Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, not even his weird dreams… Well, I own this one, anyway.
The Adventures of Harriet and Rowan Chapter 2Dream On
That night, Harry had one of his trademarked "foreshadowing dreams".
"Who are you?" Harry asked as he pulled off Voldermort's black and orange mask. To his horror, he found his own face leering back at him. The face started to laugh manically… (1)
The dream ended and gave way to a new one.
Harry was flying on his firebolt over a sea of blue. As he flew, he found himself repeatedly looking at himself in his clip-on mirror (you know the one Hermione gave him for Christmas?). He tried to distract himself by looking down at the water, but saw that the once-sapphire ocean was slowly turning pink! Now Harry was really worried. And he still couldn't stop looking in the mirror! As he stared at his reflection, he was gripped by an overwhelming desire to apply lipstick, and maybe some eye shadow. The world started to spin. Harry's broom, which had sprouted the head of a pony, started to buck. Harry tried to hold on, but he eventually fell of and hurdled toward the magenta water beneath him…
Then Harry woke up.
'Phew!' He thought, 'It was just a dream!' Or was it? Dun dun dun! (Ominous music provided by yours truly) Harry was about to brush a hair out of his face, but instead stared at the wayward lock. 'My hair isn't that long!' He thought to himself. He turned and stared at the rest of his hair. It had grown at least a foot since he had fallen asleep! He looked down at the rest of his body. Since this is only a PG fic, I won't describe the changes to thoroughly. Let's just say he would need a little support from now on.
Harry screamed in a high-pitched, feminine voice. He jumped out of bed, still screaming, and saw Ron. He had changed as well. Ron screamed. Harry screamed. They would have turned blue and collapsed if it wasn't for the fact I needed them for this story and good endearing storybook characters are hard to find these days.
"Hey, what's with all the ruckus?" Asked a sleepy voice. Neville had woken up and was getting groggily out of bed. When he saw Harry and Ron, he screamed to, even more high-pitched. He pulled a random "Emergency Girl Alarm" lever and dove under his bed. Awakened by the blaring alarm, the other boys got hurriedly out of bed. When they saw Harry and Ron, they screamed "Aaaah! Girls!" and lunged under Neville's bed (for reasons unexplained, they could all fit in under there somehow). Harry tried to explain. "Guys! It's us! Harry and Ron!" However, it didn't work. "Yeah, right!" Said Shamus, quivering from fear of cootie exposure. "I'll need some proof before I believe that!" Harry parted his (or, I suppose, her) hair and showed his lightning-bolt scar. "Well, works for me!" Said Fred as he climbed out from under the bed.
"What happened to you guys?" asked George, amazed at the transformation. "I don't know!" answered Harry, "We had made this 'intelligence elixir' and each had some before going to sleep." "Wait a second," interrupted Fred, "where exactly did you get the ingredients for the potion?" "The supply closet." Harry and Ron both said in unison. Fred and George gave each other a look. "What did you do?" the entire room asked the twins in an almost bored voice. "Well…" they began "We might have accidentally sort of maybe… Switchedsomeoftheingedientswithotherstuff." They said quickly. "YOU WHAT?!" Harry and Ron bellowed "'Fraid so." Said the George "The replacement ingredients mixed together must have made a gender-switching potion."
"Wow." said Neville, "I wonder how many potions that little prank mixed up."
Meanwhile, in the Slyrtherin common room… "A llama?!?!" screamed Draco Malfoy, staring confusedly at the now-furry body of his victim, "He's supposed to be dead!" "Yeah, weird." said his cronies, Crab and Goyle. (2)
"So now," Fred said, grinning, "Instead of Harry and Ron, you two will have to be… Harriet and Rowan!"
"Great." grumbled Harry. "Harriet." corrected George. "Whatever." I said. "Hey, you're the one who wrote us into this in the first place!" shouted Rowan, "At least try and get our names right!" Oh yah, it was memory-zap time. (3)
A/N: To start with, I would like to post a message to any girls who might be reading this: I am not suggesting, in any way, that all girls are obsessed with makeup, ponies and the color pink. I'm just messing around with stereotypes, so no need to be offended. Okay, now that ElfKingofDemons has stopped hovering her sword menacingly behind my neck, I can move on. No real need to review, I don't need them (I'm defying everything you thought you knew about authors right now, aren't I?). Also, NO FLAME! ME NO LIKE FLAMES! ME LIKE MONSTER OF FRANKENSTIEN, ONLY WITH BETTER HYGEINE AND SOCIAL SKILLS! (However, I do have a deep-rooted fear of angry village people, but it's more closely linked to the song "YMCA" (4) than to being chased out of town by a mob.)
All right then, it's time for the spoof/rip-off guide!
(1) Basically, this is a Harry Potter version of the beginning of Teen Titans episode "Apprentice, Part 1" in which Robin is chasing Slade.
(2) This is, word for word, a scene from the Disney movie The Emperor's New Groove. Man, I loved that movie.
(3) See spoof/rip-off guide of chapter 1.
(4) Most people seem to be able to grasp the concept that the band Village People sang the song "YMCA".