Naraku had returned to his quarters late that night, at the coldest and darkest hour of all. He leaned against his wall, and stared out of the window that Kikyo had escaped from. Now he knew that he would never hold her in his arms, and they would never peer out of the same window together again. Naraku had fallen into a mood so black and devoid of hope he feared that he would never again emerge into the light that was called love.
I can't wait to see you Want to see if you still got the look in your eyes That one that you had for me when we said our goodbyes And it's a shame that we got to spend our time Being mad about the same things Over and over again About the same things Over and over again Ohh But I think she's leaving Ooh man she's leaving I don't know what else to do (I can't go on not loving you)
Cause it's all in my head I think about it over and over again And I can't keep picturing you with him And it hurts so bad, yeah Cause it's all in my head I think about it over and over again I replay it over and over again And I can't take it I can't shake it Nooo
Is this what loneliness is like? Naraku asked himself. A dark landscape with no features, one with only fear, loss, and pain to occupy the heart? This time, Naraku allowed himself to think of it without much question.
He spent the rest of the night mourning in this fashion. He was unable to sleep, seeing Kikyo's beautiful face as she wailed Inuyasha's name, and wondering if he would ever see her again. By now, Inuyasha and Kikyo would have lived in the spirit world, feasting off of the souls that the collectors gathered for them. What grieved Naraku most was the thought of Kikyo's grief.
His heart felt like it was cut into a million jagged pieces. He was desperate to hear of Kikyo. I have fallen for precious love, Naraku thought. Now, I wonder if life is worth living without it.
(Now that I've realized that I'm going down From all this pain you put me through Every time I close my eyes I lock it down I'm like a shadow, ohh I can't go on not loving you)
Kagura arrived before dawn. However, Naraku made no move to attack her. "I heard what happened," she said slowly, approaching her master. "I am willing to return, if you are willing to have me back."
Naraku sighed. "Oh, Kagura. I was wondering when you would ask me! I will need someone with me. Not now, but soon. I apologize for wounding you."
Kagura placed a slender hand on Naraku's shoulder. "It's all right. You will see the priestess again, someday. Sometimes, there are just two kinds of people that just do not belong. That is a lesson that all people have difficulty understanding."
Naraku turned away. "I suppose..." he murmured sadly. As the sun rose, the weather turned cooler and the pavilion close to the courtyard was pleasant. Later on, Kanna brought Naraku a mirror, showing him the new life that he could start without Kikyo. However, Naraku's heart broke further when he saw the young woman's image. "Please, no more," he said, covering Kikyo's face in the mirror with his hand. Kanna took back the mirror quickly.
"What else can I bring for the master?" Kanna asked then. Naraku looked up, and realized that Kagura and Kanna were really the only friends he had in the new life he pursued.
"Nothing, at the time being," Naraku replied with grief. "I'm afraid there is nothing you can offer that can fill the hole of despair in my old, grief-stricken heart."
Cause it's all in my head I think about it over and over again And I can't keep picturing you with him And it hurts so bad, yeah Cause it's all in my head I think about it over and over again I replay it over and over again And I can't take it I can't shake it Nooo
Hours passed, and as the sun began to set, Naraku sat outside the pavilion looking down at the mortal village on the black hill. As the last rays of the sun touched the domes of the temples below, Naraku thought of the village temple Kikyo used to protect and serve.
Naraku realized in that moment on a peaceful evening that life would go on. Hope crept back into his heart, and stuffed itself away for the time when Naraku needed it the most. Naraku felt mended, and that he grew accustomed to his grief. He began to understand that the grief would never disappear, and that he would just simply have to live with it his own way.
He still missed Kikyo. But gradually when he thought of Kikyo, he didn't see her plunge Tetsusaiga into Inuyasha's heart, or her tears obscuring the lovely irises of her brown eyes. He thought instead of the time when he was Onigumo, and remembered the feeling of Kikyo twisting bandages onto his wounds.
Naraku longed for her. He had thought that maybe she would come back, and that he would see her and that they might share their love once more. However, as Naraku thought of this, the realization grew that it would put his heart in danger. Naraku had fallen for love, and it only ended in his grief. He knew now exactly how much he had loved her–but he could never stand against the commitment she had for Inuyasha.
Naraku thought of Kikyo's slender hands, her beautiful black hair, her soft crimson lips. The longing still went straight to his heart, so deep that there seemed to be no bottom. There are worse things than longing, he thought to himself.
Kagura had been right. There was a chance that Kikyo would come back, and that Naraku's grief would be whisked away. One day, Naraku thought, she and I could be here, at the castle. She would care for the mortals below, and I would watch as she taught the young children about medicine and shaman work. She would help at the temple at the bottom of the hill, her life far richer than one she had at her home village long ago.
Naraku sighed, and tucked his love away into the joys of his heart, so he could never be defeated. Inuyasha could come back at any time, and he would always try to figure out what Naraku's weakness is, but he could never learn it. Now, Inuyasha gave him cautiousness, and kept him watchful; but Kikyo would always be his hope.
Over and over again Over and over again Cause it's all in my head
-"Over and Over" by Nelly and Tim McGraw