AN: Thank you to all my reviewers, Ember 17, Versus-E, yasha21

Disclaimer: Just a reminder I don't own anything that has to do with Inuyasha or any series by Rumiko Takahashi or anything else that belongs to anyone else.

Song Of My Soul

Part 8

Kagome stood there staring at the door, her hand raised ready to knock. Her mind spun with the words she wanted to say but her heart just wanted to go in there and comfort him. All her life she had known him better then anyone. She knew how gullible he could be, especially when it came to Kikyo. It wasn't long after she had left for school in Europe that he began to idolize Kikyo's existence. Suddenly it dawned on her how crushed he really was when her cousin had dumped him so quickly for another man with more money. She couldn't even fathom what it must have felt like to be left like that. He had been in so much pain but he didn't really talk that much about it. Instead he put on a brave face and would joke it off most the time.

She could remember asking him when they started dating if he was still in love with Kikyo. His reply had been that Kikyo would always hold a place in his heart but he could never love Kikyo the way he loved her. A smile spread across her face. Even in the early months of their relationship he had expressed how differently he felt. Her love was something he held onto when he was depressed and he often told her she was the 'light of his dark soul'. A tear ran down her face. Then why did he do this? Was it her or had he been regressing back to his love for Kikyo during that time without even realizing it. After seeing him in that room with her, she wasn't sure if she could believe him or not. She lowered her hand and turned to walk away from the room. The door opened and Inuyasha looked out at her with a tear streaked face.

"Did you need something Kagome?" He used the palms to rub the tears from his face then leaned against the door frame looking at her with tired red eyes. Guilt filled her heart knowing she was the one that had caused the usually strong natured hanyou to break. She began to wonder just how much of him was broken. It had started when his mother died. Then Kikyo had added to it with her little acts of infidelity during their collage days. Now it was on her shoulders and she found she didn't like the feeling of being the one to blame for his poor condition. Yet here he stood in front of her, broken to the extent his emotions were on his sleeve. "Kagome?" He asked with concern. She blinked realizing she must have looked silly standing there like that. A blush crept across her face causing him to smile a little. "It's been years since I saw you blush." His hand reached forward and brushed his fingers softly across her cheeks.

Instinctively she leaned into his touch and grasped his hand with hers, holding it to her face so that his large palm covered her cheek. She nuzzled his hand with her nose then kissed it Her body felt tense with every nerve ending on fire. "I couldn't sleep knowing you are so close and yet so far." Her eyes closed relishing his hand on her cheek. "I just want to hold you...ok?" She looked up at him with pleading eyes. The turmoil that ran through his golden orbs was almost terrifying to her. If he said he didn't want her to touch him, she would break again. "I don't want to argue or talk, I...just...need to know...that your ok." She confessed slowly. The unshed tears of her fears held back only by sheer will power. One word would break that damn and all her resolve would be tossed aside.

"I haven't been 'ok' for two damn years. How 'ok' do you think I am now?" His voice was harsh and filled with sarcasm as he emphasized 'ok' each time he said it causing her to cringe. A tear slipped down her cheek before she could block it. She quickly wiped it away, lowered her head to hide her eyes with her bangs and dropped his hand. Silently she turned back toward his room fighting the urge to run in and fling herself on the bed to cry it out.

"I understand." She whispered with a shaky voice as she shuffled down the hall miserably holding her arms with her hands hugging herself in a mute effort to calm her raging nerves. Her heart hurt so bad she thought it was going to thump out of her chest. He had totally and completely refused contact with her. What had she thought would happen? Unshed tears lined her eyes and she fought hard to keep from blinking knowing the second she did they would spill over and down her cheek. In all the years they had known each other, nothing had come between them like this. It felt like a part of her very being was slipping away to a place she could never reach. And to be honest she didn't want to retrieve it. At least the hurt would end and there would be no chance of it happening again.

Strong arms snaked around her waist pulling her back against a firm chest. The damn broke and tears poured down her face. She placed her hands on his arms to pull them off but not really trying as hard as she felt she should. "No Inuyasha, really I understand." She pushed lightly to get him to let go. Just his touch sent electric shocks through her body. Her knees felt like they would give out any time. When his warm breath hit the bare skin of her neck she lost control of her resolve. A whimper escaped her lips she regretted having made. She didn't want his pity and she didn't want him to do this because she was crying. She wanted to hold him for the same comfort she had felt when she held her pillow on a dark stormy night when no one else was home. The comfort you feel when you are safe from all harm. "It's alright, I just...I didn't mean to make you feel like you had to do this." She sobbed again berating herself for lack of control of her voice. He growled lightly from behind her.

"You said you didn't want to talk." His voice was hoarse from the control he was using to keep from sobbing himself. 'Why can't she understand?' He thought with a numb mind. For two years he had gone over and over what he would say if he ever got the chance. Here it was and nothing had gone right. He had to be strong. It was his job as her mate to comfort her when she needed it, not fall apart like a whipped pup. Quickly he scooped her up bridal style and carried her to his room. She didn't put up much of a fight. The puny effort she made would have been comical to him if the situation had been different. He gently laid her down on the bed then crawled up next to her. The whole time her puffy red eyes never left him.

He reached over and grabbed the comforter to keep them warm then he carefully snuggled next to her body keeping most his body on the bed as he laid his head on her stomach. Just like old times she began to play with his ears. Stoking them with her nimble fingers. She was always so gentle he couldn't help but relax under her caring caresses. Frustrated, he shifted his head so he could look into her face. Her eyes were closed but her full lips were in a frown. The breaths she took were still shaky and filled with small hiccups from her crying. A hesitant clawed finger caressed her cheek soothingly. He only wished he could force all the love he felt for her though that caressing finger to show her how he felt.

To have her doubt him had hurt worse then anything he ever experienced. He was her mate and she still didn't understand what that meant. He was at a lose for the right words to explain the meaning behind mating compared to a human wedding. A kiss on his finger broke his thoughts and he looked at her pale face again. Her eyes were shut and her breathing was more even now. The tips of her unmoving fingers rested on his scalp just below his ears. A shuttering intake of air made him concerned for a moment but she soon settled down.

Slowly he inched off the bed to make his way back to Sess' old room. Something in the back of his mind told him he shouldn't be here with her right now. The dreams might come back and he would scare the day lights out of her if he woke up screaming like he had in the past. With gentle care he removed her fingers from his hair and finished crawling off the side of the bed. Before he could reach the door a whimper caught his attention. He turned around to look at his sleeping angel thinking she had woken up. To his dismay she was staring at him with hurt in her eyes. He never wanted to hurt her again but that seemed to be all he managed to do tonight.

"Is my touch that revolting?" She asked with a sob as a tear escaped her eye. Her slender fingers brushed at it but only managed to smear it as more tears joined the first. His eyes widened in shock. She thought he was revolted by her. He quickly walked back to the bed kneeling next to it so he was eye level with her.

"No, don't be stupid. You have never been nor ever will be revolting to me. I love your touch. It's just that so many things have happened I don't sleep well and I didn't want to wake you up." He wiped the tears away with the pad of his thumb. Even that sounded lame to his ears. How was she going to believe it when she didn't even believe the truth he had told her so far. He really was a baka. Her fingers caressed the side of his cheek gently.

"I don't mind. Just please stay here with me tonight. I don't want to be alone." Her eyes pleaded with him. He clutched her hand with his and kissed it, closing his eyes. This could be a mistake but he never could deny her anything like this. Her heart was so fragile. That was one of the things that made him want to protect her from the first time they met. Her gentle sweetness, how kind hearted and understanding she was. She never cared he was a half-breed or how rude he could get. He smiled at her and crawled back under the comforter. He wrapped his arms around her so she could rest her head on his shoulder as she snuggled up next to him.

Absentmindedly he ran his fingers through her long black hair to sooth her tense nerves. She sighed a bit more happy hugging him tightly. He smiled a bit then frowned. "You better get some sleep. It's late." He said and hugged her back.

"I'm not that tired right now." She yawned and he chuckled.

"Yeah right." He teased. She made a 'hmf' noise and smacked his chest. Silence fell between them for a short time. He had things he wanted to say but they still seemed out of place at this moment.

"Why can't you sleep?" She asked all of a sudden. A small part of her hoped he would say it was because she wasn't there with him but knew that was only wishful thinking.

"Nerves I guess." He admitted sheepishly. She raised up and looked him in the eyes. Her eye brows furrowed as she studied his face. Finally she rested her chin on her hands on his chest so she could look at him.

"You have never been a nervous person." She stated flatly. Then she got a thoughtful look on her face. "Except when it came to Kik.." Her eyes widened the narrowed as another thought came to mind. He was surprised how fast the emotions flashed across her face. "You never did tell me where Kikyo is." She glared at him sternly. He sighed and pushed himself up farther on the bed. His thoughts were not exactly focused enough to start this conversation but from the look in her eyes she wasn't going to let it go anytime soon. He thought about maybe starting another argument but she had been through so much already tonight he didn't think she would ever speak to him again.

"I don't exactly know where Kikyo is. No one does." He looked away feeling like a huge weight was being lifted off his shoulders. Her eyes widened and her mouth fell open.

"No one? How can that be? Did she run away or something?" Kagome sat up on the bed next to him with her legs tucked under her. "So what happened?" Her face filled with concern for her cousin.

"Well I told you all about what happened shortly after you left." She nodded so he went on. "I stayed away from her as much as I could. The only contact I made was to make sure her expenses were paid and she had food. She started to stock me." Kagome raised an eyebrow at him.

"Stalk you?" She asked skeptically. "Like in follow you around and harass you type of stalking?" She crossed her arms finding this hard to believe. He nodded but could tell she really didn't believe him.

"You can ask my family or yours. They witnessed her doing it. Sango and Miroku were with me several times when she would be sneaking around watching me. It really got on my nerves. Then one day I was having lunch with a client and she attacked me in public." Kagome's concern suddenly shifted and she felt guilty for doubting his word again.

"Oh heavens, she didn't hurt you did she?" She reached out and placed her hand on his bare chest.

"Sort of, she stabbed me in a couple of places before I could get a hold of her." He pointed to his left shoulder and then his stomach. Kagome gasped with worry. It made him feel a bit better that she realized he had been through a lot since she left. "Don't get upset. I'm half youkai. It would take more then a little stab wound to put me down for very long. He smiled at her comfortingly and she settled back on her legs with sorrow in her eyes.

"I'm sorry for not listening before. But why would she do something like that. I mean, Kikyo was strange sometimes and even obsessive but I never thought she would do something like that." Kagome looked off to the side thinking. She felt terrible about it all. The shock was unnerving to think her own cousin was capable of such a thing.

"They arrested her of course but her lawyer proved she was mentally unstable." He continued not waiting for her to get over her shock.

"Well actually that would explain her actions to a point." Kagome admitted.

"To a point yes but while she was in the institute she would go into raging fits everytime I visited. She even hurt one of the nurses really bad. They decided to do some tests on her and found out she had a high cancer count. They did more tests and found she had a tumor that was pressing against the part of her brain that controls the emotions and rational thought. The surgeon her parents brought in from Europe took one look and said if he tried to remove it she would die. The worse part was he said he couldn't even tell them how long she had before it kill her anyway." Kagome gasped again, covering her mouth with her hand as the shock of this new information began to sink in. She started to say something but Inuyasha held up his hand to stop her.

"I'm not done yet. One night about 9 months ago she got away after the electric went out at the institute during a terrible storm. The cops chased her to the Shiro Inazuma River. (Fictitious river by the way) From what the report said she was screaming that they would never stop her and she would rather die then go back. She flung herself into the raging river and disappeared. They never found her body." He stopped when Kagome flung herself into his chest crying.

"Oh god why didn't anyone tell me when I called to speak to my family? Why didn't Naraku tell me?"She sobbed. He hugged her close.

"You didn't really give your mom a chance to talk much. She told me every time she tried to talk to you about Kikyo or me you would hang up on her. You will have a lot of explaining to do when she sees you." He hugged her again for comfort. "As far as Naraku, I couldn't tell you. I don't even know if he knew or not but I really don't believe he didn't keep tabs on her some. I mean I still think he cared regardless of how easily he seemed to discard her. The guy was head over heals for her when they got married. Even though he never mated with her he still seemed to care." Kagome pushed up off him with a confused look on her face.

"Never mated with her? But that is a youkai term, they married like humans do..." Inuyasha shook his head.

"You didn't know he was youkai did you?" She shook her head frowning and looked down slightly embarrassed. Normally she could tell youkai right off the bat but Naraku had managed to fool her for several years. "Don't feel bad. He can hide it pretty well. I doubt many know."

"How do you know?" She looked at him skeptically. He tapped his nose and smiled when she rolled her eyes. "Of course you can smell them, geesh. Now I feel really stupid." She proclaimed.

"Nah, your far from stupid. Maybe a little too trusting at times but never stupid." She smiled a little and smacked his chest playfully. "I just never said anything. I figured it was his business to let others know. Anyway since he never marked her, he didn't really show that he was putting complete claim on her under youkai standards. It makes me believe that he didn't really love her that much." He combed a loose hair from her face and put it behind her ear.

"Well that explains what happened to Kikyo but why can't you sleep?" She twisted her fingers in her lap while she watched him shift his weight uncomfortably. He turned his head to avoid looking in her face. His frown was enough to tell her he didn't want to talk about it. Unfortunately she still felt it had merit on the current problems. She set her hand on his arm tenderly. "I know you don't want to talk about this but it is important to me to know why." He looked at her from the corner of his eye and was instantly defeated by her pleading look. He sighed with his ears low on his head.

"Nightmares." He said just above a whisper. Kagome sat back looking at him strangely. He looked away again ashamed for being a coward. She patted his arm to get his attention. When he looked at her she gave him that warm smile he loved so much.

"It's ok to be afraid of something you can't control. Nightmares are only a suppressed emotion that you are trying to shove away instead of facing." He raised an eyebrow at her. "What are the dreams like?" He lowered his eyes to his hands.

"They are about Kikyo. She is trying to kill me for betraying her." He looked at her with a sad expression. "Each time, I see her face the way it was when she stabbed me. God, Kagome, she didn't even look like herself. She wasn't the beautiful woman who we all knew. She became this horrid pale monster. She looked like death had swallowed her soul and left the empty shell. Her cold dull lifeless eyes still haunt me sometimes when I close my eyes." He looked away with a sudden shudder just thinking about it. Kagome scooted closer and wrapped her arms around his head holding him close to her chest.

"It will be ok." She cooed to him. Apprehensively he wrapped his arms around her to absorb her strength. Kagome had always been his strength to handling things in life. "I'll be here for as long as you want me." She hugged him tighter and stoked his hair lovingly. He sighed happy and more relaxed then he had felt in many months.

A pair of dark eyes stood in the pouring rain on the balcony peering in the window watching. Anger filled the usually cold emotionless orbs with a burning hatred as they glared at the couple setting on the bed hugging. She just had to come back and ruin everything. He was so close to having a mental break down then her revenge would be complete. He would know the torture she had endured in that place when they locked him up all because he would not honor his promise to take care of her. She had worked too hard manipulating his mind with nightmares for her little cousin to waltz back into the picture and screw up her plans. Nothing would stand in her way again. Not even family. After the fall of the mighty inu hanyou there was only one person left. He would be a lot harder to access but she had her ways. He would fall too sooner or later. Yes she would have her revenge on everyone who crossed her.

AN: Ok now you know what happened. Sorry to Kikyo lovers but it really isn't her fault. She is under the influence of a mental state. Ummm...yeah anyway. Well sort of hehehe. I hope you all liked it. Let me know by reviewing.