Trowa POV
When I awoke, Quatre was still in the room, quietly reading a book in the corner. The bowl of oatmeal was gone, but there was a pitcher of orange juice setting on the small table. Quatre was sitting in the chair next to it, reading a book and eating an apple in a casual manner.
Someone had cleaned the glass from the carpet and, oddly, there was no doubt in my mind that it had been Quatre. I also realized that it was probably me who broke the candle last night, but Quatre hadn't said anything so I didn't ask.
I felt strangely content, sitting there in that bed, with Quatre close by, like everything in the world in that instant was perfect. I savored the moment, but it was as fleeting as I had expected it to be and ended when Quatre turned his head to look at me. He smiled, the way he had every time I had awakened, and closed the book, putting aside the apple.
"How are you feeling?" he asked.
"Fine," I muttered quietly.
"Do you think you're up to a shower? I'd like to get you cooled down a bit more and wash off those burns so they don't get infected."
I pushed the blanket off, again amazed at how weak I was, and began to sit up. Quatre instantly jumped up from his chair, giving me a remanding little frown, and helped me to the bathroom.
The bathroom was small, meant for only one person, but there was just enough room for the two of us to move around. The room was bright, lit by the same glowing spheres as the rest of the ship. I had seen the spheres before once or twice in the captain's room on the merc ship, but only briefly because he preferred to take me in the dark. To me, the lights were magical, though I didn't doubt that I was simply naive.
There was a small sink to my back with a cabinet over top of it. Beside the sink was a small, low-flow toilet. I had heard of the toilets, but never seen one. Water was as expensive as gold in the desert, it seemed somewhat sacrilegious to see it wasted so. I had never seen a shower before, also, though the small, glass enclosed box with a nozzle protruding from the top was disappointing compared to the stories I'd heard of a rain machine.
I was clad only in loose-fitting shorts already, so it took only a second for Quatre to pull them down and remove them from me, though it made me quite a bit more anxious to lose the small piece of material. My anxiety turned to an all out fear when Quatre began removing his own clothes as I sat on the lid of the toilet where he had set me. It was with a bit of relief that I noted Quatre had left his underwear on.
I also noted, to my surprise, how smooth Quatre's skin was and how well it moved over his muscles. Muscles that were lean and stringing, but there none the less. I had no doubt that, in my current weakened state, Quatre could easily overpower me. Oddly enough, this thought didn't cause me to shut down, to retreat into a part of myself that could allow the things I was powerless to stop from happening. It was as though some part of me didn't believe that Quatre would hurt me. The thought was ludicrous.
Quatre opened the door to the shower and stepped in. I leaned forward a bit so I could see him turn the knobs on the wall. A sudden jet of water flew from the nozzle, splitting into droplets like rain. I watched in awe as Quatre raised his hand and tested the water, then adjusted the knobs again before closing the door and turning to me.
Gently, he pulled me from the chair and, supporting me under the arm, led me to the shower and pushed me inside. The spray of water that hit my skin felt icy and soothing at the same time. I shivered and reflexively tried to back out of the icy water, but Quatre, who was entering behind me, pushed me forward again and shut the door.
"I should have warned you the water would feel cold," he told me as he began turning me under the spray of water, trying to wet all of my burnt skin, "The water is actually just a bit cool, but your sunburn must be making it feel icy."
Quatre took a rag and soap and, as gently as he could, began to wash my skin. The water dulled the pain up bit, but it still stung like nothing I had ever felt before. I was still shivering and half afraid my legs would collapse. I could already feel my short reserves of energy draining away. As a distraction, I listened to Quatre as he began talking. The tone and sound of his voice was soothing and I found myself listening intently.
"The maganacs have a huge water tank in the ship, so we never have a problem with water. Also, they have a system that purifies it so none of it goes to waste. They do get fresh water every time they go to Russia, though. King Treize is kind enough to let them refill every time they stop. Treize is a really nice person, though he's seen as a bit of a tyrant because of how he took over Russia as it fell into disarray. But he really has done great things for that country and the people love him. You'll see him when we get to Russia and drop off the cargo. Though my family is here I live in Russia now and help in negotiations with other countries and I make sure the will of the people is heard without the corruption of the people put in power."
He continued to talk as he rinsed my skin and even as he washed my hair, since I was already too weak to do it. By the time I had finished the shower, my anxiety toward being naked in front of Quatre had faded as my fatigue had grown. Quatre had to practically carry me back to the bedroom after he had dried me off. I felt like a doll, being handled that way. Not to say I wasn't used to being pushed around and forced to go places, but no one had ever done it so gently.
I was so tired that all I could do was lie there, limp and lifeless, in the bed and try to stay awake. I was still naked and a bit damp, sprawled out on my back. I didn't even have the energy to look up at what I could hear Quatre doing across the room. Somehow, I didn't feel the need to look.
Quatre returned to the bed in a moment, sitting next to me on the side of the bed. The small jar was in his hands, the top off to reveal a smooth, white paste inside. There was a strong smell of herbs as Quatre took a generous dollop and spread it across my chest. The paste felt so good on my skin with its soothing and numbing effect. Slowly, Quatre worked the paste into my skin, gently rubbing it in small circles, careful not to press too hard.
Quatre worked the stuff into the burns on every part of my body, including my face and scalp. It was rather embarrassing, the ways I had to twist and turn for him to get at some of my burns without causing the others to start hurting again. By the time we finished I was sure that the red of my face was not from a sunburn, and was surprised to find a matching blush on Quatre's face.
The thought that a whore like me could blush at something so innocent when I had been through things far more dirty won a small laugh from me. This seemed to surprise Quatre, who looked at me with astonishment before breaking into a fit of giggles. This caused me to laugh harder and soon we were both laughing hysterically. It had been a long, long time since I had laughed and it felt so good.
It was a while after the laughter had subsided that the two of us continued to sit there in a companionable silence. I could see that Quatre was thinking about something, but couldn't bring myself to ask what. I hadn't needed to worry, though, because Quatre brought up the subject on his own.
"Trowa," he began slowly, hesitantly even, "I was wondering... if you had any place you would want to go. I mean, do you have a family?"
I shook my head, my heart coming to my throat. Quatre must have seen me still or something, because he looked at me deeply then sighed.
"Never mind. We'll talk about it when you're better," he told me, standing and walking toward the door, "Get some sleep."
And then he was gone and I was alone for the first time on the strange ship. Being alone had never affected me like it did just then and I felt that I could curl in a ball and cry.
No, I had no family of any kind. The only people I had ever known were the mercs and I would never call them a family in any way. Half the time they didn't know I was there, the other half they were using or abusing me for their own pleasure. I had constantly been on edge, waiting for someone to grab me and take me to a dark room where they would use me until I bled then leave me to fend for myself or die. Only the real Trowa had ever been kind to me. I would have been proud to call him family, but he was dead.
The only time I had ever really known true feelings of safety was when I was with Quatre on the maganacs' ship. In the short period of time I had been here I had done things that I had never even thought of doing with the mercs. I had let my guard down, I had trusted Quatre, I had grown attached to him, and I had hoped that I could stay with him in the safety of the maganacs ship. Perhaps it was a good thing that he was looking to send me away already, in a week I might be totally dependant on him. Or perhaps if I just showed them that I could be more than a burden, they would allow me to stay.
It seemed as though the light had gone off in my head. It was so obvious that I realized how stupid I was for not realizing it before. Since the moment I came to them I had been a burden, nothing but dead weight that could only use up supplies. I had to show them that I could be useful or they would probably send me back to the mercs, since no one else would keep me.
I shuddered. The last thing I wanted to do was go back to the mercs.
I realized that there was nothing I could do until later that night. For one thing, I was too tired to be of much use at that time. For another, I would probably get in someone's way or be sent back to bed. So I waited. Quatre came back at lunch time with some bread and honey, apologizing that he wasn't allowed to give me anything more substantial. The doctor came in after I had eaten and looked me over, though I didn't feel like a piece of meat as I did when the mercs looked at me. He was very professional, looking over my burns then giving me a shot for the pain, this time without the sedative though still in a most embarrassing place. Though there was no sedative in the shot I was given I immediately fell asleep once the doctor left. Quatre awakened me later to put the cream on my skin again, though I wasn't really awake enough to do more than roll over when told to. I knew I would need my strength later that night.
It was probably somewhere between midnight and two in the morning when I awoke. Quatre was sleeping peacefully beside me and I was careful not to wake him as I slipped out of bed. Somehow, there was no doubt in my mind that Quatre would force me to stay in bed.
Quietly, I donned the clothes Quatre had gotten for me, a pair of shorts and a shirt, and left the room. I had never seen the rest of the ship, so I simply walked in one direction, certain that I would come to something I could do sooner or later. Eventually, I ended up on the kitchen. I had found it while walking down a hall not too far from Quatre's room, it was the only door open. Of course, I couldn't open any of the doors for fear that I might accidentally open the door to someone's cabin and wake them.
I had to repress the urge to see what I could steal from the kitchen. It was near the time when the mercs would stop feeding me and I had always hid food on my person before so that I wouldn't be so hungry. I couldn't bring myself to steal from Quatre, though.
The counters in the kitchen were spotless; they practically shown in the light from the almost full moon. Every cupboard was perfectly arranged, even the silverware was organized. It seemed that the only thing even remotely dirty was to floor, so I found a bucket and a rag and set out to scrub it.
Back on the merc ship I wouldn't have thought twice about such a small job, but with my pain medicine rapidly wearing off and the burns on my body rubbing against the cloth of my clothes the job seemed endless. I nearly screamed when I got on my knees to clean, though only the inside half of my knees had been burnt it was agony to put my weight on them. It was only by focusing completely on my cleaning, leaving no room in my mind for the pain that I could complete the job.
It is this focus that let me miss the sounds of someone coming down the hall, otherwise I would have hidden long before the person had arrived. It was Quatre's gasp that brought me out of my trance. I looked up to see him standing in the doorway looking utterly stunned and shocked to see me on the floor like that.
"What are you doing?" Quatre asked as he came over and knelt beside me. I didn't know what to say. How to say that I was earning my keep. How to beg that he keep me. How to tell him that I had begun to trust him and I was deathly afraid of being hurt.
"I won't be a burden," I said, my voice flat despite my inner turmoil.
"What?" Quatre asked, his face taking an incredulous look.
"I won't be a burden," I repeated, "I can pull my own weight," I told him and continued to scrub the floor. Out of the corner I saw Quatre start looking a bit horrified.
"Trowa, I don't understand. You need to be in bed, not down here on the floor. Let me take you back to bed," he said, but I ignored him. Instead, I rose and dumped the little water I had used for cleaning down the drain. In the merc ship water would have never been wasted on cleaning, but I could tell the counters had been scrubbed with water so I assumed it was alright. I still felt a bit sick watching the water run down the drain.
"I'm not a waste of supplies. I can earn my keep on this ship," I told him as I refilled the bucket with water. My head was starting to feel funny, lighter than it usually did.
A look of horror came over Quatre's face and he paled visibly.
"Trowa, did you... Do you think I want you to leave?" he asked me and he looked sick at the thought. I set the bucket down on the floor slowly and faced him, my body refusing to do what I wanted it to as quickly as I was used to.
"I... won't be a burden," I told him again, my thoughts swirling too fast for me to catch. I swayed and I grabbed the counter to keep my balance. That was the last straw for Quatre.
"We'll work this out in the morning," he said, his tone final, "I'm getting you to bed."
Quickly, he bent and threw me over his shoulder, intent on carrying me to the room. My stomach lurched at the sudden movement.
"Down! Put me down!" I cried and Quatre must have heard something in my voice because he set me on the floor just a moment before I threw up.
I had skipped dinner and lunch had been long passed, so what I threw up was unrecognizable to say the least. I found myself looking at the floor I had just cleaned, now a mess, after I was finished throwing up. It was ironic, I had come down to clean and had only made things worse. I was a burden.
"I'll clean it up," I whispered desperately, reaching for the bucket. Quatre made a moaning sound beside me and a moment later I heard him padding out of the kitchen. Relief washed over me, he'd let me prove my worth.
I almost threw up a second time as I began to clean the floor, the smell so strong that I gagged. My vision blurred and for a moment I was afraid that I would fall headfirst into my own vomit, but strong hands caught me before I could. Someone put a rag, slightly damp with a strong smell on it, over my nose and mouth. I had only enough time to see Quatre's face, sad yet determined, before the darkness enveloped me.
Something cold and wet was moving across my skin, over my face and down my chest. It was hard to get my eyes open but I eventually managed it. Above me, Quatre was running a wet cloth over my body. I found myself naked and back in Quatre's room, in his bed. Quatre looked worried as he dipped the cloth in a basin of water and ran it over my neck. It was a while that we continued in that rhythm before Quatre noticed I was awake.
"What were you thinking?" he admonished quietly, "Your fever is back up and your knees are all scraped up. You're far too sick to be trying to work right now."
"I'm sorry," I apologized quietly, I hadn't meant to make Quatre angry.
"You worried me, that's all," Quatre said, the anger gone from his voice, "I woke up and you were gone, wandering around a strange ship in the dark, you could have been hurt."
"I don't want to be a burden," I told him softly. He looked at me strangely.
"Whatever gave you that idea?"
I was unsure of how to respond to him. If I told him that he did, he would be hurt, but I didn't want to lie to Quatre either. I stayed silent, in my usual fashion, and Quatre came to sit beside me.
"You're not a burden," he said finally, "you're just sick. It's alright to let yourself heal, no one minds. When you get better you can find something to do, but not before. If you keep doing things like this you could die. If I hadn't woke up you might have fainted in the kitchen and no one would have found you until morning. I want you to promise me you won't try anything like that again."
I simply sat there in silence. I couldn't promise that. I couldn't be a burden, or they'd send me back to the mercs. I just had to prove my worth. Last night Quatre had been forced to go looking for me, which was a burden to him. Tonight I would make sure Quatre didn't wake and sneak back into the room before morning. Then I wouldn't be a burden to anyone.
Quatre was looking at me sadly. I sometimes wonder if he knows what I'm thinking. There was a determination in his eyes when he reached into his sleeve and pulled out a small silver dagger. I tensed instantly but managed to keep my face blank. Quatre reached over and took my hand in his, gently turning it palm up and pricking my finger with the knife. I barely even felt the prick, though it caused blood to well up on my finger. With an intent look on his face, Quatre stuck my finger into his mouth and licked the blood away. He quickly pricked his own finger and put it to my lips, gently forcing it inside my mouth. I barely registered the coppery taste of his blood, I was so shocked. Something changed in the air or maybe in my mind. Whatever it was it was gone to quickly for me to understand what it was and I was too tired to try and figure it out.
Quatre pressed my back against the bed, pulling the sheet up to cover me then lying down beside me. Gently, he brushed my bangs out of my face and smiled at me.
"Go to sleep," he told me, and that was all it took. Sleep claimed me and I knew no more.