Hope you all had a nice Christmas! As a late present, here's the next chapter.
THE SECRET DIARY OF ARAGORN
ENTRY 23
Trying to remember if I know Legolas. Apparently he's the prince of Mirkwood,
but I don't remember ever-
Wait. When I was younger, I went out on a miruvor drinking binge with Elladan
and Elrohir. I don't remember anything about that night, but I woke up in the
wilderness east of the Misty Mountains, with a quiver of arrows inscribed
'MIRKWOOD ROX.'
Oh hell. What did I do???
ENTRY 24
Off with the Fellowship. The Fellowship of the Ring. Cool name. Has a nice ring
to it.
Ha! Ha! Ha!
ENTRY 25
Legolas still acting as though we've known each other for years. He keeps saying
stuff like, "Hey, remember when you stole my father's bow and arrows?" and, "You
know, Nalaithwen is still asking about you…"
If Arwen hears about this, I'm doomed.
ENTRY 26
Crebain from Dunland flew overhead. So now we're going through the pass of
Caradhras instead.
Whatever.
ENTRY 27
Boromir such a jerk. Stealing hobbit jewellery. Almost had to go kingly on him.
ENTRY 28
Blizzards flew overhead. So now we're going through the mines of Moria instead.
Whatever.
ENTRY 29
Got to the Mines of Moria. Found that no-one had cleaned up in there for a long,
long time. Dwarf very upset for some reason.
Also got attacked by some massive squid thing. Well, to be more accurate, Frodo
was attacked by some massive squid thing. Had to save him. Again. Legolas
practically LEAPT on top of me when I managed to get back into the Mines.
Getting disturbed.
And now we're going through the Mines of Moria. Don't see why everyone's so
fussed about this. Wasn't it what we were going to do anyway?
ENTRY 30
Dust in Moria playing havoc with my allergies. Had to steal one of Legolas's
spare shirts to use as a hanky.
ENTRY 31
Legolas discovered missing shirt. I told him it was the dwarf.
ENTRY 32
Dwarf all upset because some relation of his was dead. What, he didn't deduce
that from all the other dead dwarves in here? Oh yes, all the others got killed,
but this ONE DWARF survived. About as likely as Legolas's hair becoming messy.
Got attacked by orcs. Stabby stabby stabby!
Frodo got stabbed by cave troll. Yeesh, how did this hobbit survive before I
came along?
ENTRY 33
Apparently Frodo's anguished wails woke up a Balrog.
Am starting to hate this hobbit.
ENTRY 34
As we were fleeing, I noticed Gandalf looking slightly fatigued. "Lead them on,
Aragorn," he said, "The bridge is near."
Um, hello? WHO DOES HE THINK HE'S KIDDING???? If anyone could get us lost, it's
me! Why can't Legolas be put in charge? It might stop him from reminiscing about
my apparent exploits in Mirkwood for a few minutes!!
ENTRY 35
Managed to escape from a plummeting staircase at the last minute. Go me! I told
Elrohir that all my games of Wobble-Stair would pay off!
Legolas caught me. This must be the second time or something that he's saved my
life. Still can't remember who the hell he is.
Anyway, we escaped! We rock! Maybe this leadership lark is easier than it looks!
ENTRY 36
Gandalf fell.
Well, shit.
ENTRY 37
Indeed shit. Now I'm in charge! What do I do??
ENTRY 38
Some pretty looking woods in the distance. Pretty woods are good, right?
ENTRY 39
They seem good so far. Just strolling along through the trees, wind rustling
through the leaves, elven voice whispering in my head… no-one about for mi
AAAARGH!!
ENTRY 40
Sorry. Elves popped out of nowhere. Luckily recognized the foremost one off the
cover of Cosmo Elf ('TOP 10 SEXY SENTRIES'. It was Arwen's magazine. Really.)
and remembered a little elvish from growing up in Rivendell, so was able to
persuade them to take us to their city.
Which is good, right?
ENTRY 41
Got shoved to the front by the Fellowship as their 'leader'. Cheers, guys.
According to Galadriel, our quest is doomed, and we'll almost definitely fail.
Well, thanks for the note of confidence.
ENTRY 42
Galadriel keeps smiling at me. Have this unnerving suspicion I've seen her
before… speaking of unnerving, STILL CAN'T REMEMBER A BLASTED THING ABOUT
MIRKWOOD.
ENTRY 43
Just remembered. Galadriel is Arwen's grandmother.
Oh heck. Should I have brought flowers?!?!
ENTRY 44
Leaving Lothlorien today. Had a chat with Boromir last night. Man, that guy's
freaky. If all the men in Gondor are like him, may reconsider ruling there.
ENTRY 45
I can't believe this! Galadriel could one day by my grandmother-in-law, and I'm
leading an expedition to save the world… But she doesn't give me a present?
I mean, she gave everyone a present except me! Well, except Boromir, but can't
really blame her. The guy's weird.
But seriously, she couldn't even give me some complimentary shampoo or
something? I know those elves keep a lot of it!
Sailing off down the river. If the hobbits don't stop singing, I may kill them.
ENTRY 46
Argonath. Slightly embarrassing, to be honest. Most families just have portraits
of their relatives, and what do I have? Ooh, that'd have to be gigantic statues
acting threateningly towards anyone who comes sailing innocently down the river.
ENTRY 47
Was busy preparing to cross the river when I looked up and suddenly noticed that
Legolas was standing right next to me. Made me jump. He started telling me about
how we needed to go.
Well, I was already feeling pretty insecure about being leader. So I decided to
assert myself, and be firm in my decision. We were staying, I said.
Then Merry had to come and point out that Frodo was missing.
Great. Where has that bloody carpet-footed midget got to?
ENTRY 48
Found Frodo. He basically freaked out and ran away. Boy, did I feel like a
trusted leader.
Finally found out the reason he'd been so freaked is that Boromir jumped him to
try and get the Ring.
I'd be freaked out if Boromir just jumped me, let alone if he did so to try and
rule the world. Could hardly blame the little midget.
Then suddenly heard the Ring talking to me. It was nice to have attention paid
to ME for once… then it called me Elessar. I knew it. It just wanted me for my
royalty.
Couldn't handle the evil of the Ring. So sent Frodo off on his own to deal with
it by himself.
Starting to think it may not have been a good idea…
Crud! Orcs!
ENTRY 49
Apparently not orcs. Apparently some kind of soopa-doopa-new-improved orc,
called uruk-hai.
Stilll, can't complain. Stabby stabby stabby!
ENTRY 50
Legolas just came and saved me. Again. I hope he's not expecting me to risk my
life to save his in return. I still can't remember a single thing about
Mirkwood, for Eru's sake.
ENTRY 51
Boromir got shot with loads of arrows. That damn well pissed me off – with Merry
and Pippin captured, Frodo gone, and now with Boromir dead, I look the most
incompetent in the group!! How will I look cool now???
After killing some Uruk-hai leader – would not die for ages, for some irritating
reason – managed to get over to say goodbye to Boromir. Normally I'd want to
yell at him for scaring Frodo, but a) you can hardly stay mad at someone
resembling a pincushion and b) Frodo's been bugging me lately anyway. So said
goodbye.
"I would have followed you, my brother," said Boromir. Did he think I was
Faramir? Weird guy. Also seemed to assume that I was king already. Nice to be
believed in for once, but hello, I haven't even started picking out crowns yet.
Then Legolas and Gimli turned up. Could have used their help when I was trying
to kill El Immorto Orco, but better late than never.
ENTRY 52
Just realized. Merry and Pippin captured – Frodo and Sam gone off on their own –
Gandalf dead – Boromir dead – I'M ALONE WITH THE ELF AND THE DWARF.
NOOOOO!!!! Must get Merry and Pippin back!
xxx
Tarock – Thanks! Like my friends need an excuse to watch Aragorn's face…
Tsuki Yume – Thanks! It's more fun to think up what a Ring is thinking than a Ranger, anyway…
Rhinoa Katherine Silvermoon – There have been several studies into where it comes from. Some say it comes from soooomewheeere oveeeer the Raaainboooow. Some say it comes from all the muffins I eat. I personally like to believe it comes from the mind of a magnificently purple rabbit, who simply uses me as its vessel.
LadySmith – Thanks! I don't like stealing other people's ideas. I was worried people would think it was too much like them.
Preciousss – Thanks! Secret diaries are cool.
Bev Baudelaire – I know… (wince) I've gone back and changed that.
Person – I would continue just for you… but I have no idea who you are. Oh well.
D.sist – Thanks! I can always do without smart alec-y things. I get enough from my dad.
Reasonably Crazy – Har har! Fear me! I will always strike again! Until I get bored of striking, at which point I will start kicking feebly! BWAHAHAH!
Lindahoyland – I just thought "Wait a minute… he's this great healer… and all he uses is athelas?? That's like a doctor only using paracetemol!"
Orli-lover-is-me – Thanks! I will!
Im a Brandybuck – I feel sorry for Aragorn. Poor guy. No credit. Stoopid Arwen.
Morgaine of the Fairies – I will if I have time, but I'm cutting down on the fanfictions I write. Stoopid sixth form. I might be leaving at some point… probably when my main stories are finished.
Eowyn Skywalker – Thanks! I think Aragorn would make a cool dictator. He'd be cool at anything he did. Apart from maybe having a teddy bears picnic. No-one's cool when doing that.
Fallenangel26 – Thanks, and again, I'm going back to edit it. Poor tea! (quickly sets up silent vigil for the poor tea)
NiennaVala – Thanks very much!