"I said I don't want to see her," I couldn't believe this. I'm fucking dying and now she comes? Now? What about all the time before?

"She's probably come to tell me about all the trouble I'm causing her and about how glad her and the old man'll be when I'm dead,"

It was, all this time I'd needed her, them, well fuck them. I didn't need them anymore.

"Well, tell her to leave me alone. For once…for once just to leave me alone," I tried to sit up, to get up so that nurse wouldn't let her in, or so I could get away. But the pain from before came back but worse, so much worse, and then nothing.

I must have passed out cause when I came to Pony was gone, and the light was different, and I was alone.

I wasn't as awake now. I felt weird, like my mind wasn't thinking right, like death wasn't that bad.

Nurses and doctors came and went but it hardly mattered. I could hear them talking about me and it wasn't good. "Not much longer," they said.

And I could hear them talking to me, their voices soft and gentle like they were talking to a baby.

"Johnny? Can you hear me? Johnny?"

They said my name a lot. Maybe they teach 'em that in school. I could have answered but it would have taken so much energy, so much. So I just listened.

I kind of remembered things but not like normal remembering. It was so real. I saw my old man hittin' me, my mom ignoring me. The night me and Pony ran away I told him I didn't have nobody. Pony said, "Shoot, you got the whole gang," and I told him it wasn't the same.

Well, it wasn't the same. But Pony was right. It was how it was. So maybe I didn't have normal parents who loved me like they were supposed to but I had the gang, and they were my family.

The light faded away outside and time seemed to go so fast. They'd be going to the rumble soon, and maybe Dally'd sneak out and go, too. They said he wasn't hurt too bad.

All the fightin' used to seem normal, like it was just the way to settle things. The socs jumping us, we'd fight with them, then have a rumble to settle it, once and for all. But it didn't settle nothin'.

Nurses and doctors again. They looked all serious but I wished they'd leave. I didn't like them in here touching me and talkin' about me.

Those kids at the church, it woulda been much worse if they died. All their parents would have been so sad. Since I was dying my parents didn't give a shit. But also, it was like, those kids might have a chance at a good life. My chances were pretty much gone. Cause I sucked in school and would have dropped out, got some low paying job somewhere and I'd probably start drinkin' cause my old man drinks. It probably kills the pain he feels, like I feel it, too. We probably ain't that different. And if I had kids I'd probably hit 'em, too, cause it's the thing I've seen. It's all I'd know to do.

But I don't want that life, having some kid of mine feeling as worthless as I do. Those little kids at the church, they got everything in front of 'em. Their lives are worth more than mine.

I hoped Pony would come back, and Dally, and all of 'em, just one last time. I'd like to see 'em before I die. I know I'm gonna die. Today or tomorrow. I'm so fucking tired.

"Johnny?" The nurse. I opened my eyes and looked at her.

"Some people are here to see you," she spoke cautiously, like she wasn't sure I'd understand.

"Who?" I said, and my voice sounded rusty, unused.

"The parents of the kids you saved, can they come in?"

"Yeah,"

She went out to get them. They came in, five people, three women and two men. They looked around the room kinda scared, just like Pony looked when he saw all the machines and shit.

"Johnny?" one lady said, coming over to me. I nodded and tried to keep my eyes open.

"Thank you. Thank you so much," Tears spilled down her cheeks. Then another lady came over to me.

"Thank you," I closed my eyes just cause they were so heavy but I kinda smiled a little. Yeah. It was worth saving those kids.

In and out, just drifting. All those people were gone and I didn't even see them go. And it was dark out. They must all be at the rumble by now.

"Hey, kid," My eyes flew open at the voice. Dally.

"Hey," I said softly, trying to sound okay.

"How ya doing, kid?"

"Okay," I lied, but he knew I was lying so it was okay. We'd get to the truth later.

Dally was dressed, somewhat. He had jeans on, no shirt, but a leather jacket on. It was all burnt on one side, it was the jacket he'd given to Pony.

"I'm going to that rumble," he said.

"How? How'd they let you go?"

"This didn't hurt," he flashed Two bit's black handled switchblade.

"Dally," my voice was so quiet he had to lean down to hear me, "come back, and bring Pony, okay?"

"Yeah, sure, kid,"

"Dal?"

"Yeah?"

"Don't forget,"