AN: This is just a short story about what I see in the song "My Immortal" By Evenesence. I have seen many use this song in reference to death but for me, I saw another side to it the first time I heard it. I am sure I am not the first to use the words this way I will not be the last. This is only my version of how I could see this relationship. It is a bit depressing so if you don't like that sort of thing then don't read it. I hope you like it.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Inuyasha characters or any other material in that series. I also don't own any of the music or work done by Evenesence (but I love their music and admire the content of feelings in it).
Song Of My Soul Part One
Kagome walked into the dark house from the steady rain with pent up emotions. How long had it been? A year or two? She wasn't sure anymore. Even though the pain had subsided during her absence, it had begun to creep slowly back during the plane ride back. She had too much time to think during the trip but that wouldn't last, she would make sure she was busy with work once again on Monday. Provided she still had a job. With a sigh she shook the thoughts from her mind as she pulled her wet coat off and flipped on the entry light. Inside she was afraid of what she would see but this was the first step to getting her life back in order the way it should be.
( I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all of my childish fears )
To her surprise the room looked as if no one had been there the whole time she was gone. Everything was covered with thin plastic sheets to protect it. There was a layer of dust on the plastic and on the edge of the light switch that she had just used. Upon closer inspection she could see dust on the edges of picture frames and the trim of the door she had come in as well as the tile floor she now stood on. A feeling of relief filled her heart. Well at least they were considerate enough not to be here for long after she left. Slowly she walked around the room pulling the plastic off the lamps as she lit them and rolled the plastic into a wad that she tossed toward a corner to dispose of later.
With her mind now set on rejuvenating the appearance of her living room she set to work on pulling the plastic off everything she came across. The couch, the chairs and then the vanity that held many pictures of her loved ones. She took a few moments to look over the smiling faces of her grandfather, mother and brother. She paused for a moment and stared at a wedding picture of a young couple. Both smiling happily at each other with love. A sharp pain pricked her heart but she ignored it. She snorted dryly and wadded up the plastic she had taken off the vanity and tossed it carelessly toward her growing pile of trash. On a second thought she quickly flipped the picture face down on the table thinking she would deal with it later.
(And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave)
She stood there staring at it for a moment. The pain in her heart twitched again but she refused to acknowledge it. Her mouth felt dry and it seemed hard to swallow. 'Must be the dust.' She thought as she walked toward the kitchen to make herself some tea. Just like the living room the kitchen had a layer of dust the settled over all the flat surfaces. Disgusted she searched the cupboards for the tea pot. She found it exactly where it should be and filled it with water to heat. Impatiently she tapped her manicured finger nails on the counter while she waited for it to boil. Subconsciously she grabbed a dish towel that was hanging over the over handle and wiped the dust from the counter she was standing at. Carelessly she flipped it in the air causing dry dust to float about. With a cough she tossed the dish towel on the counter disgusted. This was going to take all weekend to clean up.
She forced herself to think of the work that needed to be done on Monday. Four meetings that she knew of, first was with the boss. A small smile crossed her face. Naraku would be surprised to see her back so soon. She left the LA office early on Thursday so she would get back home by Friday night. She only wished she could have seen the look on his face when he received her answer to his offer for a promotion so she would stay in the states. He would not like her being disobedient. He did not own her.
She had already told him that she wanted to come home. Even if it meant she would lose her job. It didn't matter. She needed to see her family and be around people who she felt comfortable with. Dr. Morris, her therapist, had confirmed what she had felt. The emotions she was suppressing needed to be dealt with and facing the problem was the best way. Avoiding it would do nothing but drive her into a deeper depression then she was already in. Letting go was never easy but necessary to keep sanity. She had never considered herself suicidal but lately her grip on sanity was slipping. It was time to deal with her problems and go on.
The high whistle of the water boiling startled her out of her thoughts. She quickly moved the pot and shut off the burner. Instinctively she reached into the cupboard next to the stove for a cup. Her hand pulled one out and set it on the counter without looking as she reached for the tea bags. 'Two year old tea, how yummy.' She thought blandly as she picked the flavor she wanted. Mechanically she ripped the bag open and turned to set it in the cup. She froze. The tea bag dangled over the mouth of a large black cup the words "Dog Breath in the morning sucks!" Written on the side in red. She swallowed a large lump that had formed in her throat. It was a gift from her to him on their first Valentines Day. A painful thump from her heart shook her nerves as a tear slid from her eye. Angrily she wiped it away.
(Because your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone)
A frown formed on her full lips and she shoved it to the side. 'Another piece of trash.' She thought distastefully and got another cup. After making her tea she walked back to the living room to relax. Still feeling a bit hostile she snatched the plastic off the coffee table and set her cup down unceremoniously so she could get rid of the trash in her hand. She plopped down on the couch still frowning at her lack of control. 'No more. No more.' She repeated in her mind like a mantra as she stared at the rain that streaked the dark windows.
(These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase)
Finally feeling calmer she turned her attention back to her cooling cup of tea on the table. At first she thought her eyes were playing tricks on her. There on top of the coffee table sat her old photo album. 'Where did that come from?' She reached out a tentative hand to touch it. 'I don't remember seeing it here when I took the plastic off.' "Hmf!" She exclaimed in renewed self disgust. 'I have to stop so much day dreaming.' She picked it up in one hand while taking a sip of her tea then setting the cup on the end table next to the couch. A memory filtered though her mind as she began to remember all the pictures she had taken the time to place inside the book on her lap. Only the best memories were in there. Nervous fingers slid over the imprinted letters on the front that said 'Photo Album'. Well Dr. Morris did say I should start with early memories and filter through them.
Silence filled the room around her and all she could hear was the thump of her own heart. It is too quiet her mind screamed. Some noise, any noise would be good right now. Stiffly she stood up and walked over to the expensive rack system that had only been used when entertaining. Her eyes scanned the area for the remote but couldn't find it so she simply pressed the 'On' button. It had been so long she wasn't even sure how to operate it but any noise would be good for now. She tried the radio but got nothing but static. 'Stupid storm.' she thought and pressed play on the CD player. She wasn't sure how to check was loaded and didn't really care then returned to her seat. Picking up the photo album she opened the first page just as the soft melody began to play. 'Mmm...much better.' Her nerves settled as she looked at the pictures.
She smiled as she looked upon the picture of her mother and father on their wedding day. The pride she felt warmed her heart and pushed some of the pain away. Then there was a picture of her mother holding a small bundle in her arms. Her father sat next to her mother with a small girl she knew was herself on his lap. The small girl leaned over staring at the small bundle she also knew was her brother. A smile formed on her lips at the memory. She never did lose that feeling of pride and wonder as he grew. He was so special to her and she loved him dearly. She made a mental note to call him in the morning. Of course she would have to call her mother first because if she didn't then the woman would be beside herself. A short chuckle that sounded more like a snort escaped her chest and her heart felt lighter.
She flipped a page and her heart dropped a bit. The picture was happy and the thought of it making her feel any pain was absurd. She swallowed down the feelings and took it for what it was. A group picture of family and friends with their families was a happy time from her youth she could not deny. It was a time when dear friends would get together for dinner or picnics like in this picture. They had gathered for a picnic; her family, Sango with her mom, dad and brother, Miroku with his uncle and then the Tadeshi family, Inutaisho, Izaiyuki, Sesshomaru and Inuyasha. Their new next door neighbors. All the smiling faces almost made her face burst from her own smile.
Feeling a bit better at the thought she kept going. 'This might actually work.' She felt hopeful. Next she found school pictures. She giggled at the one of Sango with her front tooth missing. Then there was Miroku with birthday cake on his head and a fuming Sango standing next to him. The scowl on her face was priceless. Behind the two was another couple of kids that seemed to be holding each other up while laughing. Her heart jerked in a hard thump. Inuyasha and her did cling to each other to keep from falling that day. She could remember it now very clearly. It had been so hilarious to watch Sango plaster cake on Miroku because he tried to kiss her cheek. 'Good times.' She reminded herself. 'No reason to feel depressed.'
The next few pages were filled with many more scenes of merriment and growth from grade school up into junior high school. The four were inseparable most the time. Their antics were well known through the school body. She smiled with heart felt warmth until she flipped the page. The first picture was almost too much to take. It was Inuyasha setting in the tree behind their house. The black suit mimicked what he was feeling at the time. It was the day of his mom's funeral. When Izaiyuki was told she had cancer Inuyasha nearly flipped.
Kagome spent hours soothing his broken heart after she passed. He was so angry inside he would lash out at everyone. It took months but finally he settled down to a state where he was easier to live with. It still clutched at her heart to think of him in so much pain as he had been then. He was her best friend and had always protected her. At that time she finally felt like she was able to give something back to him for his devotion. No matter what, she pledged she would always be there for him as long as he wanted her to be. That would never change. With a sentimental sniffle she forced the feelings of sadness to the back of her mind.
(When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I've held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me)
The Christmas after was rough for the Tadeshi family. Not that they lacked in love or giving but it was the first holiday with out Izaiyuki. The boys were depressed and Inutaisho was not much better. So momma, being the loving woman that she always is, insisted they spend it with them. That small bit of support lifted all their hearts and you could see the smiles in the pictures. They spent every holiday with them after that. Momma insisted that they were as good as family anyway and she would not have 'her boys' setting alone in depression. None of them complained and Inutaisho even commented that Sesshomaru seemed to lose his stoic manner when around momma Higurashi.
Kagome smiled while looking at the pictures. All those memories filled her heart with such happiness it felt like bursting. 'This is the feeling Dr. Morris was talking about. I need to grasp it and hold on to it. Then everything will work out on it's own.' She smiled feeling refreshed. At the time she thought she should put the book down and maybe go to bed and rest from the long air plane trip but as usual she didn't listen to her better judgement and kept going.
She came to their high school years. Those were wild times for the four of them. She scanned over a ton of pictures of them all at sports events, dances and family gatherings. The four were inseparable. Sango and Miroku had an on and off again relationship all through junior high and for the first two years of high school. But it was at the beginning of their junior year of high school that Miroku finally got the clue and stopped his aimless flirting with other girls. A boy by the name of Yodo Ui had moved to town and was hell bent on taking Sango away from Miroku. It straightened him right out when he realized he could actually lose her to someone else. The picture of them kissing next to a jack-o-lantern at the school Halloween dance was proof of it.
Next to it was a picture of Inuyasha dressed in an ancient outfit that had been handed down to him from the Sengoku Jidai. Her heart throbbed even now as she looked at it. He was so handsome and it fit him perfectly. The deep red of the fire rat fur made his silver hair seem even more dazzling then it already did. The ancient sword that hung at his side only added to the dangerous look in his eyes. She couldn't help but feel like the luckiest girl in the world at that dance. All the girls were fawning over him. He wasn't used to it and clung to her like she would disappear on him. At the time she found it funny but now it seemed more endearing. It was that night she realized that she felt more then just friendship for him.
(You used to captivate me
By your resonating light)
The smile faded from her face when her eyes fell upon a picture that some would think was of her but it wasn't. That was also the year that Kagome's cousin Kikyo moved to town. She took a deep breath to steady herself. 'Still just memories. All good times.' She reminded herself tersely. Everyone used to think they were twins when they went to family reunions. They were the same age but were more different then most realized. Kikyo was spoiled although most the time she didn't really act like it. Kagome had to admit she was actually a nice person to be around. But she couldn't help feeling a bit jealous when Inuyasha started to date her. They were the hottest couple during the rest of high school then carried the relationship on into collage.
Inuyasha would often come over to her house and talk about how much he loved Kikyo. Kagome had been irritated at first but soon she realized that Kikyo made him happy in a way she never could. Being his friend for so long made her understand she should be happy for him and support him. So she did with out a word other wise because first and foremost they were best friends and she would not stand in the way of his happiness. Even if it hurt sometimes. She watched from the sidelines feeling like a third wheel most the time when the five of them would all go out.
(But now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me)
How could she compete with someone like Kikyo. She seemed more mature then any of them. Her sophisticated beauty seemed timeless. Kagome couldn't blame Inuyasha for falling in love with her. She was a hundred times better looking the Kagome who considered herself just a plain Jane sort of girl. Most the time Kagome would leave early so the couples could have their privacy. She didn't even go to the end of the year dance due to the fact she didn't want Inuyasha to fuss over taking care of her. When he did that it would tick Kikyo off and even though Kagome had explained to Kikyo that they were just friends the girl was insanely jealous of the relationship she had with Inuyasha. So Kagome felt the less she was around the better it would be and for the most part it helped.
(These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase)
With a shaky hand Kagome eager turned the page to the next stage of their lives. She looked through the pictures of herself and her family. Inutaisho, Sesshomaru with his wife Rin at their wedding. Sango and Miroku, even Inuyasha and Kikyo during the next two years when the five were in collage. After two years of study sessions and grueling tests, Kikyo got a scholarship to a design collage in France. It had been her dream to attend there because she wanted to design women's clothes and eventually have her own line. She felt that the meager education she would get at Tokyo University wouldn't cover what she needed. Inuyasha was crushed and went to his father so he could transfer to that area and be close to her but Inutaisho refused. Saying that he could get a better education at Tokyo University. They had a huge fight and Inuyasha left the house in a rage. Inutaisho was beside himself fearing the boy would just leave to follow after Kikyo.
To Kagome's relief he showed up at her window shortly after midnight wanting to talk. He was beside himself with grief from the way he had treated his father and confessed that he feared he would lose Kikyo. She did her best to support him as best she could. Only being the tender age of 21 she didn't know any better then he did what he should do. She could understand his grief, she felt it every time she thought of him leaving but also was willing to let him go if that is what he decided. She did her best to explain what she thought was best with out letting him know her true feelings. He made up his mind and stayed at Tokyo University. Inutaisho was more then happy.
Inuyasha worked hard with his studies and went to visit Kikyo every chance he got. Mostly during the holiday vacations they got from collage. He would always return a bit more distant then when he left. But he would bounce back as soon as he talked to her on the phone then things would go back to normal. After he graduated from collage his father gave him a job at his company just like he had his older brother, Sesshomaru. It only took a year of hard work before he had made a name for himself in the business world. He was determined to make a good life so he could ask Kikyo to marry him. His father was very proud of him and would promote him accordingly.
It was at the end of that first year that the bottom dropped out of Inuyasha's dreams. Kikyo came home from collage with dreams of her own. She had met someone while going to collage and had fallen in love with him, or so she proclaimed. Kagome almost fainted at the sight of the diamond on her finger. The guy had to be wealthy there was no doubt about it. They had set the wedding to be in a couple of months. How could she not be happy for Kikyo? It was like a fairy tale for her but inside Kagome felt nothing but loath for her cousin. All this time she had strung Inuyasha along giving him false hopes that they would have a life together. Then she met the guy and found out why Kikyo had forgotten about Inuyasha so easily.
Naraku Ieyasu was magnetic. It was the only word she could think of to describe the feeling. You could feel yourself drawn to him and the power that seemed to ooze off him in waves. He was tall with long black hair that fell over his shoulders in lucius waves of silkiness. His dark eyes seemed to look right through to your soul. Her own mother fawned over how handsome he was. His whole demeanor was impeccable. He could melt a mountain of snow with his smile. When he met Kagome he even offered her a job at his company in Tokyo. How could she refuse? She couldn't blame Kikyo much but still it was totally unfair to Inuyasha.
When he found out it turned him inside out. Kikyo was less then tactful when she told him. Just like the old days he hardened into a shell of spite and hated everyone. He began to drink heavily and was messing up at work. Even Kagome had a hard time being around him but she persisted refusing to let him drown in a well of self pity. She stood by his side until he got over his binge and got his life back in order as far as work went. Emotionally he was still being elusive but she was used to that. He vocally expressed his dislike for her working for the man every chance he got but didn't push the issue too hard respecting her decision.
(When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears)
She stared blankly at the pictures of Kikyo's wedding. It really had been beautiful. Naraku seemed to be totally infatuated with her. Kikyo looked like a princess in that dress. It was like a fantasy world with balloons that dropped from the ceiling and white doves that flew out just as they kissed to seal the vows. The happy couple took their honeymoon in Jamaica and settled in America to live. Naraku had many branches to his finance company and Kikyo loved the fast life there.
For the most part Inuyasha would still spend time with Miroku, Sango and her just doing the things they all enjoyed like they always did while growing up. He would smile and laugh but she could still see the sadness of his heart reflected in his eyes. She made and extra effort to be close to support him like always and let him know he was loved no matter what. It was a couple of years after Kikyo got married that things seemed to change for Inuyasha and her.
Kagome's grandfather thought she was spending too much time with her friends and not enough time trying to find a suitable husband so he took it upon himself to find one for her. He started introducing her to the sons and grandsons of his friends that were her age. Every time one would call she would politely make an excuse not to go out with them. Most stopped calling accept one that was very persistent, Hojo Mitsumoru. She would take extra care to avoid his calls. But this one time her grandfather answered for her. He innocently explained she was gone so when Hojo called he simply accepted for her knowing she wouldn't want to turn him down. There was no getting out of it. 'Innocent my butt.' She snorted thinking about the conversation.
The guy was nice enough and to be honest he would make a perfect husband. Just not for her. They had went to dinner then the movies. The whole time Hojo talked about his practice and how he really enjoyed helping sick people. She would nod occasionally to make him think she was actually listening. He smiled and was as charming as ever but the only thing she could think of was Inuyasha and what he was doing. He had been so upset when she told him she couldn't go with him and the others because of what her grandfather had done. She didn't understand why Inuyasha was so mad. It wasn't like she wanted to go out with Hojo. But he always had a way of making her feel guilty.
When they reached the shrine, Kagome turned and smiled sweetly offering her hand to shake. Hojo took her hand and pulled her forward into his arms. She was too shocked to register just what the guy was doing until his face was only a few inches from hers with his eyes closed. Her eyes shot open in surprise and she planted her hands on his chest to push him back but he was too strong. Someone clearing their throat snapped Hojo out of his little trans and he turned to look at the person who was interrupting them. There stood Inuyasha with a scowl on his face. His eyes glared at Hojo so hard she could see the poor guy actually shrink back from him.
"Well did you have fun with my girl." He growled out lowly baring his fangs. If it hadn't been so funny she probably would have hit his arm for being so rude but looking at the fear on Hojo's face was priceless.
"Your girl? I thought she was single." Hojo stammered out quickly and let go of her immediately.
Inuyasha's growl grew louder.
"Yeah, my girl. You got something to say about it?" He snarled. She thought Hojo was going to wet himself.
"N...no nothing. Sorry...." Hojo turned to Kagome and took her hand again and quickly shook it. "I had a wonderful time Ms. Higurashi. Nice to meet you." With that he turned and walked quickly down the shrine steps to his car. Kagome watched him leave with a grin on her face. Then it hit her. Her eyes narrowed as she pursed her lips and turned toward Inuyasha who had a satisfied smirk on his face.
"What the hell do you mean 'Your girl!' Since when do you have dubs buddy?" She hissed poking a finger at his chest. He blinked at her for a minute then faster then she could react he had her in his arms.
"Since now." He whispered and leaned in kissing her senseless only stopping when she needed air. "You were always mine." He nuzzled her neck and kissed it. "I was just too stupid to know it." Her heart melted on the spot and she was lost.
(And I've held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me)
The next year was like a whirl wind. They got engaged and were married 6 months later. She thought at the time she should have given it more time but there was no one she wanted to be with more. He was already her best friend. There was nothing that was a secret between them. Even when Kikyo and Naraku came to the wedding Inuyasha only had eyes for her and never looked in Kikyo's direction once. And so went the next three years. Everything was going great. They even talked about having children. But as the saying goes, 'Nothing lasts forever'.
A chill ran down her spin causing her to shiver. She snapped out of her memory trap and looked around the room. Now that she thought about it, the place didn't hold the warmth it once did for her. At first she had thought it was the most beautiful home ever because Inuyasha had bought it as a wedding gift to her. She smiled at the thought. Even though Inuyasha was crude at times he had a soft spot that was completely endearing. She set the book down on the couch and walked over to the thermostat on the wall. The temperature read 50 degrees. 'No wonder it felt chilly in there.' She flipped the heat on and waited but nothing happened. The furnace didn't kick on. "Oh hell." She fumed for a minute. 'The gas was probably shut off for safety reasons.' Calming herself she walked to the hall closet to grab a blanket. She would have to call the gas company Monday to get it fixed. No big deal really. After spending the last 2 winters in New York she could stand a little cold for one night.
She glanced over at the fireplace and was glad to see at least it was still fully stocked with kindling and logs. As quick as she could she slipped off her shoes then started a nice fire in the hearth. She went to the couch and picked up the book and her cup of tea then snuggled down in the blanket in front of the fire with the book on her lap. She found her place easy enough and began looking over her memories once again. It didn't take long until she slipped into her stroll down memory lane. She remembered everything like it had happened just the day before.
Shortly after their third anniversary, Naraku and Kikyo moved back to Tokyo. They seemed to be the talk of the town among the rich and famous. There was rarely a day that one of the two wasn't in the news for something but usually they kept a low profile unless at a public function. The first few times that Inuyasha called explaining that he had to work late she didn't think anything of it. He would drag himself in around 10 or 11 at night and do his usual routine. Kagome would rub his back while praising him for being such a hard worker. It didn't even dawn on her that their sex life had dropped due to his late working. She simply thought that he was really busy all the time since his father had bought out a rival company and naturally his work load had increased. She could understood. For six months she remained blind to what was really going on.
It was almost 7 pm when the call came. It was Naraku wanting to talk to Inuyasha. He never did say what he wanted but explained that he would talk to him the next day during business hours. Kagome really didn't think much of it at the time. At family gatherings the two would often huddle in a corner talking about business deals or the stock market. So what was she supposed to think. The next day Naraku called her to his office. He looked at her with a pained look and she thought for a moment she was in trouble or something but it soon left his face. Her nervousness must have shown. He didn't waste time with pleasantries. That was just the way he was. Straight business.
"Has Inuyasha been working a lot of late hours recently?" She couldn't read anything in his face other then a cold expression.
"Well actually he has. They bought out a rival company and..." She started but he held up his hand.
"Are you sure he has been there?" Again his face didn't show any emotion.
"Yes I am sure he is there. He doesn't lie to me. Why wouldn't he be there?" She fumed. Again he held up his hand.
"There is no reason he shouldn't be there Kagome." His gaze left her face for a moment. When he did look at her his eyes were warmer but she could see the pain in them again. "Would you call me when he tells you he is working late again. I have to check something out." Kagome raised an eyebrow in confusion.
"Why do you need to know when..." She started trying to work this out in her mind.
"Don't worry yourself about it. Just trust me and call me if he works late again this week." He gave her a stern look then softened his face again. "Please Kagome. I need your help with this." He spoke softly. This time she knew she heard pain in his voice.
"Of course I will help you Naraku if you will just tell me..." He stepped forward and put a finger on her lips. She was surprised by his forwardness.
"Please Kagome, you can't tell Inuyasha about this either. I know it is a lot to ask but I am trusting you. Don't disappoint me like some others..." He spoke barely above a whisper and got that pained look in his eyes again. He averted his eyes as if he couldn't look in her face anymore. She was confused but nodded.
"Ok, I'll call you." He backed away and gave a quick nod of his head. She took this as her cue to leave. She wasn't stupid and knew what he was implying. But could she really betray Inuyasha and make that call? She wasn't sure.
AN: There is the first part. Let me know what you think but remember NO FLAMES. Thanks for reading so far.