See Part 1 for all relevant background information. I have no idea when Olivia's birthday is, as I don't think we've been told.
Summary: Olivia's boyfriend of two and a half years, Mark Roberts, was killed in the line of duty on January 24, 2005. This piece picks up on January 31st.
Main characters not mine, I'm just borrowing. I promise to return them intact, though Olivia may be a bit worse for the wear. I suppose you could call Mark, Susan and Michael Roberts, Devan Patterson and Greg Parson my own, but if you want them, enjoy.
Comments loved.
What Could Have Been: Going Forward
Chapter 2/?
Special Victims Unit
Bull Pen
January 31, 2005
Olivia's desk was a mess, and she really couldn't make heads or tails of anything this morning. Her concentration was shot, and she'd been reading over the same file for the last half hour and the same page for the last five minutes. She was supposed to go over her testimony on the Patterson case with Alex in ten minutes, and at the moment she couldn't even remember Patterson's first name.
Reaching in her top drawer for something and finding it, she stood and headed toward the coffee machine. She returned to the desk a few minutes later with a cup of coffee for Elliot, a cup of tea for herself, a handful of Munchkins, and placed her unused teabag back in her drawer. Putting the napkin and Munchkins down between them, she asked Elliot, "Know anything about the box of teabags by the hot water?"
Elliot nodded. "I noticed you'd been drinking tea more often than not, and I remembered you liked Celestial Seasonings."
"Thank you," Olivia said. "Though the lack of caffeine is probably not helping my concentration, I'm jittery enough as it is. That's why I decided to lay off the caffeine."
Elizabeth nodded. "Makes sense. Is there anything I can help you with on Patterson?"
Olivia shook her head. "It's all here," she said, gesturing to the file on her desk. "I just need to get it here," she continued, pointing to her head.
"Maybe if I hit you with the file?"
"If you do, you'd better start running," Olivia said, a trace of a smile appearing on her face. The first in a while. She'd spent the better part of the weekend helping Mark's family with his apartment. He'd already paid February's rent, and the Landlord had said they could have as long as they needed, but Mark's parents wanted to do it sooner rather than later. "Family is in town," Michael had said. "This way if there is anything they want." Olivia had known that it would be hard, but she'd underestimated how hard. When Serena died, there wasn't much of anything she wanted to keep, but with Mark, she could not help but think of all the time they'd spent in the apartment.
Elliot was pleased to see the smile on her face, it seemed natural. He hoped things were getting a little easier for her. "Day by day," she'd told him one day last week. "It's the only way I can do it, little by little."
"Baby steps," Elliot had said, thinking of the corny Bill Murray movie that had used that line.
"Yes," Olivia had said. "And I remember what you told me, what he told me. That he's watching."
Olivia took a deep breath, her attention back on the file. "Why did Petrovsky decide she wanted to hear the Defendant's Counsel's arguments first thing tomorrow?"
"She's sadistic?" Elliot offered.
"Or wants to punish Alex for something. I'm sure Liz or Arthur told her that Alex was out of town on the conference and only returning today."
"Speak of the devil," Elliot said, as Alex walked in with Fin.
"Hi guys," Alex said, walking over to them.
"How was the conference?" Elliot asked, as Olivia furiously went over the notes again.
"Good, good," Alex said. "Feels like I never left though."
"Petrovsky made sure of that, didn't she?"
"Oh don't get me started," Alex said with a laugh. "Olivia, you ready to go over this?"
"Yeah," Olivia said, gathering the papers into the folder. "Anyone need the Interrogation Room in the next little bit?"
"No." Elliot.
"Nope," Fin.
"I'll just kick you two out if I do." Only Munch.
"Glad to know we're loved," Olivia said, following Alex, who was already halfway to the Interrogation Room.
After just a few minutes going over the file, Alex sighed in frustration.
Olivia bit her lower lip, knowing she was rightfully about to bear the brunt of Alex's irritation.
"Olivia, I need your help here. I cannot make my arguments tomorrow based on shuffling papers." There was a pause as Olivia looked down at the papers, shuffling them in a hope to find the answer to a question that she no longer remembered.
Alex knew something was up, this was unlike Olivia, but she wasn't sure how to approach it. Tossing down her legal pad, Alex snapped. "Olivia, I need your attention. I need you to focus. Otherwise, this case is going to go up in smoke and you can take it up with Liz and Arthur, not to mention Cragen."
Olivia threw down the Patterson file and stood up. Striding across the room, she flung open the door, leaving it to smack against the limits of its hinges and slam closed as she fled the bullpen and the guys' worried looks.
Alex glanced at the ceiling as she gathered her papers. Clearly, she should have gone with another approach. She loved working with SVU, but sometimes she felt that no matter how long she worked with them, there was no understanding them. She was always on the outside.
Slowly, she walked out of the Interrogation Room and toward the other Detectives, who were looking at her, shocked. She was glad Cragen wasn't in his office. She didn't want to have to explain what happened. Hell, she didn't know what happened.
"OK," Alex said, looking from Fin to Munch to Elliot. "I'm clearly missing something here."
"What happened?" Elliot asked.
"I have no idea," Alex said honestly. "We were supposed to be going over Patterson for tomorrow. She wasn't concentrating and I asked her to work with me and..."
"Shit," Elliot said.
"What?" Alex asked.
"I know you were out of town last week, but did you hear about Mark Roberts?"
"Olivia's boyfriend? No. Why?"
"He was killed last Monday."
"Oh my God," Alex said, bringing her hand to her mouth. "I had no idea. I feel horrible, pushing her."
"I should have told you," Elliot said. "I assumed Liz would have mentioned it to you, but then..."
"No, it's OK. Any idea where she might have gone?"
"Check the roof," Elliot said.
"Thanks. I'm going to leave my briefcase here while I go talk to her."
"I'll make sure it doesn't run away."
Fin said, "It's going to be a long afternoon. Going to pick up something for lunch now while it's quiet. Takers?"
"Nahh," Munch said.
"Count me in," Elliot said.
"If Olivia will talk to me, I think we'll go grab something and go over Patterson, but thanks."
"OK, Elliot, where from?" Fin said.
"Thanks guys," Alex said, heading out the door. She climbed the stairs and took a deep breath before pushing the roof door open.
Olivia had been standing at the edge, her hands on the railing, just looking out over the city and replaying the scene with the ADA. She'd overreacted. She hated it when her emotions got the better of her. Ever the attentive Detective, she heard the light taps of Alex's heels as she walked across the roof. Turning slightly, Olivia said softly, "You didn't know."
Alex shook her head. "I had no idea. So I'm sorry for being an ass and pushing you in there, and I'm very sorry to hear about Mark, he was a great guy."
Olivia nodded. "He was. Thanks. And I'm sorry for storming out, I just..."
Alex raised her hand. "No apology needed."
"If you give me another five minutes, ten tops, I'll get the Patterson stuff sorted in my head."
"I have a better idea. Let's go to the cafe around the corner. I need food if I'm going to be of any use on Patterson either."
"OK," Olivia said, hoping to put her outburst behind her.
After stopping briefly in the squad room for their coats, they headed to Luigi's, a frequent haunt of the Detectives when they wanted to have a working lunch out of the squad room. The owner knew this, and led them to their usual booth, around the corner from the others.
After ordering their lunch, a bowl of tomato soup for Olivia and half a cheese sandwich for Alex, they set to work on Patterson. The Patterson case had started off simply enough, a girl had been raped at a party and traces of GHB had been found in her blood. She'd named an acquaintance from school, Gregory Parson, and his DNA had matched the rape kit. It had been too easy, Olivia had thought. Sure enough, it had rippled out. When all was said and done, it turned out to be a case of a man named Devan Patterson supplying girls for entertainment at parties in exchange for access to GHB, Ecstasy and a host of other drugs. The kicker, Patterson was 17.
"Seventeen," Olivia thought. "How on earth did kids get so fucked up so early?" she wondered. She and Elliot had worked this case, and it was solid. Patterson's attorney had wanted to talk deal, but the DA's office wasn't budging. Olivia knew she had to focus; she didn't want to chance making it any less airtight than it was. As she sipped her soup, she realised that once she concentrated, she had most of the answers that Alex needed, and what she didn't have at her fingertips, she could memorize by tomorrow morning.
"Thanks for being patient with me," Olivia said, as they wrapped up.
"No problem," Alex assured her. After a moment or two of silence, Alex continued. "I'm not going to say I know what you're going through, or how you feel, since each case is different for everyone, but I know what it's like to lose someone you're involved with. And..." Alex trailed off, not knowing how her offer would be received. Deciding it couldn't hurt, and couldn't get worse than this morning, she continued. "If you ever need or want to talk, you can call me."
"Thank you," Olivia said, taken by surprise. "I appreciate that, I do." She hadn't really talked much about what happened. Not to Elliot, Mark's parents, or anyone. She didn't anticipate discussing it with Alex either, but it was nice to know there was someone who might understand some of what she was feeling.
It had been a hard week. She'd gotten through the first few days on sheer adrenaline, and the need to stay focussed, but in the afternoon after Mark's funeral, she'd been able to slow down, and that wasn't good. It made her think too much.
Roberts' Home
684 E. 189th Street, Bronx
January 27, 2005
As Olivia sat on the edge of the couch in Mark's father's study with her elbows on her knees and her head in her hands, needing to be away from everyone for a moment, she was vaguely aware of someone standing in the doorway, blocking the light from the hall. Before she could look up, the person walked away. "Good," she thought. Tears were welling up in her eyes and she just wasn't up to facing anyone right then.
After a minute or two of pulling herself together, she stood up and looked at the photos on the wall. She'd seen them many times before, but it didn't matter. Mark had been an only child and there were photos of him from when he was a baby, through school, vacations, the Academy, and even one of the two of them at the beach last summer. "I miss you, Babe" Olivia said, touching the photo. "I miss you so much," she continued, a solitary tear making its way down her cheek.
She wasn't sure how long she stood there, just staring at the photo, when she heard footsteps behind her. "Hey, Liv," Munch said.
"Hey," she said, turning to face him. "I didn't realise you were still here."
Munch nodded. "A call came in, but Fin took it with Elliot." Seeing the look of concern on Olivia's face, he added, "Orders from Cragen. Said you had enough on your plate today."
Olivia nodded. "You heading back to Manhattan tonight?"
"Yeah. Probably in a little while. Want a ride?"
"Just as far as you're going, you don't need to go out of your way," Olivia said, as they made their way back to the thinning group of Mark's friends and family. "Let me just see if Michael or Susan need anything before I go."
"Take your time," Munch said. "I'll have another go at the desserts."
Olivia approached Susan, who was sitting with her sister. "Hey, Olivia," Susan said, looking up.
"Hi, how you doing?"
"Hanging in there."
Olivia nodded, not sure at all what to say. "I was thinking about heading home in a few, if there wasn't anything you two needed."
Susan shook her head, "I can't thank you enough for all you've done for us this week. Will we see you this weekend?"
"Sure," Olivia said, embracing Susan. "And call me at any time if you want to talk before then."
"I will," Susan said. Calling to Michael, who stood a few feet away, "Walk Liv out?"
Olivia laughed. "I have to get my jacket and collect Munch first. Take your time."
About ten minutes later, Olivia walked out with Michael, while Munch went to pull the car around. "Thanks for everything, Olivia."
"You're welcome. And if you need anything at all..."
"I know. Did Susan mention this weekend to you?"
"She asked if she'd be seeing me. Is there something planned?"
"We were thinking about starting on Mark's apartment. That way if anyone wants anything."
"Oh, boy," Olivia thought. She wasn't sure she was ready for something like that. She'd do it for Mark's parents though. "What time?" she asked.
"Not sure yet. Can I call you tomorrow?"
"Of course," Olivia said, giving Michael a hug as Munch pulled up.
"Thanks again," he said, returning the hug.
As Alex went to the ladies room, Olivia pulled the silver necklace from beneath her sweater and fingered the small silver charm, with a peridot at its centre. Her birthday was in June and Mark's in October. The baby was due right between the two.
-December 24, 2004
A/N: Am I evil? No. Never.