Mirkwood Accounting

Chapter Six - The Heart of the Matter

Legolas sat in his office, fidgeting nervously as he glanced from time to time at his answering machine. There was another one in a corner of his office, but he was more intent on the one on his desk. He pressed the 'play' button.

"You have no new messages."

The elf leaned back in his chair, twiddling his thumbs nervously. A few second later, he pressed the 'play' button again.

"You have no new messages."

He took a deep breath. And just sat there for about half a minute. Then he pressed the 'play' button again.

"You have no new messages."

He whacked the answering machine in frustration.

"Ah, c'mon Arwen," he said to the air. "Why haven't you called me yet?"

Now would be a good time to fill in some information. For the past three days, Arwen had been on a small vacation with Aragorn. Just before leaving, Aragorn had confronted Legolas, saying that he knew that the elf liked Arwen, and that he had better stay away from her or there would be trouble.

The couple had returned the day before now.

At the moment, the Mirkwood elf was highly stressed out - thinking that Aragorn probably would have told Arwen that he liked her.

And there was one thing that kept bothering him: Arwen had not called him yet.

Why wouldn't she?

There were two explanations: Aragorn did not, in fact, tell her. Or, he had and she was so mad or upset that she had not called him.

He frankly thought it was the latter, and didn't like it at all.

So now, back to the present with Legolas sitting at his desk, nervously watching his answering machine. And why was he waiting for the answering machine? His phone had broken down the day before for some reason, and would not ring. So he could only wait for messages. And wait he was. Not very patiently or calmly.

Legolas got up and paced around the office. His eyes fell on the other answering machine.

"Maybe the other one's cursed," he said to himself. He pressed 'play' on the corner answering machine.

"You have one new message."

He glanced back at the one on his desk. "Wow, it is cursed."

The message began to play. A female voice was heard.

"Hey, Legolas! It's Arwen. Listen, Aragorn told me about the crush thing during our vacation. I'm just calling to say that I love you, and that I've dumped Aragorn. Also, I just won the lottery yesterday, and I've bought us a nice shack on the beach-"

Legolas stopped the message. Far from appearing excited, his expression was annoyed. He went to his door and yanked it open. Etrerlia stood there, leaning against the wall with her cellphone in hand.

She looked bored, but also highly amused. "I guess the lottery thing gave it away, huh?"'

Legolas sighed exasperatedly and went back to his chair. Etrerlia followed him inside.

"I just don't get it," Legolas said. "Aragorn knows I like Arwen. He must have told her, so why hasn't she called me to at least discuss it?"

"Legolas, you know why," Etrerlia said. "She doesn't want to talk to you."

He shrugged, not wanting to contemplate the bleak option. "Maybe she doesn't know my phone number."

"She used to call you every other week to ask for days off."

Legolas thought for a moment. "Well, maybe she's stuck under something heavy."

"She is!" It was Etrerlia's turn to be exasperated. "Aragorn!"

Legolas sank back in his chair, looking extremely deflated. Like someone had just popped his last happy bubble - which Etrerlia just had.

Etrerlia sighed impatiently. "Okay, Legolas, listen. There are millions of women out there, and somewhere somebody is gonna look at you and go... 'Alright'."

Legolas raised an eyebrow, apparently doubtful of that.

"Okay, okay," Etrerlia continued, "Maybe not just like that. But I mean, you'll find someone. Probably someone way cooler than you deserve. You should open your eyes."

Legolas smiled weakly at his friend. "Thanks Etrerlia. And hey, you'll someone too."

Etrerlia raised an eyebrow. Putting on a mock look of gratitude, she said, "Oh, gee, thanks Mom! Call me when the s'more are ready."

She turned and left the room, slamming the door as per usual. Legolas sighed and rested his head on his desk. On a whim, he pushed his answering machine off the edge of his desk.

After a minute, he got up and decided that a cup of coffee would make his day better. Halfway to the kitchen, he met up with Aragorn.

"Hey, Legolas," the man said. "Can I talk to you for minute?"

"Yeah, sure." Legolas wasn't quite sure if he wanted to know what was coming.

"Okay, it's about Arwen."

"Oh no," Legolas thought.

"I told her," Aragorn said, "about your little uh, crush thing."

"And?" Legolas said tentatively.

"We had a good laugh about it. Now Legolas, I just want to tell you to stay away from her for a while."

"But-"

"And I wouldn't use words like 'but' in her presence. Just keep your distance, and let it be. Okay?"

Legolas nodded weakly. Aragorn clapped him on the shoulder.

"Good man. Well, later."

---

Arwen made her way through the building with her usual floaty walk, headed for Legolas's office. It was her first day back from vacation, but she wanted to ask Legolas to have next Wednesday off - there was another meeting of the Greyhound Rescue Society and she planned to be there.

As she neared her destination, Aragorn caught up with her.

"Hey, honey," he said. "Where are you going?"

"Going to see Legolas," she replied with a bright smile.

Aragorn's expression twitched slightly. "Oh, uh, I wouldn't if I were you."

She looked at him with a slightly puzzled look. "Why?"

"Because..." He fumbled for something to say. "...because Legolas has mono."

"Legolas has mono?" Arwen found that hard to believe.

"Yeah, yeah. Although, I guess, tecinically if you get it from kissing a man, it's mano."

Arwen put her hands on her hips, a bemused and annoyed expression on her face. "Legolas does not have mono."

"Oh, no, no. He does. " Aragorn was all sincerity. "I wouldn't go near him if I were you. Keep away for a bit."

Arwen raised an eyebrow.

"Please?"

She shook her head and walked back to the front desk. Aragorn could be so strange sometimes, but then again he was generally right. So stay away from Legolas she would.

She got out a small photo album, filled with pictures of her and Aragorn on their vacation. Smiling, she began to look through it.

"Hey, Arwen!"

Arwen looked up to see Theoden.

"Oh, hello Theoden," she said with a polite smile.

"Hi. Yeah, I was wondering if I could get a picture of you later for the annual employee yearbook? You know, just a few shots of you with the others."

Arwen raised an eyebrow. "We have a yearbook?"

"Um, well, I'm making one. So, just be here around two?"

"Sure."

Theoden beamed. "Great! See you then!" He turned to go but suddenly collided with someone: Legolas.

"Oh, Legolas!" This was perfect. "Hey, I was just talking to Arwen about pictures for the employee yearbook-"

"Yearbook?" Legolas racked his memory, but could not remember ever planning a yearbook.

"Erm, yeah. So, could you come by the front desk around two? We'll be taking some pictures."

And idea struck him.

"Hey, why don't I take a picture right now for a test? Here." He dragged Legolas over next to Arwen, and turned on his digital camera. "Arwen, just move a bit closer..."

Arwen edged away from Legolas. "Oh, no. I'm not going anywhere near him and you shouldn't either."

Theoden's face fell. "Why not?"

Legolas looked crestfallen, as if all his worst nightmares had come true. "Arwen, look I'm really sorry but it's not my fault-" The poor elf of course, thought that she was talking about him liking her.

"Oh, no," Arwen said kindly. "It's not your fault. You're sick."

"Arwen, can't we just talk it over-"

"Legolas, I can't help you. You need a professional doctor!"

"What?"

"You have mono! That's serious!"

Legolas gaped for a moment. "Mono?"

"Yeah, that's what Aragorn told me."

"Oh, Aragorn." Things began to fall into place for Legolas. "Did he tell you anything else?"

"Um, no?"Arwen looked confused. "So, do you have mono?"

"What? Oh, right." Legolas thougth about what he had just said. "No, I mean, it's gone. I'm better now."

Arwen raised an eyebrow.

"I took some pills, some mono pills." He tried to smile. "It wasn't that serious anyway. Just mini...mono. So I took some...mini...mono pills."

Arwen looked to be caught between confusion and bemusement. "Oh, then in that case, I guess you're all better?"

"Oh, yeah. Yeah, all better." Legolas looked around and saw Theoden still there with his camera. "So Theoden!" he said with false cheer. "Let's go talk about that yearbook thing, eh?" He hurried away with a highly confused Theoden.

---

Mithae walked into the building, looking for someone. She spotted her quarry and hurried over.

"Etrerlia?"

Etrerlia turned from the coffee maker to fine Mithae. "Oh, hello Mithae. Hey, how did you get in here? This is supposed to be employees only."

"That's not important," Mithae waved it aside. "Anyway, Legolas told me to come here. He said he left a message with you for me?"

"Oh right, that. Come with me." Etrerlia led the way back to her office. She rummaged around a drawer for a minute, and withdrew a small white envelope. She handed it to Mithae.

"Inside you'll find a check for twenty-five dollars, compliments of Mirkwood Accounting," Etrerlia said monotonously. She added, "It's the 'Giveaway' that Legolas insists on holding every month."

"Twenty-five dollars?" Mithae glanced at the envelope. "What can I do with twenty-five dollars?"

Etrerlia shrugged. "That's not my problem. You can go to the nearest clearance sale, or you can spend it all on pony stickers like Theoden did."

"Huh. Where is Legolas anyway?"

"Shut up in his office," Etrerlia said. She added under her breath, "Probably moping about Arwen."

Mithae sighed. "Legolas is such a tightwad. He lives in his own little world."

"Yeah, and it's called planet Arwen."

Mithae looked at her with raised eyebrows, "Oh?"

Etrerlia caught her look. "What?"

"You sure you're not sweet on anybody?" Mithae asked slyly.

"No!" Etrerlia said automatically. "I mean, yes I'm sure that I'm not!"

"Really?"

"All the guys out there are complete buffoons," she muttered. "Especially the blonde ones."

Mithae smiled to herself. "Don't worry, you'll find somebody."

"I don't want anybody," Etrerlia said darkly.

"And do you know why?"

"I don't care!"

"Because you have such a good attitude!" Mithae turned and walked to the door. She glanced back at Etrerlia, "Hey kid, don't let him get you down. You're worth more than any number of Legolases put together, and you should know it. Just let it go."

Etrerlia watched her leave. "Easy for you to say."

---

Legolas walked into Etrerlia's office later that day whistling cheerfully. He knocked, then went in and stopped short when he saw Etrerlia sitting at her desk with three packets of Ritz crackers and a tube of E-Z Cheez.

"Etrerlia, what are you doing?" he asked. "I thought I told you to type the intro to our annual report."

Etrerlia didn't even look up from glueing, or cheesing, a stack of crackers together. "Oh? That's weird, because I heard 'build Cheese-cracker City'." She stuck another cracker atop a wobbling pile of cheese and crackers.

"Etrerlia, I need that intro by today."

"Okay, okay." Etrerlia tossed the E-Z Cheez into a trashbin and turned to her computer and began typing away.

Legolas paced around behind her, pretending to be mindful of her work but really not watching what she was typing.

After a few seconds, he said, "I talked to Arwen earlier."

"Uh-huh." Etrerlia didn't sound interested. Legolas went on anyway.

"I found out that Aragorn didn't tell her." His voice was filled with self-satisfaction.

Etrerlia took a breath to keep herself from snapping at him.

"Instead," Legolas continued, "he tried to keep her away from me."

"Legolas," Etrerlia said, with forced patience and calm, "I don't really care."

"He didn't want Arwen to talk to me."

"Legolas..."

"Do you know why? Huh?"

"No," Etrerlia bit out. "I don't want to know."

Legolas seemed deaf to her words. "Because he sees me as a threat," he said smugly. "I'm a triple threat. I'm like a drunk driver talking on a cellphone during a hailstorm!"

Etrerlia tapped away at her keyboard, biting her tongue to keep from talking.

"You know that, Etrerlia?" Legolas seemed oblivious to the bad vibes she was giving off. "But I'll tell you this, Arwen is so blinded by her obsession with that idiot, she can't see that the perfect person is right in front of her. It drives me nuts! You know what I mean?"

Etrerlia bolted up from her chair. She froze for a moment, standing before Legolas. Her eyes were unreadable.

"Yes, Legolas," she said slowly and sadly, "I know exactly what you mean."

Legolas was still oblivious to the not-so-sublte hints she was giving to tell him to shut up. He glanced at the screen. "You're done?"

Etrerlia nodded, slowly. "Yeah. Just...just read it." She turned on her heel and left, slamming the door as usual.

Legolas sat down in her chair and began to read.

The small business that is known as Mirkwood Accounting was started more than a year ago by Legolas Thranduillion, an avid businessman

Here there were several spaces, and then the text skipped a line. Legolas frowned and scrolled down.

...and he is so blinded by his obsession with a girl he can never get, he can't see that the perfect woman is right in front of him.

Legolas's expression was one of confusion. He scrolled down again.

It's Etrerlia, you idiot.

He stared at the screen, gaping slightly. He looked from the words to the door through which she had left.

Legolas sank back in the chair, and ran a hand through his hair. He continued to stare at the screen for a moment, then suddenly sprang up and ran out of the office looking for Etrerlia. He nearly bowled over Theoden along the way.

"Legolas!" Theoden said. "Hey, I was just heading over to the front desk for the pictures, and-"

"Not now Theoden, I'll be around later."

Theoden watched him run off, wondering what the hurry was about.

Legolas continued on at his hurried pace, and once again he nearly ran into someone. This time, it was Mithae.

"Legolas! Slow down, you nearly ran me over!"

"Mithae, what are you doing here?"

"Looking for you."

"Why?" Legolas asked. "Okay, that's not important. I'm in a rush, I need to find Etrerlia."

"Whoa, whoa," Mithae grabbed his sleeve and forced him to a halt. "I haven't seen you this hurried for ages. Now calm down, and tell me what happened."

He sighed in frustration, and calmed himself. "Okay," he said reluctantly. "It's like this. Etrerlia...Etrerlia told me she likes me."

"Oh, Eru, she did not!" Mithae threw up her hands and turned away, biting her nails.

"Mithae," Legolas said pleadingly, "you've got to help me! What am I supposed to do?"

Mithae glanced at him. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, Etrerlia and I have been friends for so long, and now this..." He fumbled for a word, and found none. "...this makes everything so difficult. It changes things."

Mithae scoffed this. "Huh, this changes nothing." She turned to face Legolas with a stern look. "For the past year you've been chasing after the wrong girl, and now finally you know that someone loves you the same way. And I'll tell you what, you like the feeling."

"I do?" Legolas said flatly.

"Yes." Mithae looked at him carefully. "Now, you go and get things straight with Etrerlia." She gave him a slight push to get him going.

Mithae watched him amble away. She sighed. "I tried..." she murmured to herself.

---

Aragorn dashed into the reception area, looking for Arwen. She was, of course, behind the front desk.

"Arwen, we need to talk."

"Aragorn, what's wrong?"

The man took a deep breath. "Why were you talking with Legolas?"

Arwen looked at him incredulously. "Is there some law against me talking to him?"

"I thought I told you to stay away!"

"No, you said that he has mono," Arwen retorted. "Which, he does not! Aragorn, why did you lie to me?"

Aragorn sighed. "Arwen, tell me truthfully. Do you have feelings for him?"

"What?!" Arwen could not believe her ears.

At that moment, Theoden walked in with his camera, oblivious to the tension. "Hey folks, can we get a few pictures for the yearbook?"

He was ignored.

"Arwen, talk to me!" Aragorn said, half angry half pleading. "Do you have feelings for Legolas?"

"Aragorn, waht are you saying?" Arwen looked annoyed, confused, and also hurt.

"Arwen-"

Theoden broke in, "Uh, folks? I need to know, is this a good time or a bad time?"

Arwen gave him a glare, and he backed down. "Okay, bad time."

She turned back to Aragorn. "Aragorn, you know that you're the only one I care about."

"Oh?" Aragorn didn't seem to believe her. "Well, we'll talk about this again when you can answer me truthfully." He left abruptly.

Arwen looked after him with hurt in her eyes. But his question lingered. Did she have feelings for Legolas?

She wasn't so sure.

Theoden stepped forward tentatively. "Pictures?"

Arwen sighed. "I need a phychologist."

Theoden set down his camera. "I've been told that I'm a good listener."

Arwen looked doubtful.

"I'll listen," Theoden prompted.

(AN: Read the dialogue in the next part out loud for better results.)

"Well, okay. See, it's this...friend, and..." Arwen sighed, and smiled ruefully. "Well, okay. It's me."

Theoden appeared thoughtful, and slightly puzzled. "Mee? Is she Korean?"

Arwen stared at him. "No! No, I'm talking about..." She thought better of it, and said instead, "Yes. Yes, she's Korean. She's in this relationship, and her boyfriend...Aragog, is apparently jealous of this other guy, L...ake." She paused, wondering if there had ever been such an awkward sentence.

"His name's Lake?"

"Yes, his name's Lake," Arwen said impatiently. "And now Aragog is questioning Mee, if she has feelings for Lake."

Theoden thought for a moment. "Well, does she?"

Arwen looked off into the distance. "Mee not sure."

"Hm. Well, I think that Mee should talk to Lake," Theoden said, "to see if she does."

There was silence as Arwen thought about this. "Yes...yes, that's a good idea!" She hurriedly got up and started to leave.

"Hey, where are you going?" Theoden cried. "What about the pictures?"

Arwen stopped briefly. "Oh, I'll come back for the pictures later. I'm going to...call Mee to tell her what you just said."

"Oh. Well, wish Mee luck."

"Er, yeah," Arwen said. "I will. Thanks!" She dashed off, intent on finding Legolas.

---

Legolas walked slowly through the building, thinking and pondering along the way, and finally arrived at his office. Etrerlia was pacing near his door. He hurried toward her. When she saw him, she turned and went into his office, shutting the door in his face.

Legolas stopped just before he collided with the door. Etrerlia clicked the lock.

"Etrerlia," he called. "Open the door."

"No."

"Etrerlia!"

"No!"

Legolas took a deep breath. "Okay, I guess we'll just have to talk loudly-" he raised his voice, "-like this so the whole building can hear. So, how long have you-"

The door opened abruptly, and Legolas found himself looking at an extremely annoyed, angered, and saddened Etrerlia. She turned and went to sit down in a chair in a corner of the room. Legolas let himself in and closed the door behind him.

"Look," Legolas said softly, "I know exactly how you feel."

"No you don't," Etrerlia replied, her head in her hands and her hair shielding her face. "I hate myself."

Legolas sighed. "Etrerlia, I'm so confused. I mean, since the day we met, you've done nothing but mock me, show disdain for me, and tell me how much of a dork I am. So, was that all just a cover for your real feelings?"

Etrerlia got up and looked at him. "No," she said. "Those are my real feelings. I do disdain you, and you are a dork." She threw up her hands. "Why do you think I hate myself?"

Legolas looked at a loss for what to say. He finally shrugged. "All along, I've been putting on 'The Legolas Show' for Arwen. And all that time, you've been watching backstage. This awkward, bumbling fool that I really am." He looked at Etrerlia uncertainly. "How can you like that guy?"

"Because of all that," she replied, her voice soft and gentle for once. "I mean, you're real and you're funny. And when we're together-" She paused, and her expression suddenly changed to one of impassiveness. She turned and opened the door. "Look, it's not your problem."

Legolas placed a hand on her arm to stop her. "Wait, Etrerlia. It is my problem."

She turned around, and looked into his eyes. "Legolas, just let it go..."

He leaned closer.

"This is a mistake," Etrerlia whispered.

"I know..."

She closed her eyes, and let him kiss her. Long and sweet.

And that, was how Arwen found them as she approached. Her mouth dropped open.

Aragorn arrived just then, and took in the whole scene. "Arwen," he called softly, holding out his hand to her.

She ran to him, and they left together.

As they left, Mithae came looking for Legolas. She took one glance, and turned to leave again. "Why do I even bother?" she muttered to herself.

Ta...da? Pretty cheesy and stupid, but I'm looking for ways to bring this whole thing to a conclusion as it's really not going anywhere. So...yeah.