~
Early the following morning only a thin, wintry sunlight illuminated Dumbledore's office. The snow still lay thickly on the ground making the morning appear brighter than it really was, and making the air outside bitterly cold, so cold that jagged patterns of frost covered the windows. A heavy silence filled the room, punctuated only by the soft clicks and whirrs of the myriad of magical equipment that littered the office. Minerva ignored the strange, spindly objects: she had had far too many meetings with Dumbledore in the past to find any interest in his collection now. But when she stole a glance at Remus, she could see his eyes darting around the office in obvious fascination.
They'd spoken very little that morning. After the previous night's debacle - Albus had told them only that he would see them all in his office at eight the following day, before directing Severus towards the hospital wing - Minerva had returned to bed in silence leaving Remus alone in the living room to contemplate his actions. She'd had little sleep, too worried about what was to come. She'd found him asleep on the sofa the next morning and had shaken him awake. The dark shadows under his eyes mirrored her own. She was surprised by how tired she felt: it was as if someone had placed an invisible blanket over her shoulders, weighing her limbs down. She'd only ever felt like this before on the rare occasions that she had resorted to a drowsiness charm to help her sleep. Now she was under no such spell yet could barely keep her eyes open.
Just as she stifled a yawn the door clicked open abruptly and Albus stepped into the room. There was no twinkle in his eye as he sat down heavily behind his desk. Instead he regarded the pair of them with a sombre stare.
"Madam Pomfrey has kept Severus in the hospital wing overnight. He will not be joining us this morning."
His gaze fell on Remus.
"Violence from anyone - be it student or staff - will not be tolerated in this school. Remus, you have disgraced yourself."
"Albus-" Minerva began, but he waved her back into silence. Beside her Remus bowed his head in acknowledgement of his shame.
"I am aware, however, that Severus can be…. provocative. I am not condoning your behaviour in any way but I would like you to tell me truthfully how both you and Severus came to be in Minerva's living room last night and how this situation arose."
Remus was hesitant as he described his first meeting with Minerva and how they had talked about the past they shared. He left out only how the evening had ended, making it sound as if they had barely even kissed that night. As he spoke he reached out almost subconsciously to cover her hand with his. For a moment Minerva considered pushing him away but the tenderness in his voice as he spoke about her changed her mind and instead she gently squeezed his hand to reassure him. Remus continued to speak, his voice growing steadily stronger as he explained how Minerva had taken care of him during his transformations, how they had spent most of their evenings together and realised they were falling in love. And then his eyes darkened as he told how Severus had done his utmost to make Remus uncomfortable since his arrival at Hogwarts, interfering with his relationships and upsetting his classes.
Albus listened in silence until Remus was finally finished.
"I see," he said eventually. "Minerva, is this a fair account of what happened?"
Minerva nodded.
"Remus, I agree that Severus has not behaved honourably but I am extremely disappointed that you chose to take matters into your own hands rather than approach me with your concerns. This is a difficult enough time for Hogwarts as it is. I do not need any further aggravation."
The thinly veiled reference to Sirius Black seemed to have struck a chord with Remus.
"I'm sorry," he said, obvious regret in his voice. "I was wrong to hit Severus."
Seeing the anguish on the younger man's face, Dumbledore sighed.
"Do not be too hard on yourself, Remus. You have shown a real flair for teaching and up until now it has been a pleasure to have you on the staff."
Remus sighed heavily.
"I have every confidence in your ability to redeem yourself. I would like you to begin by apologising to Severus. I know this will not be easy for you, Remus."
"I… I will do it."
"Severus will apologise to you. And I expect both of you to do whatever is necessary to keep your relationship on a professional and courteous level."
Remus nodded, though distaste was obvious in his eyes.
"And now, please excuse us. I would like to speak with Minerva, if I may."
Remus reluctantly got to his feet. It was clear he didn't want to leave Minerva but Dumbledore was adamant. He left the room without saying another word.
Albus waited until the door clicked shut before turning back to face Minerva. Immediately she was struck by the change in his expression: the frown had vanished and the sparkle had returned to his eyes.
"How do you feel, my dear?"
His question took Minerva by surprise, since she'd been expecting him to admonish her further.
"How do you mean?"
Albus gave her a fatherly smile.
"I could tell there was something going on, you know. Oh, I didn't know it was Remus, but there's been a difference in you lately. A good difference."
He got to his feet and ambled over to stare out of the window.
"That's why I was surprised when you were so quiet at dinner. I came up to make sure you were all right."
His concern touched Minerva deeply and instinctively she placed her hand on his arm.
"You shouldn't feel guilty about being happy, Minerva," he continued. "Although it is unfortunate that we are not having this conversation under more pleasant circumstances."
Minerva sighed.
"I know. I should have told you sooner, Albus."
"What was it that made you feel you couldn't tell me?"
There was a distinct note of sadness in his voice that Minerva had never heard before. She knew Albus was usually very adept at hiding his emotions, a necessary quality when you had to deal with morons like Cornelius Fudge. Glancing across the room she saw Fawkes sat quietly on his golden perch. He, too, looked unusually morose. Guilt welled up in Minerva's heart. I caused this, she thought. And I don't even know why.
"I wanted to tell you," she said aloud. "I don't know why I couldn't. I was… worried, I suppose. You know how highly I think of you, Albus. I didn't want you to see me as unprofessional."
He laughed dryly.
"My dear Minerva. Nobody could ever accuse you of being unprofessional. Is that really all?"
Unwilling to face up to her deepest feelings, Minerva got to her feet and stepped slowly across the office, stopping to study the paintings on the wall though her mind was far away. Albus sat patiently. When she eventually spoke it was with reluctance.
"I was afraid you wouldn't approve… because it was Remus." Her words, the deepest, darkest truth she held.
"Why not Remus?" Albus prompted gently.
Minerva turned round to face him.
"Oh, I don't know, Albus! Maybe because he's a werewolf? Maybe because he's not exactly the type to want to settle down and start a family? Maybe because you'll think I deserve better?"
Albus was quiet for a moment.
"Do you think you deserve better?"
"No!" she said without hesitating. "He's been wonderful to me."
"Do you love him?"
"Yes, very much."
"Then why all the doubt, my dear?"
Minerva sighed heavily and sat back down.
"I don't know," she said, frustration evident in her voice. "Perhaps what Severus said made me worry."
"The dislike that Severus has for Remus is from way back – as you of all people should know – and he is not what I would call an unbiased judge of character. I trust Remus. Is that not enough for you?"
"That's exactly what I said to Severus," she admitted, her mind flashing back to her rather heated exchange with Severus. It seemed so long ago, but she remembered the conviction with which she'd defended Remus. Her words then contrasted sharply with what she was saying now and she felt a sudden flush of shame surge through her.
"He is a very complex man," Albus conceded. "But then I can't imagine you'd settle for anything less. Minerva, I've known you since you were born and your parents before then. If your mother and father were alive today they would only want you to be happy, as do I. If you truly love Remus, it can only be a good thing. For both of you."
* * * * *
She eventually found Remus down by the lake; a solitary figure perched alone on the end of the dock. A cold breeze whistled noisily overhead.
"Oh, for goodness sake! Come back inside – before you catch your death."
The words flew off her tongue before she could stop them but there was no irritation in her voice, only loving concern. Remus seemed to realise this and turned slowly to look at her.
"Are you angry with me?" he said, reminding her so much of a naughty child afraid of a parent's rage that it melted her heart.
"No," she said after a moment's hesitation. Stepping forward, she sat down close beside him. "A little shocked, perhaps, but not angry."
"Shocked?"
Minerva took a deep breath. How could she explain the way she felt? It wasn't that fact that Remus had hit Severus that bothered her so much – goodness only knew she'd felt like hitting him herself on more than occasion – but more the way his actions had been so far removed from his usual placid character.
"Remus, how could you let him upset you like that? You let him win!"
"You think a broken nose is 'winning'?" he said irritably. "Feel sorry for him, do you?"
"Remus!"
Remus exhaled loudly but didn't say anything for a long moment.
"Sorry. I just lost it. I couldn't help myself…"
"But why? He's one man, Remus. Does it really matter what he thinks?"
"Minerva, Snape has hated me since we were at Hogwarts. Well, fine, I can live with that, but it's got nothing to do with you. If you were seeing someone else he wouldn't bother with you. It's because of me that he's getting at you and that's what makes me so angry."
"I can handle the likes of Severus Snape," she said, a touch stiffly. She'd always prided herself on her strength.
Remus turned to look at her, gripping her hand firmly as he did so.
"I know that. My point is you shouldn't have to."
"Well, at least things are out in the open now. That's one good thing about all this."
She got to her feet.
"Come on, it's too cold to sit out here."
"Minerva?" he called, just as she was turning away. "I meant what I said last night."
She frowned in mock seriousness.
"What did you say last night?" she teased. "I'm sure I can't remember-"
"I love you."
Minerva felt all her earlier fears melt away. Smiling at Remus, she reached out her hand to lead him back into the warmth of the castle.
* * * * *
The weather turned colder still as Christmas grew closer. The castle was surprisingly quiet even for the holiday period: besides the Headmaster and the Heads of Houses only a few students and staff remained. The snow in the grounds didn't help either, dampening as it did every outside sound. An eerie silence permeated the corridors of Hogwarts and Minerva didn't like it at all. Normally a fair number of students remained for Christmas: those whose parents were going away, those who didn't have much family and those who just wanted to spend the holiday period with their friends in the rather festive atmosphere that the castle provided. Why was this year so different? Perhaps, she supposed, the spectre of Sirius Black had deterred some of them from staying. His attack on Gryffindor Tower had been rather violent. Although all had been peaceful since, Minerva suspected the Gryffindor students in particular had been somewhat unnerved and understandably so.
Once she had caught up with her academic responsibilities Minerva had very little to do. She'd had dinner with Remus at the Three Broomsticks a few times - relaxing occasions since the entire faculty now knew they were an item and they no longer had to pretend otherwise – but for the most part the bitter cold kept them confined to Hogwarts. Though she enjoyed having the opportunity to relax, Minerva always missed her classes. She suspected Filius Flitwick did, too. Three times she had caught him embellishing the decorations in the Great Hall, despite the fact that they would be taken down before the rest of the school arrived back in January. She'd felt quite sympathetic to the tiny wizard. At least she had Remus to keep her… occupied.
On Christmas Day, however, she made her way down to dinner alone. She felt tired and unusually irritable and would rather have remained upstairs – a light lunch and a long hot bath being vastly preferable to an hour of Severus' company – but Dumbledore had insisted that they both attend. For a moment she almost envied Remus, then remembered again why he was absent and hastily took it back.
Her gift from him had arrived by owl late that morning: a small velvet covered box marked with the discreet emblem of McKenzie & Lowe, whose Diagon Alley shop was renowned for some of the most exquisite jewellery known to the wizarding world. Inside was a pair of the most beautiful diamond earrings she had ever seen, with teardrop shaped stones that reflected back the light in every colour of the rainbow. No wonder he hadn't bought himself a decent set of robes. He must have saved every penny of his wages for these. The gesture brought tears to her eyes and she'd gone straight to put them in, admiring their subtle beauty in her mirror until it was time for lunch.
When she arrived in the Great Hall she found that Albus had seated himself at the head of the small table. Minerva went towards her usual position on his right but he frowned and gestured pointedly to the empty chair next to Severus at the other end of the table, obviously trying to encourage them in rebuilding their fractured relationship. Reluctantly she took it, smiling stiffly at her dark haired colleague and all the while wishing Remus was with her.
"Merry Christmas, Minerva!"
Filius grinned happily at her. The pint-sized wizard loved Christmas with a passion and had probably been downstairs working on extra decorations all morning. Further along the table Cynthia Sprout raised her glass and smiled in acknowledgement, and even Argus Filch managed a polite nod. Snape, however, sat in silence. It was the first time Minerva had seen him since the end of term. Most of the bruising had faded now, obviously helped along by one of Poppy's mysterious ointments, and his injury was barely noticeable.
Soon the students arrived and dinner began. Minerva shared a cracker with Helen, the young Ravenclaw girl sat opposite, and then turned her attention to the marvellous spread of food in front of her. But no sooner had she reached for the cranberry sauce than the doors opened and Sybill Trelawney appeared. Despite the festive season, Minerva observed her arrival with little enthusiasm. She was, of course, late. Trust the woman to try and make an entrance, Minerva thought rather uncharitably, and then scolded herself for such unpleasant thoughts. But no sooner had Albus conjured up an extra chair then Sybill was off again on her favourite topic – predictions of death. And with Harry present as well. Really, the woman had no shame at all.
"We'll risk it, Sybill," Minerva snapped irritably, determined not to let her erstwhile colleague spoil anyone else's Christmas. "Do sit down, the turkey's getting stone cold."
Sybill took a seat reluctantly, apparently rather peeved that her outburst had been ignored.
"Tripe, Sybill?"
But Sybill wasn't listening: instead she asked: "But where is dear Professor Lupin?"
As if she didn't know! Minerva barely listened to Dumbledore's response: she was fuming with rage at Sybill's pathetic attempt at attention seeking.
"But surely you already knew that, Sybill?" she said as soon as the headmaster was finished.
"Certainly I knew, Minerva. But one does not parade the fact that one is All-Knowing. I frequently act as though I am not possessed of the Inner Eye, so as not to make others nervous."
"That explains a great deal," Minerva said, unable to resist the opportunity despite the fact that Sybill had completely missed the point of her question.
"If you must know, Minerva, I have seen that poor Professor Lupin will not be with us for very long. He seems aware, himself, that his time is short. He positively fled when I offered to crystal-gaze for him…"
"Imagine that."
She was aware of Dumbledore's eyes observing her keenly and abruptly closed her mouth before he intervened. Inside she was livid. Minerva had been raised to be thoughtful and considerate of others, something that had been drummed into her almost since birth. Sybill, it seemed, had had the opposite upbringing and couldn't pass off an opportunity to use another's misfortune to her advantage. It wasn't as if Remus was even here to defend himself. Suddenly she felt very alone and subconsciously touched one hand to her new earrings. She was extremely glad when Sybill fell silent at last and she returned her attention to her meal, only to find her appetite had suddenly deserted her. She filled her plate regardless and ate slowly, too busy wondering how Remus was to participate in the conversation.
As the first course finished and the plates were cleared for dessert she noticed Cynthia looking at her with concern.
"Are you all right, Minerva? You've hardly touched your wine."
Minerva glanced down at her almost full glass. Despite the welcome anaesthesia that the alcohol would surely bring, the slightest taste of it on her tongue had sent an involuntary shudder down her spine and she had hastily replaced it on the table.
"I think it's off," she said quietly.
Cynthia shrugged. "Tastes fine to me," she said, helping herself to another glass. Minerva passed hers over and reached for the water jug instead.
Dessert consisted of sticky chocolate fudge cake, fruit salad and a meringue concoction that looked like one of Neville Longbottom's botched transfiguration exercises. Minerva couldn't stomach the thought of anything sweet and politely declined, sipping her water slowly while the rest of the table ate. When the meal was finally over she was glad to escape.
"Professor? Can I please talk to you for a minute."
Minerva turned to see Hermione looking anxiously up at her. Despite her haste to leave and see Remus her responsibilities to her students came first.
"Of course, Miss Granger. What is it?"
Hermione glanced awkwardly over her shoulder, obviously afraid that someone might overhear their conversation. Seeing her discomfort, Minerva decided to take her up the marble staircase to her office on the first floor. Hermione followed, peering cautiously round the corners in a way that would have made her teacher smile had it not been for the girl's apparent distress.
* * * * *
When they reached her office Minerva did not take her usual seat behind her desk but instead directed Hermione to one of two comfortable chairs arranged around the fireplace.
"It's about Harry. He had a broomstick this morning – a really expensive one. A present. It didn't say who it was from but… but what if Sirius Black sent it? Harry and Ron won't listen to me."
Minerva frowned.
"It's certainly a possibility. Tell me, Miss Granger, can you think of anyone else that might have decided to bestow such a gift upon Mr Potter?"
"No. I thought I heard Harry say something about Professor Lupin, though."
"Really?"
"Yes, but… surely Professor Lupin couldn't… I mean…"
Hermione's cheeks flushed bright red as she tried to find a polite of way of indicating Remus' rather obvious lack of finances. Minerva took pity and interrupted.
"Well you certainly did the right thing informing me. I shall go up and see Mr Potter now."
Hermione nodded and went to stand up but Minerva called her back.
"Miss Gran… Hermione. How are you finding your studies lately? I trust the time turner is serving its purpose."
"Oh, yes Professor!"
"You have been looking a little tired lately. I want you to promise me you won't work too hard."
There was a distinct flash of guilt across Hermione's expression.
"There is more to life than studying, you know," Minerva continued. "Although goodness knows I was the same at your age."
She sighed, remembering how long ago that was.
"Right, then. We'd better go and see about this broom."
* * * * *
When she finally arrived at Remus' office, Firebolt still in her hands, it was to find the room empty. There was no sign of Remus, save for an empty glass, plate and bowl, all stacked neatly with the cutlery on top. So Albus had made sure that Remus had had his Christmas dinner. It was a surprisingly thoughtful gesture made all the more meaningful because of his earlier harsh words. Remus had told Minerva about his somewhat awkward apology from Severus and his equally stiff reply. Although beneath the surface their hatred still simmered, they were at least making an effort to get along publicly and Albus obviously approved. It was typical of the kindly headmaster that he had thought to provide Remus with a meal.
She finally found her exhausted lover back upstairs in her bedroom. He was sprawled fully clothed on top of the quilt, obviously fast asleep. As she studied his weary face she was struck once more by how much it had aged. Even in their school days he'd had a gravity to his expression that was beyond his years, unsurprising when you considered the burden he'd carried ever since he was tiny. A decade more of loneliness and pain and he looked easily a dozen years her senior. She had to admit, though, that fresh air and healthy meals at Hogwarts had given her something of an advantage there. Even Albus - who'd met her for the first time when she was barely a day old - often joked that he did not believe she was really forty-two, even by wizarding terms. Watching him sleep made her feel tired again and for a moment she debated whether to rest or to follow through with her previous plan, which was to take Harry's new Firebolt to Filius for his advice on which curses to check for. In the end fatigue won out. Minerva placed the broomstick carefully on her desk then kicked off her shoes and went to lie down beside Remus.
She awoke to find that Remus had gone, having folded his half of the quilt over her to keep her warm. It was dark outside, though candlelight glowed invitingly from beyond the bathroom door. Remus emerged a moment later looking pleased to see her.
"I was going to wake you in a minute," he confessed. "I thought you might like a bath."
Minerva caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror on her dressing table: smart robes badly creased from where she'd been sleeping. Hair half loose, half still tied back. Tired, puffy eyes. A bath was exactly what she needed. She started to undress.
"Wine?" He proffered the bottle at her with a grin but the thought of it still turned her stomach.
"Thanks but I'll stick with the hot chocolate."
He helped her gently into the bath then pulled her back to lie against him, gently soaping her shoulders and massaging away the tension that still remained after her earlier altercation with Sybill Trelawney. Normally the day after full moon saw Minerva taking care of Remus – tonight he evidently had other plans.
"What did I do to deserve this?" she murmured.
"Just trying to make up for the fact that I wasn't there to give you your Christmas present!"
The mention of Christmas presents sent a sudden spark of realisation.
"Oh, Remus, I forgot to give you your gift!"
And it was true. The Hogwarts staff rarely bothered buying gifts for each other and Minerva – being the serial organiser that she was – had carefully written out and posted her cards the first week of December. She'd made an early visit to Diagon Alley, anxious to avoid the crowds of Christmas shoppers, and – armed with Remus' measurements – Madam Malkin's had been her first destination. The travelling cloak she'd had made for Remus was of the highest quality possible: dove grey with leather fastenings and a warm, fleece lining. Delicately wrapped, it sat now in the bottom of her wardrobe.
"Do you like the earrings?" he asked softly, reaching with one hand to gently finger her earlobe.
"They're beautiful," Minerva replied. "However did you-"
"Ssh!" He touched one finger to her lips. "No questions. Besides, Mr McKenzie is a friend of mine."
"I'll get yours for you in a minute."
"I'd settle for just you," he said, nuzzling gently against her neck.
She closed her eyes as he enfolded her in his embrace, slowly rocking her.
"Why is there a broomstick on your desk?" he asked suddenly.
Minerva opened her eyes again. She'd completely forgotten about the Firebolt. Quickly she filled Remus in on her conversation with Hermione and her subsequent visit to Gryffindor Tower.
"Harry was quite disappointed as I'm sure you can imagine. But we can't take the risk, not when things are the way they are."
"Do you really think it's from Sirius? Given that his actions so far have been, well, rather impetuous, do you really think he'd take the time and effort to send Harry a cursed broomstick?"
"Well, he hasn't managed to reach Harry yet. Perhaps he's trying a new trick. Besides," she added, carefully keeping her tone light, "I wouldn't have said you were the kind of man to hit Severus Snape but you did."
Remus merely grunted in response.
"We can't afford to make the mistake of judging by appearances," Minerva continued.
"All right, point taken."
They both fell silent for a while, enjoying the luxury of each other's company. Remus finished his glass of wine and carefully balanced the glass on the side of the tub to refill it.
"I missed you today," Minerva said softly.
"Maybe we should celebrate tomorrow instead."
His words aroused her curiosity and she twisted round to look at him.
"Celebrate how?" she asked.
"I don't know. How about London? We could have lunch, wander around the shops. I'll buy you lunch," he added, seeing her indecision.
"There's no need for that," Minerva said immediately. She guessed that Remus didn't have much money left and she herself had no great fondness for extravagant purchases. But the idea of a day away from Hogwarts – just the two of them together – had its merits.
"All right," she agreed eventually. "That would be nice."
"Tomorrow?"
"Tomorrow."