Note: I apologize, but this chapter is not edited or beta'd; soexpect mistakes and contradictions.

Mirkwood Accounting
Chapter Four: Trying hard for the girl

Aragorn walked in through the front doors holding a basketball under his arm and with a smile on his face. Legolas followed looking rather sulky. As they got near Legolas's office, Aragorn turned to him. "So, loser, how do you feel about losing?"

"I'm not the loser," Legolas protested.

"Yes you are - loser."

"No, that game was-"

"Oh, I'm sorry, but I can't hear you over the 'losers'."

"That wasn't fair-"

"Fair said loser."

"You cheated Aragorn!"

"Ouch, I'm so hurt," Aragorn said sarcastically. "I don't know what to say - oh wait it's coming to me: loser." He tossed the basketball to Legolas.

"I so could have won," the elf muttered.

"No you couldn't have, you're barely half the athlete I am."

"I am as much of an athelete as you are," Legolas said indignantly. "Every aspect of my game is better than yours - running, shooting, jumping-"

"Jumping?" Aragorn looked ready to laugh. "Puh-lease."

"Yes jumping. And I"ll prove it." Legolas put the basketball down on the nearest desk. "Flat-foot take-off. You and me, right here, right now." With that, Legolas and Aragorn started jumping - up and down, up and down, up and down...

Aragorn jumped higher than Legolas, but a scant centimeter or so.

"Oh, look," he said between breaths. "Look how good your game is now."

Legolas grit his teeth and tried to jump higher.

"Come on," Aragorn said. He placed a hand up to show how high he had jumped. "Come one. Up here, up here."

That was how Etrerlia found them as she walked in. Legolas saw her. "Etrerlia," he gasped out while jumping. "You judge. Who's the winner?"

Etrerlia looked at them and said, "Believe me, there are no winners in this game." She went to her desk and left them to continue hopping up and down.

---

Three hours later Etrerlia flipped off her computer, having decided that she had done enough work for a morning. Wandering about, she strolled through the building looking for Legolas to get a ride to her favorite restaurant. Oh, she had her own car, but Etrerlia was too lazy to drive. She grabbed a donut and nibbled it as she searched for her quarry. She found him sorting through papers in a file cabinet in a neglected corner of the building. She strolled over to him.

"Hey hoppy," she said as a greeting.

Legolas looked up. "What do you want?"

"Drive me to lunch?" Etrerlia took a bite of her donut.

"I can't, I'm playing ball with Aragorn. I still have to prove to him that my game is better."

"Ooo, bad idea." Etrerlia sat down in an armchair next to Legolas. He crossed his arms.

"Why is it such a bad idea?"

Etrerlia assumed a half-lotus on the chair as she replied to his question. " Because there's not a woman in the world who;s gunna say Ohmigod! That man can jump so much higher than my boyfriend, I must have him." She looked at him meaningfully.

Legolas shrugged. "I'm sure there are some ladies who would be interested in a jump champion.

"Yeah, but they live in Australia and carry their young in pouches."

Legolas paused and raised an eyebrowt. "You've got a point there."

"Wow, you finally noticed," Etrerlia said sarcastically. "You've just won a 1000 night vacation with your hand!"

He looked at his hand with puzzlement as he tried to figure out what she was saying.

Etrerlia tried to talk sense into Legolas. "Look, an ancient Buddhist saying tells us: Sometimes the greatest victory is to simply walk away."

Legolas pondered for a moment. "Wow," he finally said. "That's deep."

"Oh, yeah. Buddhism gets you out of tons of crap."

Legolas rolled his eyes. "Why am I not surprised that you took to a religion that revolves around sitting?" With that he walked off to leave Etrerlia sitting in her chair.

---

Elrond shook his head as he went over to the dartboard to gather the darts. "Eowyn, I swear, you are the worst dart player I have ever seen! And I've worked with blind veterans."

Legolas walked in to find them before his office with a dartboard hung up on the door, and several little holes in the wood from when Eowyn had missed the dartboard and hit the door instead. "Uh, what are you guys doing?"

Elrond looked over at him. "Oh, hi Legolas. Since today's our free day for the month, we decided to have some fun with some dangerous Christmas toys." He motioned to a large box on a nearby desk. Legolas walked over and looked in.

"Baby's first razor?" Legolas said reading over the labels on the toys. Eowyn hid a smile at his surprise. "The toaster pool?!" Legolas wore an expression of shock. "Whose idea was this?"

"Theoden's," Elrond replied. "He was always getting hurt on Christmas toys when he was a little kid."

"What kind of dangerous toys was he playing with?" Legolas asked curiously.

Elrond thought for a moment. "Hm. Dolls, sock-puppets, books." He shrugged.

"Oh." Legolas blinked for a moment, then he composed himself again. "Well, I respect the fact that it's your free day today, but you have to get that off my door, because I still have to work today."

Aragorn came over. "Playing darts are we Legolas?"

"Well, yeah, I used to be a dart champion," said Legolas casually. "But I was just telling everyone that I'm busy today and can't play."

"Oh," Aragorn said. "I see. You're scared."

Legolas was about to reply with a remark that would have landed him in another competition with Aragorn, when Etrerlia walked by and gave him a pointed look. Legolas remembered their talk earlier. He turned to Aragorn with a calm smile. "You know Aragorn, sometimes the greatest victory is to simply walk away."

Etrerlia nodded approvingly with a smile.

"Where'd you get that from?" asked Aragorn.

"It's an ancient Buddhism concept," Legolas replied casually.

"Oh," said Aragorn. "Well, tell you what Dahli Lame-ass -" Etrerlia bit her lip and scurried away. "-I'll go really easy on you. Or even better, tell you what, we'll lower the board to your eye level, I'll throw from my knees. We'll play munchkin rules. And I'll go easy on you."

"Go easy on me?" Legolas was ticked off. "I should be the one going easy on you." He gave the man a glare. Aragorn returned the glare. "Okay, let's play darts," said Legolas. "Eowyn, stop playing, we need those darts you're holding."

"Just one more," Eowyn said. With her tongue sticking out slightly in concentration, she took aim and threw the dart. Just as the missile was about to hit, the door opened and Theoden, who had been looking for some papers in Legolas's office, stepped out.

"Hey, Elro- Ah!" Eowyn's hand flew to her mouth in horror as the dart struck Theoden in the arm.

Elrond froze. Eowyn managed to keep her cool. "Now, nobody panic. Come on Theoden, there's a medical kit near my office." She held her uncle's good arm and started to lead him to her office. "Elrond, we're going to need you to give us a ride to the hospital."

Elrond managed to unfreeze in time to answer. "No can do, Eowyn. I've got a dentist appointment. Ask Etrerlia, she'll be free."

Legolas stopped them. "Whoa, wait a sec."

"It's okay boss," Theoden said reassuringly. "I'm not hurt that badly."

"I'm sure you're not. But we need that dart."

Eowyn stared at him incredulously, wondering if her boss had finally lost it.

---

Theoden, Eowyn, and Etrerlia sat in the lobby of the hospital, waiting. Theoden still had the dart stuck in his arm, as Eowyn was afraid of blood loss should she pull it out. That was why they were at the hospital. Eowyn was looking through her uncle's medical history and filling out a form. A nurse appeared. "Theoden?"

"Hi Millie," Theoden said getting up. "That would be me."

The nurse, Millie apparently, seemed to recognize him suddenly. "Oh, Theoden! I was wondering why that name looked so familiar. What's it gonna be today?"

Theoden gave her a wry smile. "Dart in the arm."

The nurse clucked her tongue in sympathy. "Well, you know where to go." She gave him a smile and left. Theoden walked off to wherever he was supposed to go.

Eowyn continued to read Theoden's medical history while Etrerlia fiddled with some plastic flowers on the table next to her.

"Theoden's had a heck of a lot of injuries in his lifetime," Eowyn commented as she read.

Etrerlia didn't seem interested. "Hmm..."

"You know, we should give them the phone number of someone he knows really well for the emergency contact, like a family member or something."

"Right.." Etrerlia was bored. She looked over at Eowyn. "Who do you recommend? You're the only living member of his family as far as I'm aware of, besides Eomer who's too busy to care about him."

"Good point." Eowyn continued to read. There was a long silence. Suddenly Eowyn looked up at Etrerlia with shock written all over her face. "Etrerlia, you're not going to believe this."

"What? Theoden has a spoon stuck in his brain?" Knowing Theoden, that wouldn't surprise her too badly.

"No," said Eowyn. "He already has an emergency contact, and...it's you."

Etrerlia looked sharply at Eowyn, not able to believe what she had just heard. They stared at each other for a long time. "You have got to be joking."

"I'm not. It says so right here." Eowyn handed the papers over to Etrerlia. Etrerlia quickly skimmed through them and found the emergency contact.

"That is so much weirder..."

---

Legolas watched in apprehension as Aragorn took aim and tossed the last dart. He watched it sail through the air...and miss the bulls-eye.

"Oh, and that's not gonna do it!" he said gleefully. He had won the game of darts. "So who's the loser now?" he asked casually.

Aragorn tried not to show his annoyance. "That was not a legitimate game."

"It was a legitimate loser."

"You threw off my conce-"

"Threw off loser."

"It was totally-"

"Totally loser."

"I-"

"I think the word you're looking for is loser."

Aragorn stormed off in a huff. Legolas watched him go with a very smug look on his face. Arwen walked by, saw his strange expression, saw the darts, and asked, "So, been playing darts Legolas?"

Legolas jumped, he hadn't noticed Arwen. "Oh, hi Arwen." He tried to appear casual. "I was just, uh, playing a game of darts against Aragorn..." he shrugged, "and I won."

Arwen put a hand up to her mouth in mock surprise. "Oh wow," she said with a tinge of sarcasm. "That makes you, what, the dart champion of the entire company? Gosh, I'm so impressed." Arwen walked out with a scornful look on her face.

Elrond just happened to walk by and caught the entire conversation. "Nice going Legolas."

---

"Theoden?" Etrerlia walked up to him the next day. "I need to ask you something."

"Hi Etrerlia," Theoden said with an exceedingly bright smile for someon with his arm was in a sling due to a dart incident. "What do you need to talk about?"

"Okay, it's about your emergency contact. Why am I your emergency contact?"

"Well, you are a very kind and responsible person, and I thought you would make a great emergency contact."

"Theoden, I'm not the kind of person who would feed your cats while you're on vacation."

"But you fed my cats."

"No, you thought I fed your cats."

"Oh... So that's why they bit me when I came back - I thought they missed me."

"Look Theoden, I can't be your emergency contact. I don't want to be your - or anyone's - emergency contact. Okay?"

Theoden looked crestfallen. "Well, if you really don't want to...it's okay. I'll find someone else I guess. I have...plenty of friends." He turned around to find the janitor emptying trashcans. "Hey, Don?"

The janitor looked up. "It's Doug."

"Right, Doug," Theoden took a breath. "How do you feel about touching a man for medical reasons?"

Doug stood motionless for a moment, his face wearing a decidedly blank expression. He replaced the trashcan and quickly left. Etrerlia shook her head.

---

"And he cheated," Aragorn said sullenly. "He totally cheated. I should have won."

Arwen rolled her eyes. Aragorn was leaning against the reception counter, telling her all about his little troubles. They seemed to mostly involve Legolas and the dart throwing competition today.

"Honey, don't you think I should have won?"

"I think you should get over it, like a good little boy," replied Arwen.

Legolas walked over. "Hey, Aragorn I was wondering if you want to go play basketball again this afternoon?"

Before Aragorn could reply Arwen interjected, "I'm sorry Legolas, Aragorn can't play this afternoon. He's on time-out."

Both of them stared at her. "What?"

Arwen turned to them with a very annoyed expression on her face. "Look, this has gone too far. You're competing for no reason! One of you has got to rise above this petty rivalry, and you'd better do it quickly." She gave them a stern look.

They pondered this for a moment. "Yeah you're right," said Aragorn. Legolas nodded.

Then they glanced up and said in unision, "I will." They glared at each other.

"I said it first," Legolas said quickly.

"No, I said it first." Aragorn turned to Arwen. "Honey, you judge. Who won?"

Arwen put her head in her hands. This was going nowhere.

---

"Ow...ow..." Theoden sat in his chair rocking back and forth. "Ow..."

Etrerlia heard him and came over to check what was wrong. "Theoden, what did you do now?"

"I ran over my foot with my rolling chair."

Etrerlia stared at him for a moment. "How do you even do that?"

"I don't know, but somehow I always manage it." He glanced over at her. "It's okay, you don't have to worry - you're not my emergency contact."

Etrerlia shook her head. "You are so hopeless Theoden." She sat down across the table from him. "Look, I've been thinking about it for a while, and I've decided on something."

"Yes?"

"You're too helpless on your own. I'll..." Etrerlia sighed as she sealed herself to her fate. "I'll be your emergency contact."

A grin spread across Theoden's face. "Yes!" he cried and slapped his hand down on the table. "Aah!" He looked at his hand. "Tack!"

Etrerlia cradled her head in her hands.

Chapter Four, and that's a wrap people... Ooo, special eh? ::was meant to be sarcastic:: Whatever.The chapter'snot that funny because I'm feeling a little depressed... Sorry.

Review(s):
l a y d e e: Glad you liked the signing part. :) Thanks for the reviews!
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