"The Courting of Uzumaki Naruto"
by The Carpet Shampoo
Disclaimer: Not mine…
Author's Commentary: This chapter is for Goddess-of-da-Cheeseburgers. Why? Because its her birthday. That's why.
Chapter 10 and ¾: A Sasuke Interlude
Somewhere off in the distance, Iruka had just fainted. But this is unimportant at the moment, as Iruka can be a silly little man who faints and blushes at random intervals. More importantly, at the precise moment Iruka his the ground, Sasuke opened the front door of the Uchiha house and let in a strange visitor, a man who said he could help Sasuke.
This man, was Rock Lee, a self-proclaimed love-god, for whom Sasuke had turned to for help.
As Rock Lee was the only one who hadn't followed hopelessly in love with Naruto, Sasuke turned to him for advice.
"So that's how it is…" Sasuke muttered to himself, "I like Naruto, but I can't let him know I like him."
"But why not?" Lee asked, not quite following Sasuke's logic here.
"Because then he'll know I like him!" Sasuke yelled back. Really, Lee could be quite so sometimes, at least according to Sasuke.
"But if he never knows you like him, then how is he supposed to know that he's supposed to like you?" Lee asked, still not understanding.
"But he'll know I like him if I tell him… I need to find out if he likes me without him knowing that I like him." Sasuke stared at Lee. Why had he gone to this guy of all people for help?
"All right then…Well, of all the people fighting for Naruto, you've definitely got the best looks," Lee pondered thoughtfully.
"Naturally, I did…" Sasuke said, "until my older brother Itachi joined…" Sasuke sadly trudged over to a shelf and pulled a silver and black picture frame off it. He dragged his feet back over to Lee, sulking the whole time, and showed him the picture. Lee stared at it for a moment, before his eyes grew wide.
"Its close, but you're older brother is hotter than you Sasuke. You've lost your only winning quality! Now it is hopeless in your quest for Naruto!" Lee brought the back of his hand up to his forehead and posed dramatically. Sasuke just glared at him and snatched the picture back.
"Yeah, thanks for not rubbing it in or anything…" the midnight haired ninja muttered sarcastically. Lee stopped his dramatic posing and looked sheepish for a minute.
"You should have just joined the competition…" Lee said, softly though, so Sasuke wouldn't get too mad.
"For the last time Lee, if I did that Naruto would know that I liked him!"
"So what are you going to do – sabotage the competition? Overpower the other competitors with your sexiness and make them like you instead of Naruto? Steal gifts or ruin dates?"
Sasuke paused for a moment, and slowly the anger faded from him, as his eyes went from angry, to curious…to a final odd, almost happy look.
"Lee…that's perfect…I'll sabotage everything…Everyone loved me before, I'll make them do it again! I'll steal gifts and ruin dates!"
"Sasuke, that's just mean! As Konoha's self-proclaimed love-god, I cannot let you do that."
"You can have Sakura."
"Wh-what?"
"Sakura. After I've got Naruto, you can have Sakura."
"I will not be bribed!"
"All right. Then I get Naruto AND Sakura!" Rock Lee stared up at the smirking Sasuke. Any other person, save Itachi as he's more handsome, and Lee would have laughed in their face. But Sasuke – Sasuke could have Naruto and Sakura, if he so pleased.
"Fine…I won't stop you."
"And you'll help me…?" Sasuke pressed on.
"And I'll help you!" Lee agreed.
"All right, let's go…"
The two fastest ninjas in Konoha were down with the others in no time. They snuck in and saw Neji, Shikamaru, Ino, Sakura, Kiba, Gaara and Hinata all hanging around, gifts casually spread around the room. Sasuke glanced around. Sakura and Ino were both arguing near a door and trying to shove their way through, each one tightly clutching their gift. Shikamaru, too, was standing near his gift.
Sasuke reached towards Kiba's gift, left unguarded, but when he touched it, he felt it move under his hand. He withdrew quickly and went towards the only other unguarded gift – Neji's. It didn't move and it wasn't guarded, so Sasuke snatched it quickly and stuffed it under his shirt. He looked around, but didn't see any other gifts. He assumed Naruto must have already gotten Gaara and Hinata's, or else they didn't have any. He looked off and saw Rock Lee signaling to him. Lee's job had been to signal Sasuke when it was safe to move.
Sasuke wasted no time getting out of there with Neji's gift. Sure, it wasn't exactly sabotage…but it would sure make Neji upset.
Sasuke could see the whole scene in his mind…
"What? Neji, you come bearing no gift for me?" Naruto would exclaim in that loud obnoxious voice, "But I wanted to date a handsome dark haired shinobi. Who was a boy!" Naruto would continue.
"But I cannot go out with you Hyuuga Neji, you have no gift! I must date another dark haired shinobi, like Sasuke! He's more handsome and dark haired then you anyway!" Naruto would yell as he ran off, conveniently forgetting that Shino, Kiba and Shikamaru, Itachi and Orochimaru all had dark hair.
Sasuke grinned to himself. That's exactly how it should be when Naruto realized Neji had no gift for him.
Lee looked at Sasuke, and watched as his expression changed, from a lost daydreaming expression to a rather maniacal and sadistic grin. Lee backed off, and wondered if he was right trusting Sasuke like this. He wanted Sakura but…
Maybe it was just the red eyes of the Sharingan, or maybe it was the fact that one of their clan had killed off the rest, but Lee always secretly wondered if maybe insanity ran in the Uchiha clan. Sasuke certainly seemed that way now…
At the exact time Lee had realized Sasuke might be crazy, Ino and Sakura had fully pushed their way through the door and Shino had barely escaped with his life. They were preparing to present their gifts to Naruto, who was beginning to feel a little bit frightened himself. Neji hadn't noticed his gift was missing, Kiba had begun a game of fetch with Akamaru, and Shikamaru had fallen asleep and was lightly drooling on a piece of paper that he had been holding.
Iruka was still unconscious, but Kakashi had rescued him, and Gai was giving a lecture on why it was wrong for Kakashi to molest Iruka in front of kids, and more importantly, while Iruka was unconscious.
Itachi too, was sleeping, and looking devilishly hot while doing it. Orochimaru was washing the remnants of one of his minions off his face, having finally gone through with his threats of eating his minions.
And so ends the Sasuke Interlude.