This began when I still thought spoiler alert Sasuke was going to come back with Naruto. I'm so naive sometimes... But yes. Then he didn't and this sort of became AU and I lost interest, but then I got into Frou Frou and Close Up was just so damn perfect for it that I had to finish and make it even more weird. The result? I'll leave that up to you.
Oh, and is it just me, or are all sasunaru fics exactly the same? I hope this is at least a fresh take on them. This sort of Sasuke is something I've been toying with for a while.
And for any of you that are waiting on Quiet Proposal, it's coming, really. The next, and probably last, chapter is half done, and just needs an adequate ending.
The dark eats him alive.
No, he isn't still in that barrel, dying again. He's in the small apartment the Third granted him a lifetime ago and the walls are closing in.
It's stifling, being back in Konoha.
It hurts, the way they look at him. It hurts even more because he knows exactly why. Not only is he the weakest of the Uchiha, not only does he bring his family to shame with every repeated failure, but he is a traitor.
A traitor, just like his brother.
Is it a feeling of something about to happen?
No. Not like Itachi. Itachi had the strength of conviction to commit murder and leave – Sasuke is defeated once again and that stings, defeat stings, even when it's only at something like that, and Sasuke just...
Sasuke is different. He is half one thing and half its opposite. He wants to smile the way Naruto does but at the same time he wants to be numb.
He is numb. Apathy sedates his muscles more effectively than any drug. He is numb but not numb enough; he hates, but he did not hate enough to leave; he loves, but he did not love enough to stay. He is shattered into a million warring pieces and they all hurt and cut one another.
Make me cry.
He wants to cry. Cry at his sorry situation, and be held by one he loves until the world disappears.
And, possibly, he wants to be loved too.
Like snapping out of something I didn't realise I was in...
Naruto carried him back here.
Both of them soaked to the bone, Naruto held him like he was something important, careful of his broken limbs, immediately forgiving him. Naruto won, Sasuke knows this. He hates it, but he can't hate Naruto for it. He was beaten, he was the weak one; he hates himself for his loss. But he can't forget what it felt like to be treasured in the arms of another, how Naruto's breath felt on his skin, how their slick bodies felt against each other...
Only Naruto can do that – beat someone to within an inch of life and somehow, mysteriously, make them love him. He did it to Sasuke, just one week ago, and now Sasuke is so far gone he isn't sure what he feels any more.
And, he did it to that damn Hyuuga in the Chuunin exam.
Naruto visits the Hyuuga every day in the hospital. To Sasuke, it just shows how piss weak Hyuuga Neji is. Sasuke got out days ago.
Neji is a nothing. Just a whiny member of the useless side of a useless clan, the inheritor of a useless bloodline. Unlike Sasuke. He has always known the Sharingan is more highly evolved than the Byakugan. Everyone knows that. Sasuke is certain he could take that Hyuuga weasel for a ride any day of the week. The Uchiha have been proving their worth over the Hyuuga for generations.
Was I sleeping?
A noise – Sasuke fumbles for a kunai, just in case.
"Sasuke?"
Naruto. His familiarity is refreshing. Sasuke allows his breath past his thin lips.
Here.
Sasuke calls back to him. His voice is tired, and sounds strange and foreign even to his own ears. He suddenly realises just how long he's been sitting in this chair, just how long it has been since he last ate, last showered, last moved...
"Bloody hell Sasuke, you could at least open the curtains or something!"
Sasuke silently agrees. The air is stagnant in here, and it smells of dirty bodies and stale ramen. But he only shrugs, and squints when Naruto throws open the curtains. Light that before only skulked around the edges came flooding into the room, casting strange patterns across the floor.
What? How can you be so sure?That you've never been here before...
Sasuke looks at Naruto in the sunlight, and the tiniest smile stretches his dry lips.
It would be nice to pretend at this point that Sasuke's thoughts are purely romantic. To think he smiles because he thinks the sunlight suits Naruto, and makes him shine in a way no one else could... To think Sasuke's only desires would be to hold the golden boy close, and enjoy their simple proximity.
It would be much simpler to pretend this way. And not entirely false; Sasuke does enjoy the way Naruto's spirit dances in the light beside that window, but...
With Sasuke, there is always a but.
He loves the blond's light-up-the-room personality; his outrageous dream of becoming Hokage used to be so amusing. Sasuke would look at Naruto and see a fool, too lacking in skill and talent to achieve his ambitions; but Sasuke liked that. He liked to see someone (especially a male) that he was so obviously superior to.
But now...
Sasuke just wants Naruto to be weak. He wants to be the one to fight, to protect; he wants to be needed.
He wants Naruto to be the one that he fights for, the one that he protects, the one that needs him in this uncertain world.
He loves him, and hates him. He wants to cherish his innocence and drag him into the darkness, beat him until he admits his own weakness and then pull him from the rubble and stroke his hair. He is jealous and proud and angry with Naruto and himself.
I don't understand... It can't be that easy"I was gonna stop at Ichiraku but I couldn't afford it – but you don't mind instant, do ya Sasuke?"
He wants to slap Naruto so he stops his inane yapping and accept the ramen with a gentle smile.
Whatever, dobe. If it'll get you off my back.
At this Naruto just mumbles something, but Sasuke doesn't care what. Just so long as Naruto is here, with Sasuke, in this room. Just so long as he isn't with the Hyuuga. Just so long as it is Sasuke that fills Naruto's thoughts.
I love you I hate youI love you I hate you
Can't keep my hands off youWhen Sasuke moves to get up and help in the kitchen, the muscles in his legs roar with protest. Hmm. Longer than he thought, then. He forgets it when Naruto smiles at him though.
"Neji's looking better."
Sasuke twitches visibly.
I love you I hate you
I love you I hate you
"Yeah, we even spoke a little. They were really worried, y'know, cos he lost so much chakra."
They spoke? The Hyuuga weasel spoke to his Naruto?
"He said Shizune-neechan fixed him up – amazing, huh? You should have seen the holes in him when – "
HYUUGA.
Hate boils though Sasuke's body. He is hungry, so hungry, and he needs to feel something, he needs to hurt something and Naruto is there, taunting him with the name he hates – what else could he do? He strikes out and Naruto crashes into the table, winded; Sasuke is on him in the next moment, his black eyes wild with something ineffable.
Get back!
Get away from them
It's all wrong
"Sasuke."
Naruto is surprisingly unafraid, so Sasuke hits him again.
You little bitch. Did you just come here to taunt me? I don't want to hear about that goddamn weakling! You're with me, you're MINE, Naruto!
"Sasuke..."
Naruto just closes his eyes when Sasuke kisses him. He makes no move to avoid this unwanted attention, but he doesn't endorse it either. He is calm, tolerant; this wasn't entirely unexpected.
Keep calm for a moment
Look in my eyes
Oblivious, Sasuke just crushed their bodies together. The heat of his lust is enough to warm even Naruto's cold, limp body and –
Naruto?
Sasuke can only see coal black reflected in Naruto's glassy eyes.
He frowns.
Get back!Get away
Cause this could get ugly
His clothes are sticking to his skin unpleasantly. He lets go of Naruto for a moment, and pulls the shirt over his head. He barely notices when Naruto folds up like a concertina, lying crumpled on the floor like bad origami.
Hmm. That's funny...
If you think that I'll let you go
You're out of your mind"Sa... suke..."
Naruto's voice sounds different, less confident. And more wet, like he's drowning. But that's absurd. How could he be drowning?
Naruto? You're leaking...
The water rises.
Sasuke starts to hurt, somewhere deep and hidden and almost forgotten, and it aches, worse than the sting of defeat, worse than the throbbing of broken bones, just dull and deep and constant.
Oh my God"Sasuke. Open your eyes."
I'm not supposed to say thisSasuke does, and the light prickles at them. He looks about himself; he's back in his chair, and the sunset has filled the whole room with gold.
He thinks the carpet looks like tiger skin. Burning bright...
I know that you're trouble, but...
Is that your real name and why are you doing this?
"Are you okay? You were way gone there. Look at me, Sasuke."
And how did I get here?Naruto's eyes aren't quite so glassy this time. This time they're deep, like falling into the sky.
Your eyes are pretty.
"Take this."
Warm pressure on his lips again. He opens his mouth, and something cold slides down his throat. It is unpleasant, but Sasuke would forgive anything. His lust rises again and he tries to reach out to his broken angel but –
His wrists burn with the pressure.
Okay
No more questions
No worries"Sorry."
The air that Naruto occupied before suddenly chills. Sasuke pulls against his restraints again, the friction leaving his pale skin warm and raw.
"I'm so sorry, Sasuke..."
Naruto? Come back over here. See? Sasuke loves you. I wouldn't hurt you, ever, Naruto... I love you –
It's destination unknown
So dive in, the water's great...
Sasuke tastes Naruto's name, over and over, loving the sound of it, every possible inflection, pronunciation, articulation... It is a delicacy for him, for him to say it and have Naruto hear and know that Sasuke loves him more than any other. It makes Sasuke smile and relax in his chair, his eyes half closed as the tranquilliser is accepted into his blood.
Naruto. Naruto? Come...
Back...
Listen, I'm starting to speak like you...
Naruto leaves Sasuke in his chair like that, with that silly little drug-induced smile so uncharacteristic and wrong marring his face...
Naruto pulls his gaze away and pulls the heavy iron door shut after himself, the heavy clunk of a heavy lock echoing through the dark hall. He leaves Sasuke alone and unconscious in the fragmented light.
If you think that I'll let you goYou're out of your mind...
Er... Well. Drop a review if you can actually decipher this. I'd like to know if it's actually half understandable...
Danke.