Kitty and the Rocktumbler
By Todd Fan
Disclaimer: "Okay folks, show's over. Nothing to see here, show's ... Oh my god! A horrible plane crash! Hey, everybody, get a load of this flaming wreckage! Come on, crowd around, crowd around! Don't be shy, crowd around!"
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ACT TWO - Welcome to Bayville
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We open to an idylic sunrise in Bayville. From a small farmhouse Kitty emerges, the birds twiter around her, as she carries a basket.
"What a wonderfull day to burst into song!", says Kitty, before begining to sing.
Little town, it's a quiet village
Every day, like the one before
Little town, full of little people
Waking up to say.....
Bobby holds up a hand.
"Wait...we're not in France", he points out, "Should we be singing French?".
"What's wrong with French?", snaps Remy.
"Vill you all just sing!", snaps Kurt.
Various mutant and human villagers begin to sing.
Bonjour
Bonjour
Bonjour
Bonjour
Bonjour
Kitty walks through Bayville happily. Alex walks past carrying a tray of bread as Kitty continues to sing.
There goes the baker with his tray, like always
The same old bread and rolls to sell
Every morning just the same
Since the morning that we came
To this poor provincial town
"Reduced to a baker...just because she hates my brother...", mutters Alex moodily, before giving Kitty a fake smile, "Good morning, Kitty".
"Morning Alex", replies Kitty with genuine cheerfullness.
"Where are you off to?", asks Alex as he places his tray on a window ledge.
"The bookshop!", grins Kitty, waving her arms in an animated manner, "I just finished the most wonderfull story, about a beanstalk and an ogre and...".
"What? No physco with an axe? That's boring!", retorts Alex.
"Fine, I'll go then!", grumps Kitty, walking off in a huff as the Bayvillians sing as she passes.
Look there she goes, that girl is strange, no question
Dazed and distracted can't you tell?
Never part of any crowd, sings Jubillee.
'Cause her heads up on some cloud, adds Ray.
The Bayvillians once again sing together as Kitty walks through them, ignoring them arguing amongst themselves.
No denying she's a funny girl that, Pryde
Bonjour, sings Remy
Good day, sings Tabby back
How is your family?, asks Remy, as politely as one can when singing.
"My mothers still in rehab and my dad is in jail", replies Tabby, crossing her arms.
Remy blinks, backing away.
"Err...never mind".
The Bayvillians continue to argue..they do it alot, get used to it.
Bonjour
Good day
How is your wife?
I need six eggs
That's too expensive
Kitty sighs, singing as she enters a bookshop.
There must be more than this provincial life
Inside the bookshop, Xavier is wheeling around, he smiles as Kitty enters..
"Well hellllooooo. Would you like a book?", he says, "Obviously, because you have come into my bookshop. I don't know how I get them up on the very top shelves, it's a secret".
Kitty blinks, sniffing the air, yup, Xavier's been drinking again.
"Good morning, I have come to return the book I borrowed", she says, handing it over.
"I borrowed you a book?", asks Xavier, confused, "....huh. So, you finished it fast".
"Oh, but I couldn't put it down", smiles Kitty, "Have you got anything new?".
Xavier looks at her pointedly.
"Not since yesterday...no".
Kitty climbs up the ladder and picks up a random book.
"It's okay, I'll borrow this one".
"But you read it twice!", protests Xavier, "and get off my ladder!".
"Well it's my favorite!", sighs Kitty, swinging on the ladder, "Far off places, daring sword fights, magic spells, a prince in disguise...".
"Well if you like it that much, it's yours", says Xavier with a smile, then adds under his breath, "....if you keep borrowing the damn thing, no one will buy it anyway".
"But sir!", starts Kitty.
Xavier opens the door as a hint.
"I inisist".
"Well thank you, thank you very much", Kitty didn't get the hint.
"Yeah yeah, now get out", snaps Xavier, promptly pushing her out and slamming the door behind her.
Kitty sighs, starting on her book, walking past Ray, Roberto and Sam, who begin to sing, as seems to be the norm in this little town.
Look there she goes
That girl is so peculiar
I wonder if she's feeling well?
With a dreamy far-off look
And her nose stuck in a book
What a puzzle to the rest of us is Pryde.
Kitty, still reading her book stops by a fountain to sit, a bunch of sheep walk by and stop by her Kitty sighs, singing to the sheep.
Oh, isn't this amazing?
It's my favorite part because, you'll see
Here's where she meets Prince Charming
But she won't descover that it's him 'till chapter three!
Lucas runs after the sheep, chasing them off.
"Move it you lousy balls of wool!", he snaps.
"Vell, at least you have a part this time", points out Kurt, "vhen this vas originally vritten, you hadn't even appeared on ze show!".
Lucas responds with something unrepeatable, walking off. Taryn meanwhile watches from a window, trying to hide her bad wig while singing.
It's no wonder that her name means 'beauty'..
"No wait..it doesn't..it means pure...derived from Kathrenos", points out Paul with a nod.
"....I don't care", says Taryn pointedly.
Her looks have got no parallel
Duncan nods, joining in.
But behind that fair facade
I'm afraid she's rather odd
Very different from the rest of us
The Bayvillians all sing as one, in a way that is usually only seen on a Broadway production.
She's nothing like the rest of us
Yes different from the rest of us is Pryde
We see geese fly overhead and a big stone knocks one to the ground. Pyro is stood under it like an idiot with a bag open. He misses the goose and puts it in the bag like nothing happened. He runs over to Colossus.
"Todd Fan vould like to appologise for making Piotr the villian in this production", says Kurt, bamfing onto the stage, "at the time, she did not know him vell, but she though Gaston's clothing looked alot like Piotr's uniform. So..she likes Piotr, and that's...err...that".
He bamfs away as Pyro runs over to Piotr.
"Wow, you didn't miss a shot Piotr", he says, "You're the greatest hunter in the whole world!".
Piotr sighs, trying to get into a mindset he doesn't actually work in.
"I know".
"No modesty doesn't suit you, buddy", he sighs, shaking his head, "No beast alive stands a chance against you...and no girl for that matter".
"It's true, St John, and I've got my sights set on that one", says Piotr, pointing at Kitty as she walks along, reading her book.
Pyro blinks at him like his loopy.
"The inventors daughter?"
We heard a muffled shout from backstage, a thump, and then silence.
"Okay..anyway", Piotr clears his throat, "she's the one. The lucky girl i'm going to marry!".
"But she's....", starts Pyro.
"The most beautifull girl in town!", cuts in Piotr.
"Yeah...but.....".
"And that makes her the best, and don't i deserve the best?", growls Piotr, picking Pyro up and dangling him inches from his face.
"Well of course mate...i mean you do..i mean....please don't hurt me", says Pyro, giving a nervous giggle.
Piotr nods, dropping Pyro on the ground as he sings.
Right from the moment when I met her, saw her
I said she's gorgeous and I fell
Here in town there's only she
Who is beautifull as me
So I'm making plans to woo and marry Kit
As he goes off after her, Amara, Danielle (who is also new to the cast) and Amanda watch him go by as they are pumping water from a fountain. They sigh, watching him dreamily.
Look there, he goes, isn't he dreamy?
Mister Colossus, oh he's so cute
Be still, my heart, I'm hardly breathing
He's such a tall, dark, strong and handsome brute
They lean on the water pump with a sigh, managing to soak Pyro in the process.
"Arrgghhh!", screams Pyro, running around in terror, "WATER!".
The Bayvillians start to sing as Piotr tries to struggle through them, singing with them in an attempt to make them move.
Bonjour
Pardon, sings Piotr.
Good day
Mais Qui
You call this bacon?
What lovely grapes
Some cheese
Ten yards
One pound
Excuse me, tries Piotr again.
I'll get the knife, sings someone else..which is rather disturbing.
Please let me through, sings Piotr, slightly louder.
This bread
Those fish
It's stale
They smell
Madame's mistaken
Kitty sighs, spinning in a circle.
There must be more than this provincal life
Piotr stands in the middle of the villagers, putting his hands on his hips.
Just watch i'm going to make Kitty my wife
He gets cut off by all the Bayvillians, he climbs the rooftops after Kitty..which isn't easy for such a large guy. The Bayvillains continue to sing as Kitty gets close to the bridge leading home.
Look there she goes a girl who's strange but special
A most pecuiliar madameoselle
It's a pitty and a sin
That she doesn't quite fit in
But she really is a funny girl
A beautifull but funny girl
She really is a funny girl, that Pryde!
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There we go, please do review, until next time....