~
October's full moon fell on an exceptionally clear Sunday night. After the earlier storms, the weather now remained resolutely calm and the clear moonlight had illuminated the castle and it's grounds almost as if it was day. Finally the night was over and the sun had risen into a cloudless sky, gradually moving higher above the horizon as the day progressed.
Remus Lupin awoke and immediately groaned. It's over, he thought. Thank goodness. His whole body was stiff and aching, partly from the transformation itself and partly from the discomfort of the cold stone floor he'd been lying on. The brilliant midday sunshine streamed through the windows of the Defence Against the Dark Arts office, so bright that it hurt his eyes. Shielding his face with his hands, Remus pulled himself slowly upright and stumbled over to the small sink in the corner of the room to splash cold water on his face. Despite his discomfort he knew that things could easily have been a lot worse.
It was only the second time he'd transformed since his arrival at Hogwarts and the Wolfsbane potion had made a huge difference. No longer did he have to barricade himself away and hope that no one would hear his howls of pain and decide to investigate. No longer did he awaken to find himself covered in self-inflicted scratches and bite marks, injuries that would take weeks to heal and would never fade fully before the next full moon came around and it happened all over again. And most of all, no longer did he lose his mind to crazed bloodlust, capable of harming any and all, including those he loved. The potion had rendered him harmless to others and allowed him at last to retain his dignity. Better still, the last full moon had been on a Saturday night, something he was entirely grateful for since it meant he'd been able to attend all of his lessons. Today he had missed his first and second year classes but Minerva had covered one and Marcus Vector the other, both maintaining the story that Professor Lupin was merely feeling a little under the weather and was resting upstairs. To all intents and purposes, his secret was safe. He hoped it would stay that way.
Thinking of Minerva, Remus wondered where she was. Right now he missed her desperately. She'd asked if she could stay with him when he'd transformed but he'd refused point blank. She'd probably have been perfectly safe but that was not his concern. Though her presence would have been a comfort to him, he was loathe for her to see him in his wolf form, knowing that as long as she didn't, he could pretend to himself that he was normal, the kind of man he knew she deserved.
Remus pulled himself together and decided to go and take a bath. It was lunchtime so there would be no one around to see him, dishevelled and exhausted as he was. Once he'd cleaned himself up a little he'd go and see if he could find her. The thought of seeing her cheered him up immensely and there was almost a spring in his step as he went to the door, deftly unlocking it and stepping out into the corridor. Luckily he was able to stop himself just before he crashed headlong into the figure that stood waiting nervously outside, one hand raised ready to knock.
"Minerva?" he said, when he'd managed to catch his breath.
"I know," she apologised hastily. "You didn't want me to see you. I was just worried. I wanted to make sure you were all right."
There was such concern in her voice that he forgave her instantly. Pulling her into his arms he hugged her close, pressing his face into her hair and inhaling its soft scent.
"It's ok," he said. "Everything's fine."
And he really meant it.
* * * * *
Later that night, Remus lay awake. Though the moon was no longer full, it still shone with a surprising strength. Silvery rays slipped through a gap in the curtains and fell in a narrow beam across the floor. There was something so pure and beautiful about the moonlight that for a moment Remus was able to forget that the shining orb was his enemy. He realised something then that surprised him: the fierce hatred that had possessed him so strongly in the past was waning now along with the moon itself, and not just because of the potion.
The main reason for this sudden change of heart slept peacefully in his arms, her head rested against his shoulder, her dark hair a startling contrast against the crisp white sheets. Minerva had taken good care of him, hustling him straight into a warm bath and then gently massaging his aching limbs, slowly easing the tension away with her tender hands. He didn't know what she'd put in the water but it had made his eyelids droop heavily and he'd spent the rest of the evening dozing quietly on her sofa. She'd gone downstairs for dinner so as not to arouse suspicion, though her reluctance to leave him had been obvious. She'd returned an hour or so later, coming straight to where he lay and kissing him with such desire that he'd found himself instantly aroused. They'd gone straight to bed and made gentle, passionate love. That, combined with the effort of worrying about him all day, had exhausted Minerva and she'd quickly drifted off to sleep, leaving him alone with his thoughts.
He let his mind wander back to earlier in the afternoon. The image of her concerned face as she met him outside his office was fixed in his head. No fear or revulsion in her worried gaze, just concern, affection… and love? It was hard to believe that such a thing could be true. He'd never allowed a woman to get close to him before, unable to bear the inevitable rejection when they discovered his shameful secret. His few close friends had tried to convince him that it wouldn't make any difference and that he would find someone who would love him and accept him as they had, but their reassurance had fallen on deaf ears. Remus had cut himself off, reconciled to the fact that he was destined to be alone. And now, in a few short days, Minerva McGonagall had managed to turn his entire world upside down. What he'd thought would be a one-night stand or a brief, inconsequential fling at most had turned into something so intense that it overwhelmed him and yet made him feel calm and grounded for the first time in his life. Remus tightened his arms around her and vowed to protect her no matter what.
* * * * *
After that first transformation the days slipped past surprisingly quickly. Minerva's position as Head of Gryffindor House meant that she couldn't be too far away from her charges and her rooms were therefore just beneath the Gryffindor Common Room, though protected by a one-way silencing charm perfected by Filius Flitwick and gratefully copied by Minerva. Most of the time the noise from upstairs was little more than a faint murmur of voices - too soft to discern the topic of normal conversation but loud enough so that any disturbance could be quickly heard and investigated. Because of this, they spent most of their time in her quarters rather than his. Remus was not in the least bit bothered by this: on the contrary, his rooms seemed bare and empty compared to the comfortable home that Minerva had established for herself. He returned to them only to fetch the occasional book or article of clothing.
During the day they steered clear of each other, sitting separately at meal times and limiting their conversation to polite small talk. Usually they spent their evenings together – talking, reading or quietly marking the homework from their respective classes. Minerva had finally persuaded him into a game of chess and unsurprisingly he had lost; since then she'd been teaching him, pleased to share her skills. On a couple of occasions they had risked taking a walk together across the grounds, careful all the while not to give any impression other than that of two colleagues enjoying the evening air together.
Their relationship aside, Remus was surprised by how much he was enjoying teaching. He'd taken the job for several reasons: a desire to look out for Harry, a decent wage at last, the promise of the Wolfsbane Potion… and a chance to repay the debt he owed Dumbledore for allowing him an education at Hogwarts all those years ago. He had the necessary knowledge from his own research – how hard could it be? He'd been a lot more nervous as term approached but had settled quickly into his new post. His students had for the most part been keen and interested in what he had to say, and although one or two of the staff avoided him, the majority were polite if not overly friendly. Determined to prove his ability, Remus took great care in preparing his lesson plans and marking the homework he'd set, often giving up part of his weekend to do so.
On the Saturday of Halloween he was in his office earlier than usual, owing to the fact that Minerva was busy supervising the decorating of the Great Hall ready for the evening's feast. The castle seemed strangely quiet with most of the upper years absent and Remus wedged the office door open to allow the fresh air in, knowing that there was little chance of him being disturbed. But he'd barely opened his books when a familiar dark haired figure wandered past.
"Harry?"
Remus got to his feet and peered around the open door. Harry Potter stared back at him looking uncharacteristically miserable. There was no sign of any of his friends, which was surprising since Remus rarely saw Harry on his own.
"What are you doing?" he asked. "Where are Ron and Hermione?"
"Hogsmeade," Harry said, and there were distinct tones of unhappiness in his voice.
Immediately Remus understood the reason for Harry's bad mood. Minerva had told him about Harry's request to be allowed to go to Hogsmeade and how she had used the lack of a permission slip as an excuse to forbid him from going. She'd actually felt quite bad about it, which was surprising considering how strict she usually was when enforcing the rules.
Looking at Harry now, Remus felt quite sympathetic towards the poor boy and invited him in for tea. He remembered Hogsmeade trips from his own schooldays and how exciting it had been when they reached the third year and finally were allowed the privilege of visiting the village.
As they sat and drank their tea, Harry seemed strangely distracted.
"Anything worrying you, Harry?" Remus asked, genuine concern in his voice.
"No," Harry said, but then a moment later he changed his mind. "Yes. You know that day we fought the Boggart?"
Remus felt his heart sink. He'd hoped none of the class had noticed the form that the Boggart had taken on when Remus himself had faced it, or if they had, that they wouldn't appreciate it's significance. Obviously he'd misjudged them.
"Yes," he said slowly.
"Why didn't you let me fight it?"
It wasn't the reply Remus had expected. Relief cascaded through his veins as he explained his reasoning to Harry. His words seemed to have lifted a weight off the boy's shoulders – Harry was looking almost as relieved as Remus felt – but just as he began to probe further there was a sudden knock at the door.
"Come in," he called loudly, thinking it was Minerva, or perhaps another student with a question about homework. But when the door swung open it was Severus Snape that stood there, holding in his hand a goblet full of Wolfsbane Potion.
Remus was slightly taken aback. Severus had never before bothered to bring the potion to him. Normally he settled for shouting across the floo network for Remus to come down and collect it from his office.
"Ah, Severus. Thanks very much. Could you leave it here on the desk for me?"
There was a strange glint in Snape's eye. He looks like he wants to say something, Remus thought, but what?
Snape glanced across at Harry, clearly uncomfortable in the boy's presence.
"I was just showing Harry my Grindylow," Remus explained, attempting to lighten the mood.
"Fascinating. You should drink that directly Lupin."
"Yes, yes, I will."
"I made an entire cauldronfull. If you need more."
"I should probably take some again tomorrow. Thanks very much, Severus."
"Not at all."
Distracted by Snape's uncharacteristic concern, Remus was barely listening to what Harry was saying. He drank the Wolfsbane potion hurriedly and then excused himself. He was certain that Snape had come up for a reason but what? Perhaps Harry's presence had made him uncomfortable. After all, Snape would be expecting all the students to be at Hogsmeade. Why would he bring the potion up now when no one was around to see, and perhaps guess what was going on? It didn't make sense. Remus shrugged and returned to his lesson plans. Whatever Snape had to say, he'd find out soon enough.
* * * * *
The Halloween Feast was as spectacular as those Remus remembered from his own schooldays. He ate heartily and chatted to Filius Flitwick through most of the meal. The tiny wizard was delighted to learn more about the research Remus had been doing at the Ministry and keen to share some discoveries of his own, most notably the charms he had used on the Halloween decorations, an achievement he was deservedly proud of. Remus saw Harry amongst his friends on the Gryffindor table and was pleased to see that the boy was looking much happier than he had earlier that afternoon. When the feast was over he waited just outside for Minerva, who was busy shooing the last few students out of the hall and up to bed. A moment later she joined him and they made their way upstairs.
"Severus came to see me this afternoon," Remus said. "He brought me my potion."
"Really? Are you sure he didn't poison it?"
He knew she was teasing but still there was an element of truth in her words.
"He really hates me, doesn't he?" he said sadly, wishing there was something he could do, some way he could persuade the man to trust him. "I got the distinct impression he wanted to talk to me about something," Remus continued. "But Harry was there and put him off."
"Don't let him upset you," Minerva said. "I expect he just wanted to remind you that he's watching you."
"No, I think there was more to it than that."
They reached the tapestry that hid the entrance to Minerva's rooms. Overhead they could hear faint footsteps and voices chattering excitedly as the Gryffindor students returned to their tower.
"Well, I think there are better things we could be doing than worrying about what Severus is up to." Minerva smiled and then kissed him, placing her hands on his shoulders as she did so in order to draw him closer.
Remus laughed. "You're insatiable," he teased.
She raised an eyebrow mischievously but before she could say anything in reply sudden footsteps echoed down the corridor towards them. Hastily they released their hold on each other. Remus turned just in time to see Severus Snape appear around the corner, his expression drawn into a twisted triumphant smirk. Beside him Minerva stiffened noticeably.
"Severus," she said curtly.
"Minerva," he replied. "And Remus… what an interesting surprise. I wasn't aware you had rooms in this part of the castle."
Minerva gave him a cold stare. "Remus was joining me for coffee. I hardly think that's a crime."
Before Snape could respond there was a sudden silence up above them and a voice called loudly: "Somebody get Professor Dumbledore. Quick!"
The three of them stared at each other. Then Severus turned to hurry upstairs, pulling his wand from his robes as he ran. "I'll talk to you later!" he shouted over his shoulder. Minerva and Remus frowned at each other for a moment and then they, too, ran upstairs.