by crystal tiara
Disclaimer: I don't own "Dynasty Warriors"; Koei does. And I'm not making any money off this.
A messenger showed up at her doorstep, with a grave expression on his face. But before he could even say a word, she already knew what he was going to say. Her husband, Zhuge Liang, had died.
Why did it have to be this way? Yue Ying had been worrying that something like this would happen, but she wasn't expecting it to happen this soon. She felt like she wanted to curse the gods for taking him away so early. He was merely in his early fifties, and still had so much potential, so much wisdom to share. Why cut off his life so abruptly?
How strange it was that fate could be so fickle-minded. Just days ago, he had written, confident about his condition. He told her not to worry, that he'd be alright, and that he'd be returning soon. And while reading his letter gave her a bit of optimism, she still could not be at ease. She wished that she could've been there on the battlefield, with him, so that she would be able to fight for him, and check on his condition. But he wouldn't let her, and repeatedly assured her that he would be fine. He even reminded her that she had a son to take care of, and therefore could not go off to battle while leaving the child alone. But now, he had passed away, just like that.
Now that she thought about it, perhaps it was because he didn't want her to see him in his condition. He didn't like it when she worried about him, because he said that he didn't want to cause her any pain. He told her that he didn't want to see her cry.
"You're a strong person, my wife," he told her, only a few months before, when she fussed about his lack of food and rest. "You shouldn't be worrying about me. I wouldn't like it if you were sad because of me. It would give me sadness, too."
But he, himself, was a strong person too, more so on an intellectual level. In fact, he was the stronger one. She felt that she was just a weak person... she wasn't able to even be there for him during his dying moments. He had a strong will to survive. Even before he breathed his last, she was sure that he fought hard to live. That was him--- a person who never gave up. She recalled reminding him to take care of himself more, lest he succumb to illness. He smiled and told her that he was a fighter.
Perhaps she shouldn't have ignored the premonition. She saw it one night, as she was studying the star patterns. Her gaze fell upon an unradiant star, which looked like it was about to fade into the darkness. She gazed at the star, and recognized it as her husband's. She hoped that she was merely seeing things, and that his star was still shining brightly as ever, but it wasn't. She didn't tell him about it, but perhaps he had sensed it too, for when she saw him that night, he appeared to be anxious about something. But days passed, and the star was bright and shining again. And then last night, the star had disappeared from the night sky. It worried her, keeping her awake the entire night.
And now, it was just as the heavens had foretold. She had lost not just a husband, but a partner, confidant, a mentor, a lover, and a friend as well. He meant that much to her. Even though he was often busy with work and didn't see each other often, she knew that he was always thinking of her, and their son, Zhan.
Speaking of Zhan, she just didn't know how to tell him of his father's death, for she didn't want to alarm him. He was only eight years old, and now he had lost a father. And, knowing how much he respected and admired his father, it was likely that he would have a hard time coping with his father's death.
"If I die, Yue Ying, you promise not to cry, alright?" She remembered him saying those words in a tongue-in-cheek manner, a long time ago, when they were talking about life and death.
"How can you say that?" she had replied. "What kind of person wouldn't cry upon the death of a loved one?"
Promise not to cry... Well, that was going to be certainly impossible. Already she could feel the tears welling up and all those pent-up emotions about to be released. She was going to miss him terribly, especially since she hadn't seen him that much for the past few days. She didn't know what she was feeling now; it seemed like a combination of anger, grief, regret and hurt. It was as if several emotions were surging through her, all at the same time.
"You liar... you promised you'd come back. You promised you'd be fine," she said, choking back the tears. "I'm really going to miss you, you know that?"
She had heard of a few wives who, consumed by grief upon the deaths of their husbands, committed suicide to be reunited with their lovers. But she wasn't going to do that, as much as she was going to think of her husband. Even if she would cry, somehow she was going to be strong for his sake. She wasn't going to just die like that. She knew that he wouldn't have wanted her to end her life. He would tell her to live, to go on living. And that was just what she was going to do, as hard as it may be.
Her mind flashed back to another one of those conversations they'd had before. "Someday," he said, "I'd like to see the chaos end, so we can all live in peace. And I would also like to return to the thatched hut we once lived in. We'd read together and chat about this and that, and watch the stars, or go for a walk, like we used to. Those were the days, weren't they? We weren't rich, but we weren't poor either... but we were happy. I wish to return to that kind of life."
He couldn't have said it better. With all the work that he had to do, she knew that there were times when the only thing he would like to do was to relax. But with the hectic life he was living, he hardly had any time for even a good night's sleep. Clearly, in order to be an efficient strategist, one had to devote his entire life to his cause.
Perhaps now he finally had the rest and the peace he so longed for. Perhaps now he was free of all the stress and the burdens that he had to deal with. And perhaps he was now in a better place... a place he would've liked to return to. And despite the sadness that she felt upon losing him, she wondered if somehow, he was happy wherever he was, and if he was thinking about them right now, just as she was.
"Welcome home, my husband," she whispered.