Mirkwood Accounting

Chapter 2: The way to Arwen's heart?

"Hey Legolas?" Arwen stood in the doorway of Legolas's office smiling, and looking a little unsure.

"Hi Arwen," Legolas said. He sat up straighter in his chair and tried to look casual. "What's up?"

"Well..." Arwen looked unsure of how to start. "Okay, so I was wondering, are you dating anyone?"

"Nope, totally single." He then added eagerly, "Why, what happened?"

"Oh, nothing, well it's just that..." Arwen trailed off and shrugged her shoulders. She attempted to use her telepathy powers to communicate, but unfortunately she possessed none and therefore Legolas did not receive the telepathic message. However, he had a pretty good idea of what she was going to say.

"Let me guess, you have a friend and you want me to date her?" Legolas sighed mentally as he said this. He sank back down in his armchair.

Arwen looked impressed. "Wow, how'd you know?"

Legolas shook his head. "My life doesn't work the other way."

"Her name is Caliriel," Arwen said quickly with a smile. "She is awesome! And-"

Legolas held up a hand to cut Arwen off. "Look Arwen, it sounds great and all, but I'm not crazy about set-ups."

Arwen's smile faded "Oh, that's too bad." She looked rather put out. "We would have had so much fun."

Legolas bolted upright in his chair. "Oh, you're coming too," he said trying to appear casual and failing utterly.

"Yeah, we double-date. I don't see her too often these days now so I thought..." Arwen cut herself off. "But if you don't like set-ups that's fine." She turned to leave. Legolas quickly got up and walked over to stop her.

"Whoa, whoa, wait." Arwen stopped as Legolas continued talking. "I don't liked set-ups but I know they're good for me..." Arwen gave him a look that said What? "Well, you know, like soy-milk."

"Soy-milk," Arwen said evenly, trying to decide whether to take him seriously or walk off.

"Well, you know...soy-milk is high in protein, low in fat..." he paused slightly. "...and apparently eases the symptoms of menopause in Asian women..." He shrugged at Arwen.

"Right...Anyway, so you'll come?"

"Oh, of course."

"Great!" a smile returned to Arwen's face. "Come to that restaurant where we had lunch with Grandma last week at seven tonight." She was about to leave, but at the last moment turned around and added, "Just don't talk about soy-milk okay?"

---

Later that day, Legolas met with Aragorn, Eowyn, Theoden, Elrond, and Etrerlia in the meeting room. The 'meeting room' was actually just a long table placed in a vacant corner near Legolas's office. Since there weren't many meetings, Legolas never bothered to get a proper meeting room - or for that matter, a proper table. That table they sat at was an old wooden one that looked ready to collapse.

"Okay young people," Legolas began. He said young people since he presumed he was the oldest there, being an elf. However, he had forgotten to reckon with Elrond and Etrerlia. The two now gave him death glares at being called young people. Legolas quickly corrected himself. "Er, I mean friends and elders." Elrond and Etrerlia cooled down and allowed him to continue without further glares. "Anyway, the town is funding a volunteer project to bring kind, encouraging messages to the disabled members of the community through television 'ads'. I signed us up because business has been pretty low for a while, and I thought this may help us out of the rabbit hole we have apparently dropped into."

"Ah, so the mighty boss finally noticed," Etrerlia said sarcastically.

Legolas chose not to hear her comment. "Our job is to bring a message to the deaf community. Now, I have assigned some positions, but please feel free to object or volunteer for any position. Eowyn, I want you to be the face of this project..."

Eowyn smiled, apparently flattered. Aragorn coughed and stood up and walked over to Legolas's side. "Uh Legolas, don't you think I would be a better for that position?"

Legolas glanced at a notebook he held open before him. "Well, if you really want to but you'll have to give up your weekend."

"Right, tell me how it goes Eowyn." Aragorn left the meeting. He wasn't about to give up his weekend for some lame project Legolas cooked up.

"Now for the producer..."

"Let me do it Legolas," Theoden said loudly as he stood up. "I've always wanted to do something for television."

Legolas blinked, slightly surprised. "Oh, well here's your big chance then! Theoden will be the producer. Now we need someone to do some research...Elrond, I think you would do well at this, since you are a master of lore..."

Elrond nodded, feeling pleased at being recognized as an elf of wisdom and learning.

"And the last position is...secretary work. In other words, notetaking and doing little extra things." Legolas looked around the table and saw that Etrerlia was the only person left without something to do. "Etrerlia, since you are already a secretary, I think you will fit this position very well."

"Oh, what fun," said Etrerlia, her voice dripping with sarcasm. "It's just what I've always wanted. Legolas, I don't want that position."

Legolas ignored her and her objection, much to the annoyance of Etrerlia. "This project needs to be done by Monday, so the weekend is going to be busy for the four of you. The studio next door said you could shoot the 'ad', or message really, there. I've covered the expenses. Any questions?"

"Nope," Theoden answered. Elrond and Eowyn shook their heads to also say 'no'. Etrerlia was not satisfied.

"I have a question: can I resign from my position?"

"No," Legolas said calmly. Etrerlia looked ready to stab him. 'Now would be a good time to get away from here,' Legolas thought nervously. "Well, good luck everyone!" With that, he rushed off as quickly as he could without looking like he was running.

"That elf is going to pay," Etrerlia muttered to herself. She then got up and also left.

As Elrond was about to leave, Theoden flagged him down to ask a question. "So Elrond, what exactly do you know about the deaf?"

"Well, apparently they don't hear very well," Elrond said. "You know, one of the elves at Imladris is tone-deaf. You should hear him sing, it sounds like a Nazgul with a cold!" Giving Theoden a brief smile, Elrond left.

---

Legolas got home to his house to find Mithae sitting on the couch reading newspapers. Mithae was middle-aged as elves went, she wasn't extraordinary beautiful, but fair enough with silver hair and grey-blue eyes. She was very tall, even for elves, and the thing that annoyed Legolas to no end was that she was a good three centimeters taller than he. The princling was used to being the tallest around everyone he knew, but Mithae was the exception to that rule. She was his 'adopted' aunt, or rather she was a good friend of Legolas' mother, and Mithae had appointed herself as Legolas's aunt. She lived with him, and that also annoyed Legolas to no end.

Sitting down in an armchair, Legolas picked up the Wallstreet Journal and began to read. A bad habit of both his and Mithae's was their tendency to comment thought out loud while readin the paper. "It is so pathetic," he said to the air while reading an article. "This country has spent millions every year to fund all sorts of charities, and still a large percentage of the population is unemployed and homeless." Legolas looked over to Mithae to see her reaction.

"It's tragic," she said. She put down her paper. "The Jets can never cover the spread and yet I continue to bet them."

"Were you even listening to me Mithae?"

"No." She picked up another newspaper. "Are you coming to the track with me later?" Legolas groaned inwardly. For no reason at all, years ago Mithae had taken up gambling and become addicted to it. Now her 'work' was betting on racehorses at the track - with his money.

"I can't, I have a thing." Legolas continued to read his paper.

"What sort of thing?"

"You know, a thing; something came up and it needs someone to do something to take care of the...thing." As soon as the words dropped from his lips, Legolas wondered if he had ever said a more awkward sentence in his life and if he would ever say a more awkward sentence in his long years to come.

"Ah, I see," said Mithae with a smile. She went back to reading her paper.

Legolas lowered his paper. "What? What are you smiling about?"

"Oh nothing," Mithae continued reading and smiling. "You're so adorable when you keep little secrets - just like when you a tiny elfling back in Mirkwood."

"Oh for the love of good don't start telling me those stories you remember from when I was a little elfling," Legolas groaned.

"Then tell me what you're doing tonight."

"I have a date," Legolas muttered.

Mithae looked dissatisfied. "Fine then, make excuses, keep your little secrets."

"No seriously, I have a date."

Mithae looked at him in surprise. "Really? You have a date?"

"Yes, I have a date."

"So who is sit? Tell me about her," Mithae said eagerly. "How did you meet her?"

Legolas sat back in his armchair. "No, I am not going to tell you."

"Hey, we can do this any way you want little Mirkwood princeling."

Legolas was annoyed now, and the annoyance got hold of his wits before his common sense could. He blurted out. "Her name is Caliriel, and it's a set-up. We're double dating with Arwen and Aragorn." The commong sense now took hold and Legolas mentally slapped himself for saying what he said.

"Oh." Mithae got up and went to make some tea. "Well I think that is a stupid idea."

"What?"

"Trust me, nothing good will come of this," she said sternly to him. "I should know, I have the wisdom of an elf twice my age."

Legolas turned in his chair to face Mithae. "That means nothing since you claim to be an elfmaiden half your age. So what you are saying is that you have the wisdom of an elf your age."

Mithae glared at him. "That's right, 3900." She left the kettle to boil on the stove and walked back to Legolas. "And I'm telling you right now this is a mistake."

"Well how do you know?" Legolas retorted.

Mithae threw up her hands in a gesture of hopelessness. "You're dating this elfmaiden whom you have absolutely no interest in just so you can be near Arwen for an evening, am I right or am I right?"

Legolas couldn't find the words for a moment. "Well, you have the basic idea, but the real point is that Arwen only sees the serious, uptight, businesslike Legolas at work. Now I can show her the cool, fun, dating out-on-the-town Legolas." He smiled in self satisfaction.

Mithae shrugged. "What's the difference?"

Legolas blinked for a few seconds. "Mostly it's the hair-style."

"Well I still say it's a mistake."

"But Arwen will see the whole night played through as a brilliant message of 'Reasons-to-date-Legolas'! How could that be bad?"

"So you're setting up a 'Legolas-ad'." Legolas stared at Mithae, unable to believe that she could be so single-minded about a certain subject. Mithae sighed, mentally gave the subject a stamp of HOPELESS and went to turn off the stove as the kettle began to whistle.

"See, this is why I didn't want to tell you." Legolas was annoyed. He picked up his paper again.

"But I'm giving you good advice..."

"Uh, nope. Quiet please, I'm reading."

"If you'll liste-"

"Uh uh, zip-zap-flip-flap. It's quiet time."

Mithae sat down with a cup of tea and picked up her paper. "Why any maiden in their right mind would want to date you is beyonod me."

---

Eowyn, Theoden, and Etrerlia sat at a table next to Etrerlia's computer as it was the only vacant space they could find at the moment. They were discussing, or about to start to discuss, the message to the deaf community they were supposed to be doing. Theoden sat in his chair trying to look professional. Eowyn was filing her fingernails, and Etrerlia sat with a notebook open before her, not bothering to try to hide the boredom and contempt she was feeling.

Theoden began speaking. "Okay everyone, we have two days to do this thing, so let's get started." He clasped his hands in front of him. "Now, this is a brainstorming session and feel free to toss ideas around. Remember, we've just started, so at this point there are no bad ideas."

Eowyn thought for a moment, then said, "I know, how about something like this: Deaf people, we deaf-initely love you." Eowyn smiled, very pleased with herself to have come up with the idea. Etrerlia raised an eyebrow and looked to Theoden. He sat motionless, thinking.

"Okay," Theoden finally managed to say. "Apparently there's one bad idea."

"Oh yeah?" Eowyn retorted, annoyed that her idea was shot down so quickly. "Well here's good idea for you: stop being so helpless. And I'd like to hear you come up with something better."

"Well...I..." Theoden fumbled for words. He cleared his throat. "Actually, I have an idea for this project - now I'm just spit-balling but here goes." He sat up straighter and began to act out his idea, or rather talk out his idea since he only spoke. "Deaf people, hi. And uh, thank you...for being deaf." Etrerlia wanted to cover her pointed ears from this idiotic rambling. Theoden continued. "I mean just not being able to hear, man that's gotta blow. Though maybe it isn't so bad, especially when there's this evil wizard's servant trying to corrupt you with his talk!" He smiled at no one in particular. He sobered and continued, "Anyway, to sum up. Sorry...hang in there, and...sorry again."

Etrerlia now wanted to bang her head on the table. She managed to control herself and looked to Eowyn to see her reaction. Eowyn was thinking. Then she said, "You know uncle, that is better."

"Yeah, yeah," said Theoden thoughtfully. "You know, I think I'm onto something there. Hey, Etrerlia, you took the notes so could you read that back to me?"

Etrerlia looked at her notebook where she had covered half a page in her handwriting. She read aloud as she continued to write, "I want to die. I want to DIE. Get me out of here. How did these bubble-heads get enough brainpower to keep their hearts pumping." She stopped writing and looked disdainfully at Theoden. "To sum up, I want to die."

Eowyn looked over at her with annoyance. "Hey smart elf, I don't hear any pearls coming outta your pearl-hole."

Eterlia slapped her pen down on the table. "Start with a black screen and in large white type write: A message to the deaf community from Mirkwood Accounting. Then fade miss horse-joy in as she signs the phrase 'you are in our hearts'." She picked up her pen and started writing again.

Eowyn and Theoden looked at each other.

"Not bad," Eowyn admitted.

"Yeah," Theoden added. "Hey could you write that down so we don't forget?"

Etrerlia ignored them and continued writing. "I want to die. I want to die."

---

"So I was wearing this blouse that day, and there was this stain, this huge splotchy stain on the back of it. And I didn't even notice until that evening when I took it off!"

There were chuckles around the table at Arwen's story.

"You wore it for the whole day and you didn't notice?" Legolas laughed and shook his head.

Caliriel smiled, but her pale green eyes remained unmoving. She was exquisitely beautiful as elf-maidens go, and she herself knew that for a fact. Her face was delicate and perfectly formed, her body was slender and graceful, and her hair was pale gold, but shone in the light. Still, she had barely been able to make Legolas even look at her for the entire evening. Not that she was truly interested in him, he wasn't very fair as many said he was, and he was wearing this black and blue diagonally checkered sweater which she found distasteful. Caliriel had never been interested in males anyway, she couldn't understand just what was so wonderful about them. She had come only because Arwen had begged her non-stop all day. And now the Mirkwood prince wasn't even paying her attention; instead he seemed much more interested in Arwen than her.

Caliriel wasn't vain, she knew that Arwen Undomiel was the fairest maiden ever to be seen on Arda since Luthien Tinuviel and that she, little Caliriel, could hardly hope to compare her beauty with Arwen. Still, Legolas should at least have the manners to pay her somr attention at the very least. 'And anyway,' Caliriel thought huffily, 'We all know that Arwen's not really that pretty, no matter what the other elves say.'

They were currently telling interesting or amusing stories, so Caliriel spoke up. "My grandmother suffers from Alzeimer's disease. Last year was her 4000th birthday. My family set up a surprise party for her, a really nice party too. We decided instead of having her walk in on the party, the party would drop in on her. So we did, but grandmother wasn't there when we dropped in! We were frantic, we called the police and everything to search for her. We found her, but she couldn't remember where she was or anything. The doctor said she probably just walked out the door and started wandering. She wasn't hurt, but it was a pretty bad scare."

"Oh, you poor thing," Arwen said sympathetically as she patted Caliriel's hand. "I'm glad nothing worse happened."

Aragorn nodded in agreement with Arwen. Legolas also nodded, but absentmindedly and his eyes were still on Arwen. After a few moments, he said to Arwen, "I still can't believe you wore it the whole day and didn't notice!"

Caliriel felt angered, but years of practice allowed her to calm herself. "Legolas, did you even hear what I just said?"

Legolas immediately turned to face her, feeling foolish. "Oh, yes. And I'm sorry about your grandfather."

"You mean my grandmother."

"Er, yes. Well, I'm sorry you lost her."

"No Legolas, we found her. She's still alive."

"Well, I'm sorry she's...getting old, so now she's...closer to getting even older." Legolas wanted to slap himself. In awkwardness, that sentence could probably rival the one he said earlier to Mithae.

Silence reigned at the table.

Aragorn sighed and stirred his soup. "For goodness' sakes Legolas, at least tell us when you're going to drop an awkward bomb. Are you trying to make us feel uncomfortable?"

"Oh he's not," Arwen said in Legolas's defense. "He was just trying to make me feel better after telling that stupid shirt story. I didn't think anyone would find it funny."

"A giant stain, and you wore it the whole day," Legolas said laughing to himself. He looked at Aragorn. "She didn't even notice!"

Aragorn cracked a stiff smile. "That's nice. And by the way Legolas, the clown in the plush velvet painting wants his sweater back."

Legolas looked down at his sweater. Caliriel coughed to disguise a giggle and Arwen shook her head while trying not to laugh.

---

"Hey Arwen." Legolas saw her at the coffee maker, and walked over smiling. "That was fun last night huh?"

Arwen turned and gave him a slight smile. "Yeah, it was rather like...having your teeth pulled while riding a horse." She went back to making herself some coffee.

Legolas stopped smiling. "You didn't have a good time?"

"No. Not really."

"But you looked so happy, like you were having a great evening." Legolas was confused.

Arwen nodded her head thoughtfully. "Yeah, a lot of us women have that ability." She turned away from her coffee and faced Legolas. "That was one of the most uncomfortabe dates I've ever had. You were ignoring Caliriel the whole night!"

"No I wasn't," Legolas lied in defense.

Arwen placed her hand on her hip. "Tell me what she does for a living."

"Oh, uh, she's a, uh...lawyer...actor..."

Arwen raised an eyebrow.

"A lawyer-actor?" Legolas said uncertainly.

"She's a medical researcher," said Arwen.

"Well, what a waste of a law-acting degree." The attempt at humor fell flat.

"Caliriel thinks you're vain and insensitive, and I don't blame her. I wouldn't want to date you." Arwen picked up her mug of coffee and left.

---

"Where are you going?" Mithae caught Legolas standing by the door with one hand on the handle.

"Nowhere." Legolas had the look of a dog caught stealing a bone.

"Uh uh, your voice says nowhere, but your shirt says you have a date." Mithae walked over to him smiling. Her smile disappeared when she got near him. "Phew, and your cologne says it's with a gay warg." She went over to the couch and sat down. "But where are you going anyway?"

Legolas came over and sat on the cough next to her. "I have a thing."

"I know," Mithae said dryly. "And apparently it's been doing most of your thing-king lately."

"Mithae, why do you always criticize me? You never have anything good to say, I don't think you even care about me."

"That is a lie." Mithae said forcefully. "I love, I care, and I expect nothing in return."

"Then what about the $3000 I've lent you to cover your debts from gambling?"

Mithae glared at him. "Two things: one, that is not the issue that's on the table right now. And two, I have a gambling problem - those aren't loans."

Legolas returned the glare. "Okay, fine. I have a date."

"Let me guess, your date is Caliriel, and you're double-dating with Arwen and Aragorn."

"Well, yes..."

"Why?" asked Mithae. "Why are you going again?"

"Well, there was an opinion out there that I wasn't as attentive to my date as I could have been," Legolas replied. "So after a certain amount of begging I got this second chance. We're going to the same restaurant at the same time as last time."

"So you othink that if you lavish attention your date the second time you can redeem yourself in Arwen's eyes."

"Yes." Legolas sighed. "Go on, tell me it's a stupid idea."

"I don't think it's a stupid idea," Mithae said. She got up.

"Really?" Legolas was surprised.

"No." Mithae poured herself a cup of tea from the teapot on the coffee table. "I think it's beyond a stupid idea! I think it's where stupid ideas go to be gunned down!"

"See, this is why I don't like to tell you things," Legolas said. "But I believe that tonight I will get things set straight. And I also believe that those were loans. Pay me back or I'm telling father."

With that, Legolas left. Mithae sipped her tea and shook her head as she watched the door slam. "What an oaf."

---

"I was planning to wear my forest green skirt tonight. So I went to the dry cleaner's to get it, and they told me they had lost it!" Caliriel said to Arwen. They were having dinner at the same restaurant as the last date. Personally, Caliriel wasn't particularly looking forward to this one. She had come because of the excessive begging Legolas had done and she felt a tad sorry for him.

Arwen shook her head. "Oh, that's terrible. Dry cleaners can be so irresponsible."

"They lost it?" Legolas's expression was one of utmost shock. "Oh I cannot believe that."

Caliriel arched an eyebrow. "It's okay, I didn't really like that skirt anyway."

"Oh, but it is still awful." Legolas still wore an expression of shock, now mixed with anger and sorrow. "For all they knew, it could have been from your dear, living, grandmother."

Caliriel and Arwen exchanged glances. Legolas continued. "By the way, how is your grandmother Caliriel?"

"She's fine, I mean, she's only 4000."

"Caliriel..." Legolas gave her a look that said You're not telling the truth.

Caliriel felt that he was overreacting, or just insane. "No really. I mean, she forgets to eat meals sometimes, and she'll have to stop driving now-"

"Oh," Legolas rested his head in his hand. "Oh Valar how terrible."

"Legolas-"

"No. I know, it's awful."

Caliriel really thought Legolas was insane now. "She's fine Legolas-"

"No, no, it's okay. I understand."

There was silence at the table. Silence stretched on for long, uncomfortable seconds. Aragorn sighed. "Well, this has been an interesting evening. But I think I'm going to call it a night at -" He glanced at his watch. "7:25...Never mind."

---

"You asked me to come Legolas?" Arwen stood in the doorway of Legolas's office.

"Arwen, hi." Legolas got up. He clasped and unclasped his hands. "Look, I just wanted to say I'm really sorry about those dates. They were pretty bad weren't they?"

Arwen shook her head. "They were the most uncomfortable dates I've ever had. What were you trying to say? First you ignore Caliriel completely, then last night..."

"Do you think I overreacted last night?" Legolas asked timidly.

"You welled up when her noodles came!"

Legolas looked sheepish. "They were cold."

Arwen looked heavenwards. "She ordered cold noodles." Legolas seemed to shrink at this comment. Arwen continued. "Look, you're a great guy and all, but when you're dating you're not..." Arwen fumbled for words. "Well, you need to be more..." Arwen fumbled again for words. Legolas waited. Arwen gave up her fumbling. "You know what, I could show you."

"What?"

"Well, we could have a pretend date right now, and I could teach you as we go along!" Legolas nodded eagerly. "Okay, first, let's just assume hypothetically that you're romantically interested in me." Legolas wasn't sure what to say so he kept his mouth shut. "And now, let's say your office is the restaurant. Now, let's say you got here first, which earns you points already since that shows you're considerate."

"Whoa wait, why didn't I pick you up?" Legolas asked.

"Um, because...we met online, and we're twelve so we can't drive yet!"

"Right."

"Okay, let's start. I'll come in through the door." Arwen went outside and moments later reappeared. "Hi, so sorry I'm late."

"Oh, that's perfectly fine. Uh..." Legolas looked over his desk and found two packets of Post-Its. He picked them up. "I took the liberty of ordering us some Post-Its while I was waiting."

Arwen clapped her hands. "See, perfect! You used humor and you showed that you were thoughtful! Great! Let's continue."

Legolas beamed at Arwen's compliment. "Please, date, have a seat." He pulled out a chair for her."

"Oh, why thank you, date, I think I will." Arwen walked over and sat down in the chair before Legolas's desk. Legolas went over to his own chair and sat down.

He pulled out a couple of pens from his desk drawer. "Utensils?"

Arwen nodded smiling. After Legolas placed the pens before her, she said, "Now would be a good time for you to compliment me on my outfit."

Legolas paused as he looked over Arwen's outfit - a black vest over a crisp blue blouse and a navy blue skirt. A silver necklace gleamed at her throat. He gestured at the vest. "I have that same vest." Arwen raised an eyebrow. Legolas said hurriedly, "Sorry, I don't know much about clothing."

Arwen did some thinking. "Okay, here's a tip: take the adjective 'beautiful' and apply it to any piece of clothing I'm wearing."

Legolas nodded as he took Arwen's advice. "That is a beautiful necklace."

"Why thank you! My grandmother gave this to me."

The word grandmother immediately triggered a name in his mind: Galadriel. It wouldn't do to insult the great lady, so Legolas said quickly, "She has very good taste."

Arwen clapped her hands again. "That was great! Two generations, one compliment. You're good at this!"

"Alright! Legolas is in da house!"

Arwen paused. Her expression was between mirth and hopelessness. Legolas caught her expression and dropped the act. Arwen said, "Less street, more Legolas."

"Sorry." Legolas tried to act as much like himself as he could.

"Okay, let's skip ahead. We've had dinner, you ordered a dessert for us which we split. Needless to say, you kept garlic free and never once told me about some car commercial that you thought was funny." Legolas nodded to Arwen and made a mental note to himself about the car commercial thing. "Now we come to the part where you tell me what a great time you had and that you would very much like to date me again." Arwen settled herself to wait.

Legolas nodded. "Right." Then he seemed to sink into his thoughts.

Arwen smiled and waited. There were several long moments of silence. "Legolas?" Arwen prompted.

Legolas started. "Oh sorry. I was just thinking...and you have the most beautiful smile I've ever seen." Arwen nodded and continued smiling. Legolas went on, "And it's not just your smile, but your eyes. They're so beautiful...and they're like a gateway to a world that I've never seen. And I want to be part of it." Legolas stopped and held his breath, waiting for Arwen's response. He had no idea where that had just come from.

Arwen sat for a few moments staring at Legolas in a stunned silence. "Oh....w-wow. Well, I..."

Just then Aragorn appeared at the door. "Honey, we're going to be late for our yoga class." He saw Legolas. "Can you and your little pal continue your peer counseling session some other time?"

Arwen got up. "Coming sweetheart." She looked back at Legolas and smiled reassuringly. "You'll do fine Legolas, really. You have it all down. You're great."

Aragorn ushered Arwen out the door. "Come on dear, you're not doing the wheezing kid any favors by telling him he's going to make it to the Olympics." Aragorn gave Legolas a wave as he left.

Legolas waved back feebly. Then he collapsed in his chair.

---

"This message was brought to you by Mirkwood Accounting." The TV blared out the last few words and Theoden clicked it off. He turned to Eowyn, Elrond, and Etrerlia. The four of them were sitting in Elrond's office watching their message finally being broadcasted.

Eowyn smiled in self satisfaction. "I look so beautiful when I'm helping." She smiled again and went back to filing her nails.

"That was wonderful." Theoden looked at Etrerlia to see her response. She was writing in her notebook.

"It could have been worse," was the only response they got out of the elfmaiden.

Theoden turned to Elrond. "What did you think Elrond? Wasn't it wonderful?"

Elrond sat in in his chair in a traumatized silence. His eyes looked ready to bug out of his head and he sat without moving. Finally, he opened his mouth and two words came out, "Oooooooooooh Eru."

Theoden looked at him, puzzled at the response. "Oh Eru it was great?"

Elrond bit his lip and gave Theoden a scared look. "Depends on what you were trying to say. I sign you know."

"Really?" Etrerlia looked up.

"Oh yeah, high elven lords have to learn all that crap."

Eowyn got up from her seat. "What was wrong with it? It was a kind message to the deaf community saying You are in our hearts." Eowyn signed out the phrase again exactly as she had done in the message. She held the sign for heart as she smiled at Elrond.

Elrond raised a shaking finger and pointed at what Eowyn was signing. A word seemed stuck on his tongue. "T-that...isn't heart."

Eowyn, Theoden and Etrerlia looked at each other. "Etrerlia, who told you that was ASL for heart?" Theoden said to her.

Etrerlia shrugged. "I don't know. I don't sign, it just seemed logical."

Elrond looked at her with eyes wide in shock. "Well, you're lucky you got the other words right."

Eowyn looked Elrond. "So if it doesn't mean heart what does it mean?"

Elrond didn't seem to know how to answer. Finally, he managed to say, "It's lower."

"Knee?" Theoden guessed.

"It's higher."

"Lung?" guessed Eowyn.

"Lower."

"Thigh?" asked Etrerlia.

"Higher."

Theoden and Etrerlia looked at each other, Theoden had run out of ideas, Etrerlia was fearing the worst.

Eowyn made another guess. "Hips?"

"Center it."

Theoden and Eowyn looked down to see what Elrond meant. Etrerla sat down. "Oh Valar save us."

AN: chuckles That last part was kind of nasty, but heck, I couldn't resist putting it in. Thank you all kindly for reading! : )

Review(s):
l a y d e e: Thank you for reviewing.

FiRe-BabiiE: Thank you for reviewing.