Summary: The Professors voted for Snape to do something against his will. Shopping. He is made to shop for each and everyone of the Professors. So when one of them has something odd on the list, what will he do? And what do Harry, Ron, Hermione, and lingerie have to do with it? What is the outcome?
MO/N: I am not a Bully!
Chapter Six: Hypothetically Speaking
"Nice pink Ron." Harry commented, for the fourth time. He already had fun poking at Snape.
"Shut up Harry."
"Pink looks nice on you. And peach looks fine on you Professor."
"Potter, if you say it one more time, I will give you a detention and you will serve it in your underwear in the girls lavatory."
"And you will be kicked off of the Quiditch team! Ginny has been looking at that seeker job again. I could just give it to her!" Ron said.
Harry backed off. "All right, all right."
Emily told them it was time for bed. And Hermione defiantly knew not to sleep in the boy's room. Her face was bright red at all times, when she was in the presence of Ron. Same for Emily, but it was Snape, not…Ron.
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Evening of the fourth day.
"Okay, Padfoot, go with Fang. Hagrid, go with Frienze and search the forest again. Fred, George, Ginny, Bill, and Charlie, get on your brooms and circle Hogsmead. Arthur left already. He's at the Ministry with the Unspeakables. Percy go to the Restricted Section, look for any hideouts on Hogwarts grounds. Tonks? Why are you here?"
"Oh I needed to tell Charlie that Raven's eggs hatched. Two boys, three girls."
"Congratulations. Anyway, we need to go!"
Ginny, Fred, George, Bill, and Charlie hopped on their brooms, and were in the air before Remus finished his orders. Sirius changed into Padfoot/Snuffles, he and Fang were gone in a flash. You could hear their paws thumping on the ground, and McGonagall opened the Entrance Hall door for them to leave. Percy sped off towards the Library, his glasses askew. Hagrid and Firenze left, going as quickly as possible. Tonks, Remus, Molly, and Rosmerta all went to the kitchens for coffee.
Dumbledore watched as they spread out. He wished he wished them luck. He and McGonagall went around and issued orders to Ghosts, Portraits, Filch, and random Professor's if anyone odd, or any students were lurking the halls, they needed to take immediate action. They also kept Madame Promfrey informed, and if anyone needed medical attention, or if someone needed a special potion to take away stress.
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Snape was looking through the bags that he got the other day. He needed a potion Professor Canister sent him, from Florida. It had special tropical ingredients that were very hard to get in England.
"Professor! Is this checkmate?" Ron yelled.
Snape sighed and stood up. He walked out of the guy's room and into the kitchen. Ron and Hermione were having a very intense game of chess. It's been two hours.
Emily went into the guy's bedroom and noticed the items on the floor. But she didn't see the special potion, as she…knocked it over.
At first she didn't notice anything, until they burst into flame, and started to…smoke. She took out her wand, and took the fire out, but the items were ruined. All of Snape's items.
-----
Snape checked the chess game. "Granger, you lost."
Hermione crossed her arms. "I swear, you cheat somehow."
"No, I'm all natural." Ron said, laughing.
They shook hands, and decided to play another Muggle game. Harry came out of the bathroom. "Does anyone smell anything burning, like fire?"
They all sniffed the air, and Snape smelled the distinct smell of burning potion. "You three stay in here."
He hurriedly left the room, and went back to the guy's room. "What…are you doing?"
Emily turned around. "It kind of caught on fire."
Snape went to it, and sifted through what was left. Only the list and the other Professor's items were salvageable.
"What happened?"
"I knocked one over." Emily said.
"I needed these. They were important and from Florida!" Snape yelled.
-----
"What was from Florida?" Hermione asked.
They were standing in the kitchen doorway. Hermione was in front and Harry and Ron were standing behind her.
-----
"Well maybe you should put them in separate bags!" Emily yelled
"It doesn't matter! I was examining one! It's ruined now!" Snape yelled.
"Well…you know what?" Emily asked.
"What?" Snape asked angrily.
"They weren't important!" Emily said.
She stormed out of the room, Snape shouting after her, "I JUST TOLD YOU THEY WERE IMPORTANT!"
They both slammed the door at the same time, which caused a candle to blow out, and snow from the roof fall. That was bad. Now they had no light through the windows. It became very dark.
-----
"Err…I don't like this." Hermione whispered.
"Where are we going to sleep tonight?" Harry asked.
"Please not on the floor. Harry will pick a knife up and kill us!" Ron said. Harry glared at Ron, and was about to say something when Hermione interrupted.
"Well what about wandless magic?" Hermione asked.
"Oh, that might work." Ron said.
"What happened to our wands anyway?" Harry asked.
"Remember? We lost them during our batter fight." Hermione said.
"Oh."
Harry and Ron moved the table to the side, and then they swept the floor, and made sure it was clean. Hermione took a deep breath, and conjured up a queen size mattress top.
Harry has this thing. Everything has to match. He conjured up a matching set of pillows, sheets, and a blanket. Hermione and Ron made the bed, and then they jumped on it. "Yep, this is the bed." Ron said.
They stopped jumping and Hermione shrunk the bed. She put the mattress on the table, and Harry and Ron moved the table back.
"Alright, we play rock, paper, scissors to see if Emily and Snape are hungry." Hermione said.
Hermione was so happy when she got out. But, it became very intense for Ron and Harry. They were breathing slowly and heavily. At first, they both got rock. Then, they both got paper. Then, scissors. But, Harry slipped. He meant to put rock, but then he put…paper.
"Scissors cuts paper! I WIN! YOU GO HARRY!" Ron said, gleefully, punching the air.
"Please Ron! Please Ron. I beg you, please go do it!" Harry said.
Nope, Ron wasn't going to do it.
Harry glared at Ron, then Hermione. Then he set off on his adventure…to get…Snape and Emily. He went to Emily first. Saving the worst for last. Hermione and Ron started cooking while he was gone. They were having grilled cheese and tomato soup.
Harry slowly knocked on Emily's door. "Are you hungry?"
"I'M NOT HUNGRY HARRY!"
Harry quickly backed away from the door, like it was on fire. He went to Snape's door. He took several deep breaths. "Pro- Pro- Professor-"
"Leave me alone Potter."
Harry sighed, and ran to the kitchen. He was scared. Snape wasn't angry. He must have cut off his legs.
"Hermione! Hermione! He cut off his legs!" Harry cried.
All noise ceased. "Are you serious?"
"No! I'm Harry! Snape isn't angry. He must have cut off his legs, and we're the only ones eating." Harry said.
"Don't do that Harry." Hermione said.
Ron flipped a grilled cheese sandwich. "I made enough for two each, and Hermione is making conned soup."
"Canned soup Ron." Hermione corrected.
Ron shrugged his shoulders and continued making the sandwiches.
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Ginny got back when it started getting dark. Her brothers insisted she go back to Hogwarts. She didn't fight back, because she found it kind of sullen.
Remus asked her what she found, and she told him. "We found exactly nothing."
Remus sighed. "But my brothers told me to come back. I think they're circling around Hogsmeade and going a bit farther out.
"Let's just hope they bring back good news." Remus said.
Sirius and Fang came back. Sirius barked at Remus, then he, Fang, and Ginny went to the Gryffindor Common Room.
"Tonks, are you feeling all right?" Molly asked.
They were still in the kitchens. It was there hideout.
"Oh, no not really. I'm worried about Charlie and my back hurts!" She said happily.
Remus cocked his head to the side, and stared at Tonks as she ate carrots. "Err…all right. You're happy about your back hurting."
"No, but these carrots are wonderfully delicious." Tonks said, eating more, and handing some to Molly and Rosmerta who munched on them.
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"It's bed time!" Harry said.
He plopped down on the bed. "Hermione, you can be in the middle, because you radiate heat. No footsie between you two, and no talking in your sleep. Oh, how can I forget? No snogging either. Goodnight!"
Harry took his glasses off and was asleep in a couple seconds. Ron and Hermione just stared at him. "Can't we kill him?" Ron asked.
"No, then we wouldn't be a trio anymore." Hermione said.
Awkwardly Hermione lay down in the middle, and Ron got on the other side of her. "Well…err…night Ron."
"Ahem…night…Mione."
"Goodnight People!" Harry said.
"Goodnight Harry." Ron and Hermione chorused together.
-----
Ron woke up, not tired anymore. It was about 3:30 in the morning. He awkwardly moved, because Hermione…was…sleeping on him. He made sure they were all asleep, and then he got up. He was glad the bed was away from the stove, as he made a pot of tea.
Snape was awake. He felt bad for yelling at Emily. It wasn't her fault. He left his stuff on the floor. It was just a natural reaction to yell at someone.
He stood up and realized, "Where are the children?" He asked himself. He opened the door, and saw the kitchen door open. It was open because a bed was in the way. He walked in there, and saw Ron sitting with just one candle, sipping tea.
Without further ado, he stepped over the bed, and walked towards Ron. "What are you doing Weasley?" He whispered.
"Drinking tea. Want some?" He asked.
Snape slowly grabbed a mug, and sat down at the table that was pushed against the wall. Ron poured him a cup.
"What happened between you and Emily?" Ron asked.
Snape stared at him over his cup. "None of you business Weasley." He took a long draught from it.
"Well…if you got in a fight, you should apologize to her first." Ron said, drinking his tea.
"Why do you think that?" Snape asked, his interest perked.
"Well…usually when me and Mione fight, it's my fault. So I usually apologize first. Not saying that you started it but…that's how it goes nowadays." Ron added the last part as an afterthought.
"What if, hypothetically speaking, it was my fault? How should I say it?" Snape asked.
"Err…well…apologize for yelling. That should grab her attention. Then, apologize for arguing with her. If she say's it was her fault, don't agree with her. Never agree with the lady who say's it's her fault."
"Okay." Snape said simply, remembering the information.
"Then, she will probably give you a hug. At least…that's what Mione does…over really bad rows though. So…since this is your first fight…hypothetically speaking, she may give you a hug. Whatever you do, never forget to return the hug."
"Why?"
"I don't know. If you don't hug her back, and you just…stand, it causes them to cry. Women tend to cry over…things like that. So…hug her back if she does it first."
"Okay…hypothetically speaking, she won't do anything else, am I correct?"
"If you were dating then she may kiss you. But you're not. Hypothetically speaking of course."
"Are you implyingwe should date? Hypothetically speaking?" Snape asked.
"Definitely you should give it a shot. I mean, you two are…like magnets…those fruit shaped ones that Muggles make. Hypothetically speaking."
"Hmm." Snape took another long draught from his mug.
After a few moments Snape started asking the questions. "What is going on between you and Granger?"
"Hypothetically Speaking, or for real?" Ron asked.
"For real."
"Nothing, nothing at all."
"You know Weasley, it has been obvious since your second year, that you and Granger were meant to be."
"It- it has?" Ron asked, drinking the rest of his tea, and getting more.
"Yeah, yeah it has."
Ron sighed. "I've liked her for a long time yeah, please don't tell her. Like on a test parchment saying, "You got this right, but Weasley likes you" or something. It'll kill me!" Ron said in despair.
"If you annoy me enough I will."
"Dear God. I'll have to leave Hogwarts."
Snape smirked. "Why don't you ask her? I mean, she likes you too."
"No. Never, I mean, we're friends, and the friendship is nice. I like it. If she didn't like me, then we probably wouldn't be friends anymore, and it would be terribly uncomfortable."
Snape stood up, and put away his cup. He squeezed Ron's shoulder. "Risk it." Then he left, stepping over the bed…again.
Ron took a deep breath. His mother didn't even know he liked Hermione that much.
BB/N: This chapter was so odd. I have never written anything like this one before. I never thought Snape would touch Ron. Ever.
MO/N: Lotsa dialog! Oh and Snape is a bit ooc in this chapter… and in his mind a little… OOC, for you ppl who don't know what it means, is Out Of Character!