Note: Again, not edited, not beta'd...

Mirkwood Accounting

Chapter Five: Addiction and Misunderstanding

"Oh, c'mon Legolas, you've got to let me get you something! It's your birthday!"

Legolas rolled his eyes as he strode to his office with Mithae at his heels. At the door, he turned to her.

"Look Mithae, I already 'let you' buy yourself that new dress, necklace, and earrings. Isn't that enough for one day?"

Mithae fingered the shimmering folds of her new silver dress with a smile. But then she quickly got back to the present matters. "Oh, don't be so uptight Legolas! Tell you what, why don't you come to the racetrack with me today and we'll play hookie. How's that sound?"

"No," Legolas countered. "That would be me playing hookie and you going to 'work'."

Mithae shrugged. "So?"

Legolas sighed. "Alright, why don't you get me that watch I saw while flipping through magazines last Saturday night." He thought about what he had just said. "Wow, that was my Saturday night. You know what, just get me a gun." He turned and strode into his office.

Mithae followed him. "I can't get you a watch. A watch is a romantic gift. Guns are for anniversaries."

Legolas turned to her. "How is a watch a romantic gift?"

"It implies things," she replied. "You know, like, 'I really enjoy spending time with you', 'Thanks for the time of my life', 'Your wife only went to the grocery store, we don't have that much time'." She shrugged at Legolas's incredulous look.

"Where do you get this stuff?"

She raised an eyebrow and smirked slightly. "Life, baby, life."

"I won't ask," he said decidedly. "But, really, I've got a lot of work today, okay?"

"Aw, c'mon... Oh, alright. But look at you..." her eyes turned soft, "you're getting so much more mature, and it only seems like yesterday that you were a little elfling."

Legolas arched an eyebrow.

"Ah, heck, soon you're going to be old as me." With that, Mithae turned heel and left the building.

---

Etrerlia sat in Legolas's revolving chair while Legolas himself typed away at his computer.

"Solitaire or porn?" Etrerlia asked.

"I'm working," came the curt reply.

"Porn," she decided.

Legolas glared at her - and noticed that she was eating a large slice of chocolate cake. "What are you eating?"

"Birthday cake," she replied and licked the spoon. Oh, by the way, later your colleagues will be surprising you with most of a birthday cake."

"Oh, wow, what a coincidence," he said sarcastically. "At the end of this week, I'll be surprising you with most of a paycheck."

Etrerlia opened her mouth to snap back, but at that moment Arwen appeared at the door.

"Hey, Legolas? Are you busy right now?"

Legolas immediately sat up straighter and put on a smile. "Oh, hi Arwen. No, no, I'm not busy at all."

"Oh, okay. Because I'm part of the Local Greyhound Rescue Society, and since there's a big meeting this Friday, I was wondering if I could have the day off?" Arwen looked at him hopefully.

"Why, of course," Legolas said gallantly. "Take as many days off as you need."

Arwen smiled brightly. "Oh, thanks so much Legolas! You're the best!"

"Why do you have to be so obvious?" This was from Etrerlia, who had been listening in.

Arwen caught the comment and turned to her with a slightly concerned air. "Etrerlia, is there something wrong?"

Etrerlia in response plastered on her best fake smile. "Of course not. I think it's wonderful that you're trying to save the world, one arthritic racehound at a time."

Arwen apparently didn't catch her insincerity. "Oh, then that's alright. Bye Legolas."

Legolas waved to her as she left, then rounded on Etrerlia. "Why are you always so mean to Arwen?"

Etrerlia slapped her cake down on his desk with a bang. "It's because of the way she's always using you!"

"Using me? Uh, excuse me?"

She got up and crossed her arms. "She's always coming to ask for days off to go to this Society or that Meeting, and then always ends up at the beach. Just this month, she's already had two Fridays off. And how many have I had off?"

Legolas looked her in the eye. "Three, and two Wednesdays."

"Okay, they don't count as days off if you sleep through them," Etrerlia protested. "But that's not the point! It's that she knows she can ask for about anything and you'll let her have it. What kind of an attitude is that?"

"I could say your attitude is no better," Legolas countered. "Last Monday, someone put a sign on Arwen's back that said 'kick the pretty outta me'."

"Okay, one, it said 'kick the cute out of me'," Etrerlia corrected him. "And two, it wasn't me."

"Then on Thursday, someone stuck peanut butter in her sandals."

"First, they were flip-flops, and again, not me."

"Look Etrerlia, how long have we been friends?"

She glared at him. "What are you getting at?"

"What I'm trying to say, is that, just be nicer to Arwen. Say 'hi' or something instead of putting mayonaise in her coffee."

Etrerlia grinned at the memory. "It looks just like Half & Half."

Legolas gave her a pointed look. "At least try, will you?"

The grin disappeared from Etrerlia's face. "What are you? My nanny back in Mirkwood? 'Be nice to Miklara, she's far from home'," she said in mock imitation.

Legolas sighed. "Please Etrerlia. If only because it's my birthday?"

"Fine," she sighed. "And I'm taking tomorrow off."

He watched the door slam as she walked out, wondering how that little talk was going to affect the day.

---

Elrond and Theoden walked in at half-past ten. Late, but with an excuse: they had attended a wake the previous night.

Theoden sighed loudly.

"What's wrong?" Elrond asked.

"Oh, nothing I suppose," he replied morosely. "I'm just so surprised that cousin Winhelm died."

"Surprise?" Elrond's eyebrows rose. "The man was 104! His mother rode jumpers while she was pregnant with him!"

"Yeah, I guess." Theoden fished out an ornate gold watch and looked at it. "Ooo, look at the time, I'd better rush."

Elrond's eyes caught the watch. "Whoa, hold it, hold it."

Theoden paused mid-stride. "Yes?"

"Where'd you get that watch?"

"Oh, it used to be Winhelm's."

The Elven-lord's eyebrows were whizzing spectacularly. "Yeah, I recognize whose it - from Winhelm's casket."

Theoden took a small step away. "He wanted me to have it."

"No he didn't, he wanted me to have it! He said so himself!"

"Well, why didn't you ever get it from him?"

"Because I didn't think you'd pluck it from his dead body!"

Theoden pocketed the watch. "Well, I guess the lesson we all learned here is that you snooze, you lose." He walked off quickly.

"I know Winhelm learned that!" Elrond said hotly.

---

Eowyn chewed on a stick of gum as she poured herself a fresh cup of coffee. It was quarter to eleven, and she felt she could use something to perk her up.

Aragorn, with the same thought, came over to make himself a cup too. He glanced at Eowyn chewing at her gum, and couldn't help but drop a snide comment.

"Hey Bessie, you wanna go easy on that cud?"

Eowyn paused mid-chew and glared at him. "Why does everything have to turn into a cheap insult with you, woman hips?"

Aragorn chose to ignore the comment and busied himself selecting a packet of sugar for his drink. "What flavor gum is that anyway?"

"Berry."

"What kind of berry?"

"I don't know," she replied in annoyance. "It came out of a test tube in a lab, it's red dye #6 berry."

Aragorn contemplated this for a moment. "You know, I never got into gum."

Eowyn stared at him. "What do you mean you never got into gum? It's like saying you never got into socks!"

"Can I have a piece?" he prompted.

Eowyn rolled her eyes and fished out a stick, but hesitated before giving it to him. "Hey, isn't it with you alcoholics that you just pick up a new addiction to recover from an old one?" She hurriedly retracted the gum. "Uh-uh. I'm not going to be responsible for getting you addicted again."

Aragorn laughed lightly. "Oh please, how weak do you think I am?" He took the gum from Eowyn, who was looking troubled, and unwrapping it popped it into his mouth.

He chewed on it. And chewed. And chewed. And chewed...

Eowyn was starting to look alarmed.

Finally, Aragorn took a breath. "Wow," he said shakily. "That's good."

Eowyn raised an eyebrow.

"Hey, can I have another piece? The flavor just faded."

"Oh, no," she said shaking her head, and starting to walk away. "You're not getting another piece."

"Come on, Eowyn," Aragorn pleaded. "One more?"

Eowyn was already at the door to the kitchen. "You already have a piece!"

Aragorn followed her. "Yeah, and I said the flavor just faded!"

As they left, Etrerlia came in for her mid-morning coffee. As she stirred in half a packet of sugar, she heard someone else come in. She turned to look and saw Arwen come in and busy herself making coffee. Etrerlia was about to drop a snide remark, then remembered Legolas's words, and forced a smile on instead.

"Hi," she said to Arwen.

Arwen glanced at her and smiled back, "Hello, Etrerlia."

Etrerlia fought to keep the smile on her face. "Nice... blouse."

Slightly surprised that she was being so civil, Arwen returned the comment, "You too."

"And your hair looks so..." Etrerlia fumbled for a compliment. "...clean."

"Uh, thank you," Arwen said. After a moment of silence, she added, "You're being quite nice today."

"Yeah I know," Etrerlia replied quickly. "And it's really wearing me out, how do you do this all day?"

"I do this because it's in my nature, but I know this isn't the normal you. I mean, last week you were putting peanut butter in my flip-flops and now you're being really nice."

"Oh yeah, and don't forget the mayo, it didn't spoon itself into your coffee you know."

Arwen rolled her eyes and placed a hand on her hip. "Alright, what's going on?"

Etrerlia shrugged, unwilling to let on that she had been forced into it by Legolas. "Oh, you know, I haven't really been all that nice to you in the past - with the signs on your back and the whole peanut butter thing - and I guess it's because I was jealous..."

Arwen raised an eyebrow. Etrerlia? Jealous of her?

"... and I guess I feel bad...ish." She shrugged.

"Uh-huh," Arwen said, not really believing her. "And so that's why you were mean to me this morning, and now showering me with compliments half an hour later?"

"Okay," Etrerlia said, her patience finally snapping. "You really want to know why I'm pissed at you? It's because of the way you're always manipulating Legolas to let you have days off."

She turned and left the kitchen. Arwen followed.

"I do not manipulate Legolas!" she said defensively. "Anyone can ask him for a day off!"

Etrerlia entered her office and smacked her coffee down on her desk with little regard to wood or china. She turned back to Arwen.

"Sure, anyone can. But they should bring you in to close the deal!"

"What?" Arwen said incredulously.

"I mean, it's so obvious..." Etrerlia muttered as she typed away at her keyboard.

"What's obvious?"

"Nothing," Etrerlia said glaring at Arwen. "Now if you will please remove yourself from my office."

"Etrerlia-" Arwen started.

"Hey, if the peanut buttery flip-flops fit, wear them!"

At this, Arwen hurumphed indignantly and swept out of the office.

---

Legolas glanced up from his typing and saw Etrerlia walk past. He hurriedly got up and called to her.

"Hey, Etrerlia. I need to talk to you for a sec."

The afore-mentioned elf-maiden rolled her eyes and stalked into his office, slamming the door behind her.

"What?"

"How did it go?" he asked eagerly. "You know, being nice to Arwen."

"You haven't talked to her yet?"

"No."

Etrerlia decided to see just how gullible he was. She put on a fake smile. "Oh, Arwen is awesome!"

Legolas's face lit up with a smile. "See! I knew you could be friends!" he said delightedly.

"Yeah, yeah, and you know how when she smiles and her nose crinkles up like-"

"Like an angel," Legolas said dreamily.

Etrerlia's smile slipped frationally. "Well, I was going to say piglet, but angel works. And-"

Unfortunatel, Etrerlia's masquerade was ground to a halt by Arwen's entrance.

"Hey, Legolas-" She halted abruptly as her eyes fell on Etrerlia. "Oh, Etrerlia."

"Arwen," Etrerlia replied through clenched teeth.

"Maybe this isn't such a good time," Arwen turned to leave.

Legolas immediately sensed the tension between the two of them, quite miraculous for his usual bumbling self.

"Whoa, wait Arwen." He strode to the door and closed it. "Arwen, have a seat. You too Etrerlia."

The two elf-maidens sat down stiffly.

"Now, I need to know what's going on around here," Legolas said, standing between the two of them. "All this tension is getting unbearable. And look, Arwen, if there's anything that's making you uncomfortable, you can just talk to me and I'll address the issue immediately."

"Uncomfortable?" Arwen's expression was one caught between scorn and bemusement. "I'll tell you what's making me uncomfortable, it's this whole crush thing that's going on around here."

Legolas's eyes widened in shock. Did she know?

Arwen got up. "If there's anything that needs to be addressed, it's that, Legolas."

With that, Arwen turned heel and left the office. Legolas was looking hurt and confused.

"Nice going, Leggy-boy," Etrerlia said sarcastically. She got up to leave also. "Have fun."

---

And hour later, Etrerlia was having her lunch at the office, along with another cup of coffee. As she stirred in the sugar, she heard someone come up behind her. The someone was breathing rather heavily. She turned to see Aragorn standing there, breathing raggedly and trying not to show his anxiety.

"Anxiety over what?" she wondered.

"Hey, Etrerlia," Aragorn said. "Can I have some gum?"

"You're chewing way too much for your own good," she replied. "It's going to have an affect on your nerves, you know."

"Oh, I'm sorry," Aragorn said sarcastically. "I thought I said gum, not sanctimonious lecture."

"You should stop bumming pieces off everyone at least. Just get your own pack."

Aragorn laughed, trying to sound light-hearted. "I don't need my own pack, I'm just a social-chewer."

"Well, you look stressed out."

"I'm not stressed out, I just want some gum. So, can I have a piece?"

"I don't have any," Etrerlia said shortly.

"And that," Aragorn said, chewing on his knuckles, "stresses me out." He thought for a moment. "I'm going to the newspaper stand. Miklara understands me."

The name rang a bell in Etrerlia's mind. "Miklara Baetsen?" she thought in shock.

---

Meanwhile, Legolas had decided to spend his lunch break at the track with Mithae, away from the office.

Mithae craned her neck and scanned the track. "Oh, c'mon," she called. "Move, you worthless piece of crap!"

"Mithae," Legolas asked. "Why do you insult the horses?"

"Horses? I'm yelling at the beer guy! He hasn't moved in half an hour!" She continued to look around.

"So, are you having a nice birthday?" Mithae asked absently.

Legolas flinched slightly, remembering the day's events. "No, not really."

"Why, whatever's the matter?"

"Arwen found out that I like her," he said glumly. "And she said it was making her uncomfortable. Now what do you suppose that means?"

"Not comfortable. Lacking in comfort. " Legolas turned to see that the speaker was an elderly man sitting next to them. The man shifted in his seat. "Like my underwear."

Mithae glanced at him. "Stay out of this, Arty," she said coolly. Then turning to Legolas, she said, "You know Legolas, you should just talk to her about it. After all, the bird's out of the sack, you might as well live up to it."

"But how can I talk to her? She said it made her uncomfortable."

"Well, you can talk to me then," Mithae offered.

"Yeah, but the race is about to start and you're not going to hear a single word I say."

At that moment, a shrill bell sounded - signalling the start of the race. Mithae sat up straight and watched eagerly. Suddenly, she remembered that Legolas had been talking to her.

"Oh, I'm sorry honey, what did you say?"

Legolas sighed in defeat. "Nothing." Then to himself, he muttered, "All I asked for my birthday from Mithae was a watch, and this is what I get."

Arty apparently heard his comment, for he sat up and gazed at Legolas in shock. "You asked for a watch from you aunt?"

Legolas opened his mouth to protest that she wasn't his aunt, then thought better of it. "What's wrong with that?" he said instead.

"That's disgusting," Arty said.

"Why?"

"Because a watch is a romantic gift!" Arty responded. "It implies that you want to spend time with someone."

Not the watch business again, Legolas groaned inwardly. "Okay, then what is an appropriate gift?"

Arty shrugged. "Underwear."

Legolas gave up on his lunch break then and there.

---

Etrerlia sat in Aragorn's office, curled up comfortably in his armchair, reading a newspaper and smoking a cigarette. Of course, Legolas had forbidden the use of drugs (including cigarettes) in the building, but it meant little to Etrerlia; though she usually refrained from smoking in the building. But today she felt she deserved a treat, what with trying to be nice to Arwen and everything.

So anyway, Etrerlia was smoking contentedly and Aragorn returned to his office. He only glanced at Etrerlia, not commenting on the smoking, then went to a mirror hung up on his wall.

Etrerlia looked up and saw a blob of a pale-pink something stuck in his hair. "It that gum in your hair?" she asked incredulously.

"No, it's a sticky-hat," came the sarcastic reply. Aragorn pried at the blob with his fingers.

"What happened?"

"You nap, things happen," he said matter-of-factly.

"Well how-"

"Etrerlia," Aragorn cut her off, "I can't talk right now. I've had a lot of gum."

"Okay." Etrerlia went back to her paper and smoking as Aragorn picked at the wad of gum stuck in his dark locks. Finally, he got it unstuck.

"So," he said. "Never though you'd be crushing on Legolas."

Etrerlia snapped to attention. "What?"

"Oh please," Aragorn said lightly. "Arwen told me all about how you have a crush on him."

Something clicked in Etrerlia's mind. "Me? Crush on Legolas? Whoa whoa, so that's the crush she ws talking about?"

"Yeah, what else would she be talking about?"

"Valar." Etrerlia sprang up, tossing the paper to the ground. She handed Aragorn her cigarette as she passed, "Hold this" then dashed out to find Legolas and warn him.

Aragorn watched her go with a puzzled look. Then he regarded the cigarette. Shrugging, he took a pull - and promptly started coughing. Then the coughs subsided, and he took another pull on the weed.

"Oh, that's good..."

---

Legolas ambled to the kitchen for some coffee, feeling quite stressed out. He stopped dead when he saw Arwen already there and making herself a cup.

"Oh. Arwen."

Arwen whipped around. "Legolas!" she exclaimed. "Oh, I was just looking for you... Look, about that crush thing, I'm really sorry I blurted it out."

"No, it's alright," Legolas said mournfully. "Just, why didn't you ever mention it before?"

"Well, you're my boss, Legolas. I can't just say something that like that."

He shrugged. "Too late now."

"Actually you know, I kind of like it," Arwen said with a small smile.

"Eh?" Legolas's brain had not quite yet processed the information. But then it did and he looked at her in surprise. "Really?"

"Yeah, you know." Arwen shrugged slightly.

"Wait, but what about Aragorn?"

"Oh, he doesn't care," Arwen said lightly.

Legolas raised an eyebrow. "The bastard."

"He actually said it might be kind of fun to watch." Arwen shrugged again.

Legolas's eyebrows rose even higher. "The sick bastard."

"So anyway," said Arwen smiling. "What's your next move?"

"Well, I don't know. What do you think I should do?"

"I say: go for it." She smiled at him.

Then before Legolas could move, a bagel flew through the doorway and smacked him squarely on the head. Etrerlia followed a moment later, skidding to a halt between Arwen and Legolas.

"Legolas," she said, dictating carefully and deliberately. "Arwen's right. I have a crush on you." Etrerlia glared at Legolas, mouthing 'Do something you idiot!" and making sure that Arwen could not see her face.

"O-oh..." Legolas was quite taken aback. "Oh. O...kay." Then he turned and fled to his office.

Etrerlia breathed a sigh of relief, and turned to go - only to find herself face to face with Arwen.

"Why'd you throw a bagel at him?"

Etrerlia shrugged. "My man looked hungry," she said and left.

---

"I can't believe she actually thought that I would like you," Etrerlia said as she sat in Legolas's swivel chair. "That girl is crazier than a bum arguing with his elbow."

Legolas sighed. "Yeah, but still. I thought this would be the perfect chance to tell her, and now..." He sighed again. "Well, everything's still the same."

"Mm-hmm." Etrerlia propped her feet up on his desk and leaned back in the chair.

"Yeah. And speaking of that..." Legolas looked at her with a sideways glance. "You know Etrerlia, if I've ever done anything to lead you on..."

She snorted and swung her feet off the desk to stand up. "Oh, yeah," she said scornfully. "I'm so into this whole pint-sized dork thing you've got going on. I mean, it's like God carved you out of a block of pure geek and then protected his creation with a thick coat of fur. Yum."

Legolas shrugged, then sighed again. Etrerlia shook her head and walked to the door, but paused with her hand on the doorknob to look back at him. "You know Legolas, don't let it get you down too much. You'll find someone someday."

He smiled weakly. "Thanks Etrerlia, you're a great friend."

"Right, just don't depend on me. I'm not that kind of a friend." Then she left, slamming the door in her usual fashion.

Arwen soon caught up with her, but Etrerlia walked on to her office.

"Hey, Etrerlia..." Arwen said awkwardly.

"Yeah, what?" Etrerlia sat down before her computer.

Arwen twiddled her fingers guiltily. "Look, I'm really sorry about the whole crush thing. I know I shouldn't have said anything, but...you understand, don't you?" she said imploringly.

"Yeah, sure," Etrerlia replied indifferently as she shuffled some papers. "You know, you cry, you throw bagels, you get over it." She looked up at Arwen and shrugged. "No hard feelings."

"Really?" Arwen's expression was one of relief and joy. "So we're still friends?"

"Yeah, I guess." Etrerlia forced a smile on. "Hug?"

"Of course." Arwen smiled and embraced her 'friend', oblivious to the fact that Etrerlia took the opportunity to stick a sign on her back. She walked out of the office without noticing, not even when Elrond and Theoden passed by and Theoden openly stared at it.

"Trip me and win a prize," Theoden read aloud with a grin. He shook his head as they passed by Etrerlia who was standing in her office doorway. "Good one, Etrerlia."

She smiled a genuine smile.

Elrond shook his head, but said nothing. "Is Legolas in his office Etrerlia?" the elvenlord asked.

"Yeah, why?" she said.

"Oh, we've decided to give Uncle Winhelm's watch to Legolas for his birthday," Theoden said brightly.

"Yes," Elrond said soberly. "We decided that friendship was more important than a little trinket."

Etrerlia's smile slipped. "You're giving him a watch?"

"Yeah, why?" Theoden asked. "Is someone else giving him one?"

She put on a fake smile. "Oh, no. No one."

"Okay then. Later, Etrerlia." Theoden and Elrond strode off to find Legolas.

Etrerlia went back to her office, closing the door softly behind her. She opened a drawer in her desk and withdrew a small box, carefully wrapped with silver white gift paper. She opened it, and looked ruefully at the platinum watch inside. She glanced up at the bare white wall of her office.

"To heck with it," she muttered. Tossing the package into the wastebasket, she slammed the office door behind her and left for the parking lot, her car keys in her hand.

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insert triumphant music I finally finished! That last bit took SO long to write, don't ask me why. Well, hope you enjoyed! And psst, please drop a review or two, that'd be greatly appreciated, thanks...