Duo POV

I had hoped that after Heero got better things would start looking up too. Stupid little optimistic me. It wasn't too bad for the first day after Heero had the drugs out of his system, he was exhausted from the physical and emotional stress. However, after that he just wanted to forget it ever happened, kept saying that he had never been in any real danger and that he was used to it.

I think Heero might have been just fine ignoring what happened, but, dammit, I wasn't. I had almost lost him. I don't care that he wasn't in any real danger, to me it felt like he was right on the verge of dying and there was nothing I could do about it. I wasn't ready to just pretend it hadn't happened, I wanted a couple days to just lie in bed and recover for him... and for me.

Heero had other plans. He was back to trying to clean the room twenty times a day. He was going around and doing odd jobs behind my back, I must have dragged him back to the room twenty times the second day he was better.

The day after that I took him to the waterfall just like I said I would. I didn't want Heero to feel rejected or disappointed and I had promised. It was just as beautiful as I remembered, but I didn't look at it a whole lot. I spent most of my time watching Heero, worrying that the cold air and the water combined with his sickness and lowered immune system would make him sick.

By the third day I think Heero was about ready to deck me. If there's anything I've learned about Heero it's that he hates to rest, it makes him feel useless, unneeded, and... unwanted. I didn't want him to feel like that, of course, but I was so worried about him physically I didn't think about the mental aspects enough. I knew I was worrying obsessively, but I didn't know how to stop. It all came down to one thing; I was scared. I wanted to get the hell out of the place that had caused Heero so much pain, but I couldn't because of my duty.

So I got my friends to babysit Heero while I was gone. Even when I was ignoring our link I could feel how much he resented that. I didn't want him to feel useless or pathetic, but I'd be damned if I was going to let him alone in that place again. I'd sooner take him out to the dragon's cave with me.

On a better note, the dragon was behaving herself wonderfully. She usually just laid in the cave except for when she went hunting, you could pet her or anything, just like a big dog. The eggs all had to be chipped apart, but it was going fairly fast. Dragon eggs aren't as big as you'd think, they're only about as big as a bowling ball. Some of the time we could just chip away a bunch of them save some time, but some of them were spread out. The real job wasn't chipping them apart, we didn't even have to do that unless there were more than thirty eggs in a group. The real job was chipping them off the rocks and other things in the cave.

I think I was a little slower than usual with the eggs. I was tired all the time. Heero's nightmares had come back with a vengeance and I spent most of the night dealing with them, we were both getting about three to four hours of real sleep, the rest was spent with him fighting nightmares and me trying to help him. It... did not help my worry to have to listen him whimper all night long.

It was the sixth day of Heero's recovery, two days after I started working with the eggs, that the former Lord J's body was found. There wasn't too much fuss, everyone in the castle had suspected I had killed the good doctor, even Zechs and Sally didn't make too much of a fuss when I told them I had killed the Lord, having told them what he did to Heero.

It was probably a week after that, I really don't remember since the days seemed to just flow into one another. I would leave every morning and go dig the eggs out of the cave and come home dead tired at the end of the day only to have to stay up most of the night and calm Heero's nightmares. I think perhaps that lack of sleep was the main thing that stopped my ability to track time. Whatever the day, we had finally finished digging out all the eggs and had them ready for transport. We'd be leaving for the capitol of Russia, Haven, in two days and meet the eggs when they arrived there. Some of Trieze's most trusted officers, below all of us, had come in with these huge, specially bred horses to haul the eggs back to Haven.

We'd finally get to go home! I'd be able to take Heero and show him all the things I'd wanted, be able to get our link deepened, which required a special process but could allow us to trade more feelings and even some thoughts. I'd be able to keep Heero safe.

And yet I wasn't as happy as I should have been. I worried about taking Heero away from the only place he'd ever known and into a place he knew nothing about. Oh, I planned to tell him a bit about Haven before we left, but his lack of questions about it surprised and worried me. He didn't care where we were going? He didn't want to know? Or was he again doubting my sincerity and thinking I might leave him behind?

All these questions and more fed on me as I came back form the cave that last day. It probably didn't help that I was dead tired, nearly falling asleep in the air. It was late and I hadn't eaten breakfast, having overslept due to Heero's nightmares. I knew I reeked, but I had to see Heero before anything else. So I went up and said hello to him, Quatre, and Mei, then went to get my shower. I could tell that Quatre had been mad at me for something, but I really didn't have the energy to ask what. I needed sleep desperately. I almost cried when I saw Heero had asked dinner be brought up to the room and started to chow down immediately.

The next thing I knew I was shushing Heero as he whimpered in the throes of another nightmare.

"What the hell?" I wondered sitting up. I belatedly realized I was in bed with Heero and I must have fallen asleep at the table. I was really glad I hadn't went down to the hall for dinner, that would have been mortifying.

Another whimper brought me back to Heero and I pulled him into my arms, soothing him until the nightmare was gone, sending him good feelings over our link without even realizing it. Sending feelings of safety.

Once Heero was fully out of the dream and sleeping normally, I got up. It was too early to really go to sleep, but too late to do something fun, so I decided to head down to the library to pick up a new book, which seemed to becoming a late-night hobby of everyone in Wing. When I got to the library, Quatre was already curled up in an armchair in front of the fire. He looked up before I could back out of the room.

"Hello Duo," he said in that 'I want to talk' tone. Man, I must have done something really bad to my chi to be this unlucky.

"What's up, Quat?" I asked, plopping down in one of the plush sofas.

"I'm a bit worried about you and Heero."

I am proud to say that I refrained from groaning.

"Oh?"

"Duo, you can't say that you haven't been acting odd lately. You've been watching Heero like a hawk and having us babysit him is not helping his confidence at all. Look at you, you're not sleeping, you look like crap, and you're fixated on Heero.. I know you're still worried from when Heero was sick, but I know that's not all."

"Quatre, thanks for pointing all this out, but I already know we're having some problems. I'll clear them up when we head back home, alright?" I asked, a bit annoyed. I knew we were having problems and I didn't need him pointing them out to me. I'd fix all of them, I just needed a bit of time.

"I'm sorry," Quatre said with a sigh, looking sincere, "I didn't mean to sound like I was lecturing you. It's just that I've been so worried about you and Heero lately, but I can't talk to him because I keep feeling strong bursts of emotion from him at night and it's messing with how I see him. I want to run up and hug him or deck you, but I know that neither would be a welcome gesture and I don't know enough about what's going on to really help. It's driving me crazy."

Quatre has a sort of... link with the world. His dad called it a Space Heart, whatever the heck that means. Anyway, he can feel strong bursts of emotion from anyone, he doesn't have to be linked to them. It's helpful in the negotiation, since he can feel when someone is really scared, but useless in normal relationships because he can't feel the weaker emotions. Also, he can't make his Space Heart links any stronger without using a regular linking spell. Belatedly, I realized that Quatre must have been picking up on Heero's emotions during him dreams. Although Quatre would have only been awakened at the peak of the nightmares, two or three time a night, it could not have been pleasant.

"I'm not here to judge you or yell at you, Duo, I'm here as a friend," Quatre continued, "I just thought... you could use someone to talk to, that's all."

"Thanks Quat, but I should really get back to Heero..." I said rising off the sofa.

"Duo, if Heero starts another nightmare I'll tell you, alright? Sit down and talk to me. We don't have to talk about Heero, I just thought it would help."

I blink owlishly at him.

"You knew they were nightmares?" He laughed at me, I mean, really laughed at me. I full-throated, throw your head back sort of laugh. I was a bit surprised.

"Duo, if I hadn't known it was a nightmare I would have rushed down to your room and broken down the door. People's feelings are just a bit different in their dreams, because their subconscious is feeding them the feelings. I could tell the difference, but I still wasn't happy about it."

I sat back down, figuring I might as well not fight it.

"I guess you already know why I haven't been getting a lot of sleep lately then."

"Mm-hmm."

"Heero usually wakes me with those nightmares of his four or five times a night, so I haven't been sleeping very well."

"Any idea what could be causing these nightmares?"

"Not a clue. I've tried just about everything I could think of to keep them at bay, I even had Sally make a sleeping potion and I snuck it in Heero's drink. It didn't help at all and I felt really bad about it. I don't know what to do."

"Have you tried using your link to help him?"

"How did you find out about that?"

"Oh please, even if Zechs hadn't started ranting about how reckless you are the minute I got here it still would have been easy to see."

"Oh. Yeah, then, I have been using the link to get Heero out of the nightmares, but there's nothing I can do to stop them."

"Have you thought about strengthening your link? It would bring the two of you closer and you might be able to help Heero with his nightmares."

"I've thought about it, but it would be a little hard."

"Why?"

"I haven't... um... I haven't really told Heero about the link yet. He doesn't know."

"You what!"

"Quatre, I know Zechs told you how I linked with Heero in the middle of the forest. Heero doesn't even know what the link is, let alone that it's there. And I just haven't enlightened him yet."

"You're scared."

"I am not."

"Yes you are, I can see it in your eyes. You're terrified Heero will learn about the link and push you away. That he'll feel betrayed because you didn't tell him and he'll be mad at you for linking without his permission."

"So? So what if I don't want to tell him, it's not like it'll hurt him not to know. And, I mean, what's wrong with the way things are right now!"

"Nothing, but Duo, you two could have so much more. If you can't trust Heero there's no use trying to get closer to him. You don't want to tell him about the link because you afraid he'll be mad enough to use it to hurt you. You don't trust him."

"I do trust Heero!"

"Prove it. Take your link with Heero to the next level."

"I will! Just... just as soon as we get out of here."

"Duo, did you know Zechs and Noin aren't coming back with us?"

"What? Why not?

"We sent a message ahead to Trieze, telling him what's been going on. There are no lords in line for this hold, so Trieze put Zechs in charge."

"Oh. So what does this have to do with Heero and me?"

"Zechs is the only one good enough with his psychic powers to put Heero into the medative state needed to raise your link. You've practiced hypnotizing others and yourself all your life, but it would take months for Heero to learn those skills, if he ever could. You need to raise your bond with Heero before we leave."

I sat and digested that for a minute. The last thing I wanted to do was have Heero put into that kind of trance here, where I didn't think he was safe, but Quatre was right. If I didn't raise the level of our bond now, we might never get another chance. I had to tell Heero the truth and hope he still trusted me. It was the only way to get his nightmares stopped.

"Duo," Quatre called softly from across the room, "Nightmare."

I sighed, then bolted out the door and down the hall to my room, threw open the door, and dashed across the room and to the bed, where Heero was just beginning the first stages of a nightmare.

I sighed with relief, I had thought Heero had been in the hold of a nightmare, not in the beginning. Slowly, as not to wake or startle him, I climbed into bed and curled up beside him. Gently, I pulled him into my arms. He immediately turned around and buried his head in my chest, holding my shirt in his fist. I opened our link and started to soothe his troubled mind, hoping I could ease him out of the nightmare. Carefully, trying not to trigger a nightmare about Dekim and Barton, I slipped my hand under his shirt and rubbed his back. Heero calmed even more and I could tell that I would be able to pull him out of the dream.

Heero has always reacted better to skin-to-skin touch than anything else with me, I'm not sure if it's because he hasn't been touched or held a whole lot in his life, or he just likes the warmth of my skin. Heck, I'm not even sure it's me, he may just be a person that reacts very well to physical touch but is too shy to initiate it. Whatever the matter, I learned early on that Heero pulled away from his dreams easier if I touched him. At first it was just holding hands, but as the dreams got worse I started cuddling him more, tangling our legs together, rubbing his back, pressing our foreheads together, just normal touches.

Of course, it was a constant battle to keep those touches from crossing the line from friendly into more-than-friendly. It didn't help that Heero had no restraint when asleep and he would constantly wiggle until he was laying on top of me or in other provocative positions. Also, he seemed to like to touch back. I didn't mind at all when he grabbed my shirt or wrapped his arms around my neck, but when his sleeping hands went other places... then we had problems. There were a couple times I nearly ravaged the sleeping boy, only knowing how much he trusted me and the fact that he had no idea how much he was torturing me kept me form trying anything.

I didn't want to hurt him or spoil what we had, even if it was only friendship, so I kept quiet about my growing attraction to the blue eyed boy. Unfortunately for me, the only person who couldn't see my attraction was Heero, everyone else was trying to give me tips on my romantic life. I gave them a few tips on where to shove it.

I decided that night that I had to tell Heero about our link, and firmly resolved to talk to him in the morning. There was no way in hell I'd wake him up from the comfortable sleep I had just struggled to put him in, but I knew I had to tell him before I lost my nerve and, possibly, lost him forever.