A/N: I don't know why I'm continuing this, I guess I just felt like
it.
I struggled against the mask and on top of the continuous pain it was hard. The nurse finally switched the mask to one of those little oxygen tube prong things that go in the nose. There was an I.V. pole with a big bag of fluid hanging from it. It wasn't hooked up to me but I didn't like the look of it, I figured it would be.
I heard someone coming and hoped it was Pony or Dally. Please, I thought. But it wasn't. It was a doctor and I heard him talking about me to the nurse, their voices such soft whispers but I heard them.
"How is he?" he asked her.
"He's conscious, fairly lucid, agitated," I closed my eyes. Maybe then the doctor wouldn't talk to me or do anything to me.
"Johnny?" He had a doctor's voice, he sounded like he read books all day, what Pony'll probably sound like when he's older.
"Yeah?" I kept my eyes closed. The hospital smell was making me feel sick, it smelled like blood and lysol.
"Johnny, I am going to put in a large bore central venous catheter," I opened my eyes. The doctor was younger than I thought he would be. I didn't understand what he said.
"What?"
"It's an I.V. but in a bigger vein. It will go in right by your collar bone," Now that my eyes were open I noticed he had all this stuff lined up on a little table. There was a light blue paper thing under all the metal tools and small tubes. My eyes went round, I know they did.
"Now? You're gonna do that...now?" I could feel the fear on top of the pain and the fact that I couldn't really breath right, I felt crazy.
"Yep, now. It's a simple procedure," I closed my eyes again. I couldn't stop him from doing that but I wouldn't watch. He told me everything he was doing in the sort of voice you'd use with little kids.
"O.K., Johnny, I'm going to numb the area, you'll feel a little sting..." Needle. I could feel the cold tip of it against my skin. I squeezed my eyes shut and wished for anyone I knew to be here. Why couldn't they be?
"O.K. It's done," The numbing stuff hadn't worn off. I opened my eyes and saw the tube snaking into my skin.
"Hey," I said, "can I see my friends?"
"Only family members are allowed in the ICU," ICU. I couldn't think what it stood for. Then I remembered, intensive care. Then I felt real scared, I must be really bad off. Family. That was a fucking joke. Like my parents would show up.
He didn't leave like I thought he was gonna. He went to the end of the bed and lifted the blanket a little. I couldn't see what he was doing.
"Can you feel this?" Feel what?
"No," I said it in a shaky voice, like I was about to cry. He moved the blanket a bit and I could see he had a pin against my foot. I didn't feel it at all. He moved the pin up my leg. Nothing.
Up my legs, up, up, I felt nothing. Near the middle of my back I felt it, the sharp point of the pin against my skin.
"I'm crippled," I said and it didn't seem like a real conversation to be having. I saw the fluid from that bag rushing into my vein and I could feel the oxygen thing in my nose and laying against my cheek. The room had a dingy yellow wallpaper and it looked old, like this hospital had been here for hundreds of years. Crippled.
"Well, I want to get some X rays but it appears that you may have broken your back," Broken your back, I heard the words in my head after he said them.
"All right, Johnny. Get some sleep now," I nodded at him. I wanted to ask to see Pony and Dally again but I knew he wouldn't let me so I stayed quiet.
When he left the nurse came back. She took my temperature and adjusted the oxygen thing by twisting a knob on the tank and then I could breath a little better. Then she left, too. Crippled. I could see it clear. I'd be in a wheelchair trapped in my fucking house, my parents screaming at me all the time.
The pain was a dull steady throb and I felt so tired, I'd never felt tired like this before and a thought came into my head, 'I'm dying', and I felt real scared. Instead of a wheelchair I'd have a tombstone.
I struggled against the mask and on top of the continuous pain it was hard. The nurse finally switched the mask to one of those little oxygen tube prong things that go in the nose. There was an I.V. pole with a big bag of fluid hanging from it. It wasn't hooked up to me but I didn't like the look of it, I figured it would be.
I heard someone coming and hoped it was Pony or Dally. Please, I thought. But it wasn't. It was a doctor and I heard him talking about me to the nurse, their voices such soft whispers but I heard them.
"How is he?" he asked her.
"He's conscious, fairly lucid, agitated," I closed my eyes. Maybe then the doctor wouldn't talk to me or do anything to me.
"Johnny?" He had a doctor's voice, he sounded like he read books all day, what Pony'll probably sound like when he's older.
"Yeah?" I kept my eyes closed. The hospital smell was making me feel sick, it smelled like blood and lysol.
"Johnny, I am going to put in a large bore central venous catheter," I opened my eyes. The doctor was younger than I thought he would be. I didn't understand what he said.
"What?"
"It's an I.V. but in a bigger vein. It will go in right by your collar bone," Now that my eyes were open I noticed he had all this stuff lined up on a little table. There was a light blue paper thing under all the metal tools and small tubes. My eyes went round, I know they did.
"Now? You're gonna do that...now?" I could feel the fear on top of the pain and the fact that I couldn't really breath right, I felt crazy.
"Yep, now. It's a simple procedure," I closed my eyes again. I couldn't stop him from doing that but I wouldn't watch. He told me everything he was doing in the sort of voice you'd use with little kids.
"O.K., Johnny, I'm going to numb the area, you'll feel a little sting..." Needle. I could feel the cold tip of it against my skin. I squeezed my eyes shut and wished for anyone I knew to be here. Why couldn't they be?
"O.K. It's done," The numbing stuff hadn't worn off. I opened my eyes and saw the tube snaking into my skin.
"Hey," I said, "can I see my friends?"
"Only family members are allowed in the ICU," ICU. I couldn't think what it stood for. Then I remembered, intensive care. Then I felt real scared, I must be really bad off. Family. That was a fucking joke. Like my parents would show up.
He didn't leave like I thought he was gonna. He went to the end of the bed and lifted the blanket a little. I couldn't see what he was doing.
"Can you feel this?" Feel what?
"No," I said it in a shaky voice, like I was about to cry. He moved the blanket a bit and I could see he had a pin against my foot. I didn't feel it at all. He moved the pin up my leg. Nothing.
Up my legs, up, up, I felt nothing. Near the middle of my back I felt it, the sharp point of the pin against my skin.
"I'm crippled," I said and it didn't seem like a real conversation to be having. I saw the fluid from that bag rushing into my vein and I could feel the oxygen thing in my nose and laying against my cheek. The room had a dingy yellow wallpaper and it looked old, like this hospital had been here for hundreds of years. Crippled.
"Well, I want to get some X rays but it appears that you may have broken your back," Broken your back, I heard the words in my head after he said them.
"All right, Johnny. Get some sleep now," I nodded at him. I wanted to ask to see Pony and Dally again but I knew he wouldn't let me so I stayed quiet.
When he left the nurse came back. She took my temperature and adjusted the oxygen thing by twisting a knob on the tank and then I could breath a little better. Then she left, too. Crippled. I could see it clear. I'd be in a wheelchair trapped in my fucking house, my parents screaming at me all the time.
The pain was a dull steady throb and I felt so tired, I'd never felt tired like this before and a thought came into my head, 'I'm dying', and I felt real scared. Instead of a wheelchair I'd have a tombstone.