantage of? By whom? Did the note contain any truth at all or was it someone playing games with him? He certainly didn't have that many friends. Why should he take any notice of a vicious little note somebody had sent him? If they were genuinely concerned with his safety, then they would come to him in person. And sign their name at the bottom. It was just someone trying to play a prank on him. Probably a Gryffindor.
Satisfied the note meant nothing, Severus took his mind to page 436 of their seventh year textbook, and began working quickly through the questions without distraction.
~~~~~
"No! I can't do this now, we've got prep for Transfiguration due in tomorrow morning!" Sev murmured half-heartedly as Lucius climbed on top of him, removed his quill and parchment and started touching him in private places that soon left him panting.
"Live a little! We'll wangle out of it somehow, we always do," Lucius purred, sliding down the darker boy's body. When their hips made contact a smile curved his lips, having made a discovery. Taking full advantage, he wiggled his body just enough to leave Severus desperate for more.
"You're terrible."
"And you can't get enough."
"True," Sev gasped, as his robes started being unfastened and the cold air hit his body. He heard Lucius murmur something and suddenly a blindfold covered his face. He felt his robes being laid aside altogether and then all he could feel was the blissful sensation of Lucius' mouth engulfing him all the way. His body arched, and he then felt Lucius' hands pushing his hips down to prevent him from thrusting. Severus whimpered, desperate with the need to push himself completely inside Lucius' hot mouth, but being unable to do so no matter how much he tried. Suddenly, Lucius removed his mouth from Sev's still hard appendage, and addressed him.
"If you do not behave yourself I will cease pleasuring you immediately altogether. Do you understand?"
"Yes, sorry, please, don't stop," Sev panted, forcing his body to obey his will. Another smile curved Lucius' lips, this one much wider, and he dropped his head and continued his work. It wasn't long before Severus couldn't help himself but arch and Lucius allowed him to come to completion in his mouth, swallowing the evidence. As Severus collapsed against the now warm sheets, Lucius moved atop him and pulled out a vial from his sleeve. He no longer needed to take it, only to make sure Severus did. Reaching towards his friend's jaw, he communicated what he wanted and the younger boy opened his mouth and swallowed the contents of the vial held towards his mouth. Lucius smiled contentedly and leaned forward to kiss him.
"Don't I get rewarded?" Lucius teased as he pulled off the blindfold and looked into Severus' eyes. Soft black eyes met twinkling grey ones and they widened when he felt a finger probing down below.
"You mean..." Severus said breathlessly, scarcely allowing himself to hope what was about to happen. "We're finally going to."
Lucius leaned forward and captured his mouth again. "Don't you want to?" he smirked, well knowing the answer.
"Of course I do, please Lucius, I'm ready..."
"I don't doubt it," Lucius leered, removing the rest of Severus' robes as well as his own. As mouths and then bodies joined, any thoughts of Severus' that might have lingered about the note sent him before, were immediately and permanently banished by this wondrous new joining, made all the more potent by the fresh drugs running through him.
Please review - at this stage, especially with the Order of the Phoenix out tomorrow, I really need feedback. Hopefully there won't be anything in the new book that will affect this story too much - but if it does, then I'll need to know if there is anybody out there who wants me to continue. So, basically, that all sums up as: Please Review.
Thanks to those who have already reviewed.
Disclaimer: This applies to all chapters. I own nothing from Harry Potter, it all belongs to JK Rowling, Bloomsbury and other relevant publishing houses, Warner Bros and various plastic merchandising companies. And anyone else that I have failed to mention.
Chapter Nine
"We need to talk."
Sirius looked at his lover as he stood in front of him, his posture rigid and shifting. With one eyebrow raised, a somewhat confused expression on his face, he wordlessly got up from his seat and led the way to the dormitory.
"Sounds serious," he said uneasily, as they walked into the large room containing five four-poster beds. "What is it?"
Remus started trying to psych himself up, mouth opening and closing as he worked out for the thousandth time what he was going to say. "Sirius."
"What is it Moony? Tell me, for god's sake, you're worrying me."
"I can't go out with you anymore. Sirius I'm so sorry. It isn't fair on you."
He couldn't believe what he was hearing. He'd known Remus had been acting a little odd lately but this came as a slap in the face. He was completely shocked. He desperately raced his mind back through the past few days trying to work out if he'd done anything that would have caused this reaction. Remus stared hopelessly at him, Sirius' thoughts obvious on his face. Suddenly the obvious question popped into his head.
"Why? What's caused this?"
"I'm not in love with you, Padfoot. In fact apart from friendship I don't feel much for you at all." As soon as the words came out of his mouth Remus cursed. He hadn't meant for it to come out like that.
Sirius' face went white and his breathing quickened as his world crashed down around him. "I don't believe it," he got out eventually. He waited in vain for Remus to tell him it was only a joke.
"You have to believe it. What I feel for you isn't enough to support a relationship. I can't be with you. But your friendship means more to me than anything, please, let's not stop being friends."
Sirius stared at him unseeing. "Let me get this straight. You don't love me. You don't even care for me-"
"I do care for you! Just not like that-"
"Don't interrupt me, Moony," the dark haired boy said in a dangerously low voice. All hopes that Remus had had of settling this without too much dissension were dashed. "Yet you allowed me to believe you did," Sirius continued quietly. "You let me profess my love to you and allowed me to believe you loved me in return. Granted, the words were never actually spoken, but my friend, the implication was indeed there. You responded to me with passion, you returned all my kisses, and never thought to mention that you didn't actually want to be receiving them? When exactly did this information dawn on you, Remus?" Sirius said sharply. "When did it occur that it might be a good idea to tell me this?"
During this speech Remus had started shaking. "I'm sorry, Siri......"
He was cut off. "Damn it! Don't keep fucking apologizing to me, tell me when you realised you didn't feel the same way about me! How long has it been that you've been allowing me to make a complete fool of myself in front of not just you but the entire school as well?"
"I've never cared for you that way, Sirius," Remus said in a small voice. "And I am sorry for letting you think that I did."
Sirius stood up, his eyes flashing dangerously, suddenly reminding Remus of Lucius Malfoy. "Never? Then why the fucking hell did you agree to go out with me in the first place? Did it conveniently slip your mind when we were up here a few days ago? Did you just forget to say that you didn't actually want to be with me when you agreeing to do it?"
Remus suddenly lost his temper and stood up to meet his friend's eye level. "You didn't exactly give me a lot of choice, did you Sirius? You put me in such an awkward position! You didn't give me enough time to say no before you were all over me like a rash!"
He regretted those words as soon as he said them. The look of hurt on Sirius' face was too much to bear before the guilt crept in. "You didn't have to just lie there and submit! You didn't have to kiss me back and climb all over me but you did! Don't you dare stand there and say that I didn't give you any choice, cos we both know that's a bloody lie, Remus Lupin. You didn't say anything cos you were too much of a weed to tell me you didn't return my feelings! And then you stand there like the self- righteous hypocrite that you are and say that basically I forced you! I can't believe you! I thought you were a friend, hell; you led me to believe that you were a lot more than a friend. So how much of us is a lie then Remus? How long have you been lying to me about other things? Soon you'll be telling me that you're leaving me for a Slytherin!"
"I'm sorry for lying to you but at the time it seemed like the best thing to do! I didn't want to make you unhappy. I didn't want to hurt you." Sirius snorted, but Remus continued softly. "I see now that it was the wrong thing to do. I've felt so awful and guilty about what I've let you believe. I'm not leaving you for anybody. And you mean more to me than anyone else in the world. You're my best friend and nothing else about us is a lie. This is the worst and hardest thing I've ever had to do. I've never lied to you about anything else." Remus mentally crossed his fingers and prayed that Sirius would get his train of thought of anything remotely concerned with Severus Snape. He believed the lie was a necessary one. If Sirius knew what he was really feeling he'd soon be out cold and Snape would never wake up in the hospital wing.
"Well I hate to break it to you Remus, but you really screwed up on this one. Not telling me was the worst thing you could have done."
A feeling of frustration washed through the fairer boy. "And would you have listened? You would have been just as hurt and difficult to deal with had I told you then or now. And don't credit yourself with all the hurt. Yes, I deceived you. But don't forget you humiliated me in front of everybody and hurt me just as badly. You used and controlled me."
Sirius sneered, his anger, having ebbed, was rising again. "I hurt you? When, after you ran out like a girl and I came out to find you? Is this about how I kissed you? You loved that don't try to deny it. You were writhing against me like a common whore. Had I tried to fuck you like I would have anyone else you would have loved that too. I didn't control you. What I did to you were begging for. I saw the excitement in your eyes and the way they pleaded for me to continue and never stop."
"Damn you, Sirius!" Remus shouted. "I'm not just one of your conquests! I would never have allowed you to go that far with me."
"Don't delude yourself," he snapped. "You pretend you don't like being controlled when in fact it's the only thing that gets you off. I may have humiliated you, as you put it, although that was unintentional. But that certainly did not dampen your ardor when I kissed you later."
"Don't presume to tell me what I feel or do not feel," Remus growled, furious and trying to control it. "You know absolutely nothing about that. You know nothing about me. You didn't even have eyes to see that I was clearly unhappy about the way you were acting, let alone penetrate my sexual psyche. You saw nothing. You read nothing. You achieved nothing. Just like you fail with everything else. Your grades are low. The only way you scrape through school is because either James or I help you. The grades you got for your OWL's! The only thing you seem marginally good at is Quidditch, and that's because the only good thing about you is your muscles. But when it comes to people, and friends, and feelings, you fail dismally. You laugh and joke and play pranks and screw anything that moves because all you are is a walking prick with base instincts of hatred, lust and pride. You hate the Slytherins and do anything to prove a point against them. Well, there is no point. The only point you prove to anyone is that all you are is a little boy with an inferiority complex and the only way you cope with that is to make sure everyone knows who Sirius Black is. Well, we all know. A jumped-up prick who's too big for his boots with hormones that outnumber brain cells ten to one."
Remus finished because he ran out of breath and the only sound he could hear in the dorm was his heavy breathing. The next and last thing he heard was the sound of Sirius' fist connecting with his jaw. After that, everything went black.
~~~~~
Severus sat at the back of Charms class idly doodling notes on his work. He knew the lesson, having already read about stunning charms and their more interesting uses, and the Professor was one of those who couldn't have cared less about what students like Snape were thinking or feeling, and whether they were paying attention in his classes. Which was fortunate for Severus, and allowed him time to daydream about Lucius.
How stupid he had been to have refused him all that time. Thinking it over, he still couldn't work out why he had continually told his friend 'no' when now he had it he was the happiest he had ever been. It must've been that potion, he realised. All he had needed was a little persuasion and it set him off on the right direction. He thanked Lucius from the bottom of his heart for not simply accepting his 'no' and leaving him to it. And he never thought he'd ever thank Lucius Malfoy for being stubborn.
A parchment, which suddenly appeared in front of him, interrupted his litany of thoughts. Putting down his quill, he glanced furtively around him, but no faces gave away the sender. He opened it and raised an eyebrow. In perfect nondescript handwriting, it read 'You are being used. You should look up mind-altering methods in the library. Your mind is not your own. People are taking advantage of you.'
He stared at it, re-reading it until his brain had memorised it. Then it slowly caught flame and burnt to a cinder in front of him. He looked wildly about him to see if anyone had noticed or was looking his way, and was mildly relieved to see everyone else engrossed in a demonstration at the front of the room. His mind was confused. What kind of note was that to send to someone? Who had sent it? He didn't recognize the handwriting. What did it mean? How was he being taken advantage of? By whom? Did the note contain any truth at all or was it someone playing games with him? He certainly didn't have that many friends. Why should he take any notice of a vicious little note somebody had sent him? If they were genuinely concerned with his safety, then they would come to him in person. And sign their name at the bottom. It was just someone trying to play a prank on him. Probably a Gryffindor.
Satisfied the note meant nothing, Severus took his mind to page 436 of their seventh year textbook, and began working quickly through the questions without distraction.
~~~~~
"No! I can't do this now, we've got prep for Transfiguration due in tomorrow morning!" Sev murmured half-heartedly as Lucius climbed on top of him, removed his quill and parchment and started touching him in private places that soon left him panting.
"Live a little! We'll wangle out of it somehow, we always do," Lucius purred, sliding down the darker boy's body. When their hips made contact a smile curved his lips, having made a discovery. Taking full advantage, he wiggled his body just enough to leave Severus desperate for more.
"You're terrible."
"And you can't get enough."
"True," Sev gasped, as his robes started being unfastened and the cold air hit his body. He heard Lucius murmur something and suddenly a blindfold covered his face. He felt his robes being laid aside altogether and then all he could feel was the blissful sensation of Lucius' mouth engulfing him all the way. His body arched, and he then felt Lucius' hands pushing his hips down to prevent him from thrusting. Severus whimpered, desperate with the need to push himself completely inside Lucius' hot mouth, but being unable to do so no matter how much he tried. Suddenly, Lucius removed his mouth from Sev's still hard appendage, and addressed him.
"If you do not behave yourself I will cease pleasuring you immediately altogether. Do you understand?"
"Yes, sorry, please, don't stop," Sev panted, forcing his body to obey his will. Another smile curved Lucius' lips, this one much wider, and he dropped his head and continued his work. It wasn't long before Severus couldn't help himself but arch and Lucius allowed him to come to completion in his mouth, swallowing the evidence. As Severus collapsed against the now warm sheets, Lucius moved atop him and pulled out a vial from his sleeve. He no longer needed to take it, only to make sure Severus did. Reaching towards his friend's jaw, he communicated what he wanted and the younger boy opened his mouth and swallowed the contents of the vial held towards his mouth. Lucius smiled contentedly and leaned forward to kiss him.
"Don't I get rewarded?" Lucius teased as he pulled off the blindfold and looked into Severus' eyes. Soft black eyes met twinkling grey ones and they widened when he felt a finger probing down below.
"You mean..." Severus said breathlessly, scarcely allowing himself to hope what was about to happen. "We're finally going to."
Lucius leaned forward and captured his mouth again. "Don't you want to?" he smirked, well knowing the answer.
"Of course I do, please Lucius, I'm ready..."
"I don't doubt it," Lucius leered, removing the rest of Severus' robes as well as his own. As mouths and then bodies joined, any thoughts of Severus' that might have lingered about the note sent him before, were immediately and permanently banished by this wondrous new joining, made all the more potent by the fresh drugs running through him.