Hello faithful reader. This is a short little story I made during the holidays for the Konoha Village forums (A message board I'm particularly found of). It's a story about Christmas and how the ninjas of Naruto celebrate it...kinda...sorta'...not really.
Enjoy!
Naruto Christmas Special
PART I
the Akatsuki two man team walks toward the entrance of Konoha in the dead of night
Itachi:...you're sure about this?
Kisame: Of course.
Itachi: The organization won't approve.
Kisame: Since when has that stopped you before?
Itachi: sigh Alright...but...
Kisame: What?
Itachi: ...do I have to wear the nose?
Kisame: awww, but you look so cute in it. Of course you do.
Itachi:...sighs, puts on Rudolph nose ...I hate you, you know that, right?
Kisame: Of course, now let's get started, these presents won't deliver themselves!
Part II
It was Christmas Eve, and all through the village
not a creature was stirring...well, almost.
Many of the senior Jounins had gathered for some holiday merry making. Asuma and Anko were drinking, Kakashi was absent mindedly reading in a corner, and Tsunade and Shizune were up on stage of the bar, doing there best to sing along with a fast tempo Christmas song.
The only Jounin absent was Gai, who had lost a challenge with Kakashi and was now crawling around Konoha through deep snow because of his "added rule".
Tsunade: He was made of snow but the Jounin know how he came to life one day!
But as the Godaime slurred drunkenly through the chorus of "Yuki the snow-nin", two figures opened the door of the bar, letting in an icy breeze.
"An I sayssssShizune! Yous the one who should be runnnin. Brrrrrr, who let in a draft?" Tsunade says as she glances towards the two figures.
Cloaked in thick, woollen jackets tied with large purple rope. One of the figures takes of his large hat to reveal glasses and a sound head protector.
The other unravels a long, plaid scarf. Slowly showing a pasty grey face with rosy cheeks.
The face of Orochimaru smiles at the astonished crowd.
"Hello" he says cheerily.
Part III
Tables, mugs and ornaments fly as the Konoha Jounins rise quickly from their seats to protect the Godaime. Each assuming a protective stance as Tsunade stares blankly at Orochimaru in a drunken stupour.
"Hey, hic I know you! You's the guy that every hic body hates" Tsunade slurs with a grin.
"Well, aren't we all hot and bothered...I see you all remember me with fondness" Orochimaru chuckles.
"What are you here for? To assassinate Hokage-sama?!" Kakashi asks fiercely.
"My, they are bothered. Are they not happy to see me Kabuto?"
Before Kabuto could come up with a witty response, Tsunade pushed past the team of surrounding Jounins. A warm glow on her cheeks and a fleck of drool on her lip, she carried a small sweet sake bottle with her.
Her mouth in a wide grin. "This, this is dah guuy...hic"
And with that she staggered forward and planted a wet kiss on Orochimaru's grey cheek.
"I love you man...heeheheeheee" she said as she snuggled against him.
"Eh? Well, it is the holidays after all. Wanna sing Karaoke with me?" He said with a twinkle in his snake-like eye.
And with that, the two Sanins entertained the company of many with many a song by Slim Whitman and Cher.
Unbeknownst to them (but knowest to us), two figures raced across the moonlight with a large bag behind them...
Part IV
Konohamaru slept restlessly that night, images of tomorrow's holiday kept him awake. Filled with a feeling of anticipation and joy, he could hardly wait for morning.
He turned on his side and tried desperately to close his eyes, when something caught his attention in the darkness.
A dark silhouette outside his window. A shape of a cloaked man.
A trick of the light he told himself.
Then, the shape moved. Opening his window!
Suddenly the feelings of joy became inklings of dread. Konohamaru slinked to the back of the bed, wrapping himself tightly in his covers.
The figure entered his room, its dark cloak brushing the floor. It entered a beam of light from the moon, illuminating its face.
A thin, weathered face with two, red eyes, blazing in the moonlight.
I-it's a dream! It's got to be! He panicked. Now terrified of this ominous presence.
The figure unbuttoned the collar of his cloak from within, reaching for something. He began to bring his hand out, reaching for Konohamaru.
He shut his eyes. This is it, he's gonna kill me! Noooo!
"Here".
Konohamaru waited, but death didn't come.
"Here".
The boy slowly opened his eyes. He saw a small red package wrapped in green ribbon in the outstretched hand of the man with the red eyes.
"Take it" He said.
Konohamaru reluctantly reached out and took the preasent. His throat tight and mouth dry. He couldn't speak.
With the present taken, the scary man turned and left out the window, leaving Konohamaru confused and half scared to death.
Kisame waited patiently as Itachi returned.
"So, how'd it go?" He mused.
Itachi cracked his knuckles against his neck, an irritated expression on his face.
"Kids today, I gave him a gift and he didn't even say 'thank you'"
Part V
With their deliveries almost done, the daring duo of holiday do-gooders, Itachi and Kisame, make their way to one of their last spots.
"Is this the last one?"
"Almost, maybe a couple more, then we're finished for the night".
Ebisu slept soundly in his soft, down bed. Wearing his glasses, pyjamas and even little Pakkun slippers. He snored drowsily as wonderful visions played in his dreams.
"Zzzz...snort, of course I could do it againzzzzz....just back up the truck my preciouszzzz".
Itachi flicked on the light switch, bathing the room with light.
Ebisu was roused from his dream to come face to face with the two S-class dangerous missing nins.
"Wh-what?! I-tachi?! H-h-how?" He yelled.
"Are you sure we have to deliver to him?" Itachi asked his partner.
"Says he's on the 'nice' list, we gotta' give him a gift" Kisame said, checking a scroll.
"Fine". Itachi reached into Kisame's sack, and removed a large stack of something.
"To Ebisu-sensei," Itachi said, giving the stack to him. "A package of hentai magazines and videos".
Ebisu's crippling fear disappeared at the mention of hentai. It quickly became a moment of interest, but that was quickly quashed. Ebisu stood on top of his bed, defiant.
"Humph! What are you two trying to say? That I'm some kind of pervert?! Entirely not the case! I'm a distinguished and dignified teacher and shinobi!"
Kisame smiled. He picked up the stack and removed a quite revealing magazine.
"Are you sure? These are pretty nice...Hot Spring Harem....ohh, very nice!" He said, unflipping a centerfold.
Ebisu began to sweat. His face became a contorted grimace.
"ooh hoo hoo! I never knew a person could bend that way, eh Itachi?"
Kisame nudged his silent partner.
"Oh, um, yes," Itachi picked up the nearest mag. "these are very...pornographic..."
Ebisu could barely stand it. His insides pounded within him.
"M-maybe...maybe I could just...take a peek?" He reached for a video.
"That's the spirit. Merry Christmas, happy...uh, holidays. Better buy more tissues".
With that, they left the closet pervert with his new stack of hentai.
The two exited Ebisu's room to the cold of the winter night.
"Well that was fun, wasn't it?" Kisame asked his partner.
Itachi didn't answer.
He still had a hentai mad clutched in his hands.
"Hey, that's not for you! Give it!"
Kisame ripped the mag away from Itachi's face, revealing a nosebleed.
"Yeah...happy holidays indeed" Itachi said, smiling.
Part VI
With partying happening across Konoha, the spirit of the holidays was very strong indeed. Everyone had received a special something, and the sounds of Orochimaru's and Tsunade's singing echoed across the land (which probably shattered a few windows).
This feeling wasn't felt by everyone however. There was one person who hated the holidays, the whole holiday season. Now please don't ask why, no one quite knows the reason.
It could be perhaps that his sandals were too tight, or maybe his head protector wasn't done up quite right.
But I think the most likely reason of all, was that his heart, was two sizes too small.
Sasuke: Bah Humbug...
Sasuke had just settled into bed, while thoughts of hating the holidays danced in his head. Of all the things this Uchiha hated, the holidays were high up on the list:
Thing's I Hate: By Sasuke
1. Uchiha Itachi
2. The holidays
3. Sweet things
4. Little kittens
but as Sasuke drifted into the land of dreams, he was visited by a spectre by christmasly means.
Ghost: Saaaassuke....SAAAAASSUKE.....
Sasuke came awake at once to come face to face with a spirit from the past.
"Who are you?" Sasuke asked, looking into the pale complexion of the ghost.
"I am the ghost of your greatest hero....BOB MARLEY! woooooohoooooowoooo!"
"No you're not"
The ghost floundered.
"Okay, so I'm not. But I've come to tell you. You'll be visited by three more spirits tonight"
Sasuke yawned, "Okay, just wake me when it's over"
The ghost looked perplexed at Sasuke's reaction.
"But, ghosts coming, important life lesson, doesn't that interest you at all?"
Sasuke didn't answer.
Was he contemplating the ghost's proposal? Was he worrying over what could be? Did he care at all?
Nope, he'd gone to sleep.
"Fine, become a scroogy old loser who ends up abandoning everything dear he has for the slight chance of coming to terms with horrible past events by selling your body to a perverted snake ninja and his Harry potter wannabe sidekick! See if I care!"
And with that, the ghost left.
Elsewhere, Itachi and Kisame had finished their delivery of presents. They took a moment to relax and enjoy their festive surroundings.
"It really makes you think, doesn't it...?" Kisame said.
"About what?" Itachi asked.
"About what we're doing in life. With all this splendour, all this beauty, do you think we really should destroy Konoha?"
"Of course, Konoha sucks"
Kisame chuckled, "Oh yeah, how could I forget".
Itachi reached into his cloak and pulled out a small parcel. He handed it to his partner.
"Here, merry Christmas" Itachi said.
"For me? You shouldn't have," Kisame said, opening his gift, "aww, fish flakes. You always know exactly what I want. Here's something for you". He handed an envelope to Itachi.
Itachi opened the floppy envelope, his eyes widened at the sight of what he pulled out.
"I don't believe it, how did you get these?" Itachi gasped.
"Oh, Kisame Claus has his ways"
"But, tickets to see the Village People reunion? Thank you sooo much!" Itachi smiled warmly.
"Think nothing of it" Kisame said, picking up his bag.
And so, the entire village of Konoha was happy for the holidays.
...'cept Sasuke, but c'mon, what a grouch! Wouldn't even welcome a ghost into his house?! Hope he gets a lump of coal...or at least an exploding note.
Happy Holidays Everypeoples!
Now let's go drink eggnog!!!!!