Minority Influence
By vez
He imagines with closed eyes that with every kiss, Sanzo is apologizing to him. It is not a senseless thing to do because only Kami-sama knows how much it would take to get Sanzo to say anything that resembles, "I'm sorry". Whatever it would take, would probably involve a lot of pain and suffering. Frankly, that was too much theatrics in Hakkai's opinion.
Sanzo drops a kiss just below his clavicle. There, just right there, Hakkai pretends that in that kiss Sanzo is saying, I'm sorry we never went on any dates. Hakkai tries not to gasp as he felt another kiss and thinks of another pretend-apology: I'm sorry we can't have a relationship outside these closed doors.
Kiss. I'm sorry that we can't take romantic walks through the town and hold hands.
Kiss. I'm sorry we'll probably die before this journey actually ends.
Enough.
There seems to be a lot to apologize for isn't there? Hakkai smiles grimly as Sanzo has managed to kiss his way down there. Enough of the pretending. There is no need to over-analyze things. A kiss is just a kiss. Sanzo isn't apologizing for anything and contrary to popular belief, Hakkai can't really read minds or anything as cool as that. Yes, sometimes when he looks at his lover he just knows what Sanzo is thinking. But really, most times, Hakkai has no idea. None at all.
When they were both done and heavy breathing makes way for calm and slow measured breaths, Hakkai whispers, "I'm sorry I'm not human."
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A human and a youkai cannot be together. For a child of their making will have red hair and red eyes – a sure sign of doom. It matters not the sex of the human and youkai, or if any or no child results of the coupling. Any joining between them is wrong. It is taboo.
Why?
Because child, youkai are too different from the humans. Not necessarily any better or any worse. Just different. If you ever choose to let yourself fall in love with one of them, be forewarned. They will overwhelm you, engulf you and eventually destroy you.
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Will I destroy you Sanzo? Or will it be the other way around?
We knew it was taboo. We understood exactly what we were getting ourselves into. We were adults after all. The mission came first. Our relationship cannot and will never jeopardize it. Thus it was agreed between us that there would be no us to the outside world.
If we were to let anything slip, if we got careless and someone, anyone found out…The ramifications would be too painful to think about. The scorn of society is a dangerous thing for anyone to face. Even one who was chosen by the gods.
The people tolerated Sanzo being the way he is (drinking, gambling, cursing) because they believe that they need this unconventional Sanzo to stop the Youkai threat. After all, they have witnessed all the saintly Sanzos go through their towns and never return. Either they got defeated or was eaten by more powerful youkai.
Gojyo, well the half-blood was something else altogether. Surprisingly, not many people remember that a child of red hair with red eyes spelt imminent disaster. Not to mention that Gojyo could be charming when he really wanted to. Those youngsters that vaguely remember the taboo child stories quickly forget when faved with Gojyo's overwhelming personality and smile. And really, in these times, villagers have more to be afraid of. The possibility of anyone having a half-youkai child now is nearly impossible. Now, youkai have lost all control and are attacking human towns and villages. Compared to the dangerous youkai roaming around. A taboo-child pales in comparison, especially one who follows Genjyo Sanzo.
Humans change their minds very quickly for survival's sake.
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Hakkai used to be a teacher not so long ago. He would teach the children how to write kanji and how to remember the strokes. He made them memorize each brush stroke and the different kanji that made different words. The children always complained, "But what's wrong with my kanji! It looks the same! It looks just like yours!"
And the sensei in Cho Gonou would patiently remind them that how you write was just was important. A word would consist of many kanji or just one single kanji. And within this kanji lies a set of rules on how to write it properly. Every stroke has its place.
Once the lessons are done, he would watch by the doorway to realize that he can only teach so much. Once the children are outside the classroom, they learn their life lessons. They might not notice this, but they unconsciously copy their elders at everything. Copy the way their parents eat or walk or talk. Or how the people around them do things. But most importantly, these children copy the society's morals and attitudes. Societies are made of families. Each family is made up of individuals. All of them know where they belong. They have their place and function. They abide by society's rule.
If the children were taught that a human-youkai relationship was bad. Then bad it is. When they believed it as children, they'll enforce it as adults and their children will learn to believe it too. Beliefs when they have been internalized, is almost impossible to change.
. That is why we did not dare flaunt our relationship. Our only enemies right now are the youkai. We need no others.
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Hakkai sometimes thinks this illicit relationship with Sanzo had made him paranoid. Event though they are discreet, Hakkai wonders if it is enough. So when everyone is sleeping or resting, he tries to remember every single action or touch or paralanguage that might give them away.
He has been doing this for quite a while. Always thinking, always analyzing if they had given anything away. Hakkai understood it was quite ridiculous. Sometimes his thoughts and worries materializes into voices that only he could hear. They taunt him and makes him doubt everything. One time Hakkai was walking down the street alone carrying a bag of groceries and the voices kept on harassing him. Telling him that the villagers were watching him suspiciously. That they knew about Hakkai and Sanzo. If Sanzo ever found out what was going through Hakkai's mind, he would have had hit Hakkai on the head with the harisen repeatedly. But Hakkai can't help worrying. It was the group that chose to sacrifice his sister-lover and it would be group influence that had the potential to destroy their relationship. He cared a lot for Sanzo. Hakkai would not lose him. Not now, not ever.
The brunette shifts his body so that he could see his lover sleeping peacefully beside him on the bed. It was a soothing sight. In fact, it was one of the few things that silenced the voices. Before he follows Sanzo to the land of sleep, he makes a vow. He promises that he would do whatever it takes to make sure he and Sanzo stay together. Even if it makes him go insane.
It was then that the human-turned-youkai fell asleep with a disturbing smile on his face.
END
Author's note: Written for the Interlude Secret Santa Project, 2004. This is for JadedSoul, without her request, this fic would have not been born. If you liked it, please review it. Much love to all.