Disclaimer: I know nothing about the lives of homosexuals, but i find them adorable! So, that would mean that i do not own Gravi, which makes me a sad panda...

In this chapter, i would like to my friend (always) and fellow writer, Mina-chan, or Mel to the rest of you. She helped me come up with this insane list, and i hope she finds it as amusing i did, and i hope that she too thinks that this might be exactly what some bastard we know may have to go throught some day. Also, and i know you don't why yet Mel, but I would like to apologize to you. So, you get a public apology, and also a private one when i see you, i have some explaining to do on my part, although you do too.

I would like to dedicate this chapter to our good friend Nick, who helped us realize that shampoo is a bad idea for any pleasurable activity. And you'll find out why at the bottom of this chapter.

BUT I COMMAND YOU TO READ THE CHAPTER, NOT JUST SKIP DOWN TO THE BOTTOM AND READ WHY SHAMPOO IS THE DEVIL! READ THE CHAPTER!!

Enjoy!

The List Begins

The doctor looked at Yuki, then Shuichi who looked back at the doctor with wide eyes and a blush only rivaled by the color of his hair. This was going to be a long day. The doctor went and sat on the table, as he was afraid to ask Yuki for the seat. The tall eagle-eyed man didn't look like someone he could win against, and he seemed quite comfortable in the seat.

"So, the rash started on Monday, correct?" the doctor asked, and Shuichi nodded. The doctor took out a small note pad from his pocket along with a pen.

"Well, what items did you use this entire week?"

Yuki sighed and crossed his legs, and gave the doctor a look, to which the doctor was taken aback by.

"Do you mind if I smoke? This'll take a while," Yuki asked, already taking out the pack in his front shirt pocket. The doctor nodded, not wanting to make this any harder on himself then it was already going to be. Yuki absentmindedly pulled a cigarette out of the white and red pack with his lips and lit it up after his fished the lighter out of his pocket. He took a long, soothing pull on the cigarette and exhaled with a sigh.

"Monday was both our days off. So, it was pretty eventful. I had just gotten back from a month long book signing tour, which was hell on the Brat I suppose," Yuki sneered at Shuichi, who blushed even deeper.

"I walked in the door, dropped my bag and went into the kitchen, it was about midnight on Sunday, I was dead tired and needed a beer. I flick on the light and who's waiting for me holding a large cake in his lap, naked as the day he was born, but Shuichi. Well, let's face it, I was gone for a month, tired as all hell, but just looking at him, the little cat smile he always gets when he's ready to pounce on me, I had to have him. So I went and took the cake from him, placed it on the counter and put him on the table. Of course, he blushed and that made him all the more desirable. Well, we had our usual exchange, I kissed him, hard, wanting him to know just how much I had missed him, he nearly gagged on my tongue, but I didn't care. He tasted like strawberries… always strawberry with him. I love it, more then he'll know. I practically wanted to devour him whole. I broke away, leaving him mewling, oh, he makes the strangest noises when we make love, it was odd, in the beginning, but now I had come to love each and every individual breath he makes.

I growled, my own little thing that I do, that he makes me do, sometimes I think we're like cats and dogs, but no matter what, it's worth it. I wasn't in the mood for turn-ons or games, I wanted him. I wanted him right then and there… and let's face, I usually get my way. So I tried to stretch him out, wetting my own fingers before hand, but that wasn't working too well, and there was no way in hell I was going into the bedroom for the lube. If I caught a glimpse of that bed, I would've passed out right on the bedroom floor. It's a bad habit of mine, I overwork, push myself to the edge, and fall over as soon as I get up.

But, I digress, so I scanned the kitchen quickly, and saw exactly, although strange, what I needed… or what I thought would work. Shu-chan had left a mess in his wake from baking the cake, along with leftover cake batter. You look at me like that now, but hell, that shit was a godsend right then. So I grabbed the bowl, there was a liberal amount left over, so I coated a few fingers and went about preparing him quickly, but never hurting him. See, Shuichi was gang raped some time ago, and honestly, with all the psychological damage I went through as a child, and I was only almost raped, it always amazed me that Shuichi never cringed away, or flinched. So I prepare him, he coquettishly licked my fingers clean, and had somehow gotten my pants and boxers off. Well, I put a thin layer on my dick, lifted one leg over my shoulder, easiest position at the time, and slipped into heaven. Pure bliss…

"Yuki!" Shuichi squeaked his face on fire from hearing the story. The writer opened his eyes looking at his lover with a 'so what?' glance.

"Didn't hear you complain."

He flicked the ashes into the nearby garbage can, and took another drag. The doctor looked at them, blushing furiously. That was a little more than he had expected, but after all this was the famous romance novelist Eiri Yuki, so he would assume the rest of the list would have stories like this.

"So, cake batter is the cause? That doesn't seem right, only like it just be a bit irritating," the doctor said.

Shuichi then piped up. "Um… well, like Yuki said, it was a pretty eventful day. We finished in the kitchen, it didn't take long at all," he said, not grudgingly, as if trying to insult Yuki, more as in just showing the need and desperation between them.

"Well, we didn't even bother to clean up in the kitchen, what was the point? We'd take care of it in the morning. Yuki slipped out of his pants, shoes going with it, and left them on the floor. He carried me to the bathroom, we had his old one made a bit bigger after it looked like I was going to be a permanent fixture in his place, so now there was more standing room, which was good since we need to play a bit more before jumping into the shower. Yuki placed me down, I yelped, the floor was cold, and he smirked at me, that sexy little smirk he gets when he wants more. He ran the shower, we waited a bit for it warm up, and we had plenty to keep us occupied until then. Yuki pulled me up close, I wrapped my shoulders around his neck, I'm like 5'5", maybe, so I had to look up pleadingly for a kiss, which he granted me. He never realizes it, but I'm usually in charge thought he's the seme. I manipulate him into getting what I want, and I think sometimes he realizes it, but not too often. I gave a little bounce, and he lifted me a bit, and I turned like I was going to whisper something in his ear and I tugged at his earlobe. He gets a bit weak kneed when I do that. I wiggled his earrings with my tongue, wondering how he could stand to get his ears pierced. A soft growl came from deep in his throat, and I giggled softly into his ear, running my tongue up the shell of it, he full out moaned then. I get shivers when he moans, he's never vocal enough for me.

I was just about to clean him off from our endeavor in the kitchen, when he said the water was ready. He placed me in the shower, gently and stepped in after, and we helped each wash, just touching and being near each other was enough, until his hand touch that spot on my thigh… oh, gods… I love that so much. Soon enough, we were back like we were in the kitchen, dying to be intertwined with each other once again. So, Yuki prepped me again, this time with shampoo… closest thing there was. It was okay at first, a weird tingle I admit, but once his fingers started moving in and out, we found that bubbles were starting to form, and a bit of burning started up. We stopped, washed it away, my butt hurt a bit, but I was too in the mood to just drop everything. Well, next best thing was conditioner, so, we use that, work a whole lot better! He just kept hitting that spot over and over… I didn't last too long… Yuki's amazing when he's really into it…

"Oi! Brat, keep it to yourself," the blonde man said, trying to hide a blush as he held his foot above the trash, putting his cigarette out thoroughly on the thick rubber before dropping the butt into the trash. Shuichi smiled softly at his Koi and said nothing else. Yuki looked a bit surprised during the story, like the kid wasn't able to tell a story so enticing.

"Well, the shampoo might've done it, but your scalp would be agitated all the time if you were truly allergic to it," doctor stated, and asked Yuki for a cigarette as the blonde man went to light up another. The two of them sat there smoking before the doctor asked them to continue. He was beginning to get a little more comfortable with this situation.

"Well, after that, we dried off and went to bed," Yuki said plainly. The doctor nodded, waiting to precede to the next day.

"We woke up, still kinda early, the way the morning light hits Shuichi… beautiful. He glows, practically the major source of light in the room. I kiss him awake, he smiles, I love how his eyes glow… rubies… they always remind me of rubies in the firelight. He still naked, gorgeous, his body is amazing, his skin always has a silken texture, and his own little scent… uh, well anyway, we woke up, I went to brush my teeth, they felt disgusting from the night before, and I stand there, brushing, bow my head to spit, and who do I see in the mirror over the sink when I look up? Shu-chan, leaning enticingly against the door frame. His hair's a mess, his eyes are deep purple from sleep and lust, gods… so he walks up to me, wraps himself around, me, I can feel him hard already. I turn and lean down for a kiss, I get it, and we don't stop.

It always surprises me how the simplest touch from this boy sets me off immediately. But who was I to complain? I always hoped that I did the same for him. So we continue, he grabs hold of my dick, already at attention, I groan, his slender hands are so capable of… just about anything. I'm at his mercy now, and before I know it, he's making his way down my chest, kissing licking, he get to my stomach, same routine, and then… bites. Not hard, a little nip. I can feel my skin twitch from it. He's never done that before. He pumping away, I feel like I'm about to explode, when…

Nothing.

He just stopped, got up from his crouch and started to reach for his toothbrush. I'm standing shellshock at what just happened, how he could be so cruel to me, when I make a sharp turn so I'm behind him, my aching dick pressed against his back side, hands on his hips. He looks up into the mirror, comically, toothbrush dangling from his mouth, whitish foam edging onto his lips. I rub against him, saying something… something smug, I always say something smug. But words weren't important right then. Well, I get to preparing him, he's still leaned a bit over the sink, perfect. I grab the closest thing, the toothpaste, and try that. It's a little thick, so I water down the green, sparkly goop, rub it between my fingers, perfect.

I prep him, he spits into the sink with a moan, the toothbrush clattering in the sink, mine had fallen to the floor a while ago. I hit that little spot in him, I hear him call my name… oh his voice. That's the voice I long to hear everyday of my life. That sweet tune he always carries in it is even more amazing. Sometimes, it seems, he can sing without even singing. So now I take the tube and squeeze a globe of toothpaste into my palm, reach around Shu-chan, to the faucet, wet the goo and spread it on. Works like a charm, I'm in really smooth, and must've said something about being minty fresh, cause Shuichi snickered… or maybe he made the comment… it didn't matter, all that matter was getting him to moan my name over and over…

Yuki stopped then, realizing that Shuichi was crouched before him, shutting his blonde lover up with a hard kiss. He couldn't stand to listen to him talk anymore. These stories were just getting them both riled up.

"Well, toothpaste, yet again, may be the cause," the doctor sighed heavily, going to put out his cigarette the same way Yuki had earlier. He also slipped the smoldering butt out of Yuki's nicotine stained fingers, as he realized it was finished. The doctor let the two continue their escapade for a moment longer before giving an oh-so-subtle coughing fit, bringing the two back to reality.

"Doc, can't you prescribe him some antibiotics and let that be that?" the blonde man asked, naked want on his chiseled features. Sadly, the doctor shook his head.

"So, after the bathroom… was there anything else?"

It seemed to be Shuichi's turn, and he gladly took it, his eyes now the deep purple Yuki had just described not a moment ago.

"We went to the kitchen after that. It was time to clean up after last night. Yuki was surprised that I hadn't burned anything while trying to bake," the singer said, giving his lover a pout.

"But I've had close encounter before, so he had every right to think that. He sat at the table, watching, still nude as I slaved away trying to clean up the kitchen, congealed eggs on the countertop, spoilt milk on the floor, icing and batter everywhere. And the after all that, the cake I slaved over had to be thrown out cause it went stale! I was a bit indignant at that, red-faced as my anger rose, but that apparently turned my little Koi on. Because he then forced himself on me. We had a bit of a struggle, a new game every now and then wasn't always bad.

He forced his tongue into my mouth, invading it, and for once, without the taste of stale cigarettes or beer from his late night writings. It was just Yuki, I loved that. I wanted to melt into him, but it was more fun this way. I pushed him off me, I'm quite strong for the way I look, and he stumbled a bit, smirking, enjoying this already. He came back to me full force, crushing me against him as he kissed me, my arms pinned between us. He licked my neck, biting as he went, with one free hand, cupping one cheek of my ass, stroking it, moving lower, to the end of the curve, back up over the arch, up to the point where it meets my back, and back down again.

I gave up all struggling right then, went limp in his control and let him do the rest, he went over to the fridge and-

Shuichi was cut off as a nurse knocked lightly on the door before opening it a crack. The doctor looked at her expectantly. She opened the door the rest of the way, wrinkling her nose at the smell of smoke.

"Doctor, your 12:30 is here," she said in a whiny voice.

"Go get him ready for me will you? I'm still trying to diagnose this patient. Tell him I'll be there ASAP," the doctor said curtly, and the nurse left with a small bow, closing the door behind her.

"Well, we'll have to speed things along here I'm afraid," the doctor said, getting off of the table.

"Name everything you used. I have down: batter, shampoo, conditioner, toothpaste… what else?"

"Ice cream, cheese whiz, whipped cream," Shuichi rattled off, ticking off fingers as he went.

"Peanut oil, vanilla extract, hair gel, mousse," Yuki's deep voice continued. The doctor was scribbling furiously on the pad trying to keep up, wonder how they managed to have such stamina for a whole week like this.

"There was and incident with motor oil…," Shuichi said, a blush starting up. The doctor looked at him incredulously.

"We were at my friend Hiro's house," the pink haired voicalist shrugged.

"There were a few experiments gone wrong," Yuki interrupted, leaning back in the chair.

"Mashed potatoes, creamed corn and alcohol," Shuichi ticked off. The doctor stopped them.

"What ever happened to plain old lube? Or hand lotion?" the doctor was beginning to look frantic.

"Well, a lot of the times, we never make it back to the bedroom where the lube and lotion is," Shuichi said as if were the most natural thing in the world.

"I think I've found the problem…," the doctor flipped through all the notes he'd complied during this little session. "You two, need to avoid food products for the rest of your lives and stick to lube. This isn't an allergic reaction, this is just Shindou-sama's body telling you guys that it can't take all those foreign products!"

They looked at each other in wonder it seemed as the doctor went laughing like a loon down the hallway towards his next patient.

"If any other products come to mind, don't hesitate to add them to the list of 'Things Not To Use For Sex"!" the doctor called down the hall, embarrassing Yuki and Shuichi.

They looked at each other for a moment before Yuki picked up the pad the doctor had left on the counter, just in case they ever got very carried away again.

"Let's go Brat. I want you to rest so we can get back on schedule, I haven't been able to write anything for the last few days, and I have a deadline," the blonde man growled at Shuichi, who bounce happily behind him, until the pain hit him and he began to walk slowly again.

Is this the end? dum dum DUUUUUUMM! dramatic reverb Nah! Just teasing! I need to think of a satisfying ending... i've got an idea, but i'm not sure how to work it. Yes, they drove the doctor insane, and i always wantd to use the phrase 'laughing like a loon'. A loon is a bird, or a crazy person, you decide! lol... now, on to the moment you've been waiting for...

Why Shampoo is the Akuma (Devil)

By: Hi-chan

Info supplied by: Videogame freak and caffine addict, Nick

Shampoo, it looks so innocent, friendly, so unwilling to harm a fly... but, behind the attractive lable and false promises, lurks a monster.

One day, like any other day, a young man was taking a shower, just like any other day. Everything was going fine, until he had that 'urge'. It was the urge that all young men get at his age, so he didn't find it bothersome in the least. To quickly remedy his predicament, our young friend Nick reached for what he thought would be helpful to his cause, his good friend Shampoo. What he didn't know was that he was dancing with the Devil himself, in a oncepleasure filled shower that would soon turn into a burning inferno of pain.

insert dramatic reverb here

choking back laughter Oh my Goddess... he has no idea i'm doing this! He is so going to kill me if he ever finds this. This was just too go to pass up though! Okay, okay, okay, i'll finish now...

He was continuing on, enjoying his shower quite well, until his hand sliped up and he brought some of the Shampoo up too far, and down it went into him, leaving a firey trail of bubbly pain after. That, was most uncomfortable, but that pain had passed, and he continued, his thoughts of pleasure all but gone from his mind after that wake up call. Little did he know that later on it would come back to haunt him.

another dramatic reverb

snorts i'm making this soooo melodramatic! Mel, we gotta show this too him, he'll freak! maybe he'll even tell me how it happened... anyway! yes, i'm addlibbing alot here... i wasn't in the friggin shower with him! Sick perverted people... grumbles I haven't seen any action for a while now, and that is most certainly not my thing. But advice to those of you break up and have trouble finding someone else and crave sex: Do not ready smutty smut smut stories until the wee hourse of the morning. This benefits no one, trust me!!! ONWARD!

Soon the day passed, and throughout the day, our young hero, Nick of course had to use the lavatories at some point. So, he went releasing the building pressure of urine that moments before had made him rush to the potty. And release he did, but he had recieved a surprise as well. While he emptied his blatter into the the toilet, the little tinkling sound bring a small laugh and smile to his lips(he's ganna kill meeeee!) his good time was soon interupted by pain. Burning white pain coursed through him as he urinated, this act no longer relieving in anyway. And so, throughout that day, from such a small gesture, a young man, only wishing to calm his teenage libido, we found our hero in pain everytime he needed to go to the bathroom for the rest of the day.

The End.

What? Were you like expecting a battle between a dude and shampoo? What'd'you think i am? Fucking crazy? Well, I hope you enjoyed this chapter, i finished around 6:30 in the morning. (too much soda and smut!) So, i hope you all tune in for the next chapter, which i have yet to write, but it'll come to me! I need to get this outta my head, it's friggin annoying having it buzz around in there all the time.

Humourouly Shampoo-hatingly yours,

Hi-chan