Note to readers: May I present you with insert drumroll here one of the more idiotic fics you'll ever read! All the characters here are OOC and the whole story is AU. Just warning you all there is also the teensiest pinch of humorous romance...which I personally don't count as romance. But just giving you a heads up.

Some additional notes:
-This author is not responsible for any injuries due to extreme laughter, traumatization, severe twitchiness or any other ailments known to result from humor fanfictions. Enough said.
-No character from The Lord of the Rings was permanently harmed physically or mentally in the making of this fic.
-This fic is rated PG for mild swearing.

Disclaimer: All Lord of the Rings characters, places, events and related items belong to J.R.R. Tolkien Copyright Trust. Nor do I own Gameboy Advance, games made for Gameboy Advance, and the weird creatures you bash up on the said games.

Mirkwood Accounting

Prologue: The very strange beginning

Ah, the breezy spring day; the flowers were blooming, the sun was shining, and the birds were siging themselves sick. It was just like every other day of that spring, and it was driving people nuts. Almost everyone loved a beautiful spring day, but enough was enough.

And some people had just about had it with the wonderful weather. Especially Boromir, and his brother Faramir was next up in line.

"Crummy weather," muttered Boromir. "Crummy sun, crummy flowers." He stopped pacing the room long enough to kick at an unfortunate chair. Glaring out the window at a tree full of birds just chirping away, he added, "And what's with the crummy birds?! I can't stand that tunless racket!! Aaarg!!!!"

"It's not like you sing any better than those birds Boromir," Faramir said to him.

Boromir glared at his brother. "Oh yeah? Well I'd like to hear you sing better than me."

"Oh Valar save me." Legolas put down the paper he was reading. "If I have to listen to the both of you sing, I am going to go stab myself right now."

"Hey, that was an insult or I'm a ghost," Boromir said glaring at Legolas. The elf returned the glare, and within moments it turned into a staring contest between the two of them. Faramir stood back to watch. However, this did not last for too long before they were interruped - and of all people - by Arwen.

"Hey, have you guys seen Aragorn around anywhere?"

Boromir and Legolas immediately ended their staring contest, and they and Faramir tried their best to ignore Arwen. She wasn't the most popular person among everyone, and these three guys especially disliked her - for no apparent reason. Anyway, Boromir went back to pacing the room, glaring at things and pointedly excluding Arwen in his 'glare-fest'. Faramir suddenly became very interested in the wallpaper, and Legolas was left in the middle of the room to fend for himself. The elf couldn't think of any good escape, so he ended up putting on a blank expression and staring into space. Arwen marched up to the elf and repeated her question.

"I said, have you seen Aragorn around anywhere?"

Legolas fidgeted and ignored Arwen. She began to get really annoyed. Arwen reached out a delicate but strong hand and yanked at Legolas's hair. Really hard. This got her a startled and indignant yelp from the Mirkwood Prince, and Faramir eyed Arwen nervously and tried to edge farther away from them. Legolas rubbed his smarting scalp, and replied sulkily, "Well, it would depend."

"Depend on what?" Arwen asked impatiently.

Legolas fidgeted even more. (He looked ready to have a seizure if he didn't stop fidgeting...) "It depends on what you mean by 'anywhere'. Theoretically, it is impossible to tell you whether he is anywhere because in order to do that we would have to be everywhere, which we obviously are not."

Legolas got blank stares from Arwen, Boromir, and Faramir. Arwen then shook her head and said disgustedly to Legolas, "You know, it's a wonder that you have so many fangirls. You can't even give a reply to a simple question with an answer that makes sense!"

"Ouch, that was cold," Boromir commented. He now stood next to Faramir, who has discreetly 'edged' his way over to his brother. The two of them were trying to put as much space between themselves and Arwen as possible, without notifying her of their intentions.

"Uh huh," Faramir replied. They stood back and watched Arwen continue to glare at Legolas. After several minutes, Arwen turned to Boromir and Faramir.

"Why are you just standing there? Don't you guys have a life?"

"No," they replied simultaneously. Then they looked at each other as if to say Wow, you don't either?

"Why am I not surprised?" Arwen sighed.

They all lapsed into silence. Outside, the birds sang their little hearts out. The sound of birdsong grew steadily louder until it was all they could hear. Boromir, who looked as if he was ready to burst a blood vessel, opened the window and threw the nearest object - an innocent paperweight - at them. That did nothing except scatter one or two birds, and cause Legolas to object that that was his paperweight. This in turn caused Arwen to notice suddenly that Legolas was reading a newspaper and copying down phone numbers in a little green notebook.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"Oh, renting office space," Legolas replied. His tone of voiced suggested that it was an everyday matter for the crown prince of Mirkwood to be renting office space in a little town in a totally different universe uncountable distances away from the said forest.

Faramir blinked. "Office space?"

"Yes," Legolas replied, flipping over a page in the paper. "I have been thinking about starting a small business for a while now. And since I was bored today, I thought it would be a good time to actually get it started." He smiled at them and went back to the newspaper.

Arwen looked like she didn't know whether to laugh, or...laugh. So she laughed. "A small business? Since when did you think you could handle a business elf?"

Legolas shrugged. "Since I got the idea I guess."

"It makes sense," Boromir said to Arwen.

"So what's it going to be called? Thought of a name yet?" Faramir asked curiously.

"Mirkwood Accounting."

"Mirkwood Accounting?" Arwen asked incredulously. "What kind of a name is that?

"There are businesses that specialize in accounting?" Boromir asked Faramir. The latter shrugged.

"No clue."

"You'd think the name of the business would attract mobs of fans, not potential customers eh Faramir?"

"Yup."

Arwen put a hand on her hip. "Who's going to work for you? I mean, who'd want to work for you?"

"I do not know who actually wants to work for me, but Theoden, Etrerlia, and Elrond said they would."

"Father said he's work for you?!" Arwen shrieked.

Boromir flinched and covered his ears at the high-pitched sound. "Ow."

"Yes. Elrond, your father, said he would work at my business - once I got it started. He has been quite bored lately with nothing to do and without any form of access to his library at Imladris, which is in a different universe." Legolas sighed. "I really miss home sometimes," he added wistfully.

"Oh please don't get homesick now," Faramir said hastily. "And who's Etrerlia? That's not a name I've heard of before."

"Etrerlia is a friend of mine, I have been friends with her since we were little elflings."

"A friend?" Faramir said teasingly.

"A friend, not a 'special' friend, but a friend, as in you know, a friend. Buddy, pal, chum. That's all."

"Mmm...really." Boromir arched an eyebrow and his eyes twinkled in amusement

"Oh shut up you psychotic Ring-consumed creton." Legolas didn't even try to hide his annoyance at the Gondorian.

Boromir frowned as he tried to figure out if he had been insulted. He couldn't quite comprehend the meaning of 'creton', but from the tone of Legolas's voice, he decided that it was an insult. "That was an insult."

"No really," Legolas replied sarcastically.

Before this turned ugly, Aragorn walked into the room. "Hello everyone. Hey Legolas, I heard you were starting a business."

"Aragorn," Arwen said her voice dripping with honey. Disgusting. She sidled up to him and batted her eyelashes. "Hello."

"Hi Arwen," Aragorn said absent mindedly. "So, this business of yours Legolas, what's it all about anyway?"

"Oh, it's an accounting business."

"Accounting business?"

"Yes, accounting."

"That sounds neat. So, are you hiring yet?"

Arwen's mouth dropped open. Was Aragorn offering to work for the elf's business?! She couldn't believe her pointed-ears.

"Well, yes," Legolas said. "Why?"

"Can I apply for a position? I've been getting really bored lately, and this business of yours sounds great."

There was an audible gasp and then a thump. They all turned and saw Arwen lying on the ground in a limp heap. She had fainted from shock.

------

In the end (which is not really the end but the end of the beginning), Legolas got his business started, and it did pretty well. Not so many fans came as Boromir had suspected, only a few, which were quickly scared off by Aragorn's pointy sword. Theoden, Elrond, Aragorn, and Etrerlia came and worked there. Eowyn also came, and so did Arwen (mostly because her beloved was there). Boromir decided to take a four month vacation to Norway, of all places. Faramir just got himself a GameBoy Advance and a couple of games, and stayed home all day killing time by bashing up turtle-dudes, firebreathing flowers, mushroom-thingies along with other weirds things on voilent little kiddie games. So everything was nice and peaceful. And then Legolas just had to upset the balance of everything by gettting a crush on Arwen...

End of the very short and strange Prologue. Knowing me the AN's were longer than the actual chapter. ::cough:: Reviews welcomed, flames also welcomed. Thank you all for reading.