Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. J.K. Rowling does. If I did, I would make you all be my slaves if you wanted to read even one page of my glorious, glorious books! Mwa-ha-ha! Mwa-ha-HA-ha-ha!(1) (Sorry, got a little carried away in the moment.) Now, without further ado…

The Adventures of Harriet and Rowan

Chapter 1

The Intelligence Elixir

Ron Weasley was studying (a rare occurrence) in the Gryffindor common room with his best friend, Harry Potter. He was flipping through his potions textbook when he came across an extremely simple and useful recipe. "Hey!" he said, "I just came across an extremely simple and useful recipe!" "I just said that." I said. "Well, I was just trying to give the readers some sort of…" he began to say, but then turned to stare at me. "Who the heck are you?" He asked. "I am just a figment of your imagination." I said, putting on my sunglasses and zapping him with my memory-eraser-thingy. (2)

Having forgotten what just happened, Ron turned to Harry and pointed to the page the extremely simple and useful recipe was on. "It's called the intelligence elixir." he explained, "If we drink it, it will give us temporary extreme smartness. We'd ace that potions test for sure!" "Let me see!" said Harry. "Hmm... It says we'll need a quarter-cup of powdered cuttlebone… A pinch of Peruvian jungle-spice… And a half-dozen claws from a kangaroo rat. Those are all in the student's potions supply closet!"

So they set to work gathering the ingredients. This took about five hours, and was quite an interesting process, so naturally it will not be described any further.

When they where done, they both took a glass of the semi-transparent, pink liquid. They walked up to their beds, and turned to face each other, each with his glass in hand. Ron proposed a toast. "To um… um… Pine trees? Tupperware? Small bowls of chicken broth?" "Intelligence?" Harry ventured. "To intelligence!" Ron shouted. (3) They both drank their potion, which was quite nasty. So nasty that it made Harry make a funny face, which made Ron laugh, which made potion squirt out his nose, which made Harry's front all sticky, which made him go all "Yuck!" which made laundry duty for the house elves all the more hard which made the author of this fanfiction write a mind-numbingly run-on sentence.

After that they promptly fell asleep. Why I bothered to make a new paragraph just to say that, and how many licks it takes to get the chocolate tootsie-roll center of a tootsie pop, the world will never know. (4)

A/N: Well, what did you think? Reviews are optional (this being my first fic, I have not yet been consumed by an overwhelming hunger for them) and the next chapters (which will be reasonably longer than this one) will come as quickly as my little, teenage fingers can type them.

And now, a guide to spoofs/rip-offs from this chapter.

(1) You may recognize this as the trademark evil laugh of Mandark from Dexter's Laboratory.

(2) This is practically an actual scene from Men in Black. I only saw about 15 minutes of the movie until I got freaked out and turned it off. Yes, I was 13 at the time. Mock me if you must.

(3) The whole "searching for the right word" thing and the line "Small bowls of chicken broth?" where taken from the Dave the Barbarian episode with the garglepipes.

(4) This, of course, is the Tootsie Pop's slogan-thingy.