Kitty and the Rocktumbler
By Todd Fan
Disclaimer: "When a fire starts to burn there's a lesson you must learn, something-something then you'll see, you'll avoid catastrophe, D'oh!".
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MagCat - Aww, shucks, thanks. A parody with Wanda and St John as the main couple? Keep watching this space, I'm planning a parody with just that..well, once I have a good few of my older parodies back up ;)
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ACT FIFTEEN: Attack and end
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In the castle, the objects are thinking about their fate
"I knew it!", moans Todd, "I knew it was foolish ta keep our hopes up!".
"Maybe it would have been better if she hadn't come at all", mutters Pietro.
Rahne suddenly bounds up
"Woof woof woof", she says.
"What's that Rahne?", asks Todd, "Timmy's stuck down the well?!".
"Grrrr woof woof wooooooof", growls Rahne
The objects rush to the window
"Could it be?", says Pietro
"Is it she?", adds Hank.
"Why are you guys speaking in rhyme?", asks Todd, "this 'aint a Doctor Seuss movie, ay know"
They see the mob charging at the castle.
"Sacre bleu, invaders!", gasps Pietro
"Encroachers!", snaps Todd
"And they've got the mirror!", points out Hank.
"Warn the master. If it's a fight they want, we'll be ready fer them", shouts Todd, "Who's with me?".
He turns to see the others have left him behind
"Well..fine!", he mutters.
Outside, Piotr starts to organise a battering ram
"Take whatever booty you can find, but remember the beast is mine!", he says as, inside, the objects gather together, begining to sing.
Hearts ablaze, banners high
We go marching into battle
Unafraid, although the danger just increased
Outside the mob sing also
Raise the flag, sing the song
Here we come we're fifty strong
And fifty Fr.....mutant's and Amanda can't be wrong
Let's kill the beast!
In Lance's lair, Hank hops in.
"Pardon me, master", he says, clearing his throat
"Leave me in peace", says Lance miserably.
"But sir, the castle is under attack!", protests Hank.
Outside, the mob begin to batter the castles door, which the objects have blocked with themselves, as the mob sing.
Kill the beast, kill the beast
"This isn't working!", mutters Pietro as the doors heave
"Oh, Pietro, we must do something", says Rogue, then rolls her eyes, "a'hm SO hatin' ,ma'h character".
"I have a few idea's", grins Pietro, waggling his eyebrows at her, "rowwwl".
"Not that!", snaps Rogue, smacking him on the head as the mob continue to sing.
Kill the beast, kill the beast
In Lance's lair, Hank is still trying to spur Lance into some form of action other than moping.
"What shall we do, master?", he asks.
"It doesn't matter now", sighs Lance, "just let them come".
"Damn teenagers", mutters Hank.
Kill the beast, kill the beast, sing the mob.
The mob breaks in, finding the hall filled with assorted objects. Pyro picks up Pietro without realising it
"Now!", shouts Pietro.
The objects spring to life, attacking the mob. Back at the cottage, Jamie has got Forge's machine working
"Yes!", he laughs, jumping on it, "Here we go! Jamie's gonna save the day. Dum de de duuum!".
Kitty phases her head out of the door, see's the advancing axe, screams and falls back in, landing on Forge
"Ouch", groans Forge from the floor.
The invention crashes through the door and crashes into the wall, Jamie hanging from a loose spring
"Aww man, that took me all of five minutes to build!", whines Forge
"You guys gotta try this thing", grins Jamie.
Back in the castle, the battle is raging on. Mystique throws herself off a balcony, landing on Alex. Ray runs at her, and she yanks him in, he falls out dressed in womens clothing)
"Well...that's embarssing", says Ray, blinking.
Pyro starts a fire and rages it by Pietro, melting him, Todd hits him with a big stick. Amanda starts to pluck out all of Rogue's feathers, Pietro runs up and burns her, making her drop Rogue into his arms. Rahne runs into the kitchen, followed by a small part of the mob. They get in and a load of knives appear and Freddy starts a big fire
"Mwahoahahahahahahhahaha!", laughs Freddy
"Run away!", screams Evan, doing so.
Eventually the intuders are seen off and Pietro kisses Todd on both cheek
"Gerroff!", says Todd, batting him off, "people'll start ta talk!"
Piotr finds Lance's lair and takes aim with an arrow. Lance just looks at him sadly.
"Do I have to shoot him", says Piotr, "he looks so sad and helpless".
"You're a VILLIAN!", snaps Kurt, "it's vhat you DO. Now shoot him, or I'll shoot YOU!"
Piotr winces.
"Sorry", he says, shooting Lance in the arm with his arrow.
"Geez, that hurt!", screams Lance.
Piotr tackles him and they both fly out of the window, landing on the roof. Storm has made a thunderstorm, complete with rain
"Make fun of MY hairstyles, HUH HUH?!!", she laughs manically.
Piotr stands over the sad and depressed form of Lance
"Get up, get up! What's the matter beast?", he sneers, "Too kind and gentle to fight back?...So very sorry"
Lance ignores him, Piotr picks up a piece of roof and is about to clonk Lance over the head with it when Kitty, Forge, Jamie and Jott show up.
"Good, this means I don't have to hit him", sighs Piotr.
"No!", cries Kitty
"Kitty?", asks Lance, amazed.
"Piotr, don't!", shouts Kitty.
"I don't want to, I really don't", sobs Piotr.
Piotr sadly goes to hit Lance again, only to have Lance grab the weapon, the ground starts to shakes and they fight. Lance hides among some gargoyles while Piotr stalks around.
"Come out and fight! Did you love her, beast?", he asks, "Do you honestly think she'd want someone like you, when she could have someone like me?".
The ground shakes again
"It's over, beast!", says Piotr, "Kitty is mine".
The ground shakes more and Piotr stumbles, being caught by the throat by Lance, who dangles him over the roof
"Mother", squeaks Piotr, "Put me down. Put me down. Please, don't hurt me, I'll do anything, anything!".
Anything for you!, sings Storm
"For the love of....", growls Kurt, banging his head against a prop wall.
Lance looks at Piotr before sighing, pulling him back onto the roof
"Get out", he growls.
He lets go of Piotr and looks up to see Kitty has made it to the balcony
"Lance!", she smiles
"Kitty!", he calls back.
"Cue romantic, being reuinited music", grins Kurt.
Lance climbs up the roof towards her
"Kitty, you came back", he whispers.
Suddenly, Lance roars in pain as Piotr stabs him with a dagger. As he reels back, he knocks Piotr off the roof, who falls to his death
"I still didn't mean it!", he sighs, "sorry"
Kitty pulls the injured Lance inside lying him down
"You came back", says Lance...again.
"Of course I came back. I couldn't let them...oh this is all my fault", Kitty sighs, "If only I'd gotten here sooner".
"Maybe it's better this way", says Lance, wincing.
"Don't talk like that. You'll be alright", says Kitty with a sniffle, "We're together now. Everything's going to be fine, you'll see".
"At least I got to see you..one..last..time", says Lance quietly.
"Waaaahhhhhhhhhhh!", cries Remy backstage
"Gambit, you're ruining ze moment", hisses Kurt.
Remy sniffles, running off to cry in a corner.
Kitty puts Lance's paw to her cheek, he keeps it there, before closing his eyes and letting it drop, going limp
"He dies?!!!", says Pietro, "what sort of an ending is THAT? It's like Titanic!"
"No no. Please please!", whispers Kitty, "Please..don't leave me!. I love you".
The objects watch sadly as the last rose petal falls. Suddenly, beams of light fall around the couple. Lance suddenly lifts into the air and gets wrapped up in his cloak, We see him shifting form, into...well...Lance. He finally lands back to the ground and sits up with a groan, looking at his hands. Kitty looks at him with a raised eyebrow
"Kitty, i'ts me!", he says, "not dead"
Kitty glances at his eyes before smiling
"It is you!", she says happily
They kiss and fireworks hit the castle, making all the darkness and demons turn to light and cherubs. The objects come out and become their normal selves, Jason stops waving his hands around
"Okay, I'm taking a long earned vacation in Hawaii, ta!", he says, walking off.
"Pietro, Todd, Beast, Look at us!", he grins, hugging them all.
Jamie comes in, riding on Rahne's back, then they change back. Rahne gasps, collapsing on the floor.
"Heavy", she winces as she changes into human form.
"It is a miracle!", shouts Pietro, "God bless us, everyone!!"
The couple spin around, and the scene changes to a ballroom, where they go about dancing and..stuff
"Ahh lamoure", sighs Pietro.
Rogue walks past him, dusting him with a feather duster before sauntering off. He wiggles his eyebrows and goes after her, being pushed back by Todd
"Well Pietro, old buddy, o'l pal", he says, "Shall we let bygones be bygones?".
"If you let me chase hot girls, yeah!", snaps Pietro, then adds smugly, "I told you she would break the spell".
"I beg ya pardon, 'ol friend, but I believe I told YOU", shouts Todd.
"No you didn't. I told you", snaps Pietro
"You most certainally did not!", hisses Todd, "you pompus, parafin-headed pea-brain!".
"En guarde, you overgrown pocket watch!", snaps Pietro
They starts to fight, rolling past Jamie, Hank and Forge
"Are they gonna live happily ever after, Momma?", Jamie asks."
"Pietro and Todd?", asks Hank, "...oh you mean Lance and Kitty..yeah..I guess"
He tries to straighten out his dress.
"Pink is your colour", smirks Forge
"Shut up, Forge", growls Hank.
"Watcha gonna do, Mrs Bigfoot?", chuckles Forge, "hit me with a rolling pin?"
"DIE!", roars Hank, chasing after Forge.
"Guys?..can I say my line?", asks Jamie.
Everyone ignores ihm, too busy fighting.
"Okay..fine", sighs Jamie, "Do I still have to sleep in the cuboard?".
Once again he is ignored
"This is the story of my life", says Jamie sadly, "I can become many, yet I am always alone".
A banner falls down over the scene as a chorus starts up.
Certain as the sun
Rising in the East
Tale as old as time, song as old as rhyme
La de da de da
Tale as old as time, song as old as rhyme
La de da de da
Kurt pops up
"It's over..thank God", he sighs, then blinks, listening in on his headphones, "Vhat do you mean, i still have a few minutes? Okay fine!".
He smiles at the audience
"How about an afterview?", he asks, "Lance and Kitty, argued right after this and ran off, ze vord 'hood' vas mentioned alot. Pietro and Todd tried to kill each other, until Rogue knocked them both out. Hank is having an idenity crisis and Jamie has gone to a support group. Piotr is okay...after ve got ze dents out of his metal. Ve pushed Forge into an early mid-life crisis and Vanda had to hex-bolt him to shut him up. Rahne, Sabertooth and Logan vent out drinking and didn't come back. If you find zem, call 0189-come-home-pets. Ve sold Jott to make glue. Pyro set fire to a few things, Bobby froze his tounge to a lampost..that vas about it. Okay..bye bye now...Bye bye..Go now.........are they gone? Ugh, thank God, never, ever again! Damn Todd Fan. Vhat do you mean it's still on? Oh...gah!".
END
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Ahh I couldn't resist keeping that end bit in. So there you go. Which parody should I do next? I have no idea, stick what you think in the reviews and I'll see which is most popular, as I have forgotten their order. Do review. Thanks for reading!