Duo POV

The only thing I wanted to do for the rest of my life was curl up in a little ball around Heero and make it so nothing could ever hurt him again.

Heero had been hurt all his life and had taken more pain than anyone should. A fact that had become all too apparent to me when Heero thought I would beat him for hurting me on accident.

When Heero pushed me and I fell on the knife, I wasn't paying any attention to the pain. All I was paying attention to was Heero's eyes. You see, his face may remain stoic at all times, but his eyes give him away if you know where to look. At first there was only surprise. Then he realized what was happening and his eyes went wide, his pupils dilating with fear. Terror ran through his body and his mind blanked out to protect itself. Acting purely on instincts as old as time itself, he bolted. He fled from me, thinking I would want to hurt him, and hid somewhere he deemed safe.

I knew where he was the whole time. I could feel his location, how far in what direction he was, but I knew that if I approached him before he came to he'd only run off again. So I waited for a few minutes, hastily bandaging my arm and making sure to warn all personnel away from the hall Heero had fled to. I didn't want to be disturbed while trying to coax him down.

When Heero started to come back into his mind and I was sure we wouldn't be disturbed, I began calling to Heero, trying to sooth him out of his hidey-hole. I was hoping he'd make himself known before I reached him, but he didn't. I ordered him to come down, but, truth be told, if he didn't feel safe enough to come down I would have went up after him. Would have spent the hole damn night there if need be. Luckily, it didn't come down to that. Heero came down to me and I held his shaking body until he began to drift off to sleep right there on his feet.

The body has a hard time keeping enough adrenalin in the blood to maintain that kind of panic, so when Heero came of his high, he came down hard. I carried him back to the room that night, knowing he'd let me and not sure if he'd make it by himself.

You see, I have a small advantage over Heero in our relationship right now. When I licked his wound clean in the woods, my main reason for doing it was to seal a spell. Since Heero had cleaned out the dragon bite on my leg he had inadvertently swallowed some of my blood. When I swallowed his blood, I bonded our minds together.

I could feel what Heero was feeling.

The link from his mind to mine allowed me to feel what he was feeling at that time. I could follow the tiny silver thread from my mind to his and better understand what was going on inside him.

Which wasn't much at first.

Heero was so starved, body and soul, that he wasn't thinking on any deeper levels. It was eerie how much he reminded me of a machine, unable to feel, only able to work and follow orders. Only once in a while would I feel a flash of emotion from him, like lightening across the night sky, his emotions were stronger and more visible because of how few of them there were.

On some deeper level, I realized Heero was putting aside his emotions because he was literally starving to death. When he first put me in his bed and laid down beside me I could have wrapped both hands around his middle. I ran my hands down his chest and could count his ribs, one by one. He was lucky if he could get two hours of sleep a night. I almost never saw him eat.

The worst thing in the world for me was to see him begging me to eat even though he was wilting away. Sometimes I would eat a few bites for him, but only because I didn't want him to worry. I could survive a few days without food. As for Heero, I doubted it. If I had been able, I wold have gotten up and demanded Heero be better cared for, but by that time I was suffering from the dragon's poison and it was hard to even stay awake.

Other things came to light after I had taken Heero as mine. Like his complete and utter lack of training in how to deal with normal people, which was demonstrated clearly in Heero's fear of the seamstress. It wasn't that he thought she would hurt him, he had just never dealt with that kind of situation. I still feel guilty that I chose to leave him there like that, even though I knew he was nervous. I wanted to see how he reacted to people if I wasn't there, I thought maybe it would bring him out of his shell a bit. I had yet to see or feel his talking to anyone in the castle except for Lord J, who had hurt him.

Lord J would not hold control of Wing Stronghold much longer, not if I had anything to say about it. I knew it was J who called for Heero to assassinate the ambassador and I even understood his reasons for it. It would be a lot easier to say that an ambassador had been killed than a demon had just disappeared. If the ambassador had gone back to his country with word that the demon had never shown up there would be suspicion of why the demon hadn't shown up which could lead to an investigation. If I had died, there would have been an investigation of Stronghold by the demons, which could have unearthed some secrets that J didn't want to be told. If I showed up, J could simply accuse a band of thieves of killing him or even declare Heero a traitor. I understood J's thinking fairly well, which made me a danger. I spent a lot of time at stronghold worrying about myself and Heero.

However, no matter how much I disliked him, J was not only the only person Heero had interacted with on a regular basis before me, but the only link I had with Heero's past. For this reason alone I tried to remain civil in our meetings, just in case I needed a favor later.

The only person Heero voluntarily interacted with was me. Sometimes he'd talk with Sara, but only short, curt statements. Sara usually had to carry the conversation by herself, which she didn't have a problem doing.

Heero also had problems taking care of himself. If left to his own devices he would only eat when he absolutely had to and he barely ever slept. It wasn't that he was needy, since he had trouble accepting anything other than direct physical contact, and it wasn't that he couldn't take care of himself, since he was the only one who ever helped him. It was just that he was so used to living on that brink of starvation that he couldn't understand it wasn't supposed to be like that. He could not comprehend that it didn't have to be like that. It was like he had been hurt and abandoned so many times that he could only see a world in which we would be hurt and abandoned over and over again, like that was the way it was supposed to be. It took me a long time to get him totally passed that and it all started on the night he made a mistake and I accepted it and didn't punish him for it, on the night he pushed me and I got cut on the knife. I'm not sure that he ever realized it, but the thing Heero gained that night and in the day that followed was hope. Hope that he could be happy. Hope that I would stay with him. Hope that I would protect him. But we had not made enough progress for him to hope that I loved him.

Though I did.

I did, still do, and forever will love Heero. It may have started on those nights, holding his tiny body, watching him struggle against impossible odds, but it continued to grow even after that and what I truly fell in love with was Heero's smile. It's not often that Heero shows any facial expression, so his smiles are especially rare. The first time I saw him smile, really smile, was when I took him to the roof to watch the sun rise. At that time, I had started to learn about just how desolate a life Heero had led, so I managed to keep from wincing when I felt, through our connection, that Heero had never been given a surprise before. Hell, I'd be astonished if anyone had ever given him anything before. I can't read Heero's mind through our connection, only the feelings can come through, but the feelings of awe and astonishment that came through him, then the anxiety, like if he wasn't good the surprise would disappear, those were the kind of emotions little kids gave off. It didn't bode well for Heero's childhood.

Speaking of Heero's childhood, how the Hell does someone go through life and only have a single, threadbare blanket to show for it? Didn't he ever play? Didn't he have any pictures that he could keep? I knew how it was to grow up on the streets with nothing, but even we street-rats were able to keep something. Personally, I had a little yo-yo I had found in the trash. Some of the girls had dolls or brushes. Some even had pictures of what their families were like. To say the least, we each had something.

Heero didn't. He didn't have anything. As far as I could see, he'd never played anything before in his life. I had to explain to him three times what the point of chess was before he understood it, and even then only when I explained it as, "tactical practice."

Heero had been a trained as a soldier, then used as an assassin for J. He was stronger than he should have been in the condition he was in. He could ride a horse better than anyone I'd ever seen, including me, but that didn't count since I didn't usually ride horses since I could fly. The point is, Heero had been trained to kill, but he hated death.

He hated death. You could almost see the guilt eating at his soul. See how much it hurt him every time he had to take a life. It ate at him. When he came back to the room that night with the blood of the ambassador on his hands, he was so ashamed that he would have preferred to gnaw his own wrists off than show me what he had done. I wanted to tell him it was alright, but I was uncertain of what his reaction would be to the fact that I could talk. I wasn't strong enough to try and discuss it with him, so I simply removed the blood and pulled him into my arms, showing that I didn't care.

And I did know it was the ambassador's blood on his hands. I could smell it. People from that region of the world live very close to dragons, even managing to domesticate some, so they have a smell of sulfur on them all the way down to their blood. Not so strong as it smells bad, but it is distinctive to them. So I knew that it was unlikely Heero had killed anyone other than the ambassador.

No matter how strong Heero is, he has a tender heart. He hates to see other people hurting, no matter how much pain he's in, and I've already addressed his problem with killing. I wanted to protect that tenderness, that kindness, and I loved Heero, so he was one of the few people that I would do anything to protect.

So when I saw what those two guards had done to him I wanted to pull out their intestines, slowly.

I have a problem with my temper. When someone hurts someone dear to me, I will stop at nothing to get them. When I saw the bruises on Heero's chest and thighs, I could barely see. I my need for revenge was so strong that I couldn't think of anything else. If Heero hadn't had a hold of that sheet I probably would have dragged him down to the dinning hall naked.

When I found Barton and Dekim, I had ever intention of cutting them to pieces one limb at a time. The only thing that made me stop was seeing how upset I had made Heero. The last thing I wanted was to hurt Heero more, but I had to make a lasting impression on everyone present that if they hurt Heero they would deal with me. At the time, claiming him as my mate seemed like the most logical thing to do. Never mind that these people had no idea that for a demon to publicly kiss someone deeply and put their scent on him is the same as a betrothal is to humans, never mind that none of them could smell the scent our link made Heero's body start producing to show that he was mine, and forget the fact that Heero had just been raped, it seemed like a good idea at the time. Luckily for me, Heero was too dazed and trusted me too much to get scared by the kiss, or he may have never trusted me again.

I only had enough of my mind that wasn't filled with rage after that to get Heero back to the room and tell him to stay before taking off to blow some steam. Somehow I led myself to the cottage of an elf I had known when I was young who made the lotion that I had used on Heero, but it still didn't make up for leaving him as I did. I had abandoned him when he needed me most and I couldn't forgive myself for that.

Puling away from my thoughts, I gently lifted the sleeping Heero off of the massage table. He didn't even wince as I laid him down in bed on his side, so deeply asleep with the pain all gone that he wasn't aware of any of my movements. Having slid in beside him, I gently wrapped my wings around his bruised body and pulled him toward me. He sighed contentedly and snuggled into my chest. I could have stayed like that forever.

If it weren't for our mental link, I would have never know Heero was having a screaming, horrible, pee-your-pants nightmare. The day's events had tired me out, though not nearly as much as Heero, and I had been was fast asleep when the nightmare started. It was feelings of pain and terror coming from him through our link that woke me. I sat up and blinked owlishly, then reached down and brushed away his bangs with my fingers, hoping to bring him out of the dream without waking him. Heero had enough trouble sleeping and I didn't want his nightmares to cause insomnia.

There was a tiny crease in Heero's forehead, the only indication something was wrong. He made a tiny sound, a whimper, barely audible but something that equaled a scream in normal people. There was no helping it, I would have to wake him.

"Heero?" I called gently, trying not to startle him, "Baby, wake up."

Heero's eyes snapped open and he bolted upright in bed. After giving him a second to catch his breath, I pulled him back down to the bed beside me and tucked him in next to me. Heero's face may be able to hide everything he feels, but his body cannot. He was shaking when I pulled him down, a light sheen of sweat covering his body. Gently, I ran my hands up and down his back and soothed him. The shivering faded eventually.

"Heero, do you want to tell me about it?"

"No."

"You sure?"

There was no reply, but I felt his anxiety rise just a little bit.

"It's alright if you don't want to talk about it, but sometimes it helps," I said, trying to calm him. Heero debated what I had said for a long time, then replied tentatively.

"I- it was a dream about them. About Dekim and Barton. They were... doing those... things to me again and I couldn't get away. Only, in the dream, you came and yelled at me for letting them... letting them..."

"You know I wouldn't do that," I interrupted, knowing that this was getting to be too much for the dazed and half-asleep boy. I wanted to get his anxiety level back down before he panicked again. "You know I wouldn't let anyone hurt you."

I sat up a bit and looked Heero in the eyes. Heero's lack of faith in the fact that I would never hate him and I would help him no matter what seemed to be the root of the problem.

"Heero, tell me you know that I would never hate you. Tell me," I demanded softly.

"I-I know."

"Say it."

"You-you would never h-hate me."

"Tell me that I would never hurt you."

"You would never hurt me."

"Tell me that I would never let anything hurt you if I had the power to stop it."

"You would never let anything hurt me. Never."

"Good," I said laying back down, but something was amiss.

"Duo," Heero finally said, "there was nothing you could have done to protect me. It wasn't your fault."

"Go to sleep, Heero," I told him, neither confirming nor denying what he had said. No, there was nothing I could have done to help him. Yes, I would continue blaming myself for along time because of it. There was nothing I could do about the way I felt but try to work around it. Strangely, though, Heero's absolution helped ease the guilt a bit, like I had somehow been waiting for him to blame me for what had happened.

He had another nightmare that night, as I knew he would. This time I didn't manage to wake up until he was fully into the nightmare, thrashing and whimpering on the bed.

I grabbed his shoulders and shook him, trying to get him to wake up. Instead of opening his eyes, he went stone still, even holding his breath. There was a moment were everything was completely silent.

In that moment I realized that when Heero woke up he would have a man hovering above him holding his shoulders down. I think I knew that Heero wasn't going to react well to that, though I didn't know what he would do.

There was no warning when Heero flipped over on the bed, pushing me to the floor and landing on my stomach. My tail came up behind me, ready to stab him in the back, but I managed to keep myself from attacking him. His hands came up around my throat, tightening and cutting off my oxygen supply. I realized that, because Heero was a soldier, any movements I made would be interpreted as signs of aggression. So I went limp. I let my body fall lax in his grip, even as little spots began to from in my vision and my ears began to ring.

Just as suddenly as Heero had attacked, I felt his hands disappear and his weight move. Regret and pain flooded the link between us as I gasped for breath. Unconsciously, I turned to my side and curled into a ball, putting Heero at my back. After a few moments, Heero approached me, though still kept his distance. I could feel his hand hovering over my back, like he wanted to console me and make sure I was alright, but it dropped away. I'm not sure if the twinge of disappointment came from Heero or me.

As quickly as I could, I flipped over, still coughing and wheezing, and grabbed Heero's hand. He did this little movement, somewhere between a flinch and a jerk, but didn't pull away from me. I tried to smile at him, but I know that, if I managed it at all, it was a pained smile. After that I started coughing again and Heero pushed me into a sitting position.

"Duo, I'm sorry..."

"No," I ground out, still coughing, "It wasn't your fault. I shouldn't have tried to wake you like that. It was stupid of me."

Heero was quiet for a few moments and I wondered what he was thinking about.

"It was not... appropriate," Heero told me, his voice showing no hint of the anxiety he felt in reprimanding me. Even though that was a pitiful excuse for a reprimand, it went against Heero's training as a soldier, since soldiers never second guessed their commanding officer. It was a big step for him.

I smiled at him, a cheeky grin, but still able to tell him that I approved of what he had said.

"Hey, think we could get back into bed? The floor's not exactly the best place to sleep," I told him. He nodded once and took my arm, helping me back into the bed, then stood uncertainly beside it, not sure if I would want him to get in or not.

"Heero, stop being a stupid head," I told him, snagging his hand and pulling him into bed. I didn't get a smile, but I that sort of lopsided grin that he uses when he's pleased.

I pulled him into bed and, though his mind might have been wary around me once again, his body automatically pressed against mine. It's a wonder that Heero could be so... cuddly with me when he tenses up when anyone else so much as brushes against him. I know some if it was because he had initiated the contact, and some of it came from that fact that for the first few days while he got used to physical contact with me I was too hurt to be any kind of a threat, but that couldn't be all of it. I was all better and he still allowed me to touch him, even after I had treated him so badly after his rape. Even after I had allowed him to be raped.

His mind trusted me a bit, too, but was still having problems understanding me, since I had shown up and turned everything he knew upside down. I think he knew by that time that there was no way that I would let anything hurt him, but he still wasn't sure that I'd want him around. Thus his uncertainty about getting back into bed. The physical barriers were steadily crumbling between us, but the mental ones were much stronger, it would take a while to pull all of them down and put his fears to rest.

Slowly, Heero relaxed and slipped back to sleep. He didn't really have a choice, the combination of his frail state and his injuries, not to mention the mental trauma he had undergone, needed him to sleep and get energy back into his body. Which is why it was vital that he not wake up again. It was getting close enough to morning that Heero might not want to go back to sleep, and I didn't want to have to fight him about it.

When I was sure Heero was in the first stage of sleep, completely oblivious to me but not deep enough to dream, I started sending him feelings of peace and serenity over our link, hoping to prevent a nightmare. I also started monitoring his feelings, in case a nightmare did start, so that I could try to prevent him getting so lost in it. It sounds complicated, but it wasn't. I didn't really even have to think about it.

The only reason I hadn't tried this before was I didn't want Heero to find out about the link yet. If he noticed strange feelings being sent to him He could easily trace them back to me and find the link between our minds.

The link wasn't a one-way deal, Heero could just as easily read my emotions as I could read him. But, also, he could set up barriers to guard his mind, just as I could. Bonds that were older and stronger than ours had a harder time hiding things from each other, since they were more in sync. My bond with Heero was new and weak, Heero could easily put up barriers that I would have a hard time breaking. He could hide the way he felt from me and that could be disastrous.

With a bond so new as ours, I could only feel Heero if I was close to him. The last time I had been out of link distance, Heero had been raped.

I needed to know what Heero was feeling, since he wouldn't and couldn't tell me.